Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All To Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Sep 22, 2022 08:52AM mara51506 wrote:

Wow, I just came back in from vacuuming the hall on my floor as no one else does it and I found several nails and screws on the floor. We really do live with slumlord, no cleaning of the building whatsoever. I am not confident that if something breaks they will even fix it. All I can hope is that housing kicks in soon vs later. I shudder to think how they will look after the property in winter.


2015 chemos AC plus T Herceptin august 12 2016 craniotomy for brain met Sept 23 whole brain radiation November 2016 Herceptin, Perjeta and Taxol. Dec 2016, Dropped the Taxol due to extreme side effects, continuing Herceptin and Perjeta. Dx 3/15/2015, DCIS, Right, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Surgery 4/22/2015 Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Right) Dx 5/15/2015, IBC, Right, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Dx 7/29/2016, IBC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+
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Sep 22, 2022 09:09AM - edited Sep 22, 2022 09:10AM by booboo1

Mara, did you ever get anywhere with social services about another place? I am worried that if something breaks or if your heat is broken somehow that you will be left to suffer. I seriously want to call your landlord and give him/her a pieceof my mind. It's wrong—and especially because you have Stage 4 cancer, to treat you like this. Urrr…

Mel, hope you are doing well. Have any new pics you've painted to show? I am so impressed with how your other ones look. I really would frame them and put on my wall.

Update on me: my oncologist has stopped the Faslodex shots…she said they are not working. She turned me over to Palliative Care for now (hospice is next). The Palliative Care team has been trying to help me with pain management, and it's crazy how much OxyContin I am on. I'm still not pain free, but that is not going to happen. Bone pain as deep as mine goes is hard to treat, or at least hard to get under control. It's taken a lot of tries but I think it's as good as it gets. I am okay with some pain, but not the levels I've been experiencing.

Love to all.


Laurie (aka Booboo) Dx 3/1/2013, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 1/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 5/15/2013 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Dx 1/2017, DCIS, Left, 1cm, Stage 0, metastasized to bone/liver, Grade 2, 1/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy Faslodex (fulvestrant) Hormonal Therapy Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib) Chemotherapy AC + T (Taxol) Radiation Therapy 3DCRT: Breast
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Sep 22, 2022 09:40AM - edited Sep 22, 2022 02:12PM by mara51506

Laurie, the waiting list is so long, would be years before I could get into a place even with Stage IV. I just have to keep waiting because housing has skyrocketed, a studio that used to go for 500 is now charging 1500 dollars, what a joke.

I am glad the pain is going down some, sorry for the amount of drugs it is taking to accomplish that however.

2015 chemos AC plus T Herceptin august 12 2016 craniotomy for brain met Sept 23 whole brain radiation November 2016 Herceptin, Perjeta and Taxol. Dec 2016, Dropped the Taxol due to extreme side effects, continuing Herceptin and Perjeta. Dx 3/15/2015, DCIS, Right, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Surgery 4/22/2015 Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Right) Dx 5/15/2015, IBC, Right, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Dx 7/29/2016, IBC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+
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Sep 22, 2022 01:22PM anx789 wrote:

hello, today is not a good day. I had open bone biopsy today and unfortunately initial diagnosis is cancer involving 20 cm long of fibula. Ortho said it's very bad and he's recommending radiation. I was told that radiation is done on the aggressiven one. Any thoughts?

Dx 9/25/2018, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Sep 22, 2022 02:16PM sunshine99 wrote:

mara, how is that even legal??? Is there a local news station you can call? Housing authorities who handle code violations? Humane Society??? (Just kidding about the last one, but sheesh!!!)

anx789 I'm sorry about your bone mets. Radiation really helped with my pain.

mel, GRRRR is right! I hate losing posts, especially when they were brilliant! I will sometimes, if I'm not too lazy, write a post in Word and then copy and paste it into here.


my-sunny-side-up.com Cancer has progressed to my bones. I pray that it never enters my soul. Dx 11/2/2007, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIA, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 3/26/2020, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, ER+/PR-, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 4/22/2020 Arimidex (anastrozole) Radiation Therapy 5/5/2020 External Local Metastases 5/5/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Radiation Therapy 5/12/2020 External Local Metastases 5/12/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Targeted Therapy 6/10/2020 Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Sep 22, 2022 03:27PM anx789 wrote:

sunshine, what is targeted therapy for

Dx 9/25/2018, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Sep 22, 2022 05:33PM livingivlife wrote:

Booboo- I'm sorry for the amount of pain you are enduring. Is morphine more effective.

