Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All To Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 05:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 09:42AM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 05:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 09:42AM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 2, 2019 10:30PM Parrynd1 wrote:

You are so strong Micmel. Hang in there. Even if he isn’t being easy remember you are doing this for your heart too. To know and feel like you did the right thing and the best you could with what’s been put on your plate. When my grandma was dying of cancer my family barely put in effort for her. They tried to put it all on my shoulders when I was barely 20 living in another state (when her 2 sons lived hours from her). I wish I could have done more, but I did my best and that’s all any of us can do. I like to think she knows everything now and understands. The other people involved, like your step-monster, have to live with their choices. I don’t think there’s any hard feelings...just the important ones like how much I love her. I can’t say much for my uncles though. I hope he settles in to this new place and does well there. Maybe you can take a spa day or girls day soon! Something just for you to be pampered and relaxed.
Dx 9/4/2016, IDC, Right, 4cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 11/29/2016 Other Chemotherapy 2/21/2017 AC Surgery 5/17/2017 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Chemotherapy 6/14/2017 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxol (paclitaxel) Radiation Therapy 10/4/2017 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 3/2018, IDC, Right, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain/bone/lungs/other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Radiation Therapy 5/23/2018 External: Brain Chemotherapy 6/27/2018 Other Targeted Therapy 10/1/2018 Avastin (bevacizumab) Radiation Therapy 12/28/2018 Whole breast: Breast Chemotherapy 12/30/2018 Halaven (eribulin) Dx 1/29/2019, IDC, <1cm, Stage IV, metastasized to other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Dx 2/5/2019, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Surgery Chemotherapy Other
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Feb 3, 2019 06:45AM micmel wrote:

sometimes I just want to be like my oldest brother and move away to the other side of the country and just not have anything to do with the entire thing. Now... he's right down the street, when my sister and I left my the facility, step monster called on my sisters car. I believe she is going to be nominated for an Oscar at this point .....she was in full actress mode. Crying and her weak stance of half bending back with her hand laid upon her forehead as if she may faint things have been so hard.

Meanwhile, I've been gutted like an animal autopsy.... cut in every direction and could ACTUALLY pass out if I don't sit when I need to or lay down that second. It's actually so offensive...but I soldier on. I realize he isn't with it. Yeah. He says. “You have just been lowered on my favorites list.” I said dad. I could not possibly be any lower on your list, so it's okay I am kinda used to being out in the cold. Would you rather I leave ? He changed his tune real quick. I honestly don't need someone to “forget" the hurt they caused me and then again play favorites game. ? When you've thrown my family and I away for 16 years and now you’re in my town? My insides are churning. I removed these people for a reason! And now look. 💔😞.

Thanks Parry. You're a killer strong woman as well. We all are when we have no other choice

~M~

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 3, 2019 06:57AM illimae wrote:

Micmel, Sorry about your dad. Some people are just toxic and we wouldn’t give them our time and energy but we feel obligated because they’re related. If this gives you peace or joy in return, great. Otherwise, feel no guilt for limiting or ending interactions with shitty people, no matter who they are.

We got your back girl Heart

Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ Chemotherapy 1/1/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/1/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/1/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 10/19/2017 External Local Metastases 10/19/2017 Brain Radiation Therapy 4/18/2018 External Local Metastases 4/18/2018 Brain Radiation Therapy 5/22/2019 External Local Metastases 5/22/2019 Brain Surgery 1/21/2020 Radiation Therapy 2/16/2020 External Local Metastases 2/16/2020 Brain Radiation Therapy 7/20/2020 External Local Metastases 7/20/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Radiation Therapy 12/4/2020 External Local Metastases 12/4/2020 Brain Targeted Therapy Tukysa (tucatinib) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Feb 3, 2019 08:33AM micmel wrote:

Thank you. I honestly don’t know what I want to do. Sometimes I am regretful for getting him into this facility with pulling the strings needed to get him in that bed. I’ve lived here for 20 years and I know everyone. So I made sure a bed “opened up” within twelve hours. My palliative care nurse sprang into action and made it happen. Should I have done that? The other place he was in. He was crying and wouldn’t let anyone touch him. So I helped. Then I get treated poorly again. 🥺. Limits and boundaries were set a long time ago. For a reason. Now look! 🤯😑💔= 🍾🥂 🍷 🍸! Thanks Mae. 😍. ~M~
Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 3, 2019 08:54AM Lynnwood1960 wrote:

Micmel, I am very sorry to see you have to go through everything you did to help your father ( and even your step monster) and to be treated so poorly. My motto is , when people show you who they are, believe them the first time. Unfortunately , our good deeds often go unappreciated. Do what is best for YOU! Your health must come first.. and have NO guilt about it!

