Starting Chemo October 2018
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happy new year ladies! BYE 2018!!! Nothing exciting here to report. 2 weeks PFC. Definitely have the chemopause going on. I was pretty bummed to be told that since it was 5 weeks between my 3rd and last chemo, what hair I had growing back would fall out. Nobody to blame but me.. ugh. Oh well. Now...to start prepping for surgery. MY BIGGEST FEAR! I decided no reconstruction simply because that's more surgery. Pkus, plastic surgeon told me if I changed my mind I could go back and get it done. I've had several people tell me surgery was way easier than chemo.. but I think they're just trying to make me feel better. OMG...my mom is making me NUTS! Every conversation...I bought new pajamas for when I come out for YOUR SURGERY, do you have a date for YOUR SURGERY, when do you meet with your doc again for YOUR SURGERY.. (my favorite)...who did you invite to come out for YOUR SURGERY! (Like I did a Facebook event or something) Mommmmm, let me live in my land of denial for a few weeks!
My bff had a minor surgery day after Christmas...short version she almost died! Had to go back in then needed a blood transfusion (bp got down to 67/45)! So, ya, that didnt help! Thank god shes home now and doing well. I told her to quit trying to one up me! Lol
Notgivingup...how are you? Any results?
I'm with alot of you ladies with the worry. My back hurts, cancer. My armpit hurts...cancer. stomach bloated...cancer. I think my tumors are regrowing. Its probably spread and they just didn't see it on my scans. Ugh...will we ever NOT worry? Then I tell my hubby, I never felt sick. What if they were wrong and I dont even have it (3 positive biopsies.. lol)
Oh, my vein turned pretty dark and still is after last chemo. So now I look like a drug addict. Lol
Good news is...were all about done with chemo! Yaaaa! We did it (even though I cheated! Haha)
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Good Morning!
I got my bloodwork results from Monday's lab. My enzymes have dropped by about half. I'm very happy about it, but at tge same time, I'm concerned that it happened after they did a biopsy. Hopefully it is coincidental. I hope to get the liver biopsy results this afternoon.
I was busy the last couple of days. I was canning again. It felt good doing what I was before chemotherapy. We also took down the Christmas decorations, I did some meal prepping, laundry, and some cleaning. Some family members told I was to be resting, I told them I needed to get things done.
I have a date for my surgery. It will depend on my enzyme levels and biopsy results, but it is scheduled for January 23rd. There are only a few people who know the date.
I am also concerned that there is such a gap between finishing chemo and having surgery. There is a possibility of having to get more chemo. A different one would be used. This is something that we will have to discuss.
I hope everyone is doing well. 2019 will be a better year for us!
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Happy New Year, everyone! And good riddance to 2018!
Ccaxt - I'm right there with you on the chemopause.
Was fine up until this last (my 3rd) round of dose-dense Taxol. And now suddenly I'm having major hot flashes and night sweats.Notgivingup - I swear, our journeys are so similar it's eerie. I'm going in today for a different issue, but I'll find out last week's liver enzyme results, and I just got the results from my physical on December 10th, and you can see the steady progression upwards.
And my surgery won't be until sometime in February (I go in this Friday for pre-op), a full month after I finish chemo, but I was also told that there's a possibility that I'll have to have more chemo after. Most likely cisplatin, which my onc decided not to use with the T b/c she didn't feel my body could take it after what AC did to me. This third round of Taxol really, REALLY did me in. Starting Sunday night, my joints began swelling and started aching so painfully that I couldn't sit, stand, or lie down without pain. Elbows, shoulders, ankles, hips, and OMG my knees. I'm not allowed to have Tylenol right now b/c of the liver issues, and I'm allergic to most opioids, so I've been stuck with ibuprofen, which barely takes the edge off. Hoping this stops sometime soon!
I hope everyone else is doing well, and here's to 2019 being a much better, nay, FANTASTIC year for all of us!
