My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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My dog Deeohgee got his head stuck in the trash can lid a few weeks ago. Lol I just had to share ! Good night ladies ~M~ If any of you have pets. Please post them. I love dogs and animals. They always make me smile. Like Claudia said!0 -
I love that, what a funny guy. Here's my boy Biggie, he's the last remaining of our pack and just turned 13!
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Mae~💜Biggie. He looks like he is just sitting in your passenger seat talking to you like it's an everyday Occurrence! He looks calm and collected talking with his mom, nothing else could be better in the world for him. Adorable!!!! And he's looking fine for 13!! Deeohgee is 8 but the walker coonhound in him, has him up to some dastardly things. He's like a cat, when he wants you to pay attention to him. He means it. But otherwise please leave him alone lol. Meow! We say! Love him though, dogs make me smile every day. They are crazy sometimes. We have two dogs. Ones a rescue. The others name is Tag. He is a great loyal doggie! Thank You for sharing biggie. He's perfect! Have a great day Mae! I love your sense of humor! Everyday! Hugs ladies ~M~
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I woke up Feeling pretty good. Most days anymore I wake up feeling pretty darn good. I am not complaining in any way. I just want my breast back. I also don't want to Feel so old, when I move or try to get into a small space. I just don't understand how all of this has happened. I look in the mirror and I don't know who or what is looking back at me. I hate the phrase new normal. But I do think it's a true statement. I hate what this does to people I love and care about. I hate how it just invades every cell we have. All we can do is just go along wondering and really not knowing. It's just not fair. I will never accept that this has happened. I'll never be ok with having cancer ever. I can never adjust to feeling this sick and I haven't even done anything yet. It's like a fog and syrup that we have to trudge through just to walk a small distance, then we feel like a nap. I have some left over residual side effects from the Abraxane and the nerve damage and neuropathy that it gifted to me in my feet. It sucks. My balance is shot, I feel like I could fall any minute sometimes. When I try to do things. I was never like this before. Some times I can feel My feet just fine,others. It feel odd and tingles. I really didn't agree to sign up For this shit. None of us have. None of us!! Hugs ~M
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Micmel - Those dogs are so cute! I'm glad you can still have bigger dogs! Many of the MBC group have had to give theirs up because they could no longer handle them. We lost our Dixie last year and I would love another one I know I can no longer handle a dog of that size and energy. Glad you are having a good day!
Mae - Your boy is a doll! Like M said, just sitting in seat riding with mom! He looks great for 13! I'm glad you are happy about going back to work.
Have a great day!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Mae~ I am awe of you even considering going back to work, there is no way I could do it. You're an amazing woman. I hope that it will be something that you enjoy and it's not going to stress you out in anyway. I will keep you all in my prayers.
Claudia~ you have horses. Lol that is bigger than a dog! These two dogs are well behaved. My DH made sure of it. Deeohgee is a handful. But tag is quiet and loyal. Very observant doggie. Always watching his masters. Making sure all is good. I hope you are feeling good today as well.
Nan?
Keetmom~ hoping your preps are all done for the vacation snacks! Those little hidden items add up!! Be safe on your travels !
~M~
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I need some prayers for my good friend Dianarose. She's been struggling this month and is really not doing as well as we have been praying for. She's been in And out of the hospital and cancer centers for the past month every week, I am worried beyond worry for her, I can't even eat my stomach is in knots. She has become a special friend to me and I adore her. Please send up some prayers if you can. I dont know what to Do. I feel So helpless for her and I am really scared this time. She's back at the cancer center receiving the big guns treatments again through chemo. I didn't want her to have to go through this again. None of this disease is fair. I hate you cancer, you hurt people I love. You hurt good innocent people who are loving and kind. I feel sick as I write this. I don't know what to do. I can't even see her or help her in anyway. Ugh!!!! So frustrating, this sucks so badly. There are just no words whatsoever. To describe how frustrating this is all for us. God bless us all. Much love ~M~
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Illimae - You crack me up! How was radiation? Work? All is going well I hope!
