Starting Chemo September 2019
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Oops Brilee-I asked earlier if you've had hair loss and now I see your beautiful wig-so I guess that's a yes! I can't believe how good and natural this looks on you. I do find it hard to believe you're old enough for silver, but it looks like a lovely platinum blonde on you!
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How are you doing now Tracy? I'm going to start down the same road of chemo as you 10/22 and am wondering because it looks like you made it thru your 4 cycles of TC?
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kaaadams - Hey, hey! I'm day 3 after my second TC treatment. I'm sitting at the physical therapist office waiting for my appointment. I had some gnarly reflux last night and hot flashes that haven't let up yet. Im pretty darn tired today and seriously considering calling off work this afternoon.
I love my furbabies! They're always happy to see me and always want to be near me. ❤
I started greying in my late twenties and I'm a grandmother of 1! It'll be fun to see what color and texture my hair comes back as after the treatments! It's mostly grey on top right now but still a mousy brown underneath.
I saw my plastic surgeon this morning. He's a little concerned about my right incision because it's red but said he didn't see anything that he thought was infection. We briefly discussed fat grafting again but that's down the road after my treatments and hysterectomy.
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Snaffle and All
I think the cumulative effects of chemo are starting to set in for all of us. It's taking more to "bounce back" and longer term effects are setting in. For me, the muscle aches (i.e. fatigue) became really more apparent and I realized that this is a cumulative effect.
Hang in there everyone, give yourself permission to rest and recover, and remember we are all here for each other.
Tracy
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Bridget,
I only started graying about 3 years ago, and pre-chemo I was salt and pepper (still more brown than gray). I'm hoping (Fingers crossed) that my hair comes back more brown than gray....we shall see.
I hope you get your reflux resolved.
Tracy
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Kaadams -
Actually, I have my 3rd TC this Wednesday (10/16). For the most part, I have tolerated it well. I will say that the fatigue has gotten worse as time has gone on and gets a little better but doesn't completely go away between treatments. I've also developed water retention, which sets in around day 14 and usually resolves by day 19.
Treatment has been no walk in the park, but it has been far easier than I had imagined it would be. I think the thing to keep in mind is that, if you have side effects that aren't being controlled by the medicine that you are given, CALL YOUR doctor. My MO told me repeatedly to call, don't assume that just how chemo is supposed to be and suffer in silence.
Good luck with your treatment.
Tracy
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Bridget
Love the fur babies! My cats glue themselves to me when I don't feel well.
Tracy
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I can't believe it's mid October. The weather is definitely turning here in Sacramento with overnight lows in the 40's. I say this with a tiny bit of glee as I've been wearing beanies for the past few days and am not feeling conspicuous. I ordered a few more for variety.
AC dose 2 is tomorrow. I was wondering if anyone else is getting their infusions peripherally? I.e. not via port or PICC? I don't have a choice this cycle, so, I'm a wee bit nervous about it. Mostly because my arm is already pretty bruised up from the IV And all the blood draws they took while I was admitted for four days. I've been reading elsewhere about peripheral infusion and tips on trying to preserve my veins.
I've requested another port - I may end up with symmetrical scars on both sides of my collarbones, since they'll put it in on the other side this time. Aside from the infection, it was great. With emla cream, it was so much easier than other access. I'm hoping I can avoid the infection this time around.
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ACchaos
I have ditched my wig for everything but work, and I have to say it's much more comfortable. I've only caught a couple of people staring, but I just ignore it. It is what it is.
I have a port, so I can't help there, but I think there is at least one of us who gets treatment via their vein....
Tracy
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I don't have a port or PICC. I've had two treatments so far. I only have 1 viable arm so I get bloodwork and treatment in the same arm. There's some time spent trying to find a good vein and making sure it takes fluids easily before my meds are given. The first treatment took 4 sticks to get a good vein but treatment 2 only took 2 sticks. I was still healing from my mastectomies when my chemo started so I think my oncologist was trying to spare me anymore possible infection sites. I only have 2 more treatments to go so I'm definitely trying to avoid getting a port.