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hello all! Had #3 taxol out of 12 today. Last time having to take oral steroids 12 hours before and 2 hours before, thank goodness I hate those things, they make me all wired and make sleeping impossible, thank goodness for the prescribed sleep meds. Taxol has been tolerable for me so far definitely more tolerable than AC. I really could do without the joint muscle pain tho. Hot baths, warm blankets and doing some light stretching helps alittle. Something monumental happened today! I noticed a shadow growing on top of my head! When I looked closer I saw lots of teeny tiny hairs growing!!! Woo hoo! I am so very happy about that, it's a great encouraging boost in light of all the bullshit we have to deal with! Every time I sit in the chair for each round I say out loud “roll on" and the # of that chemo. Today was “roll on 3" of “electrifying" those bastard cancer cells in me.
Annie, congrats on conquering that beast AC. You deserve all the credit in the world completing that course of treatment, it ain't easy and u did it!!! Here's hoping the rest of your treatments are easier on u.
Casey, so good to hear from you! I have decided to forego reconstruction as well because as u said it's more surgery, I don't want to deal with tissue expanders or implants, being flat on one side is fine with me. As far as your fear of the gap between chemo and surgery, ( this is for you too notgivingup) for me my surgeon told me I need to wait a month after final chemo to have surgery, because the chemo is still working during that time and wants my body, blood counts etc to rest and be their best before my surgery to give me best outcome in terms of healing, so don't worry!! I love your posts, never hesitate to post, your humor helps me get through tough days.
Not giving up, I hope you get some concrete answers soon as to what is going on! I hear ya on it feeling good to do things again u normally did before chemo. I was just thinking that the other day. Sure I rest, but I like getting things done like u, it helps me feel productive and normal which gives me joy, something cancer had stolen from me, getting glimpses of it back really helps. I am happy for you getting to do something u enjoy!
Antigone, I hear ya on the muscle joint pain, ouch! Only 1 more dense dose taxol for u and your done with it hang in there just a bit longer! You and notgivingup have been through some serious bullshit and your still fighting and making progress, seeing such strong women is both humbling and encouraging.
Patrice, my fearless guinea pig, I think of u often. I hope all is well, I know of course that your kicking ass and telling that mountain lion where to stick it. Update when ucan just know u are missed!
Fritz, thinking of u too! I think u got 1 more TAC to go right?? Getting all 3 at once, u got my respect and admiration for that, I don't think I coulda done that but u have! Update us soon.
Sadlynew, edited early this morning to let you know you weren’t forgotten. Hoping taxol throws you no more curve balls and that it’s been smooth sailing for you and continues to be here on out. Hugs to you
Hope all others are doing well and keep checking in! Love to all u ladies, u are all examples of what it truly means to be a warrior.
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Annie, last one done!! Woohoo!
Casey, you sound just like me. Worried about upcoming surgery, and freaking out about everything. I literally told my husband last night that I thought my tumor had grown back. And you definitely didn't cheat! We've all kicked ass since October!!
Notgivingup, glad to hear your enzymes have started to drop. Did you hear back about the biopsy?
Antigone, hope your liver is starting to behave as well!
Rabbit, HAIR!! That is super exciting! I cannot wait until mine starts to grow back once I finish my last TAC. Yes, having all 3 at the same time has been rough. #5 really kicked my ass. Took me 8 days to finally feel like I could do things around the house without needing to sit down every 20 minutes. It's true when they said the chemo is cumulative and takes longer to recover from toward the end. I have my last cycle on January 14th, and then will schedule surgery for sometime in mid-Feb.
Happy New Year to us all!!
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Good Evening!
Well I have had bloodwork 2 times this week. First labs on Monday showed liver enzymes dropped by half after liver biopsy. Today's labs showed a little more of a drop. I am really happy.
Still waiting on biopsy results. Hopefully they will call tomorrow. I can see the results pending on my patient portal.