Anx789- so sorry for the bone biopsy results. Radiation therapy should help with any pain.

Found out my blood counts are up again so I'm able to start the Ibrance on Friday. Had special son out for the day. Went grocery shopping after lunch where everyone was picking up their storm chips. I'm afraid we are going to need more than chips because Hurricane Fiona is heading right into us. High high winds and up to 140mm of rain 🌧 😌. We have moved everything into the garage. Loss of power is imminent. I know our sub pump can't handle this crap.!

Deb
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Sep 22, 2022 05:57PM mara51506 wrote:

Oh Living, take care as best as you can. I will be in your pocket for sure.

2015 chemos AC plus T Herceptin august 12 2016 craniotomy for brain met Sept 23 whole brain radiation November 2016 Herceptin, Perjeta and Taxol. Dec 2016, Dropped the Taxol due to extreme side effects, continuing Herceptin and Perjeta. Dx 3/15/2015, DCIS, Right, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Surgery 4/22/2015 Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Right) Dx 5/15/2015, IBC, Right, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Dx 7/29/2016, IBC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+
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Sep 22, 2022 07:27PM emac877 wrote:

Laurie(Booboo1) - I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I was in hopes that palliative could come up with some concoction for you that would be better. I do still have a lot of pain in my leg also. Good days and bad. I ambulate pretty well most days but I don't think it ever doesn't hurt. Keeping you in prayer for better pain control.

I'll try to be brief. My MRI and CT were both good. No new findings. I saw a PA instead of my oncologist today and when I asked if I am NED she said they consider me in "stable remission". I don't know what the difference is or why the verbal gymnastics but that was good news either way. I will take it and be grateful! I am still having a hard time with dizziness, forgetfulness, word finding and bouts of weakness. I seem to get a full body tremor when I get really exhausted. I expressed that I was really hoping for a dose reduction of the Verzenio and inquired about stopping the Faslodex or switching to something else due to side effects and cognitive problems. It has gotten bad enough to effect my work and quality of life. I have never met this PA before and she seemed unprepared for an involved discussion of my symptoms. I wasn't brushed off but still didn't really feel like my concerns were addressed. I have a referral to be evaluated by endocrinology and so everything was pushed off until I see them. She said she feels this may be symptoms from an extreme hormone imbalance and felt endocrinology would be best to evaluate these symptoms and then consult with my oncologist. It felt a little bit like a punt of the issue and I am not going to let that ride but I was having trouble with the conversation and couldn't process and respond in the moment which was frustrating. I got very tearful getting my injections and am now feeling the effects, laying down again. It's a weird place to be mentally. I am thrilled to be considered in "stable remission" but I'm not functioning and feel terrible so in some ways it feels like a joke. It doesn't feel stable if I end up losing my job because I can't keep track of my mind and am so fatigued I can't function for more than an hour or two. I made it through work yesterday but just barely and the nurse today thought I should see if I can extend my medical leave a little longer. I just feel stuck. There has to be a way to find a balance between quality of life and stability. I just need more help finding it.

Dx 2/8/2018, IDC, Right, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 3/22/2018 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Right); Lymph node removal Chemotherapy 6/8/2018 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Radiation Therapy 8/26/2018 Whole breast: Breast, Chest wall Dx 12/4/2019, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone Surgery 12/11/2019 Radiation Therapy 12/23/2019 External Local Metastases 12/23/2019 Radiation therapy: Bone Targeted Therapy 1/7/2020 Verzenio Hormonal Therapy 6/22/2021 Faslodex (fulvestrant)
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Sep 22, 2022 10:49PM anx789 wrote:

living, stay safe.

Emac, Thank you very much for being helpful to me. Praying you get more rest and sleep to make you feel better. Sending you virtual <<HUGS>>

Dx 9/25/2018, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-

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