Chemo starting April 2018
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ingerp, I will not recommend therapist but what about just doing the things you love. Like for me I bought a camper and just getting out of the city/apartment to enjoy myself again. My hair is curly as well. So I look at the positive it takes me about 5 minutes to do. I place to tiny clips in the front to hold my bangs back tuck my sides behind my ears and go.
Just ideas, sending u good vibes and hugs..
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I really appreciate that, urdrago. I'm not sure I've figured out exactly what it is I love. I still work full-time and go to the gym six days a week (but I am hating the gym lately--just another thing I feel I have to do). Occasionally see friends or go to a movie--other than that I think mostly I look forward to travel. I do have several short trips coming up this fall. And not sure what the timing will be but I have started thinking what might get me out of my funk is. . . grandkids!! Nothing imminent, but I think in the next 2-3 years it might happen. I *do* appreciate that there is literally nothing I can do with my hair but wash it so it takes no time at all (and I used to have to blow-dry it every day). Post a pic of your clips! I don't feel like I've ever been particularly good with hair ornaments. :-)
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Ingerp, here you go me with my quick clips..lol
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That is cute! My hair is not quite that long and is *much* curlier. :-(
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Hi, everyone - greetings from Colorado.
Ingerp - my year PFC is Friday. So hard to believe.
Speaking of year anniversaries - I read an article recently about celebrating cancerversaries - I think that's what they called it. May have been caniversaries. In any event, the article was kind of stupid, but it made me ponder what date to celebrate. I'm not sure - I certainly can't see celebrating the day of diagnosis. Maybe the day of my first surgery, because I believe that all the cancer was removed from my body at that point - that would be March 20. Or the day I finished chemo - August 2. Or the day I finished treatment altogether - November 30.
What are you all celebrating?
Overall, I'm doing ok. I made some changes to my work situation that are so liberating! I think my stress will be much more manageable from here on out. But with the stress gone, I have more time to realize that I haven't really dealt with this cancer thing. It's hard to figure out how to live with it - I'm done with treatment, I'm feeling fine, I felt fine before diagnosis, I'm way different, I have another CT scan coming up, I'm taking way more medication than I used to, my hand is swollen from lymphedema, pretty much constantly, I can't wear my ring anymore, I have that textured implant that they just recalled and need to figure out what to do with that, my clothes don't fit the same, I'm alive, every day is a miracle, I'm walking on tiptoes waiting in case something comes back, I'm stronger than I was, I value and appreciate life like I never did, I want to be alive for years and years, I could go on and on.
Familiar?
I'm proud of us all for what we've accomplished and what we've been through since April, 2018.
Linda
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Re: cancerversaries, apparently I remember my end-of-tx dates more than my dx or surgery dates--probably because I looked forward to them for so long. In fact I have a BC buddy I met through a fb group who has done a *lot* of handholding with me the last three years. She remembers my dx dates better than I do! I like to think in 20 years all of this stuff will have become fuzzy for us because we just won't be thinking about it that much any more.
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Urdrago, I hope you are feeling better. Your hair clips are very cute! I can't wear my hair like that at work (I wear a visor-thingy that would get in the way) but I'll try them this weekend.
Life, I hope your fatty tissue resolves quickly. Enjoy Sturgis if you go this weekend!
