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Topic: Single life after a mastectomy

Forum: Singles With Breast Cancer —

Singles with breast cancer who want to connect.

Posted on: Apr 29, 2011 09:32PM

txkari wrote:

Hello --

I'm a 47 year old single, who was diagnosed with DCIS grade 3 in early March. The affected area is quite large ... 15 cm in one direction. I have had two partial mastectomies and they still don't have clear margins, so I will be getting a full mastectomy on the left side in a few weeks.

I guess I took the Dr's assurances that I would be OK, a little too much to heart. I was ready for a little surgery and radiation. I wasn't ready to be told I needed a full mastectomy. The reality of it hit me a couple of nights ago.

I haven't met with the plastic surgeon yet, so I'm not sure what my reconstruction plan is yet. My questions are ... how did you prepare yourself to see your body after the surgery? I'm rather large breasted (DD) so the difference is going to be pretty dramatic. Have you found that men can look past the changes in your body? Do they understand? I just want to know if I need to resign myself to being alone. Is there love after a mastectomy/reconstruction?

Thanks

Dx 3/4/2011, DCIS, 6cm+, Stage 0, Grade 3, 0/0 nodes
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Aug 2, 2017 04:55PM Jazzygirl wrote:

BB- yes, I know of whome you speak. It is hard to know what is a deal breaker. You never know if someone else has had cancer either. Or something else major. I find the people who can be most present with me about in the non dating world are either people who have had it or supported someone close to them with it. I would think that would be true in the dating world. People either get it or they don't?

Dx 9/14/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 9/14/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 2, 2017 05:06PM BosumBlues wrote:

Jazz, I wonder if it would be a deal breaker for me? Before BC I don't think it would have. I think now it would because it invokes too much of my own fear and worries. I could not handle loving another and have my fears doubled.

Dx IDC
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Aug 3, 2017 06:15AM Enerva wrote:

Wow so much happening here.

Welcome to the new ladies.

Well I have a few updates.

Health I guess is the same, I still have some issues which have no gone away

I didn't get a call with an appointment yet.

At work I was told that in September both the new girl and my manger will be away so I will be alone to do 4 desk plus the manager crap.

For like a week.

Yesterday I decided to get my aye test cuz my glasses broke cuz they are like over 3 years old,

And good news is that my vision has no change I have -1 in each eye

Bad news is it cost me $430 for 2 glasses and $95 for the eye exam. My insurance only covers $200.00 so I will be fked

I am so broke. I honestly don't see my luck changing these days.

But I am happy to get new glasses cuz it was annoying at school not to be able to see the slides and the pair that is still in an ok shape I keep in the car for driving. So I will think of it as my birthday gift. Another bad new was that the drop the lady put in my yes gave me a headache I went to bed with it and woke up with it. So had to take a Tylenol this morning but glad it is gone now.

So next weekend is my birthday I am so depressed already ha ha ha I will be 44 and I just cant take it ha ha ha I feel like I am 30 but reality is hard

Ok guess who msg me this morning well more like last night but I was sleeping.

My ex lol he msg to say he is coming to the city for some business and wonders if I ll be available to grab a bite.

So this morning I told him , I will love to but . I have gym and school after work today so nahh I doubt I can meet.

But I told him if he is still in town around 7pm and want to grab an ice cream at a place at 3290misland ave Markham which is a place

I am dying to go to. Then I can meet him there for an ice cream. Ha haahaha off course I am sure he wont and I tell you all why.

  • 1-I am telling him I ll meet him at a neutral place far from where I live.
  • 2-He will figure there will be no chance for him to make a move
  • 3-He wont just meet me for a bite

I am sure he is just wanting a place to crash and get lucky at the same time. I will love to but I just don't want to be just the one he calls when ever he pleases. It seems is always that way.

So what can I say, a few days ago on Instagram I saw this dating site some pictures of good looking grown man lol and my first reaction was

Hum I bet after you sign up you can find no one that looks that way lol I realize that man don't really take good care of themselves now a days.

