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Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All To Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

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Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 05:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 09:42AM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 05:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 09:42AM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 25, 2019 03:41PM illimae wrote:

Still stable, which is good enough for me. Thanks everyone 😀 Now, time to come down off the nervousness of the last few hours.

Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ Chemotherapy 1/1/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/1/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/1/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 10/19/2017 External Local Metastases 10/19/2017 Brain Radiation Therapy 4/18/2018 External Local Metastases 4/18/2018 Brain Radiation Therapy 5/22/2019 External Local Metastases 5/22/2019 Brain Surgery 1/21/2020 Radiation Therapy 2/16/2020 External Local Metastases 2/16/2020 Brain Radiation Therapy 7/20/2020 External Local Metastases 7/20/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Radiation Therapy 12/4/2020 External Local Metastases 12/4/2020 Brain Targeted Therapy Tukysa (tucatinib) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Mar 25, 2019 03:56PM Lynnwood1960 wrote:

Stable is great Mae!! Very happy for you!! Great news!!
Dx 4/6/2015, ILC, Right, 3cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, 0/12 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Mar 25, 2019 04:04PM Gumdoctor wrote:

Congratulations Mae!!!

Yes stable is great.

Gumdoctor

Dx 7/9/2014, IDC, Both breasts, 5cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 5/6 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-, Surgery 7/28/2014 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right Dx 12/20/2017, IDC, Both breasts, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 5/6 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-, Surgery Reconstruction (left): Nipple tattoo; Reconstruction (right): Nipple tattoo Surgery Reconstruction (left): Fat grafting; Reconstruction (right): Fat grafting Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Chemotherapy Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Ellence (epirubicin), Fluorouracil (5-fluorouracil, 5-FU, Adrucil), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap Surgery Reconstruction (left): Fat grafting, Nipple reconstruction; Reconstruction (right): Fat grafting, Nipple reconstruction Surgery Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap Hormonal Therapy Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib) Radiation Therapy Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall
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Mar 25, 2019 04:07PM - edited Mar 25, 2019 05:51PM by Gumdoctor

My CT scan went well. I even treated myself to lunch at one of my fav places. Nice excuse eh?

ONC appt in 1 week. Will get to enjoy a little scanxiety in the mean time.

Thank you for all that were "in my pocket"...and in Illimae's pocket at the same time. You all are SO TALENTED!!! and thoughtful. Thank you sincerely.

Gumdoctor

Dx 7/9/2014, IDC, Both breasts, 5cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 5/6 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-, Surgery 7/28/2014 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right Dx 12/20/2017, IDC, Both breasts, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 5/6 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-, Surgery Reconstruction (left): Nipple tattoo; Reconstruction (right): Nipple tattoo Surgery Reconstruction (left): Fat grafting; Reconstruction (right): Fat grafting Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Chemotherapy Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Ellence (epirubicin), Fluorouracil (5-fluorouracil, 5-FU, Adrucil), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap Surgery Reconstruction (left): Fat grafting, Nipple reconstruction; Reconstruction (right): Fat grafting, Nipple reconstruction Surgery Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap Hormonal Therapy Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib) Radiation Therapy Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall
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Mar 25, 2019 05:12PM dorimak wrote:

So happy for your illimae!!

Dx 10/2001, IDC, Right, 2cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 10/2005, IDC, Right, 2cm, Stage IIIB, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 1/2016, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to lungs/other, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 3/31/2016 Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy 3/31/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy 3/31/2018 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Hormonal Therapy 10/31/2018 Aromasin (exemestane) Targeted Therapy 10/31/2018 Afinitor (everolimus) Dx 1/2019, Stage IV, metastasized to brain/lungs/other, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery Mastectomy: Right Surgery Lumpectomy: Right Radiation Therapy Chemotherapy AC Radiation Therapy External: Brain
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Mar 25, 2019 07:08PM runor wrote:

Mae, what great news! I know that scan exhaustion. It gets you after the fact. We power through and then, whoosh, all the air comes out. I think you could have a marvelous little nap with a few crawdads tucked in your pillow for judicious snacking.

