My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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@sunshine99 and @intolight, thinking of you both and hoping for better and sunnier days ahead. It is perfectly natural to get upset - let it all out as it is better out than in. Gentle hugs to you both and in your pockets with support.
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Hello to all you sweet ladies. I think we take an awful lot of hits and suck it up till we burst. Sunshine I'm sorry your hurting so much. May the team get your treatment right and bring you good days ahead. So very glad your DH was there for you. Sondraf and Intolight, you both need those better days, too. In your pockets for improvement and stability for many years to come. This damn disease is like playing whack-a-mole, but not in a good sense. I hate it for all of us. Hi Shanagirl. Glad that you have improvement and that the sun is shining down upon you. Mara, so happy that your family came round and you all got to spend time together. Apologies for whomever I may have missed. My memory is rather awful with brain fog.
No MRI or Tony tomorrow. Advent called and said that group at the newer hospital does not take my Humana Medicare Advantage Plan. I had to reschedule for the old hospital and it's gonna be another month. I am still angry they would wait to call me the day before. Anxiety is already high and now add frustration. In pockets and prayers sent out for all in need.
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@sunshine99 - I'm sorry yesterday was emotionally overwhelming for you. I hope the Xeloda will beat the cancer back down and make you feel better (and be able to eat). How nice that you and your hubby both met with the palliative care nurse and made a connection.
@sondraf - sorry about the cardboard cutout experience, but so glad you have a couple of really special nurses that came to comfort you. That Enhertu is really supposed to be great, so hopefully you'll see tangible results soon. I'll commiserate about the UTI. Until June of this year, it had been closed to 30 years since I'd had one, and now - two months later - I have a second one. No fun!
@mara51506 I had no idea your given name wasn't Mara. I am a Catherine, also. I also wanted to say that I think it's cool that you are so creative and persistent in earning that little bit of extra money. It sure adds up over time, and I get the idea you see it as a (fun) challenge.
Not much going on here. Trying to get guest rooms clean and beds made. My DD is coming for a visit this weekend. :) We met her for dinner the night before our cruise, but it had been a month since we'd seen her before that.
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Thank you everyone for the incredible warm welcome. Good morning. Beautiful day in Hoboken, NJ. Up with the sun ,though tired.Stayed up to watch Kammala Harris accept the nomination for President. Way past my bedtime, but I like the energy surrounding her. Not to get into American politics here, just saying I like the vibe of positivity. It draws me always, brings out my inner YES WE CAN. lol… I should have been a cheerleader, but growing up in NYC and being an artist that was very uncool. So at 65 I’m finding my inner teenager and Pom poms. So funny watching the mind and the heart react to life. But I have to say, I wake up happy, a new day , possibilities and unknown to greet me. Grateful for the beauty of my home, my hubby, the birds outside my window. It helps of course that I feel good. Always easier to be positive when the body cooperates. The invitation is to be present when it’s not. That’s when I reach for my books and meditation practice to support me, breath and let go, let be. I find it nourishing. I go to the kitchen. Cooking is such a happy making process for me, Ilove the chopping and the colors, the mixing, and the tasting. Vegetarian cookbooks have awesome pics and my food never looks like that lol, but its tasty. Garlic and turmeric, kale, peas, mushrooms and carrots in a tempeh stew… love cooking and I love eating! And when the treatment takes away that, I make juices. Have tons of juice recipes and smoothies as my go to when appetite is gone, happy to share. Love my old Jack La Lane juicer and 20 year old blender. Today is kale and pineapple with a touch of mango. Plus Ithink I’ll make fresh apple and ginger as well. It’s Friday !
Big hugs to all who are suffering this morning. This life with cancer is not for the weak of heart. Amazing the resilience that rises in each of us as we sit with what is here to be known. Making space for the tears so important. I cried when I had to learn to self administer the Zarxio shots. I’ve cried each time my treatment plan failed and onto a new drug. Crying is an old friend, sitting at the table with a cup of coffee saying let it out girl. Crying is so good for the soul, it all gets to be too much I know, just throws us out of wack. We are each others strength and love to all - in your pockets with energy to take it one day at a time one treatment at a time, and enjoy the sunshine as you can, best you can. I am your cheerleader too - with love.
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@sondraf Sorry you had a rough day but happy to hear your healthcare team is so compassionate. Those hugs from nurses and caring for you is what you need at those difficult moments. Hope Enhertu kicks ass!!! Thanks for the congrats..no worries there is sooo much to keep up with here❤️
@rlschaller Sounds you’re a creative home chef also. All sounds yummy!