Is more the ladies who look great at 40 but man look like they are 70 or even 80? So yes BB my channig tattum

Is not showing up in my path any time soon lol I will save myself till I go to Vegas and see his show hahahahahhaha


oh i recieved the OWl i ll post a picture i hope this ll work

Dx 8/27/2012, ILC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 1/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 10/17/2012 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide) Chemotherapy 12/20/2012 Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 3/24/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Radiation Therapy 5/30/2013 Breast, Lymph nodes Surgery 12/23/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 8/26/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right)
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Aug 3, 2017 06:39AM BosumBlues wrote:

E, I thought your ex found love? I am guessing that didn't work out. Seems like your ex is a pig, but maybe, just maybe he realizes what he lost in you.

Dx IDC
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Aug 3, 2017 08:16AM Alone1 wrote:

BB-

I'm new to the thread. I was reading some of the posts from a couple years ago. Obviously, I can't read all of them. But in reading some of yours, I realized that you have been through many of the same things that I am going through. It's almost scary how much of what I read was a mirror of my situation. I was wondering if you would give me some advice on how you dealt with some of the things you went through? There are a few things that I have to deal with immediately and don't know where to start.

Alone1 Dx 4/26/2017, IDC, Left, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+ Surgery 6/4/2017 Lymph node removal: Left; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right Surgery 6/28/2017 Prophylactic ovary removal
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Aug 3, 2017 08:19AM BosumBlues wrote:

Alone, you can PM me with any questions and I will try to help if I can.

Dx IDC
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Aug 3, 2017 10:37AM juneping wrote:

Alone - i am so sorry to read about your marriage....it's very traumatizing. i am 45 never been married so i can't say i understand what you're going through. but i want to give you a hug. and also want to say, let go of your ex who is not a nice person. what he did was so self serving. i can't comment on the leaving you part but the fact the he took all the money and left you and the kids with nothing is just cruel. let him go......you don't want that kind of person in your life.

one step at a time and baby steps... be glad his lies are out of your life and you can live an authentic life. try asking your hospital if they offer free counseling, talking to them could help a lot. i found them to be very helpful personally. you can complain yell and whatever but knowing that you want to forget him, move on and live your new life.

i know what i am saying might sound loads of BS but getting rid of the negative energy so the new positive energy can enter....

juneping.wordpress.com/ Dx 11/15/2013, DCIS Dx 11/15/2013, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 2/35 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 3, 2017 03:19PM Alone1 wrote:

June- Thank you for the kind words. I'm truly trying since the divorce in 2014. I worked a lot of my marriage and had an extremely good income. We saved a lot. When I became disabled we were still doing well. When I had to go out on my own with my boys it was really hard because I walked away from the marriage with nothing but my disability check. I never had money issues even before I got married. Trying to support my boys and myself is very difficult on disability. I have ongoing medical problems which doesn't help. Then to get another CA dx didn't help. I also had to have an oophorectomy the same month as my mastectomy. Now my medical bills are insane. I'll be paying them for the rest of my life. I didn't get reconstruction because of the cost. I hope to get it one day.

I'm just angry that I have to scrape to make ends meet.....I'm not even able to do that since the ca. He and his wife live like we did with no financial issues and she doesn't work just because she's lazy. I also found out during the police investigation about my son's abuse that she is a drug addict and has a criminal record as well as has been Baker Acted many times. She's diagnosed with multiple psych conditions. During the investigation the police drug tested her and it came back positive for several things. The fact is that she's is living like that because I also worked and saved money and he took it all for them.

My boys shouldn't have to live the way we do so he can support her and her drug habits. I still can't believe that he chose her over his boys.

