Mar 25, 2019 03:41PM illimae wrote:
Still stable, which is good enough for me. Thanks everyone 😀 Now, time to come down off the nervousness of the last few hours.
Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 05:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 09:42AM by micmel
Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 05:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 09:42AM by micmel
micmel wrote:
As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️
We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!
Mar 25, 2019 03:41PM illimae wrote:
Still stable, which is good enough for me. Thanks everyone 😀 Now, time to come down off the nervousness of the last few hours.
Mar 25, 2019 03:56PM Lynnwood1960 wrote:
Stable is great Mae!! Very happy for you!! Great news!!Mar 25, 2019 04:04PM Gumdoctor wrote:
Congratulations Mae!!!
Yes stable is great.
Gumdoctor
Mar 25, 2019 04:07PM - edited Mar 25, 2019 05:51PM by Gumdoctor
My CT scan went well. I even treated myself to lunch at one of my fav places. Nice excuse eh?
ONC appt in 1 week. Will get to enjoy a little scanxiety in the mean time.
Thank you for all that were "in my pocket"...and in Illimae's pocket at the same time. You all are SO TALENTED!!! and thoughtful. Thank you sincerely.
Gumdoctor
Mar 25, 2019 05:12PM dorimak wrote:
So happy for your illimae!!
Mar 25, 2019 07:08PM runor wrote:
Mae, what great news! I know that scan exhaustion. It gets you after the fact. We power through and then, whoosh, all the air comes out. I think you could have a marvelous little nap with a few crawdads tucked in your pillow for judicious snacking.
Micmel, I wonder about the dying process where our caregivers also suddenly impose their moral standards on us. Like, we shall keep you comfy but the cost of that is that we get to deny you your smokes and drink, if that's what you want. I was so surprised that your dad would be served a drink, but why not? If these are his last days on earth, I say break out the GOOD booze and have at er! But these emotional outbursts are indeed exhausting.
Everyone else, I read but I have a very hard time keeping everything straight. I don't know how you all do it! It's Mae's fault, constantly distracting me with food items. Attention Deficit Food Disorder, it gets all my attention! Hope and hugs and gentle encouragement to all who are in the thick of the battle.
Mar 25, 2019 07:50PM illimae wrote:
Runor, ADFD, ha!
Mar 25, 2019 08:05PM Donnabelle wrote:
Some of the beautiful California super bloom
Mar 25, 2019 08:20PM - edited Mar 25, 2019 08:21PM by micmel
Runor~My Dad is a alcoholic and has drank since I can even remember. Smoked too. I look at it like if someone would ever tell me while I was healthy in my life, what to do, id be like uh eff you pal. I don't feel death should be any different he's a grown man 77, is aware he's dying., he just wants to die doing what he wants to do. I don't blame him honestly. If I am in hospice, and I don't have my dried bud and my vape oil. Someone will be getting their ass kicked. I mean different strokes for different folks. The head nurse says, she sees it all of the time. People are addicted to many many things. I am just exhausted after today, I did his laundry and it's ready. Back on the horse tomorrow! Be safe sweetheart!
Mae~See what you do , with your food postings and your travel reporting with the stars. Your mountain cabin, those cool critter cams. You make us want that grub!!! Lol so happy happy for stable my friend!! 🌹
Worrying about Parry....haven't seen her in a few days it seems. Gracie. Still waiting. Hello to Santabarbarian!
Donna~ omg. Is that what I think it is? The sun????? Wow it really does exist! You've given me hope that it will return to my corner of the country! Cloudsville USA checking in. Beautiful view. I'm officially jealous of everything! The food. Lol the scenery. Lol oh well. I'm going to grub hard tomorrow!
Dorimak~ welcome to our thread. Nice to see the support for our girl Mae. She's something else for sure! We are lucky to have her!
Much to love to all.
Parry. Just let us know you're ok honey. ❤️ You!
~M~
Mar 25, 2019 11:12PM santabarbarian wrote:
Hello back, Micmel! :-)