Irish Ugh insurance crap is sooo annoying! Hate that they get to dictate and delay your healthcare.
Hi to all here hoping its a better day for all💕
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Sondra, I am sorry the doctor has the intelligence of a bucket of apples right now, in your pocket for the Enhertu to do its job as well to allow you to get back out. Household chores may be a good idea if it helps you and a chaise sounds like a good idea, comfort first.
Sunshine, still in your pocket as well lending support and hugs as well.
I have not got anything scheduled today, doing laundry right now, little stuff and then planning to see about my plans to wash bedding with towels first. if it does not work easily then I will have to do stuff at the laundry, my steamer that I was using to kill dust was recalled and don't have the money currently to replace it. Need a vacuum stat, use the regular one, a dust and that is about it. Also want to go out for a walk. Supposed to get very warm BUT I will go around a relatively short block, need more walking, marching, going up and down with leslie sansone and such. Need to get used to it if I want to join the gym.
Last night I had one of those breakfast bowls from Walmart, just the meat lover one with eggs potatoes and bacon. It was not bad but I could make better. Today I plan to cook an egg in my steamer, crack it and steam until firm then add to my chopper with shredded cheese, beefless ground, black beans. I will use croutons to give everything ground beef texture and heat up in a frypan adding in a cheese mix from one of my soft taco mix meals, put in some taco seasoning as well. Not sure about dinner yet but figure that breakfast includes everything I need in a day.
I am hoping everyone has a good day and am in pockets for everyone who need it, my own pockets to get everything done that I want to.
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Sondra - I so agree with you about how the medical people often need to see how all of this affects our mental health, and that "letting it all out" sometimes is a real good thing for all involved. Sometimes I think they just get so hardened to it. It might be a natural reaction for them, or even necessary so that they can do their jobs, but I find the "detachment" they can have very disheartening. That's why I say that I get "treatment" and not "care" from the medical system. I also sympathize with your not wanting nurses, etc. to see the tumor on your chest. My original tumor in my left breast was large and nasty looking, and I wanted to just crawl in a hole and die every time I had to have a procedure (yes, ECG was one of them) where a tech or nurse had to see my chest. I can still get that way over the mastectomy scar and radiation spider veins, etc. I really hope you can find a way to be more comfortable without so many darn drugs! I can't believe all the drugs and what seems to be "drug pushing" in this business, and yes with ones that don't seem to work very well anyway, as you suggest about Affinator. I'd never heard that before, and am making a mental note for anything that might be in my future. We all really due deserve better! I too will be having a rainy week-end clear on the other side of the world, and will keep you in my thoughts.
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@gailmary Any word on your biopsy? Did I miss it? I have small memory capacity right now…
@irishlove It is so wrong that the insurance companies get to make our medical decisions. Hope you can find some stress relief while you wait for your scan. Also pray you are your DH are feeling better.
@sunshine99 Praying Xeloda treats you well and is the right drug to help. You deserve a win!
@sondraf Ugh on the UTI! I get several a year no matter how hard I try, and they are not fun. Your mental breakdown resonates with us all. I am stressed about my latest scan and fear I will cry when I see my onc next… I just know I am losing ground. I am struggling with this latest Faslodex shot and can't tell whether the dose reduction has helped any or not. Stupid, stupid disease!
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Seeq, that is cool we share the same first name. I have to remember going forward to add that in because I am so used to the username. I picked my username from a love of one of the book characters from the books I read. Mara Jade Skywalker, married Luke and was a tough person. Love the books we got from Star Wars. Not sure where the number 51506 came from but it stuck.
I made the breakfast I mentioned in the first post, firm steamed egg, cut up and put in the chopper, 1/4 cup black beans and 1/4 cup beefless ground. Added the handful of shredded cheese and croutons to the chopper, chopped until it looked like the ground beef. Skipped the salad stuff because I felt like this would be quite filling. Scooped everything out of the chopper on a plate, decided I could simply heat in microwave for two minutes. Added the salt and taco seasoning but also added some sour cream and cheese sauce from one of the tacobake boxes. Oh it is really good when combined. Ate it, got full but not uncomfortable. I think adding eggs to meals chopped in that way may suit me better as egg is not my favourite unless in the egg mcmuffin from McDonalds. I loved the meal I made as well. Asked DB where the cheese sauce could be had elsewhere and he suggested Cheez Whiz so will try that later, saves me buying so many tacobakes. I guess I could also sprinkle the Kraft Dinner cheese dry over stuff and stir it in with mayo or sour cream.