Linda2119, nice to hear from you, congrats on being 1 year out. I asked the MO which "cancerversary" to celebrate - he told me to celebrate the date when the cancer was basically out of your body. In other words, for those who had surgery before chemo, celebrate the surgery date. For those like me, who had chemo first, celebrate the PFC date. I know others base it on diagnosis date, but that just seems strange to me - it was still there, so what am I celebrating? I guess it ultimately comes down to what resonates with each person. I'm going with my PFC date, which will be 9/5/19. Can't believe it's been almost a year since I finished treatment. Last year never seemed to end and this year is speeding by.Ingerp, I have been down in the dumps lately, too. I noticed that I have really pushed myself this summer because I'm trying to fit in things that I missed last year (umm, all the life I missed, you know?). I am really exhausted lately and I wonder if that's part of the problem that's making be feel blue. Not sure if you are driving yourself to be "normal", too. I saw the MO last week and told them about my fatigue - some days I can barely drag myself out of bed. My blood tests are good, although my RBCs are still a little low (I'm not anemic and they are happy with the results). They reminded me that in the space of a year, I had 3 surgeries, 20 weeks of chemo, and worked full time. It takes a toll. I know that you and others on here have had it way worse, with also having rads and other chemos or the targeted meds to deal with. Be gentle with yourself and know that it takes a long time to heal from what we went through ("more than 2 years" has been mentioned). They also said we all get a bit of post-traumatic stress, which I totally agree with. Like Linda, I worry about recurrence every time I have a little "hiccup". I, too, am stronger than I ever was, but also feel like I could dissolve into tears with the slightest provocation. In many ways, I don't think I've dealt with my diagnosis either and maybe packing everything into one summer is a way of not having to deal with it because I'm making sure I'm too swamped to do so. I'm sure my ramblings aren't helping you, but maybe something in my babbling will spark something in you that will help you feel like it's not "just you" (what I mean is that I'm sorry many of us are feeling this way, but it helps to know that I'm not alone). You're right - in 20 years, this will be fuzzy, but for now, I'm sending you {{{hugs}}}.
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GAW you are so sweet. That really does help. I have been low energy too. Don't know if it's age, or summer, or the AI, or . . . ??? I've been having some hip problems for 6-8 months and finally got an X-ray. Mild arthritis in my right hip and moderate arthritis in my left hip. Not much cartilage left in my left hip and—oh yeah! Bone spurs. I'll do some PT and was offered a steroid injection (although I don't think I'm there yet) but between cancer and my upcoming LEEP procedure and my degenerating joints I feel like an old lady. I really do. It's kind of disheartening. I appreciate the hugs but don't be too nice to me or I'll burst into tears.
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Im curly and this is after my second hair cut. I dont know what to do with my sides so I put tiny clips in the top, tuck the sides and go. I dont blow dry my hair ..
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urdrago that is really cute!! Did you do something with the color? Y’all might remember an aborted attempt to try to lighten up my hair back in June when I was sent home because my hair wasn’t long enough for foil. I’m going back on the 23rd and will post a pic of the results. My hair is *starting* to get long enough to tuck behind my ears and the top/front seems to want to flop a different way every day. I see that as progress (I guess).
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urdrago, your hair looks beautiful!
Ingerp, we demand your recent picture!
My curls subsided and no, I am not happy with it, but the waves are still present. I love my new hair!
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thanks all. I cant say I know how to style it. But with curls I think its easiest to find a way to pin them to let the curls be curly. Its short..
Ive been coloring my hair since I had 10 weeks of hair growth. Same color since the beginning, no highlights yet.
Gawarrior, yes Im feeling better. The doc put me on antibotics..all ready to get port out!
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Hi all got my Port out! Slightly painful in the chest, as the pain meds wore off I noticed.
Hugs all.
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Yayyy, urdrago, CONGRATS!!
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Hooray urdrago!! Another step toward your post-BC life.
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Congrades!! Supper happy for you. Love that picture!! Lol
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Good times was had by all. Wonder if DJ and myself crossed path this weekend and don't even know it?
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Glad you had a good time, Life!!
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Life, great pic! Im so glad you got to go to Sturgis! (I've been wondering how DJT is doing and also Engine/Janice...)
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Urdrago, congrats on the port removal!
Life, looking good!
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Hello hello.
Congrats Urdrago on getting the port out. Do wear a supportive bra during the healing process. I have major scarring from the portacath removal incision. The other scars are fading nicely not this one.
Reg canceraversaries ( is that the term???) as per my BS I should be celebrating when it was all out and that would be surgery as I still had some left after chemo. That being said 13th was my 1 year after infusion chemo ended.
We bought a house and will be moving in next weekend. Busy with packing, getting the new school sorted. Buying appliances. I might have been more stressed buying the appliances than the house itself. There is so much to chose from. Some of the features seemed ridiculous.