I am scheduled for surgery on January 23rd. I have a few appointments to get ready for the surgery. I talked with my MO about the possibility of more chemo. She said we will talk about it if it is needed 3 weeks after surgery. She said that my case will be talked about for a long time. It isn't something she had seen with TC. I told her that "I am one in a million", she said yes you are. She said I have a bubbly personality and such a positive outlook. I told I don't want to go back into the hospital. She said I might need to for surgery. I sighed and rolled my eyes at her.
She did talk with my surgeon about anaesthesia and my liver enzymes. They are setting up a consult to discuss everything with the anesthesiologist.
I hope everyone is doing well. Antigone, I hope you levels are coming down and you don't have to go through what I did.
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Hey everyone! So, I went back in to the center on Wednesday for the joint pain and swelling, and they started me on gabapentin (b/c I'm allergic to just about every pain med on the planet 🙁). It's not doing much for the pain, but it does seem to be helping with the hot flashes, so...yay? The pain is finally starting to taper down, so I'm hopeful that by next week (or maybe over the weekend *knock on wood*) it'll be gone. And, yes, my liver enzyme levels just keep rising, but the nurse is insistent that it's "just one more" and "they'll hopefully go back to normal" once everything is finished. Hopefully? 😡
I also met with my surgeon today for pre-op. Lumpectomy will be happening on Feb 20th. She also helped me to set up an appointment with radiation oncology, b/c she wants me to talk with them about APBI. It's not typically done in people my age (I'm not *quite* 40, but close), or in people with TNBC, but the team at my hospital are *very* familiar with the technique and are more willing to try it. And given the damage that chemo has been doing to my heart, and that my tumor is on the left side, she wants me to at least speak with them about it. She's also going to speak with my onc about finding a pain med for me before my next infusion next Friday, to help with the Taxol-related pain (she saw me limping on my way to her office today) and post-op pain. Have I mentioned I love my surgeon? ❤️
Rabbit - Congrats on finishing round three, and I hear you on the steroid business. Sleep on steroids? Lol! And hair growth? Super exciting! Can't wait to see my own "shadow"!
Fritz - I only had two at once, I can't imagine having three! You must be wonder woman! And YES to the cumulativeness. My partner didn't understand at worse why this time was so much worse than last time until I explained to him that chemo builds up in the body and the effects are cumulative, so I didn't just get 1 infusion. I got 1 infusion plus whatever was still left in my system from the previous two infusions. The look of horror on his face... My last infusion is on the 11th, and I plan to have a mini celebration while I'm still feeling good from the steroids. 😉
Notgivingup - I am soooo happy to hear that your enzymes are going back to normal! You've been through so much, it's great to hear some good news. I have to meet with my onc to talk about the chemo possibility, as well. My surgeon actually sighed and rolled her eyes at the thought of it today! 😉She recommended that I have my port taken out during the surgery, but my onc vetoed it b/c of the possibility of more chemo. And I also get the "1 in a million" line a lot. Today the surgeon went over all of the super rare "this never happens to anyone" complications of the surgery because, as she put it, "you're just really, really unlucky." *sigh*
I hope everyone's 2019 is moving along smoothly, and you have a relaxing (and/or fun) weekend planned!
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Hi all!
I got my liver biopsy results yesterday. It showed nothing but an inflammation of the liver. In other words, my liver is pissed off because of chemo. My numbers are slowing coming down now. I hope they continue to go down.
I hope everyone is doing well!
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Notgivingup That's good news from the biopsy. At least it's not an underlying liver disease that was triggered by chemo. Hopefully your numbers will be in the normal range by the time of your surgery!
Antigone what is APBI? Sorry Taxol has been causing so much pain for you.
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Notgivingup - that's great news! Well, not great that chemo is messing with our livers, but great news that it's just inflammation and that your numbers are going down. Hopefully you'll be back to normal enzyme levels soon.
Fritz - APBI = accelerated partial breast irradiation. It's a "newer" technique to use instead of whole breast radiation so that the radiation is primarily targeted at the tumor bed instead of the whole breast. It's known for causing fewer and less severe side effects, and it occurs twice a day over the course of 1 week, instead of once a day over the course of anywhere from 3 to 7 weeks.
