Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All To Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 21, 2019 11:49PM - edited Mar 21, 2019 11:53PM by skitzblitz

Donna - I just finished 7 rounds of ac and I guess I'm still here to tell-

My doctors didn't give me an echo before bc it was simply put the liver is so bad the heart isn't priority. I'd probably die from one or the other if I didn't try the ac combo. I did just have an echothis week and I do have some issues from the chemo. Normal LVEF is 55-70 or 75, can't remeber, and mine is 48. So it did cause some damage but nothing of huge concern.

I did find, for me, the ac chemo was easier than abraxane really. It took a lot out of me and I did have a week in the hospital after the first round. I had a fever and low low, scary low red and white blood cell counts. Low platelets and then low potassium. Every round of chemo I then went for two bags of blood. I'd say that was maybe what made the ac easier bc I kept blood counts Up then.

It was a long haul but my cat scan just showed some spots in my liver we're a bit bigger and some a bit smaller. It wasn't the magic I hoped it would be. My tumor markers went up from 40.3 to 44.6 and the heart issue on top of it made the doctor feel I got all I could from ac. It basically ended up just holding me stable is what it came to. For many it does magic. I'm so waiting for my magic chemo!

I am leaving to see my son tomorrow in Colorado Springs. My daughter has spring break and I'm ready for a vaca! I'm on a chemo break till I get back and it scares the hell out of me. I told the doctor it worried me bc I feel these liver mets are aggressive. He said that the ac chemo could have at least halted the aggressiveness if nothing much else. He told me I need the break, I need the time off for counts to recoup, and try to leave cancer behind. He said sometimes time away is the best thing of all.

So, I'll be starting halaven when i come back. Anyone who can lead me to some good threads for that, please? Any tips or ideas for help?

Good luck with the ac. I never slept much more than normal on it. I'm kind of weird i guess. The only one so far that made me want to just lay down and sleep is abraxane. Sounds like halaven will do the same to me though.

I'd just like another long run on a chemo. I don't care if it keeps me stable it's better than bad news.

Stupid liver of mine, just cooperate!

Thinking of you all everyday as we travel our road. Up hills, down hills, around the corners we go. Sometimes the road is closed for construction or IT may have detours but we keep traveling and hoping to never get lost. Never run out of gas.

Sarah

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Mar 22, 2019 01:29AM Parrynd1 wrote:

Skitz....your liver is on my shit list. At least the AC did something even if it wasn’t magic. If I find some magic I’ll lend you some ❤️ I was on Halaven for a hot minute, it wasn’t bad at all for the short 30 days i was on it. I tried to look through my saved forums as there is one titled Halaven. Some nice ladies who are on or just starting as well. I hate how casual my MO can be about being on treatment. Every moment feels like the cancer is growing why aren’t we doing anything? It’s a hard head space to be in. Damn it’s nice to feel ok for a day or so off any chemo...that tantalizer of what life used to be like. That feel good time helps me muster some strength to keep on. Keep hoping for some magic. You can’t find it if you don’t look right? So fill’er up cuz neither of us is done on this nightmare road trip.
Dx 9/4/2016, IDC, Right, 4cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 11/30/2016 Other Chemotherapy 2/22/2017 AC Surgery 5/18/2017 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Chemotherapy 6/15/2017 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxol (paclitaxel) Radiation Therapy 10/5/2017 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 3/2018, IDC, Right, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain/bone/lungs/other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Radiation Therapy 5/24/2018 External: Brain Chemotherapy 6/28/2018 Other Targeted Therapy 10/1/2018 Avastin (bevacizumab) Radiation Therapy 12/28/2018 Whole breast: Breast Chemotherapy 12/30/2018 Halaven (eribulin) Dx 1/29/2019, IDC, <1cm, Stage IV, metastasized to other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Dx 2/5/2019, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Surgery Chemotherapy Other
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Mar 22, 2019 08:12AM skitzblitz wrote:

parry- why do they think the halaven didn’t work? I’m getting one dose a week for two weeks and then a week off. So did you really only get two doses? I did read it messes the liver numbers up so it might be hard to go by that.


Sarah

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Mar 22, 2019 10:39AM LoveFromPhilly wrote:

thank you for the welcome friends!! And a giant hug out to my Philly people!! I live and work in Center City. Maybe one of these days we can have a little BCO MBC meetup???

Micmel love that cat pic 😂 that cat is ready for action!

Happy Friday all!! Hugs 🤗 hug

MBC de novo March 2017; innumerable bone mets; possible mets in liver? MSH6 mutation; Treatments: Ibrance/letrozole, lupron, xygeva, zometa, tamoxifen; faslodex; Currently Gemzar; BC skin mets and progression to bone marrow. Dx 3/25/2017, IDC, Right, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2-, Hormonal Therapy 4/5/2017 Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy
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Mar 22, 2019 11:02AM micmel wrote:

Hello Skitz~I always said I would never do AC chemo ever again myself. Also told the heart suffers. Next time I may ask. What doesn’t suffer?! Then we can start with that! The entire experience has sucked. I hate it. I catch everything and it pisses me off. Greatly. Another rainy raw day here today. Pouring rain. I’m still recovering. Sometimes I wonder why my DH loves me like he doesn’t. I’m always sick. I hate that word too!