Catherine
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@sondraf I’m sorry you had a rough time but glad you have some great nurses. I just wanted to say that I hope Enhertu works well for you and understand how it feels moving on to the next medication with decreasing optimism. However, Enhertu is different, this is my 3rd line and it’s worked the best so far, that still blows my mind. Give it some time and give yourself a break.
Wishing everyone a lovely weekend.
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Hallelujah a local certified decongestive therapist will see me Sunday (you read that right!) At 11 am to assess and work on my swollen lymphatic leg and come up with a comprehensive treatment plan. I contacted a different provider this morning who pointed me his way instead and I called at 5 pm thinking no way hell pick up the phone and he did! Oh man this takes so much stress away, here I thought I'd have to wait until mid next week, this is causing all sorts of nerve problems and pain. The lymphadema is my biggest issue right now I'd say, so to hopefully finally be on the right track with it...so much anxiety relieved.
Glad I didn't listen to my inner 'everyone stops work at 5 on Friday 'voice and just called. Only have to survive tomorrow and I can do that with a light hopefully at the end of this dark tunnel. If this gets under control I'll be better able to cope with the cancer stuff and have a more positive, patient mindset.
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@gailmary ohhhh! I don’t like the way they describe suspicious lump behind your nipple. That brings so many flashbacks of my original diagnosis of a large tumor hidden in dense breast behind my nipple in my original diagnoses in 2009. But I believe they knew right away it was not benign as my nipple had become inverted and was leaking. I don’t know how this was missed after yearly mammograms, but when they. Did a needle biopsy they knew It was malignant. Turns out it ended up being 5.2 cm large tumor when the BS removed it. Im in you pocket girl as you. Wait it out.🩵
@micmel Hey ther my girl. It’s always so good to see you and it makes me aware that you are always checking on everyone in your living room.. You’re never MIA. So. Glad. To see you💕
@cookie54 Hey there Jersey🥰. Very kool you are going to be MOB. I had so much fun planning my first daughter’s wedding.My DH & I gave her the fairy tail wedding she always dreamed of. It was a beautiful wedding at the Molly Pitcher Inn on the Navesink river in Redbank, NJ. That was over 30 yeas ago. Wow. Our second daughter, the baby. I regret I didn’t have the involvement I had with my older daughter. Their wedding was 7 years ago, and they bothe wanted to do all the planning themselves. I wasnt’t well, and was not physically up to all the MOB running around., but her wedding was beautiful and her wedding gown beautiful too.
here she is with DH and her new DH and me MOB (mother of bride)🩵
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Love ❤️ the pictures, Shanagirl! You all look so very happy. Beautiful!
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@shanagirl Thanks it’s definitely something to look forward to. I just pray I can stay healthy enough to truly enjoy it.
Stunning pictures, you all look so beautiful!
sondraf Woohoo a Sunday visit! I hope you get some much deserved relief🤞🏻4 -
I'm seeing a therapist to get help with overwhelming feelings because there are a lot things going on in my life. in our last session, she told me to allow myself to grieve and not hold back my tears, of course she brought some scientific facts about it. since then, I've been crying from time to time.
I have a liver biopsy (my second, in less than a year) scheduled for next Monday. I had a virtual meeting with my manager to request a week off, and suddenly I decided to let him know what's really going on (lesson learned from my previous job- I did not disclose my prognosis for this job). his response was "if I were close enough, I'd drive over and give you a hug right now" he said he would pray for me and ask his family to join him in praying for me too. I started crying (very unusual for me), not because of stupid cancer growing or the fear of the procedure or what the result would be- those things are always with me/us- but because I felt understood after such a looong flipping time.
Sunshine and Sondra, I shared this story to support you and I wrap both of you in a big gentle hug. crying is a good thing, I have to get used to it though…
cookie, congrats on your DD's engagement.
Mara I too thought your screen name was your real name. your recipes are inspirational.
Shana, I love love, beautiful bride in stunning gown, and beautiful MOB.
79 post since last checked-in…….. hugs to all
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Snowdrop, I am in aggreement with your therapist about the crying. For myself, I allow my tears, even if over something small because it does help me see things clearly after. Same can be said when dealing with life and cancer at the same time. I am in your pocket with treats and tissues if needed.
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Oh my so many loving posts today. So very grateful to have you all in my life.
I'm the queen of UTI's, courtesy of MS. It seems I've gotten them undercontrol (knock on wood) by 1. Taking 4 cranberry gummies daily 2. Focusing on urinating. A urologist said we all need to clear our minds and focus, not rush and not get distracted. I lean forward and ball up my fist and apply pressure to abdominal area by the bladder. I'm shocked, but it seems these two things are helping.