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I am also getting the 4 TC treatments without a port. Finding a viable vein has definitely been tricky the first two treatments, and one vein was even burned from the chemo, but my plastic surgeon said finding a spot for the port would be a problem due to my DMX. He said it would have to be in my arm and placed by a specialist. Seemed like something I didn't want to deal with for 4 infusions. Hoping things go smoothly for my final two so I don't have to deal with that issue.
My third TC should be this Wednesday, but my oncologist delayed my infusion a week so I could visit my college freshman for parents weekend. I am so excited to see my boy and relieved for the week-long break bc the fatigue and body aches are also bringing me down. A little nervous to know how long it takes to bounce back and feel more human after the final infusion.
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ACChaos, I also go in for AC #2 tomorrow without a port. My first infusion was also without, and it was mostly fine. They had to go in near my wrist, and had some trouble confirming the red devil was still going in with only five minutes remaining on the push, so they had to fiddle with it for an extra 15 minutes or so. But it was a delay issue only, no real pain or discomfort involved.
I am a little worried it will go differently tomorrow after last week’s ER debacle, where I had to get stuck 9 different places by four different people before they could get the blood work they needed. But the people at the ER said the infusion needles are much tinier than what they’re required to use in the ER. You may find it works just fine without the port. Fingers crossed!
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Hope everyone is doing well. I am 5 days past AC #2 and physically doing a lot better than after #1 with the additional anti nausea meds. Mentally I'm a bit of a mess. Got hubby to shave my head today and cried for 3 hours. It's just hair, I'm not sure why it affected me so majorly. I'm not normally an emotional person at all, but this whole cancer diagnosis has kicked my ass in a way I could never have known and I'm still struggling 2 months after diagnosis. I need to get my head in the game. I read all of your comments here as you are all so strong, and I strive to be that way.
Hope you are all doing well. 😊
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ange you are strong also,,never doubt it. Cancer has a way of trying to defeat us and playing the emotional card is a huge way to bring doubt and fear,acceptance doesn't mean you give in or up,not just means you come up with ways to beat what you need to beat. We all have this we all are here fighting for ourselves and each other, you got this ange
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this is my day 5 after AC number 3, next week is the last of the AC then on the the taxol, been more tired but my appetite has not took a hit yet, water doesn't taste as bad this time, but I'm mostly drinking Gatorade,,next time I'm gonna get the one with less sugar. Thank goodness for bland pasta, it's been a good thing this time
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Thanks Gamb, I appreciate you taking time to respond. I want to work my way through this mentally, but it's been a tough go for me. It's like I've never known how to deal with emotions, I just ignored them and moved on, but never really dealt with them. But now I can't ignore this, as it's my new reality. I want so much to be that positive person, who is out kicking ass, but I just feel so defeated at times. Thanks again. 😊
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ange - I’m with you on the mental hit, and my hair hasn’t even started to go yet (though I figure I have a week tops). I have always been an even keeled person, and I feel so up and down and out of my depth.
I have been downloading meditation apps this week, thinking I have to start doing something to address my anxiety and mood swings, but they all want a chunk of an annual fee and I don’t know if they’ll even be helpful given my specific problems and needs.
Any advice on how you all have been handling on the mental angle would be appreciated!!
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Ange, yes this is hard mentally, and all the what if's,but's, whys, I created a second email acct, lol, so when I have this mental stressed, anxiety, panic, I email asshole, (breast cancer) and let me tell ya asshole doesn't know what to say!! Never returns my emails, DO what you have to do to keep your sanity, hugs positive vibes
Chemo #2 tomorrow, I'm pumped this bitch is ready!!
Today has been cussing day!! Yes! can't help it, yes!! so tacky, uneducated, trashy, need my mouth washed out with soap!!