Alone1 Dx 4/26/2017, IDC, Left, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+ Surgery 6/4/2017 Lymph node removal: Left; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right Surgery 6/28/2017 Prophylactic ovary removal
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Aug 4, 2017 08:59AM juneping wrote:

Alone - i can totally understand the anger...i would be too if i were in your position. i don't have anything wise to say but i believe God does not like ugly. what he did was despicable. believe in yourself that things will get better. a better mental state promotes a better physical health. do it for yourself, for your kids. F the ex and his crackhead wife....don't waste a second of your life and your brain cells on those losers.

juneping.wordpress.com/ Dx 11/15/2013, DCIS Dx 11/15/2013, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 2/35 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 6, 2017 08:55AM BosumBlues wrote:

Simplicity, I am thinkin of ya.

June, how is the job going? You all settled in?

Alone, best to live in the present and not look back or too far forward. Easier said than done but that is the best advise I have.

E, how you doing GF?

Lilly, you are often on my mind. If you are out there please check in.


Dx IDC
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Aug 6, 2017 10:44AM juneping wrote:

BB - thanks for remembering me. the job is okay, i am settling in. gosh it's so lonely here at this new job, i don't have anybody to bounce ideas around...unlike at the old job, i had people i could go to for asking advices but not at the new job. i am trying to be in touch w god's intent and hopefully this is what he wants me to learn here and will carry this experience to further my career.

i like what i am doing, ppl here are nice. but i am not excited....

juneping.wordpress.com/ Dx 11/15/2013, DCIS Dx 11/15/2013, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 2/35 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 6, 2017 05:37PM BosumBlues wrote:

June, of course I remember you, silly girl. The job is new and you are still settling in. Nice people is huge and seems to an outsider like me that this will be time for you to grow. I can only identify from many, many years ago when I was in a job that challenged me. The rewards were great and once I mastered that I was up for new challenges but it was the beginning that was always tough and made me feel insecure and outside my comfort zone. Humility is a beautiful word but never doubt yourself.

Dx IDC
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Aug 7, 2017 01:27PM Enerva wrote:

hi ladies, ok BB i just went to my girlfriend s place you know margarita the one i fixed up one of her trees lol i ll post a picture i brought her 3 more Hostas i grew in a pot. Also use some red mulch and looking as if things will improve maybe next year the plants will be more settlled. lots of rain and i work today from 7am to 7pm but from my lap top so just monitoring the system. i will drive home tonight then tomorrow i work the late shift 11 to 7pm. also wed the morning shift on Thursday back to late on Friday. I got my period very heavy this month but the pain was less so hopping the fibroid is getting smaller not sure. still no appoitment for an MRI so this week i ll follow up.

So June Game of throne last night Wow WOw i was like screaming so so good you must watch.

i ll watch again before bed tonight lol pending a what time i get home.

ok i ll continue this post

Dx 8/27/2012, ILC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 1/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 10/17/2012 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide) Chemotherapy 12/20/2012 Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 3/24/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Radiation Therapy 5/30/2013 Breast, Lymph nodes Surgery 12/23/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 8/26/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right)
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Aug 7, 2017 01:27PM juneping wrote:

BB - thanks...that's so kind of you to be so encouraging.

you're right, i am not comfortable, it's out of my comfort zone the stuff that i am doing.

SnoozeMedicating

juneping.wordpress.com/ Dx 11/15/2013, DCIS Dx 11/15/2013, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 2/35 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 7, 2017 03:23PM BosumBlues wrote:

E, Huh???....you make my head explode. Slow down!

June, change rarely feels comfortable and safe. Give it some time. If not, you then take what you can and move on. Either way so happy you put yourself out there with a new job. It is a "Win" "Win" in my mind.... but I think you will adjust. It is soooo early still.

Dx IDC
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Aug 7, 2017 09:08PM Enerva wrote:

holy I just got home drove 4 hours cuz trafic was brutal. Lol

So here is my work around my friend s tree

June I hope ur new jobs get better . I think that is another fear I have to new jobs the fact that all is new including tasks and managers etc. I wish you the best luck. I keep going to college workin to get a certificste for book keeping and hoping my chances ll improve.