Hope to go out and about tomorrow, maybe St. Augustine for lunch (Conch House is our old favorite). Not sure about mixing with crowds down on St. Georges St., but wouldn't mind some fudge from that wonderful shop. Wishing you all a peaceful, painfree weekend.
Laurel
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Irish, happy to hear you are coping and dealing with UTI in this way, I knew about cranberries gummies or juice but never heard of applying pressure to the abdominal area, that is good info.
I did not get a great amount of sleep but that is fine, do not feel bad today because of it. Doing laundry right now, putting bigger stuff in mesh bags so they can move around the washer better, take said items out of the mesh bag when needing to spin dry. Will make things easier. As far as the two blankets that will not fit, might get rid of the one stupid big fleece blanket and stick to throws, can't justify taking the big fleece to the laundry, rather get rid of it. Only have a thin bed spread and that could be folded down in mesh bag allowing space in the washer.
I have decided not to join the gym until I am regularly getting 5000 steps to start with at home, easy to do that, 5 mins increments, marching to the next room thus giving me extra steps. It is heating up again and undecided on walking outside even for shorter bursts. The marching to the next room or marching back and forth in living room and moving forward very slowly seems to work for me.
I ate the mexican version of the breakfast bowl. I am uninterested in purchasing again as my own stuff with the egg, cheese, veggies, beans, cheese and croutons chopped together make for a good meal, taste better. I took some inventory of my pantry items and it is really stupid the amount I have to eat, over buying is not good. No more Walmart orders for the time being and possibly putting my big butt on the bus while it is free to ride to pick up what I want to buy as needed. Would be cheaper. In winter, that could be harder to do but I will see. I really want to save money and return back to my budget vs waste it. Paid off other bills as well, put those payments back in the bank. Figure out how much I actually need to spend.
I confess one fail in the kitchen, I like white milk and boost powder but made the mistake of thinking I could add beans into the magic bullet, I did not detect them initially but they were on the bottom. I will stick to milk and the boost powder.
I do hope all have a good day and weekend, in pockets for all who need me and myself to get everything done the way I think I want to do it.
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@irishlove - ill give that a try! This antibiotic is just ripping up my guts though, I did just read you take it with or after food but its 4x a day and getting food at 11 or 5 am is kinda tough and I have no appetite so maybe havent been following that instruction. I may call hotline and see what they say since I messed this up so spectacularly.
@snow-drop - Ive definitely done the grief but I feel like every time things start to stabilize I get punched in the face with something new. I do have to agree that opening up to people, even strangers, has gotten me the most mileage with not feeling so stuck in the closet and alone.
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I think crying is a healthy release. We should all be allowed our emotions and not have to bottle them up. On antidepressants it's hard to cry. The tears don't cone and I want them to sometimes. Eventually they come usually briefly. My sil pissed me off once saying. "Crying doesn't solve anything". The same sil that says "cancer, so what?, we all die from something"
I been avoiding her alot lately.
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Gailmary - That's interesting about not being able to cry with antidepressants, even if you want to. I have a friend who's been on antidepressants for years and she tells me the same thing. Not sure I'd be OK with that, but my friend says the alternative is worse.
Very sorry about your troubles with your sister in law. I think I would avoid a lot in that situation too. So unfortunate that she can't seem to allow herself to feel more. It's much more to her detriment than yours! Well, at least here we can all feel for ourselves and others, thanks to Mel for allowing us all to socialize here in her living room.😊
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@snow-drop Crying and especially a good emotional cry is very therapeutic. A real good cry clears away the sad crap hat’s been under the surface for so long. Yes I do think there is a scientific chemical. I think that happens when you have a good cry. So grieve my girl let it out. It’s healthy and cleansing your heart and brain.😘
@gailmary I’m like you. The tears just don’t come for me much anymore. I don’t cry. I don’t know why. Maybe because I’m like emotionally numb from all that’s gon on with my health over the years, putting on a cheerful face when deep down I’m dying inside with sadness. I don’t know what it is. When I was younger, I’d have these good sobbing cries, and feel better afterwards. But now at this point in my life, I just don’t. I do get anxious a lot or angry if I see someone suffering at the hands of another… I’ve been on antidepressants over the years on and off but I was always able to cry.I guess I hold a lot inside. Oh and by the way you SIL is an a&&Hole. 😉
@irishlove Hey there sweet girl, I am in your pocket. I know how darn uncomfortable and painful UTI ‘s are. I usually get at least one every year. I always seem to know when one is coming on and I just keep drinking a lot of water with a little lemon honey and salt. Ican’t drink plain water it makes me nauseous unless I’m really thirsty. I some ice in a glass, a 1/4 tsp honey dissolve in hot water and a pinch of salt in that a little squeeze of lemon 🍋 throw that all in the glass of ice and add water and a straw. I drink all day nd it usually wards off the UTI.😊. Having too much hot sex with DH sometimes bring on UTI. 🥰
@mara51506 I love your energy. 5000 steps plus joint a gym with all the other thing you accomplish in a day🩵
@illimae Hey my girl, I’m so glad the Enhertu has worked so well for you.♥️ that’s encouraging to hear.