Also, re: my "1 in a million" thing? I mentioned at my appointment on Wednesday that I've had fairly severe tinnitus since this last infusion, but the nurse just gave me a puzzled look. I told her that I just thought they should know, so she sketched it down in the margins of her notes. Yesterday, the ringing was driving me up the wall, so I searched for manufacturer information on paclitaxel, and what did I find?
*hangs head*
Here's to finishing the last course of this and moving on to the next stage of (hopefully) chemotherapy-free treatment!
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Antigone you should probably start playing the lottery. Maybe your one in a million will pay off! APBI sounds so much better than the standard radiation protocol. I doubt I'm a candidate though since my tumor was so large and my breasts so small to begin with... the tumor bed is the majority of my breast anyway!!
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I’m so down today , after round 4 I’ve felt awful every day, nauseous, no appetite, no energy, I feel bad for my Husband who tries to help but I just feel so low. Any encouragement or similar feelings
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Newfromny, you are doing great!! Chemotherapy is no joke, and you've gone through FOUR treatments!!! Not an easy feat! You are allowed to take care of yourself in any way that you need to in order to get through this crap. It really is as much as a mental struggle as a physical one. Our bodies and minds tell us enough is enough, but we know we need to do this so that we can survive and be stronger on the other side, so we push through. I've felt how you're feeling right now, and I know I'll feel like that again in a week when I go for my last cycle. That's the great thing about this forum. We're all going through this together, and can lift one another up when one of us needs it. ((HUGS))
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Newfromny - I just want to ditto everything that Fritz just said. You're doing great - making it through 4 rounds (even making it through 1 round!) is an amazing feat, and you should be proud. I think we've all been where you are, and I know many of us (myself included) will be there again, but we keep going because we know that we need to to come out stronger on the other side. Definitely take care of yourself any way you can (even if that means accepting that you'll feel down for a few days), and come back here whenever you need a friendly ear. *hugs*
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Hi Ladies, I am popping in from the November group to gain some encouragement as I prepare for TCHP round #4 of 6 tomorrow. My anxiety has been building and I am about to burst from it! I have been lurking on this board reading through your experiences trying to glean as much info as I can. I don't know why I am so anxious about this go round. It makes no sense to me. I am struggling with myself - part is excited (if that is even the right word) that #4 marks being on the downside of the 6, and part of me is a mess thinking about doing it all over again.... The mental game is real!
Frmthahart
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Frmthahart,
You got this. I’m also receiving TCHP and my round 3 was hard for me too. Stay strong, the mental game is very difficult but you’re getting it done. I go for #5 tomorrow and I’ll be thinking about you.
Everyone else,
Tomorrow is one more day closer to being finished. We are all Wonder women! Our super power is kicking cancers butt!
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hello all! Today is bloodwork day and on thursday I am in the chair for Taxol #4 of 12. Experiencing quite a bit of numbness and tingling in the hands and feet, may need to talk to MO about a dose reduction because i dont want any permanent damage from this stuff. Other than that I am feeling okay, the muscle and joint pain still persists on my symptomatic days, those are the days hubby is rubbing my legs and feet. Never had pain with AC even with the neulasta shots, so pain with this stuff is an unpleasant truth. Fatigue is just starting to surface a bit, all i wanted to do was nap yesterday. On the 15th I turn 37, and very thankfully my birthday lands on a bloodwork day and not on a day I'll be recovering from symptoms so that is a huge plus. Take out and a movie sounds good to me.
Newfromny, the physical and mental battle is real with this stuff, i find alot of my time is mostly spent just emotionally dealing with feelings that surface as i walk this journey. This journey is hard, this journey is brutal, but this journey is necessary to throw our individual mountain lions called cancer off the cliff. Hang in there, your almost done, you have come so far and your in the final punches of knocking this thing out, so draw back your fist and give it hell!