Micmel, I wonder about the dying process where our caregivers also suddenly impose their moral standards on us. Like, we shall keep you comfy but the cost of that is that we get to deny you your smokes and drink, if that's what you want. I was so surprised that your dad would be served a drink, but why not? If these are his last days on earth, I say break out the GOOD booze and have at er! But these emotional outbursts are indeed exhausting.

Everyone else, I read but I have a very hard time keeping everything straight. I don't know how you all do it! It's Mae's fault, constantly distracting me with food items. Attention Deficit Food Disorder, it gets all my attention! Hope and hugs and gentle encouragement to all who are in the thick of the battle.

Dx 3/23/2017, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/12/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 7/4/2017 Whole breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Mar 25, 2019 07:50PM illimae wrote:

Runor, ADFD, ha!

Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ Chemotherapy 1/1/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/1/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/1/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 10/19/2017 External Local Metastases 10/19/2017 Brain Radiation Therapy 4/18/2018 External Local Metastases 4/18/2018 Brain Radiation Therapy 5/22/2019 External Local Metastases 5/22/2019 Brain Surgery 1/21/2020 Radiation Therapy 2/16/2020 External Local Metastases 2/16/2020 Brain Radiation Therapy 7/20/2020 External Local Metastases 7/20/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Radiation Therapy 12/4/2020 External Local Metastases 12/4/2020 Brain Targeted Therapy Tukysa (tucatinib) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Mar 25, 2019 08:05PM Donnabelle wrote:

Some of the beautiful California super bloom


Dx 3/13/2013, IDC, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/9/2013 Mastectomy: Right Chemotherapy 5/5/2013 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 9/14/2013 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Dx 10/13/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/lungs, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 10/27/2017 Taxol (paclitaxel) Hormonal Therapy 1/5/2018 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 1/8/2018 Verzenio Chemotherapy 6/1/2018 Xeloda (capecitabine) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2018 Afinitor (everolimus) Chemotherapy 11/8/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin) Chemotherapy 3/29/2019 AC Chemotherapy 8/19/2019 Halaven (eribulin)
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Mar 25, 2019 08:20PM - edited Mar 25, 2019 08:21PM by micmel

Runor~My Dad is a alcoholic and has drank since I can even remember. Smoked too. I look at it like if someone would ever tell me while I was healthy in my life, what to do, id be like uh eff you pal. I don't feel death should be any different he's a grown man 77, is aware he's dying., he just wants to die doing what he wants to do. I don't blame him honestly. If I am in hospice, and I don't have my dried bud and my vape oil. Someone will be getting their ass kicked. I mean different strokes for different folks. The head nurse says, she sees it all of the time. People are addicted to many many things. I am just exhausted after today, I did his laundry and it's ready. Back on the horse tomorrow! Be safe sweetheart!

Mae~See what you do , with your food postings and your travel reporting with the stars. Your mountain cabin, those cool critter cams. You make us want that grub!!! Lol so happy happy for stable my friend!! 🌹

Worrying about Parry....haven't seen her in a few days it seems. Gracie. Still waiting. Hello to Santabarbarian!

Donna~ omg. Is that what I think it is? The sun????? Wow it really does exist! You've given me hope that it will return to my corner of the country! Cloudsville USA checking in. Beautiful view. I'm officially jealous of everything! The food. Lol the scenery. Lol oh well. I'm going to grub hard tomorrow!

Dorimak~ welcome to our thread. Nice to see the support for our girl Mae. She's something else for sure! We are lucky to have her!

Much to love to all.

Parry. Just let us know you're ok honey. ❤️ You!

~M~

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 25, 2019 11:12PM santabarbarian wrote:

Hello back, Micmel! :-)

pCR after neoadjuvant chemo w/ integrative practices; Proton rads. Dx 7/13/2018, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 8/12/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 12/27/2018 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left) Radiation Therapy 2/10/2019 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes

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