Ingerp, how are you doing now?
Life, you look so happy in that pic. Glad you enjoyed the trip.
Urdrago, I bought some clips after reading your post. Haven’t worn them yet. Stuck at home nursing a cold. What a lousy time to fall sick. There is so much stuff to do.
Robin, your hair is getting longer. Mine is super tight curls after a wash and very weird wavy/straight (unflattering) otherwise. But who cares, its my own hair. I have had people, random people give me suggestions on how to manage it and all. I am sure they are shocked when I go, Oh, I don’t feel that bad about my hair its so soft.
Take care everyone. I will post pics of the house once we move in
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So good to hear from you, Frog!! I was one year PFC on August 3rd. :-) Congrats on the house and I'm sure all the appliances will be lovely (and they'll all work! hooray!!). Your hair is cute! It's longer and I think even a little more tightly curled than mine. People are starting to say, "Your hair is so cute!" but I still think I look like Vicki Lawrence in Mama's Family. I'll go <again!> to try to get the color perked up on the 23rd and will post before and after pictures. FWIW, I think my hair does best when I put a little oil in it after I shampoo/condition.
Mostly these days I'm. . . cranky. I think I whined about it in an earlier post. Hate my hair, really dislike the idea of > 4 more years on the AI (I've been tolerating it pretty well but I know I'd feel better if I weren't on it), and I HATE this time of year. I was never a fan of summer--just too dang hot in Virginia--but it's been too long with days in the 90s and no end in sight yet. I am so looking forward to cooler nights, and even some cool-ish days.
There's been kind of weird stuff on the personal front. My MIL's husband died last week, and my husband was an on Idaho river trip and didn't know about it for several days. He was quite a bit younger than she is--actually only nine years older than my husband and me. The same day he died my youngest told me his gf dumped him. They'd been together for three years, she graduated from college this past May, lined up a job where he is (in SF), and they moved in together in June. They were so excited to start their lives together. We're all wondering why she didn't do this *before* they signed a year-long lease in a pretty pricey apartment. He'll keep the puppy they recently got, she'll keep the cat that was officially hers, he seems in really good shape, but needs to figure out a place to live quickly. And I feel like he's going to be pretty poor again for a while--two decent entry-level incomes in a one-bedroom apartment isn't too bad, but everything is SO expensive out there for a single person.
Anyway. My fall is looking pretty fun--several short trips, starting with Disney World in 25 days. :-D
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Question: how are people's nails doing? My right pinky nail split again (just a little, near the edge), but it never did this before chemo. My big toenails are also still a little weird. Anybody else still having nail issues?
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life and frog love the pics. You both look fabulous..
Ingerp, my nails are okay, ive noticed Im still dry cuticles legs.. And my eye lashes keep falling out all at once. Right now ive got very short ones middle of eye toward center of face and long lashes towards the otter most part of eye.
Latley, thats 2 days of Pain in armpit same side as Lymphnodes taken. I think ive been over doing it with lifting things around the campgrounds and hip hugger granddaughter.. if it last I will call my MO.
So as I get back to normal seems like all I do is run errands all day after work. Normal life seems overly busy?!?
Hope everyone is still doing well sending good vibes !!
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dont fall off your chairs everyone, yes, I'm still here!
I hope everyone is doing well. Beautiful pics of everyone and in LIFES case beautiful and baddass!!
I don't have a current pic worth posting. I'll need a Snapchat filter to make me look presentable this am.
I'm feeling OK. Have these waves of anxiety or feeling unsettled. Luckily they pass pretty quickly. I have been traveling a lot, working less..even though I still love it, spending time with hubby and kids. My mom is 82 and in great health. She's from Germany. She lovesTuscany so we booked a trip for next year and will spend a few days in Germany. I'm excited, but planning things makes me a little nervous anymore. I'm sure you can relate. But life goes on.
Hey urdrago, its almost football season!! LOVE college football.
Linda, good for you in making those changes. Anything that decreases stress is a good move. Yes each day is a miracle. I hope you find longer gaps in time in not thinking of this disease. Enjoy each day.