Notgivingup, i am so thankful for your biopsy results and that your liver enzymes are going down. I am sorry however your liver is so pissed off from the chemo, I hope your numbers continue to go down. In the meantime enjoy your break from chemo and your mini break before surgery. Heres hoping everything goes smoothly from here on out!
Antigone- that APBI technique sounds so much easier than the daily 5 min grind to get a rad zap. You and Notgivingup have your surgery date, jealous. I wish i knew when mine is, i have to wait til Taxol #8 where I will have another bilateral breast mri to restage me prior to surgery and then my surgery date will be 1 month after I finish chemo. Feels like such a long road, I just cannot wait to get this stupid thing outta me.
Fritz - you have your last treatment the day before my bday! Congrats you! You really are wonder woman, conquering 3 chemical beasts at a time, I still cannot get over that!
Frmthahart - this road certainly isn't easy. I know each one of us on this thread has struggled with the mental game and its just as hard as the physical one. But we know with each step we are closer to our goal, killing the cancer and moving on with life, or our new normal. I try and think about all the things i'm going to do once i am done with chemo, surgery etc. It keeps my mind busy and it also encourages me that their are good things on the other side waiting for me.
Casey, Sadleynew and Patrice, thanking of you ladies, update when you can! The other day I read through this thread from the beginning just to see how far we have come and we really have been through alot together. We have overcome great obstacles and the full spectrum of unpleasant side effects and we are still here getting it done!
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hello everyone! Checking in here - it's been awhile. Still pushing my way through the lovely Taxol. I have Taxol #6 Thursday. Had some aches here and there but am not going to complain. There is an end in sight! I had my surgery before chemo but can understand the readiness to get it out of you. For me personally, the chemo was worse than the surgery, perhaps mentally as well. Chemo slowly wears you down (although we ladies keep battling!!!). The surgery is a procedure that's over. I think I was still in shock when I had mine (bilateral masectomy). I've also had the joy of dealing with tissue expanders this entire time. (Insert sarcasm Here). I went to my PS yesterday and he thinks one of my expanders may have leaked. If ruptured, he will need to swap it out. They had to discontinue fills due to my risk of infection. Once chemo is done, will wait a month, swap expander if needed, continue to fill then surgery for recon. I have an appt Friday with a local RO to discuss radiation. My SO and MO say I'm in a gray area re whether I need it. To me, that means I want to do it! We will see.
My numbers for Taxol last week were low. They almost didn't allow me to go ahead but dr okd it. I think it was 1.4 and you need to be 1.5 maybe? Hoping to good numbers this week!
Rabbit - we are right along with each other, knocking down the Taxol! Just think, with 3 down, you are 25% done with it. Woohoo!!! Keep up the awesomeness!
Not giving up - so glad the numbers are coming down. Definitely take a break and enjoy the down time. Hoping the weather is nice where you are and you are able to go outside. Walking is so wonderful they say :-)
Patrice and Casey, how have you guys been?
To all others, hoping this week is a wonderful one. We have come so far - let’s keep going!
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Hi ladies! Just checking in. Went to the doc today (breast suegeon). 3rd time meeting with this one. (I've been "dr shopping". Ya know, like your kids do when they "parent shop". Basically go to each parent til they get the answer they want...lol). Unfortunately all say the same. Mastectomy. Ok...FINE! So my MO calls me Friday, after I left him a message. Had a dew questions. My vein is dark...is my arm gonna fall off? No, its cause I didnt get a port. Blah blah. Ok, cool. So I tell him I wan a go to x surgeon but he suggests I stay with y surgeon. Ok, I trust his judgment. I tell him it's already scheduled for 1/23 but I wanna push it back a week. He says, no just do it 1/23! Na, I have 4-6 weeks after final chemo so I vote for 6 weeks! Lol So, I meet with her today. Pass MO in hallway and say hi...and make him look at my arm. Haha. Go over all the gory details with surgeon. At the end ask to push back a week and she says "oh, dr kabos just stopped me in the hall and said you were gonna go this and not to let you". WTF? So I gave her a bs story about my aunt not being to come in and help til that day. She leaves the room and my bff (who came with me to appt) looks at me and says "liar!". Lol. Soooo...surgery scheduled for 1/30. Um with 10ish nodes removed.