Hello, manda, hugs
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Maggie lol, I take ativan, i like atvian, I could not do this with out ativan,,I'm also on lexapro it has finally kicked in and it is a saving grace for me, I never thought i would take either of these meds, but I needed the help that my brain couldnt provide alone. No shame in i hope it works for me the rest of my chemo and maybe thru the first year sfter treatment, find help where you can and God bless
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i found I could only be so positive and these meds help me shut down the why, if, and maybes what could bes, that haunted me at night. Im grateful for my primary dr knowing me well enough to give me something he knew would help me greatly
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yes Gamb, I too take Ativan and Zoloft, have for 30years, I am extremely OCD, I’m one of those that feels the need to carry everyone, A true people person, I never realized just how unhealthy I truly was, guilt from walking out of the shop and taking care of me, is finally getting easier,, so easy I may just retire!! Lol don’t y’all say a word either,, For now One Day at A Time!!
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There’s no shame in meds that help us. I take Celexa and Klonopin. I have generalized anxiety disorder and PTSD from my first diagnosis and ongoing medical issues. I’ve also had some personal issues that have contributed. Panic attacks are no joke, and a real drain mentally and physically. I also have anxiety induced insomnia which compounds the anxiety. The medication helps control the anxiety and help me sleep
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Tm, Very well said, thank you, I have started reading my favorite book again, The power of positive thinking, so true, in all aspects of life, not sure why I ever put it in the drawer,🤷🏼♀️ Sweet and pleasant dreams, goodnight
Together we stand We got this!!
Hugs
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ange - Sorry that you were so upset when you shaved your hair. When my hair started falling out and I cut it I cried a little too. It’s just so much. But, I think Gamb put it into perspective for me that the hair I lost was full of chemicals. The hair I get back will be fresh as a daisy! I’m looking forward to seeing that new hair.
I’ve really been down and overwhelmed with all of the what ifs lately. I have to remind myself where I am in treatment and how awesome my doctor is. I’ve had to quit looking at some other forums on here because some women’s perspectives are too negative for me to read. They have every right to feel the way they do but if I am going to get through this, I need to find outlets of joy. The only group I am keeping up with is this one. It comforts me to know others are in the same boat with me and paddling hard.
I just get overwhelmed with the “don’t dos” that people put out there. It makes me feel paralyzed.
I decided that my biggest mental problem was that I could not control the cancer. I think if all of us heard that we would be fine for sure after treatment, a lot of our fears and anxiety would be out the window. Mine would be. But for me, it’s a waiting game until surgery. So, what I can control is how much the idea of something I can’t control right now steals my joy and my intention of leading a normal life while taking chemo treatments. I’m working hard on brushing away negativity. I’m doing what I can to keep my body in check so that it can take these treatments. That’s all I can do. I can’t worry about what I don’t know.
So, I’m taking it one day at a time and if I feel good - which I do - then I’m going to feel good. Period.
Sorry for the ramble but I’m tired of feeling anxious and scared and sad- I know we all are!
I hope you all have a great day filled with peace, hope, and joy!
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Angie
If we listened to every "don't do" we'd have a long list of things that would just deprive us.
When I had my first diagnosis, I asked my MO about diet changes, etc. He said the medical community changed their minds regularly, and what's good today isn't necessarily what is good tomorrow. He told me to use common sense, and everything in moderation. He did say that real is better than fake, for example sugar is better than artificial sweetener, butter is better than margarine, etc. Artificial = lots of chemicals our bodies aren't meant to ingest. He says when it comes to things like sugar and butter, just monitor your intake.
Interestingly enough, since that time (almost 20 years ago) a lot of studies have come out supporting his statement - Aspartame has been proven very bad, Margarine has been shown to be chemically just shy of being plastic, and Lard has been shown to not be detrimental in moderation. I guess what I'm saying, is that even science waffles back and forth.
Just do what you need to do FOR YOU, and what your medical team advises. It's great that we have this forum, but lets face it. Though we have a lot of well educated people on here, very few actually have medical degrees. We can share experiences and empathize with one another, we can share what works or doesn't work for us, and we can share ideas. But ultimately, it's all opinion. Trust yourself, and make sure you have a medical team you trust. That's all you can do.