GAW, I'm with ya as far as packing it all in this summer. Not like I'm trying but I find myself saying yes to just about anything fun. Why not?
Ingerp, my nails are still ugly lol but doing OK. I still alternate biotin with a hair skin and nails vitamin.
Engine , Duffy, innab I hope you and everyone else are doing OK. Its so nice this thread is going strong.
Hope you all have a great weekend! hugs deb
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Deb look how long your hair is! It looks wonderful!!
My big news is I wore a headband to the gym for the first time today. I had just a tiny bit on each side bugging me on my forehead yesterday, so baby steps I guess. . .
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Hi, everybody, I’m baaaaack! Alaska was breathtaking. Just got home yesterday and had to check how you guys are all doing. I am very happy to have chosen a combination of cruise and land tour, so we could see real Yukon and Alaska, not just the touristy parts from the ship.
Major discovery: Alaska is so beautiful in summer! Too bad it lasts only 3 months, and after that it’s just bitterly cold for the next 9. We took a flight tour of Denali park, a tundra tour in Tombstone park, a riverboats tour in Fairbanks and didn’t a bunch of other things. Saw glaciers! And bears, and moose, and caribou, and whales! I better stop before I pee myself from excitement.
Here are some pics for your entertainment:
The tall beautiful guy next to me is my son.
And we met with DearLife in Vancouver, if anybody knows her from other forums. It was delightful! Somehow we picked the same colors for our meeting, which was too funny!
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Hello!
Frog Congrades on your new home! They can be fun as well as stressfull. Love your curly hair!! My port scare is not healing as well as the others either.
Interg this may help you feel a little bit better. I have to take Anastrozole for nine more years. I've been put on the 10-year program. It definitely causes joint aches for sures! Can't wait to see your hair on the 23rd! Hope things work out this time and you actually get to do what you want to do. My nails are doing okay My toe nails are super thick. I went to have a pedicure and the poor guy had a heck of a time with them . It was was pretty embarrassing. My eyelashes are starting to fall out again as well. I have a big hole in the middle of my eyelashes. I'm thinking about stopping wearing mascara and just give them a break for a while. My girlfriend gave me some letishe to try but I'm too chickenshit. It's supposed to help your eyelashes grow long and thick. Anybody else out there try it for anything similar? Depression comes and goes. I have found myself getting teared up when I start thinking about things. One of the things that really has been getting me lately is the fact that my two little dogs goober one and goober two are going to be 10 in September. They help make a lot less lonely and stressful. Then I start thinking about Duffy and how she lost her little one during cancer. Then I really get teared up. So I do get this depression thing you're talking about. I definitely get the fear of planning future events and thinking of the future. I am really trying hard to get past that and just live my life. That's including drinking beer and eating chocolate! I was trying so hard to stay away from soy food and it was becoming overwhelming. So I just decided to just eat what I want right now. I am however still in Weight Watchers and holding steady. However I'm definitely not losing but truly can I honestly say I'm trying? Not! LOL
Undrago I have been experiencing pain in my muscle outside of my shoulder. I went and had it checked out and all the doctors all say the same. It's just a tight muscle. Possibly shoulder issues but do not feel that it's cancer-related. I definitely get the fact that life is busy. Ever since I got back from Sturgis everybody quit the cleaning job except for one girl. So it's me and her cleaning every night. Then I find trying to keep my household of float. Then my significant other wants me to take off and go 4-wheeling with him for a week at the end of the month. I'm trying to figure out a way to get it through to him that I can't take off right now because I can't ask one person to clean that place everynight when she just started. Ugg!
Deb your picture is so adorable! How exciting to have a trip planned to go to Germany next year! That'll be such a cool trip! Glad to hear your mother is doing great at 82. My mother is also 82. However health-wise she seems to be doing okay but I find that she repeats herself a lot. My little niece has been living with my mom and dad for years and I think she finally is moved out and my mom and dad can have their own time now. I'm hoping that helps a lot because I think some of my mom's problem is extreme stress. She was the caretaker of my dad last year when he was going through lung cancer and at the same time I was going through breast cancer. On top of all that my niece had a baby and boy was she a piece of work treating my mom and dad like they were her slaves instead of their Grandma and Grandpa. Yep it's been interesting.