Philly~ I would LOVE LOVE. To have a meet up. Lynnwood? You interested also, you’re in the realm of locality as well. I would be honored to meet you all. It would make, making this thread even more worth it. I would be so grateful for the chance to share knowing such wonderful ladies . Ty for the suggestion Philly!!plus the weather is getting nicer So they say lol

My dream is to meet my Chelle.... she and I have become sisters in the sense that not one day goes by without us talking. I speak to her DH regularly with her on the phone and we all three laugh. I call her mother mom! She’s my angel gift. I always figure if you have the chance to share sometime with someone who really understands, its a blessing. I would really love that! Parry~Hello beautiful! I’m still working on that magic wand. I wish I was a magician 🎩... one is my first tricks would be to take away our cancer. If I were a genie with three wishes. You absolutely know that money would not be really be any of my first choices. It would be cancer for sure and alteimerzs (sp) and any other terminal diseases. Because I’m sick of seeing people suffer. I love you Parry my sweet friend. How is the research going for a second opinion ? Third? Fourth? Gracie..... still waiting. I texted Gracie and she had her Brain mri. She didn’t go into too much detail. Other than saying her feelings were hurt we had not asked about her. I told her we love her. And would be here no matter what. We are always here. We just may not catch every single thing. I realize with myself i haven’t been up to date. With my dying father and his sickness I cannot shake. It’s been hard to get out of bed. Grannax~Has terrible issues going on. With her family and we all have battles we fight. When we coming together here. It’s to put down our feelings and let them. Out. I hope you’re doing ok darling. My dd and I are like two cats with claws pissing each other off!!! Mae~ hope all is good !
Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 22, 2019 04:06PM moderators wrote:

chiming in to ask if you wouldn't mind sharing any myths or misconceptions about MBC you may have experienced since your diagnosis. Go here to list them, if you don't mind. Thank you!!

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topics/...

To send a PM to the Mods: community.breastcancer.org/my/... Surgery 5/10/2022
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Mar 22, 2019 04:45PM Parrynd1 wrote:

It’s nice to see such beautiful connections being made here despite the reasoning. I have a hard time truly making friends because I feel like one foot is already out the door and I don’t want to hurt anyone else. Micmel I envy your big loving heart, but I know it’s also a curse. My chosen mom is the same way. Thank you for all your love 💕 the second opinion is waiting on my disability application, which then leads to Medicaid and then to the place I’d like to go since it’s the best closest to where we are moving. I wish it was a clearer more direct process. Some good news my bff/sister are planning a girls trip to glass beach and the big redwood forest. I can’t travel too long or far so this trip is hopefully not too much. I want to have a heart to heart with her. I know she is a crazy strong person mentally and emotionally, but she’s struggling. Her and I were all we had for a long time and with our backgrounds not many people relate. I am making her a box with letters and such as well as my husband. It’s spring so I imagine how green it will be 😊

Hope everyone is doing ok out there!
Dx 9/4/2016, IDC, Right, 4cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 11/30/2016 Other Chemotherapy 2/22/2017 AC Surgery 5/18/2017 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Chemotherapy 6/15/2017 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxol (paclitaxel) Radiation Therapy 10/5/2017 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 3/2018, IDC, Right, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain/bone/lungs/other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Radiation Therapy 5/24/2018 External: Brain Chemotherapy 6/28/2018 Other Targeted Therapy 10/1/2018 Avastin (bevacizumab) Radiation Therapy 12/28/2018 Whole breast: Breast Chemotherapy 12/30/2018 Halaven (eribulin) Dx 1/29/2019, IDC, <1cm, Stage IV, metastasized to other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Dx 2/5/2019, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Surgery Chemotherapy Other
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Mar 22, 2019 07:19PM micmel wrote:

love you right back Parry!!!! Hoping you and your DH are having a Good Friday evening together

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 22, 2019 07:49PM tanya_djamila wrote:

Good evening all

Gracie since Micmel has been reaching out to you constantly I was just waiting for a response from you. Didn’t realize you needed more but I understand.

Take care

Tanya

Tanya Dx 8/19/2003, ILC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, metastasized to bone/other, 28/28 nodes, ER+, HER2- Dx 4/19/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, 0/0 nodes, ER+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 6/20/2017 Faslodex (fulvestrant)
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Mar 22, 2019 10:50PM micmel wrote:

waving hello to Tanya!! Hope you're all recovered from your vacation. Those Hawaii pics were something else. I think Lynne (50’) went last year if I’m Not mistaken. Or Grannax. Can’t remember! Ugh chemo brain 🧠 is a thing for sure. Goodnight beauties!

Gracie. Still waiting

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)

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