Micmel - praying like mad for Dianarose! I hope the a/c works!
Claudia
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Good night ladies. It's been a rough day. Mae~ love that good vibes thought. Please keep the good Thoughts up. My good friend is not doing well, I am scared for her. She doesn't deserve this. No one does. I don't want to have her suffer, or any of us for that matter. It's all so scary and unknown.
Claudia~ thank you for the prayers for her.... for us all. I wish there was an answer to all of this pain, mental anguish, and suffering. She's already been through this heavy chemo once. It worries me behind imagination that this could very well happen to us all. I am praying my little heart out. For us all.... for a cure... for something positive to turn this disease around. Sleep well ladies. ~M~0 -
bigbhome, radiation itself didn't happen today, more planning and mapping. I have 3 different colored sharpie markings on me, I look like i passed out at a party, fortunately none of the drawings are penis shaped, lol. I'm told tomorrow is the day, for real this time. Oh and I have to wear a "mask"to keep my head turned to the right, I call it a face cage, the staff seemed to find the term very amusing.
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hello everyone!!!!....i took a peek at my scan results online (doc appt is fri) and it sounds to me like the results are good....they do speak a different language on there tho....i'm crazy tired and catching cat naps thru the day and night and i'm finding it very difficult to read right now...my DD wedding shower is this weekend and i'm feeling a lil overwhelmed right now.....big hugs
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Nan~Hi sweetheart!! I am so glad to see your name here. I am thankful you're doing good and that your results look good. That is certainly something I needed to hear. I desperately needed to hear something good. I am hoping that your reading issue bugs off like now! We love you very much. Always
Mae~lmao at I looked like I passed out at a party. Lmao! Your sense of humor is catching. Lol. I am going to be thinking of you and praying that your radiation is quick and does the trick! Are you having bone pain?? I ask because I know you and I are similar with the limited bone mets? I am curious as to how the pain progresses and where you're having pain? I wish you nothing but the best! I don't have any pain anymore to speak of, and lately over the past month I have been feeling really good. Not anywhere near where i was,but the tumor markers have plummeted and are within normal range if that is possible even. I am just curious as to the process in case I should ever need the radiation. I want to educate myself. I am assuming mapping means the places where they will administer the radiation!? Sorry if I am a fury of questions lol you just got up. But....at least it's Not waking up with an image of a penis on your head!!!! TFF!
Claudia~ good morning darling. Hugs to you sweet friend. Hope you have a good day, I have to pick up my DS from the airport tomorrow, he went to Florida on a mini vacation. I'll be glad and waiting for his plane to touch down safely. I am such a mother hen. He is 20. You would think I would get used to them growing up. But I am still so protective of them. I don't know if that will ever change. Being a parent is hard already. Being a parent with cancer is even harder. As some of you know! I guess age is just a number when love is involved.
Keetmom~ hope everyone is having fun!! Thinking of you all having a blast in South Carolina. Hugs.
Love you guys. ~M~
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Hi Nan, Good to hear from you! I'm so glad about the good scans! Wish you were feeling better! Enjoy the wedding shower ! We will be here when you are ready!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Good morning ladies, I hope everyone has a good day. Shower day is always such fun. I get to see the horror I have become. It's really sad. I no longer see any beauty. I see a train wreck. Someone who will never be whole again. Damaged physically and mentally. Never to fully recover. I am thankful for you ladies. I am here every day. I enjoy reading your words. I enjoy sharing everyday with you all. Youre funny. Clever, witty and so kind. I just wish MBC didn't bring us all here. Think about how many of us there are. It truly rips my heart in two. My friend is struggling and I can't do a damn thing. It is a helpless disease. I just don't know why things are he waythey are for us. So many unanswered questions.Then one of you will share good news and my steps lift. And I can smile. So please don't leave me in This journey and I'll truck along right along with you. Kicking and screaming the entire time. Much love! ~M~
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Micmel, my radiation is part of the standard protocol, post surgery rads to left breast and affected nodes. I won't be having radiation to my hip bone met at this time as it is healing and not painful. In fact, in never bothered me and was a complete surprise. If it wasn't for the lump, I would not have believed anyone saying I had cancer, much less stage IV. I was the healthiest I've even been, eating well, getting 150-200 minutes of activity/week and had lost 40 lbs in 11 months. Then boom!, hit by the cancer truck but I'm up, on my feet and continuing down the path I was originally on, just way more cautious.