Gawarrier I like your picture too! We all were talking every single day and now we're down to once every couple weeks. But you know what, at least we're still communicating ladies! I love being able to open up this site and hearing how my dearest friends are doing. I also wonder about the ones I haven't heard from for a while as well.
Innab Breath taking is the perfect description!! Thank you for sharing! Your son is very handsome. How exciting that you would get to run into a friend from this site. I do not remember her but maybe I wasn't on that site. You both look wonderful!
Well sorry I had to write a book my first time back. It's been a while and I'd had a lot to catch up on. Time to clean house. Boo! Hiss!
Hugg to all!
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Catching up...
Frog, congrats on the house! I am sure you are going to love it once you get through all the mess on moving and getting unpacked. You look great!
Ingerp, so sorry to hear about your MIL's husband and also your son losing his girlfriend. I'm sure something better is coming along for him, but what a blow for your MIL. Losing someone like that blindsides you. On the nails question, yes, both of my big toe nails are black. They sound "hollow" if I tap on them, and are lifting up like a new nail is growing underneath, but they are still solid on my toes. I'm taking biotin for my nails and hair. Congrats on 1 year PFC - mine comes up in 2 weeks. I'm sorta hating my hair right now, too - tight curls, but frizzing out everywhere...too long to be short, too short to do anything with - BUT it's hair and it went through a lot, so I am trying to just be patient and thankful I have it, lol.
Urdrago, it does sound like you are overdoing it (but it's hard not to if you feel good, right?) So glad you are enjoying the camping and your grandbaby!
DebAL, you look great! Glad you (and Linda2119) are slowing down at work. I REALLY desperately want to - hubby and I talk about my retiring in around 2 years. I just don't care about work any more - I want to get out there and experience something different. Funny how a diagnosis like this can change you. I'm excited for your trip next year! My family is from Germany originally and I really want to visit there someday (along with looking Frog up in NZ).
InnaB, welcome home and thanks for sharing your pics! Beautiful - Alaska is another place on my travel list (which is about as long as my arm, ha!). You look great, your son is a cutie. So nice that you could meet someone from these forums. It has really meant a lot to me to connect in person with DebAL and Linda.
Life, I think we are all going through some depression/PTSD, but remember to take time off. I know you can't expect one person to clean the whole place, but having that extra stress isn't good (I say this as I am coming up for air from a full time job, a side job, and a writing project (I write blog articles for clients in my spare (ha!) time). I think that's partly why I am teary lately - overload (and because my 1 year PFC is in 2 weeks). This was my normal life before BC and now, like Urdrago says, normal life is [still] overwhelming. Hmm, maybe your should pain is from working too hard on the cleaning job? FYI, I tried Latisse a few years ago - saw no difference. I have blue eyes and they say it can turn light eyes brown, so maybe I was being too sparing with it so it didn't get in my eyes? Like you, I've given up being "good" with my diet this summer. Too many ice cream cones and BBQ, but you gotta enjoy life, right? Kudos for staying on your diet - it's hard to do it! I hope your mom can relax now - funny how relatives think it's perfectly okay to take advantage of family...
No other news from me except we're looking forward to "glamping" over Labor Day weekend. I'm taking my kindle and NO side work and am going to relax in a luxury 5th wheel that we are renting on AirBNB. Also, just talked to Bryce this afternoon and he is doing great except for some slight pain from the wires that are holding his sternum together. They rub and "catch" when he turns or bends, so the surgeon said they can be removed now. He's not sure he wants to go through another, albeit minor, surgery to do so. I totally get that.
Oh yeah - just because I am not busy enough, I just completed volunteer training to be a driver for the American Cancer Society's Road to Recovery program. I'll pick up patients a couple times a month and take them to treatment (chemo, rads, whatever). I just felt really compelled to help others going through what we did, but who have a hard time getting to treatments. It's bad enough to go through this without worrying about transportation.
Hugs, y'all!
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