Dx 4/6/2015, ILC, Right, 3cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, 0/12 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Feb 3, 2019 11:15AM micmel wrote:

Lynnwood~ I honestly feel like a ball of stress. I am just in shock I think because someone could be so mean. He's dying yeah. But is that an excuse to be an asshole to someone you have thrown away three times in his life? Really? I don't feel like going back. He peed his pants and announced it to us. There on the cabinet was a sign that read.... “family will do laundry". I looked at my. Sister, took the pants from him and brought them home and washed them. I'm also bringing a sound machine for him because it's killer loud in this place as you could imagine.. moaning people, confused hall walkers. People literally shriveling up in front of your eyes.

For once I can honestly say. I don't want to grow old to the point of. That. No I really do not. I want to go fast. Mister cancer. Pay attention. Fast. So when it's time for me. Mow me over like a high ass unmanicured lawn, that has been unattended for months. Snap gone! It's the least it could do, after all the suffering to get to this point in life. Like tired doesn't even begin to cut it. Flash forward another month or so... my mom enters the picture as well? God no!! I'll just faint and die that moment. I have had enough and so has my dear sweet beautiful husband. God if you're real. People some people are alone suffering. Not my dad. But others. Please please help them. People Are mean!!!! I'm sick of mean. Truly I am. ~M~

Hugs to you ladies Leslie and Daniel.

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 3, 2019 11:35AM bella2013 wrote:

MicMel, old age is not an excuse for being mean. I know he is miserable but so are you. It sounds like you are the only one doing anything for him. Set your boundaries...when he is mean just stand up and leave. Since you are physically the closest to him now he will target you as the punching bag. Let step monster be the punching bag. Tell him you will visit again when he can be kind. No drama...keep it simple. He will get it🤗.

Hugs

Diagnosed at 60 years old. Oncotype Score=14. Dx 12/4/2017, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IB, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 1/3/2018 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Surgery 2/21/2018 Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left); Prophylactic mastectomy; Prophylactic mastectomy (Right); Reconstruction (Left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (Right): DIEP flap Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 3, 2019 11:47AM MuddlingThrough wrote:

Micmel, if he is receiving better care, you did the right thing, no question. Bella is right. When he acts mean, just get up, say "bye" and walk out. Right then. No discussion. Of course, keep track that he is getting fed, kept clean and safe. It will be up to him to act politely enough to have visitors.


Under hospice care as of Oct. 16, 2019. Don't be sad for me; it's really the best now that I fought until I knew I was done- "no more" . Dx 1/4/2018, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/other, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 3/28/2018 Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy 3/28/2018 Ibrance (palbociclib) Chemotherapy Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Feb 3, 2019 12:20PM Artista964 wrote:

sorry to hear micmel. My bff is dealing with a mean mom all her life. She's 92 in assisted living and trashes her despite all she does for her. I mean she calls her a whore, says she hopes she dies, I mean nasty. She has dementia but has been nasty all her life. When she gets that way she says gotta go and just leaves. What helps with these outburts is ativan and morphine, especially morphine. It's used for more than pain. It's a sedative too that even gets nasty mother smiling and nice some days. Maybe they can give him something to sedate him some.

Dxd at 50. Went thru it all on my own by choice. Dx 6/2/2015, IDC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 1/4 nodes, PR+, HER2- Surgery 8/5/2015 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (right): Silicone implant Chemotherapy 11/2/2015 AC + T (Taxotere) Radiation Therapy 5/3/2016 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 6/28/2016 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Feb 3, 2019 01:54PM bigbhome wrote:

Micmel, You did the right thing by moving him to a better place, but that does not mean that you are the whipping post. YOU set the rules. If he is mean, pick up your bag and go home. You can choose to tell him that if he gets mean, you are leaving or just do it! I put up with my Mil being mean to me for 30 years, were it not for me, she would be in the states care. I knew that Sil and Dh could not get it done so I stepped up for them, never for her. Last year, she said some things that seriously messed with my peace of mind, I saw her for the first time since last week. We took her to lunch for her birthday, but I refused to go in with her when we dropped her off and it will be months before I see her again, in fact I made Dh do a conference call with Sil and asked why they were allowing a mentally impaired person make her life decisions. I took all of their arguments away and set up a plan to get her moved out to CA as soon as a place opened up. I will have a big party when she is gone! My concern is my Dh and my mental health and having her gone will be good for us. You do what is good for you and your Dh's mental health!

Yes, Divine, you and I still have Mil issues!

Parry, I just loved your wedding photos! You look so happy! I have been praying for you since you're new news.

Gracie, I sure hope that you start feeling better! You have had a rough time. I pray for you too. Actually, I pray for all of you everyday! I may not post as much but I am lurking.

Hugs and prayers,

Claudia

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