And yes, by mapping, I mean where the Mark me up to ensure the position I'm in lines up with the machine. Here's a pic, I look like children's artwork.
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Leaving tonight for vacation,Emma ended up in hospital over night this week,, she is doing better now...but not what you want to do 2 days before vacation, esp when hospital is 2 hours away. Good thing I had a lot done ahead of time.
Micmel sorry about your friend..
Mae good luck with radiation0 -
Keetmom~ I hope Emma is ok!!!! That is scary. You have so much going on. You're an amazing family, please drive safely and have an absolute blast. Nothing like that sweet family time. God bless you and your family!
Mae~that is a lot of lines. I hope that it comes right off for you and you're not going to be in too much pain, how many will you have to have.? I pray it will be over and done soon for you! You're a tough Cookie, we all are! I wish I had more energy. To travel and do things. I hate my heat flashes. They are not just annoying. But embarrassing also I get all red faced and sweat real bad, Ineed a rag to clean myself up! I hate this disease! Hate it! Love you guys though!
Claudia ~hope youre feeling better today my friend. Rest up and we will be here waiting. I'll be here going crazy! Hugs to you too Nan. 💜~M~
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For my good friend Diana. Love you my sweet friend. Holding you close in prayer and sending you love from my soul! I am sorry this is happening and I hope the heavy chemo knocks it back! ~M~0 -
Micmel, I think this is my new look, at least for the next 6 weeks (30 sessions). No tattoos, I'm ok with that either way, I have several of my own already.
Hopefully, you'll begin to feel like your old self soon and your friends condition will improve. Enjoy your evening.
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Thanks Mae~ I know with me mine is more emotional! I am exhausted and that heavy chemo kicked my rear end, but that ended in November of 16. My feet and fingertips still feel the neuropathy and when I shave my legs I can feel some on the ankle area. Very faint, but it's there. I am also a victim of fatigue. I know I hate that word. But oh is it real. As we all know. 30 rounds of radiation, wow is that everyday?? I hope you live close !!
I read something today as far as statistics go for marriages and a cancer diagnosis. Over 55%of marriages with diagnosis ended up in divorce. In a different survey:: If the woman was sick it was higher for men leaving then women. 65% men left. That number is huge! If the Man was sick, it was 35% women left the marriage. I Cant imagine not having my sweet DH by my side. Life is hard! Cancer just makes it harder! Have a great night! ~M~
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......To our lovely DHs and family. That make worth fighting this battle or war! I don't know what I would do without my DHs love and support. He takes care of me. Always has since the first day I met him. He is my best friend and my love. I am fighting to be with him and my kids. My precious family. Your precious families. God bless them all! ~M~0 -
It's so weird how some days you wake up feeling pretty good and other times you wake up feeling like ass. I know headaches are a symptom of ibrance and all hormonal medicines. But when I get a headache I freak out. I get a arm ache. I freak out. I am so sick of hearing the word cancer, Seeing the word cancer, knowing all that it does to you and the load road ahead and the struggle we all seem to face. I just never hated anything quite like this before. Usually when you hate something you can find ways to avoid it . Good tastes like shit, you Don't eat it. An outfit doesn't flatter you, you don't wear it again. Sneakers wear out, you replace them. Why cant we just get rid of this cancer too?Why do we have to deal with this.? While good people all over the world suffer from this horrible disease. You loose people in your life that can't deal with cancer or you. So they fade away. They don't like cancer so they avoid it. They avoid you. I have had that happen with one fair weather friend. "Oh we don't care about your hair, we love you, we'll find a wig, you'll be ok ". Um not really, it's spread.....crickets. Crickets, nothing since that day. Nada! Some people have no balls. And yes I mean men too. I've been so annoyed at that study I read. Why would anyone leave someone they love because they got cancer.? Do they really think this was their choice? Do they really think we choose to have this happen to our bodies.? Our minds? It makes me sick. I just wish I could go back to the time where they said oh. It's a cyst, I wish I would