Ladies who have already had surgery....how bad is it??? Be honest. Actually, no...lie to me! Haha
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Hi I'm from the Sept board.
Frmthahart and Kjelftr I also did TCHP and it's tough so I feel your pain. Hang on your almost there. Unfortunately my blood platelets were too low and I only did 5 out of the 6. My doctor refused to give me the 6th. So be thankful your body is allowing you to complete the entire treatment. You got this!!!
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hello all! Well I got the call from my chemo nurse this morning that my counts are too low for taxol #4 tomorrow. So, back for bloodwork on tuesday next week to see if I am good to go for #4. Kinda bummed, was hoping to knock these out with no problem, but i guess there could be worse things just irritated with each delay its pushing back getting a surgery date. I will say I love my chemo nurse, she is great, laid back, makes the process easy and not scary and treats me just like a regular person, emphasizing on me and not my cancer.
Good to get an update from you Casey! I love your updates and still love your MO, he really is great with you. I probably am going to end up with a mastectomy too, except right side instead of left. Well, I am going to push for a mastectomy even if they give lumpectomy as an option. My mother in law ended up having to have a mastectomy after a lumpectomy because of margins and finding additional stuff in there so I want to save myself the headache and give myself the piece of mind that I got all of it out. I too am choosing not to do reconstruction again like you its an additional surgery and I don't want that, one and done sounds good to me, perfectly fine being flat on one side, hubby doesn't care one bit either, he just wants me alive.
Sadlynew, good to hear your doing well and things are progressing toward an end. I am hoping to avoid rads if possible. Usually with mastectomy you get out of rads but we'll see if any surprises happen. Kinda relieved to hear you thought surgery was easier than chemo, kinda alittle nervous about surgery and all that comes with it, making sure I don't lose range of motion and making sure I retain use of my arm. I think I will feel better once I actually have a surgery date and get to discuss the surgery itself.
Excited to have most of my eyebrows and eyelashes back, still growing a steady little shadow on top of my head which I examine closely everyday to see how its progressing, slow and steady. By summer I should have a nice little crop, which makes me happy! Take care ladies, Patrice, I am thinking of you girl, hope your doing okay, have a feeling you might be riding the emotional rollercoaster and I'm there with you. You got this!
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Hello, Ladies! Still riding the taxol express here, dealing with all the awesomeness that it brings...developed tendonitis in the Achilles tendon that I ruptured and had repaired years ago, have several nose bleeds daily, and some serious aches all over, serious night sweats and hot flashes and heartburn as well. Taxol is as much fun as the AC for me so far! Hoping to see the holistic and alternative medicine nurse this week so we can address at least some of the se's. So far, no neuropathy and I have most of my eyebrows and some very short and thin eyelashes. I think my hair may be sloooowwwwlllyy coming back as well, it doesn't feel like razor stubble anymore, seems to be softening which I associate with growth. So there's that to celebrate.
Sadly, I can't believe you are at #6 already! So sorry your expander is giving you a rough time, geeze, if it's not one thing, ya know?
Antigone, you have become such an amazing advocate for yourself, we all can learn from your example. It's just a shame that when we mention something we are actually feeling or experiencing, the reaction is puzzlement. Why would we make up se's? Very interested in APBI, I am going to ask my MO if that is a possiblity.
NotGivingUp and Casey, surgery soon! It must be worrisome, but it is one more step to being totally done with this crap for good. Please give us all the low-down so we know what to expect.
Fritz, are you really that close to being done? AMAZING!!!! There actually is a light at the end of this tunnel, tell us what it's like to be there!