(((hugs)))
Tracy
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Angie,
I could have written your post myself, as it's 100% how I'm feeling. I take no pleasure in someone else feeling the same way, but it's comforting to know that I'm not alone. Everything you said rang so true with me. I just feel so powerless to control my wandering thoughts, but I want to so badly. I am going to set some tangible small goals each day and go from there. I wish you, and everyone, a good day. 😊
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Tracy and ange - thank you!!! I'm glad to know I'm not alone!
I did ask my oncologist about the idea that so had to go paraben free on everything because of being highly ER/PR positive. I was scared any little thing I do was going to cause the ER to be tougher than the chemo. He said the effects of stuff like face cream/shampoo etc is very minimal and that the hormone blocker will be the fighter of ER at the end. I wonder how much frenzy is stirred up by companies seeking these high priced products touted to be free of everything that could contribute to cancer.
I'm out on processed foods and have been for a while. I use stevia in my tea (which does not taste well with chemo). I had a high BMI which I'm trying to get down (thank you Perjeta diarrhea for your contribution) before surgery so I can do the double mast and recon the same day. After that, I'm living healthier than ever before. I will owe that to my body.
I'm so glad to have this group to talk to. I hope we still talk long after chemo is over! ❤️
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Hi all,
I have been reading everyone's posts, but have been a little quieter lately because I'm trying to use the last few days of feeling good to get stuff done, volunteer at my son's school, and have some good family time. But, I had to comment on the last few posts.
Angie, I'm feeling much the way you are. The feeling of not being in control of this is very scary and can lead to lots of negative thoughts. I, too, have been trying hard to banish those thoughts from my brain and try to focus on the positive. I try to keep life as normal as possible. I wake up every day and say thank God for this day. I'm going to make the most of it to the best of my ability. I've been making plans for the future - things we're going to do at Christmas, things we're going to do next year, the vacation we're taking in 2021.
Tracy, I agree with you that real food is best. Because I want to feel like there's something I can control, I plan to change my diet somewhat after I'm done with chemo. I was already eating lots of real food for the past few years, I'm just going to be a bit more careful. Less junk, more veggies! I plan to exercise regularly, lose a little more weight, get more sleep, and take whatever supplements and vitamins my doctors suggest. This way I can feel like I'm taking positive action to help my immune system heal, and then fight any other bad stuff that comes along.
The act of taking control of what I can control, and planning for the future, and enjoying each day to the best of my ability, has really turned my mindset around. I have fewer negative thoughts. I can sleep through the night without Xanax. I'm taking every little victory I can.
I would not wish this journey on anyone, but I'm also glad I'm not alone. I'm glad we can share and support each other. My wish for all of you this week is that you feel more joy and less fear. Hugs to all of you!
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Hey all, I hope all who have treatments this week have none to very lttle side effects, this is day 6 post a.c. 3 for me other than being just sick feeling all over, the side effects have been minimal. It was a beautiful day here today. Next Thursday is my last a.c., I'll be glad for it to be over, and hope taxol will be doable
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I also take meds to help. I’ve been on Prozac for years. Now Klonopin added to help me sleep and for anxiety. I’ve also been in therapy for years to deal with sexual abuse as a child. I’ve had trouble getting to see my therapist while dealing with the side effects of AC. I’m hoping that Taxol will be easier so I can be more flexible about appointment times.
As for dealing with all this, I still have trouble accepting that I have breast cancer. It’s sometimes like I’ve just suddenly gotten sick as I deal with chemo. I try to just deal with things day to day. But I’m very concerned about when it will be time to talk surgery. I’ve already decided on a BMX with no reconstruction. I’ve joined the Facebook group Flat & Fabulous trying to get myself prepared I don’t necessarily feel I am getting more prepared. But my anxiety has increased.
For now I’m just focused on starting Taxol. Only just today was I able to exercise since last AC treatment. It really kicked my butt. And though I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, it helps to have other women supporting each other as we all go through this. It isn’t easy. I’ve had friends go through breast cancer. But I had no idea what they went through. I was ignorant about what breast cancer does to a woman. I feel badly I was not as supportive as I might have been. Without these various forums, Breast Cancer is isolating. It’s a very personal fight. I might not say too much here. But I pray for you all every night.
Marilyn
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