Goo night all.


Dx 8/27/2012, ILC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 1/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 10/17/2012 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide) Chemotherapy 12/20/2012 Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 3/24/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Radiation Therapy 5/30/2013 Breast, Lymph nodes Surgery 12/23/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 8/26/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right)
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Aug 8, 2017 09:10AM juneping wrote:

BB, E: thanks.....

bookkeeping is a good idea E. it will open up a lot of opportunities for you.

juneping.wordpress.com/ Dx 11/15/2013, DCIS Dx 11/15/2013, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 2/35 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 8, 2017 09:14AM BosumBlues wrote:

Oh E, you need a back yard and a garden to play in.

I am very overwhelmed here. I am looking down the road a bit to when things will be more settled but in truth I am not sure that day will come.

Dx IDC
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Aug 8, 2017 07:00PM Enerva wrote:

bb I am sorry .Things keep getting harder and harder. I got the results of the second ultrasound I had done and as we knew the fibroid grew in 1 month 1cm so I am just trying to understand what is it my body reacting to? I didnt have luck contacting the lady who was to make my MRI appointment so I decided to go in person. So I got there and no one was at the desk I ask for her name . She comes out and asked me what is it about ? Why I am looking for her.? I said. " I try leaving msg at least 3 and I got no response . I need to know if my referral was faxed to the MRI department and or if there was an appointment? She said hum what is your name?. I don't recall any MRI form recently. I said it's been more than a week that I was here . She asked me to wait and then wile I waited another lady asked me if I needed help. I said well not sure... it seams the secretary never saw my referral and all I need is to make sure that referral gets fax. Then this lady was very nice and started helping me too. She asked me if I had a copy? I said no really but I have a picture lol I took a picture due to the fact I was not offered a copy. So I shower her she wrote something down and went inside. Mean wile the other useless one came out and gave me a phone # for the MRI department and told me to call them. She said she never faxed it but that who ever was doing the desk that day may have faxed it. I took the paper and waited for the other lady. She came out and said. I called and they told me your appointment is for October 06 at 5pm. I was like wow ok thank you very much. She then gave me some instructions and I thanked her again and left. There you go that is what I deal with. I was lucky to find someone who cared and helped but the lady who I was supposed to get help from just gave me a phone # and go and find out on your own . Anyway I was happy the nice lady from the desk biside came and

help . Now I have to wait 2 months for an MRI then who know how long to get the review of it. Here is the description of the latest ultrasound.

Dx 8/27/2012, ILC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 1/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 10/17/2012 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide) Chemotherapy 12/20/2012 Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 3/24/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Radiation Therapy 5/30/2013 Breast, Lymph nodes Surgery 12/23/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 8/26/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right)
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Aug 8, 2017 08:30PM juneping wrote:

wow, what a waste of skin of that useless person. i am glad the lady was nice and helpful.

seriously, if ppl are so cold blooded and lazy, just work somewhere else where ppl's live and well being don't matter. ugh....

juneping.wordpress.com/ Dx 11/15/2013, DCIS Dx 11/15/2013, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 2/35 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 8, 2017 09:02PM Enerva wrote:

lol June I agree with you. The more I think about hospitals I feel there is so many people whom need to take customer service training. June did u get to watch GOT

Omg is just so good u must.


G night all

Sending u love and good luck if u play lotto ;)

I got 2 tikets for this weekend

Dx 8/27/2012, ILC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 1/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 10/17/2012 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide) Chemotherapy 12/20/2012 Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 3/24/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Radiation Therapy 5/30/2013 Breast, Lymph nodes Surgery 12/23/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 8/26/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right)
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Aug 9, 2017 02:45AM - edited Aug 9, 2017 02:49AM by grayeyes

Alone:

Welcome. I read your posts. I'm so sorry to hear what happened. You are not alone. Many of us BC survivors have divorced when husbands cheated/left. Many of us have suffered financially as a result. When I first discovered my now-ex's betrayal, I also was shocked, devastated, horrified.