NewfromNY and Frmthahart, this stuff is serious, and it just sucks. Every aspect of it, mental and physical. Just showing up is enough of a triumph some days. Unfortunately, none of us had a choice in any of this, so our only option is to hang on and get through it. Getting thru it looks different for each of us at any given time, so please don't be so hard on yourselves. This shit is not for the faint of heart, and sometimes it sneaks up on us in unexpected ways. Best advice is to allow yourself to feel your feelings, but move on quickly and don't dwell. It really does take and amazing amount of strength, physical and emotional, to get thru this. We're all doing it, and we are all amazing.0 -
I also found surgery easier then chemo. My surgery was about 5 hours long. I had a bilateral mastectomy with tissue expanders. I spent one night in the hospital. The most painful part for me was the stupid surgical drains. I was do happy to get those taken out. I took 6 weeks off of work. I did not have a port placed yet because we were waiting on my Her2 results which did come back positive so I had to go in and get that placed. I am dealing with some lymphedema now but this Is not from BC it was from my melanoma surgery 3 years ago in which I had 24 lymph nodes removed. I am going to have my my exchange surgery on March 18t
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my numbers are good today for chemo! By a hair. 1.6. I think a lack of sleep caused my numbers to dip last week. Apparently sleeping helps the immune system. About to get #6 Taxol! Halfway there!!!!
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Sounds like we are fighting the fight!! Today is the first day to feel human since A/C on December 31. I try to give myself 10 days to recover but get so frustrated that it takes that long. Starting Taxol, herceptin, and perjeta on the 22nd. My MO and nurse keep saying 2019 will be a better year. I hope so. Has anyone had trouble with elevated blood sugar?
I had surgery before the chemo and I think chemo was so much harder. The drain was a pain but bearable.
Annie
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Kjelftr - Thanks! I needed that. I looked at your post several times and thought of you often while I sat in my chair. I hope you are doing well with minimal SE's this time!
RadagastRab - I needed the reminder to look beyond. When I get anxious and feel low, I tend to get stuck in the now which seems pretty dark. I appreciate your words of support.
Sunocean - My counts are really low this time around. I am worried that they may prevent me from staying on my treatment plan. How did your Dr's decide to stop?
I really appreciate the support you have all shared with me. It helped me so much to get on this side of the pole for round #4. I am thinking of all of you and hope that you are doing well. One step at a time we will get to the finish line!
F
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I am finished with my chemotherapy!!!! Just finished my last round of Taxol infusions yesterday, so unless my oncologist decides I need more after seeing the pathology report post surgery, I am officially DONE with chemo. 🎉(I also went in for my pre-chemo blood work the day before, and for the first time since before starting chemo had COMPLETELY NORMAL CBC counts. Me, normal. LOL. My liver is still shot to all to ****, but my CBCs were great.)
Now to just get through this last week of hell from Taxol side effects (they called in some narcotics, with the instruction to only take HALF of the dose for my first does, and to make sure my partner is on hand in case I go into anaphylactic shock again and he has to rush me to the ER) and some super-strength ibuprofen-type meds, so hopefully I can keep the pain under control. I also got them to work on scheduling an appointment with the geneticist (this is my third type of cancer, and my maternal grandmother passed away from a fourth, so genetic testing is recommended for me), as well as for a DEXA scan (I've had osteopenia since I was 25, and my mother now has severe osteoporosis). And I have my radiology oncology consult on the Jan 28th, then my surgery on February 20th. All in all, things are moving along well towards recovery. 😊
Radagast - I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing some neuropathy symptoms, and I hope you're team is willing to reduce the dosage. Neuropathy was one of things I was most worried about going into Taxol. And, trust me, I've done the take-out and a movie more times than I care to admit. One of my most beloved holiday gifts was a grubhub gift card.
Patrice - I've been getting the nosebleeds, too.
And the constant runny nose (stupid lack of nose hairs!). The tendon issue sounds incredibly painful, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it. I hope your team is able to do something to help you soon.Sadlynew - halfway there? w00t!
Annie - giving ourselves the time to recover after each infusion is the WORST. I just want to get back to feeling like myself again, and it leaves me feeling very...down...that I can't get there more quickly. So I understand. I'm sorry you're feeling that way, too.