have said no. Get it out now. I am just a shell of what I once was. I was so fit and lean. How can that be just gone ? The best shape of my life? How can that possibly be? So now I am forced every day to live with this monkey on my back. I love my family more than words. As well as you all of course love your families. I have never hated anything so much in my life. The worst part is. I can't run from this, I can't outrun this disease that has grabbed a hold of me, and won't let go. I cant avoid the cancer centers. I can't avoid my onc, or those shitty ass outdated statistics that we are sick of hearing about. I am going to fight you shit head cancer. I am not going gently into thy night. Not by a long shot!!! Love you guys. Stay strong with me. I need you guys!! I am praying for my dear friend, and all of us everyday. ~M~
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my good friend had to go back again to the cancer center. 😰😭. She is having blood pressure issues and heart issues. I'm literally crying and shaking with worry. I love you Diana. I am holding your hand tightly and loving you always. I don't like this at all. Such helpless feelings. I just don't know what to do. For her? Her lovely family For me, for us all. I just don't think any of this is fair. I am so angry and sad right now I don't know If I Am coming Or going!! I went out to the store with my DD. I had to sit down two times because of stupid heat flashes. I was hot as hell. THis weather sucks! I ranTo Walmart and homegoods and out to lunch and you would think I was out running twenty miles or more!! Now I am so tired and soaked from the constant sweating! Any ideas on how to battle these awful heat flashes ? !!? It's like swimming, without the water. Ugh!! Yuck!!! ~M~
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I hope everyone is doing ok. I am still waiting for news on my good friend. Some days having this place to write helps me. I have to have somewhere to get my thoughts out. This disease is so ugly. Every single thing about it is ugly. Except the relationships. You build are real. They are intense real and forever. My husband and I have grown even closer and are more in love than the first day we were together. That's is the one thing cancer hasn't taken from me. The one thing! He's my precious angel. But who would have thought that precious angel would be getting his own angel. Way before we had ever thought possible. So hard to digest. Such a hard jagged pill to swallow. C-can't ever a-answer any questions n-never nice never-c-couldn't wish on my worst enemy e-enemy of us all R-resistance is all we have. Eff you! Cancer
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We went 1000 ish miles...through 6 states..stayed in Wythville VA...now today to the beach...a lot less driving...
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Micmel - I was shocked to read about Dianarose! I have been praying for her and for you. All we can do is pray that God has his hands on her. I'm quite sure he does!
I don't have time to explain what has been going on here, but know that I am fine and will talk to you when I have a break.
Keetmom - Wow 1000ish miles!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Claudia~ I hope you're ok. I have been wondering how you have been feeling, and am concerned to make sure you're doing ok? I know this disease is like a sea saw! I am praying for you all as well and always will be. I will wait to hear from you. Hugs my friend.
Keet~ wow you're such a busy bee! I hope that you're not too worn out. You have been burning the candle from both ends for a little while now. I hope you're at least getting the rest that you need. Don't wear yourself out!!
Nan~ we love and miss you! Hope you're ok too!
Mae~ hope radiation wasn't too bad for you. All of you are in my prayers always.
~M~
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Today sucks ass. That's all I can say! I am sick of having cancer and I am sick of living this horrible way. I don't want to do this anymore. Family or no family. This is just no way to live. For any of us. I hope you're ok Claudia. God knows I am not. Why Is it that somedays we feel half decent but then wham. A shitty day makes us realize we are sick. And it's not going to get better only worse. Ive had about enough of it all. It's living a slow torture is what it is. God help us. Because we are going to need it.
Much love but sadness ~M~
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Good morning from the beach....beautiful day here...enjoying listening to wave...took walk on the beach this morning..and ate some amazing seafood. Here are a few pictures..
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