What your ex did was terrible. You're right - who leaves for someone he knew for 3 months when she was 11? And then cleans out the accounts? These guys have no conscience.

Stick around. I may need to go AWOL for a short time, due to some issues, but I plan to check back again soon. This is a great forum, the right spot for you to be with a group of great friends.

{{{HUGS}}}

2011: Left MX w/TE (Ki67: 60%) AC x 4, Taxol x 12, Radiation, Tamoxifen, BRCA2+ Dec. 2012: Right prophylactic MX w/TE, ooph; June 2013: Final exchange; Nov. 2013: Fat grafting; 2014: Arimidex; 2015: Femara REST IN PEACE, MELANIE Dx 11/23/2010, IDC, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 2/22 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 9, 2017 09:30AM BosumBlues wrote:

E, I get so disgusted with the system and incompetent people that don't, won't or can't do their job. I thought it was just here in the U.S. Granted, I believe my life is more complicated than most but I don't understand how anyone can work full time in this screwy world. It is often a full time career for me just doing theirs.

Dx IDC
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Aug 9, 2017 01:08PM Enerva wrote:

BB i am with you. 1000% specially when i ask myself why didnt i study to be in the medical environment? I have so much respect for people i remember when i was a bank teller back in the day. Customers will stay in the line and let other go first to wait for me lol it was very funny at the time but then most told me they didnt mind waiting if i was to help them. I always had a smile and good attitude always went out of my way to help others. but now i see how in the hospitals and clinics most staff are maybe over worked under pay or who knows what but they have no feelings as per to be just nice to people? is sad. i guess i keep my smile up and some how others come over and help me but it is sad when i think of the ones that get turn away so often.

It is just brutal to call here to confirm any appointment you get to be on hold for long and usually if you leave a msg nothing gets done.

Anyway i am stress about the growth of 1cm in 1 month but i now have to wait 2 months SickTired

if it keeps growing it ll be over 7cm by October

Grayeyes you are so right some man are honestly animals. no respect for someone they claim they once loved.

i will post later i am working late shift today again.

June BB watch game of throne lol

Dx 8/27/2012, ILC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 1/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 10/17/2012 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide) Chemotherapy 12/20/2012 Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 3/24/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Radiation Therapy 5/30/2013 Breast, Lymph nodes Surgery 12/23/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 8/26/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right)
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Aug 9, 2017 08:01PM juneping wrote:

E, will do...tomorrow night going to friend's house to watch...hahahaHug

juneping.wordpress.com/ Dx 11/15/2013, DCIS Dx 11/15/2013, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 2/35 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 10, 2017 05:48PM Jazzygirl wrote:

Hi from Cali

Dx 9/14/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 9/14/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 11, 2017 04:50AM Enerva wrote:

wow jazz love the bridge Heart

Have fun .

Enjoy your vacation

Dx 8/27/2012, ILC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 1/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 10/17/2012 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide) Chemotherapy 12/20/2012 Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 3/24/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Radiation Therapy 5/30/2013 Breast, Lymph nodes Surgery 12/23/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 8/26/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right)
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Aug 11, 2017 07:23AM juneping wrote:

jazzy - enjoy your vacation....!!

juneping.wordpress.com/ Dx 11/15/2013, DCIS Dx 11/15/2013, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 2/35 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 12, 2017 08:36AM BosumBlues wrote:

Jazz, hope you are having a good time. Miss you.

Simplicity, we all understand the need to take a time out from stuff but hope you check back. Thinkin of you.

Dx IDC
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Aug 12, 2017 10:55AM Jazzygirl wrote:

walked by this today. Halloween is either early or maybe frat party time

Dx 9/14/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 9/14/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-

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