Stay strong, everyone! There IS a light at the end of this tunnel! 2019 IS going to be a great year for all of us. And, remember:
There are good things in the universe. Good things are going to happen for us, and will continue to happen for us. AND WE DESERVE THEM.
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hello all. Well ladies I am about to bare my soul to some people who will understand how I am feeling right now. I really didn't want to write this because I often stress about being a debby downer, and I desire very much to be encouraging to all of you and I worry sometimes if what I write is helpful or not, heck sometimes I wonder if what I write is even helpful to me. My white counts being too low to do Taxol #4 last week really took the wind out of my sails, because I don't want this to continually happen during other weeks and further push back and delay my surgery and/or prolong and drag out chemo. I want to see an ending on the horizon and it feels like I cannot get a timeline in place, a stop point I can strive toward. Had my first real panic attack over the phone while talking to my husband on friday, he had to talk me down and did a wonderful wonderful job doing so, happened again on saturday and he just held me and rocked me kissing my prickly semi bald head and telling me its okay. I just wonder if I have the strength to finish chemo, and quite honestly after Taxol #4 I am going to talk to my MO about possibly stopping chemo. I just feel like I've had enough of it all. I keep thinking that I wish I could feel again how I did before I was diagnosed. I slept well, I was happy, I could see the brighter side of things even when things were alittle tough at the time. Now I sleep terrible, I rarely can see the brighter side of things and while happy moments are not something I don't experience, its the day to day drudgery of this damn disease that occupies most of my thoughts and feelings. Its almost like I want to be in denial. Some of you ladies are battling far fiercer mountain lions and complications and yet are still doing well, and here I am falling apart. I think I may have made the mistake of overreading early on and as I progress through treatment. I find myself constantly comparing my stats to other ladies stats on these boards, looking for even the slightest clue to help me feel better about my prognosis and/or to give me hope. Sometimes I think the internet is a wonderful thing because you can connect with people going through the same things as you, but then at the same time the internet is like a curse because you can almost know too much and sometimes ignorance is almost better in a way, especially with me because I cannot turn my brain off or stop thinking about things, especially at night which would explain why I am not sleeping so well.
I haven't decided what I am going to do yet, but I will talk it to over after Taxol #4 with my MO. I guess I am writing this because I want to feel like I am not alone in what I am thinking about and the feelings I am battling. I apologize about the rawness of my post, I just needed to get this out.
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oh Rabbit. My heart breaks for how you feel. First, hugs to you. Second, I wanted to share my last few weeks as well because I think I share the same feelings . Since starting Taxol, I’ve found that dats 1-3 after treatment (and sometimes longer), I’m completely broken. I have treatments on Thursday. By Saturday, I was hopeless, wondering why I’m going through all this. I was crying, sad and just had zero motivation. I looked up Taxol and depression and BAM! It’s all over the internet blogs from other women. By today, I feel like I climbed out of a whole. I say all this just to say - make sure it’s not Taxol playing tricks on you. It may not be. But it’s worth checking out? You are a super strong person (we all are) and are battling this. Taxol really messed with my head - a sadness like I’ve never known. It came as fast as it went. I realize I’m rambling now but wanted to share this with you. Hugs to you.
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Rabbit, YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE!! You are doing this! WE are DOING THIS!!! I write this to you from the chemo chair. I’m getting prepped for my final chemo. I’m nauseous from anxiety because I know I’m going to feel like garbage starting tonight, and probably through the end of the week. I could throw up just thinking about my upcoming surgery and finding out if all this poison did what it’s supposed to do.
Lean on your husband. He will help get you through this. Lean on US! We will help each other get through this. Please keep going. I know you can. Ask for anxiety meds if you think it will help. I don’t know where I’d be in this journey if I hadn’t started taking Zoloft because my depression would have definitely made me quit and give up.
I’m thinking of all of you today as I finish chemo.
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