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@shanagirl you look beautiful! Love how everyone is joyfully happy . My nephew is getting married next weekend, I’m looking forward to getting dressed up and dancing. I’m hoping I have the energy lol...
@intolight I understand not wanting to cry around your DH, I feel that way sometimes too . My DH is so strong and there for me, but I can’t manage my emotions and his for him. We talked about it and decided sharing the tears was better than shutting it down.
@gailmary sorry your sil can’t acknowledge your feelings, and make the space for you to be you. I read once in one of my innumerable support books that folks react to our diagnosis in an open heart or closed heart way, based on their own fears and projections. That really helped me to be honest. Some friends and family could talk about it with me, and others had to ignore or diminish it, like your sil. All really based on their own stuff, nothing to do with me personally. Still not easy, but lessened my need to have someone be there in ways they just couldn’t.
Beautiful day in Hoboken. Went to the library, my happy place and took out three books 📕 I’m so excited. I love reading mysteries and have some favorite authors, and when I find a new book my heart goes into yippee mode.6 -
My DH cries all the time. He cries when he's happy and he cries when he's sad. He tears up whenever he's touched by something. He wants me to cry more because he thinks it is a great pleasure and all about being fully human. Here's the pooch in the kayak, just to cheer everyone up. He's a simple fellow: just enjoys the cranes, the ducks, the turtles and the minnows as he sits upon the bow. A fisherman laughed when he saw this and said, "We don't own dogs. We are their staff."
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Thanks so much for the great photo, ToughOldCrow. Looks so pleasant and relaxing. Your dog looks so happy, very understandably!
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Has anyone had a skin lesion pop up at the Faslodex injection site? It is red, hot, and painful to touch. I do not have a fever. My nurse daughter looked at it and suggested I send a message, which I have done, but I was wondering if anyone here has had this experience?
had
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Shana~ omg beautiful dresses and flowers. Hair styles. Loving it all! Ty for sharing.
Loving the puppers in the kayak. Gorgeous dog for sure. Love dogs!!! Hope everyone can be at least ok.
Let’s get the lymphadeama under control. That’s a big deal!
I am in everyone’s pockets with love and support. Hope enhurtu works (sp?) kick some cancer arse. Thinking of you all. Sweet sisters.5 -
gailmary - my antidepressants work so well that I can’t remember the last time I cried. I feel like they almost make me numb. Maybe that’s not so bad. Who knows anymore.
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Hi lovely ladies. I love how great everyone looks shanagirl. You are so gorgeous. Hmmm, hot sex, what is that?? My memory has faded. lol Mara, everytime DH joins a gym, he stops going and wastes a lot of money. I hope it works for you after you've met your home goals. Mel, read an article about red light healing. A doc has been using the product for 20 yrs and suggested it could work for breast cancer lymphaedema. Sign me up as long as it doesn't encourage tumor growth. Oh what a great pic of pup in the boat making everyone smile, tougholdcrow.
As for crying, when I was a kid, my horribly abusive father would say "go ahead and cry and I'll give you something to cry about". So it's far and few in between but a couple trips to the hospital in excritiating pain let the water works flow. DH tells a story and he can't get thru it without crying. When he was a police officer here in Fl., they rec'd a call about an elderly couple. The elderly chap could not longer take care of her. Her bed was soiled and she .had bed sores. Yet he tried. An ambulance came for her and he cried. She had touched his sweet cheek and so it will all be ok, and everyone cried. This story is 35 years old and we all cry about such deep love and devotion and the sadness of separation.
Now for a smile. Therapist came last week and called me shortly after leaving. She spied a Madagascar plant belonging to our SIL out front. She's a big time plant lover and showed me that the plant was on her list. She bought SIL a very hairy cactus in exchange for a cutting from his plant. He cut a nice piece and I texted her today to let her know. She said she had a dream about the plant, a good dream and we must think she's crazy. Actually, I kinda feel the same way about my birds, squirrels, dogs, cats and a few of my special plants with stories. Hope this made you all smile……… Laurel
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