Topic: Single life after a mastectomy

Forum: Singles With Breast Cancer — Singles with breast cancer who want to connect.

Posted on: Apr 29, 2011 10:32PM

Posted on: Apr 29, 2011 10:32PM

txkari wrote:

Hello --

I'm a 47 year old single, who was diagnosed with DCIS grade 3 in early March. The affected area is quite large ... 15 cm in one direction. I have had two partial mastectomies and they still don't have clear margins, so I will be getting a full mastectomy on the left side in a few weeks.

I guess I took the Dr's assurances that I would be OK, a little too much to heart. I was ready for a little surgery and radiation. I wasn't ready to be told I needed a full mastectomy. The reality of it hit me a couple of nights ago.

I haven't met with the plastic surgeon yet, so I'm not sure what my reconstruction plan is yet. My questions are ... how did you prepare yourself to see your body after the surgery? I'm rather large breasted (DD) so the difference is going to be pretty dramatic. Have you found that men can look past the changes in your body? Do they understand? I just want to know if I need to resign myself to being alone. Is there love after a mastectomy/reconstruction?

Thanks

Dx 3/4/2011, DCIS, 6cm+, Stage 0, Grade 3, 0/0 nodes
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Oct 6, 2018 08:51AM jazzygirl wrote:

The balloon fiesta is starting today here in ABQ, and her is a live feed if you are interested to see what it is all about!



Dx 9/14/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 9/14/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/14/2012 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Right): Sentinel Surgery 11/14/2012 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Sentinel Surgery 11/14/2012 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lumpectomy (Right) Radiation Therapy 1/6/2013 Breast Radiation Therapy 2/24/2013 Breast Hormonal Therapy 3/21/2013 Arimidex (anastrozole), Aromasin (exemestane)
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Oct 7, 2018 01:07PM Enerva wrote:

hi all ok at my end

Jazz that event looks so much fun

Well my joint pain is bad now that winter is approaching but I keep telling myself is just 6 months lol


Surgery 3/24/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Surgery 12/23/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 8/26/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 12/13/2017, LCIS, 6cm+, Grade 1, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 12/21/2017 Zoladex (goserelin)
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Oct 26, 2018 11:24PM grayeyes wrote:

How's everyone here doing?  I haven't posted for a long time (more than a year).  I hope you're all doing well.


2011: Left MX w/TE (Ki67: 60%) AC x 4, Taxol x 12, Radiation, Tamoxifen, BRCA2+ Dec. 2012: Right prophylactic MX w/TE, ooph; June 2013: Final exchange; Nov. 2013: Fat grafting; 2014: Arimidex; 2015: Femara REST IN PEACE, MELANIE Dx 11/23/2010, IDC, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 2/22 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Oct 27, 2018 07:01AM jazzygirl wrote:

Nice to see you here friend and hope all is well? How is the family?

I am doing well and busy with my new contract. We are in late fall here in NM and the cottonwoods are all turning their deep yellows. Hard to believe November is right around the corner.

Our thread here is not too busy anymore but will see who else pops in?

Dx 9/14/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 9/14/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/14/2012 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Right): Sentinel Surgery 11/14/2012 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Sentinel Surgery 11/14/2012 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lumpectomy (Right) Radiation Therapy 1/6/2013 Breast Radiation Therapy 2/24/2013 Breast Hormonal Therapy 3/21/2013 Arimidex (anastrozole), Aromasin (exemestane)
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Oct 27, 2018 02:35PM notbrokenjustbent wrote:

Hey guys, popping in as well. I don't come to the boards much being over 5 years out from surgery but I am goofing off and procrastinating. The things I need to do are unpleasant and would rather check in with my buddies here.

As to single life I have more family here than can accommodate and enjoy at the moment. It just reaffirms that I have nothing to offer a soul mate as I enjoy my solitude and people on my terms and at my convenience. I will say that I have developed a friendship with a married man. I enjoy him immensely and whatever void I feel from lack of male companionship he fulfills. He is a happy fella, he centers me and we have much in common. I will say in the past male friends have never turned out well. I am uncomfortable with his recent hugs when he sees me and then when leaving. I kinda hang all limp and don't hug back and he laughs and says I am silly and that is what friends do, but I would not like my husband hugging a divorced woman. I find it inappropriate and have long made my intentions of being happily single perfectly clear. I seriously don't want to lose his friendship though. I have no sexual desire but he makes me happy. Time will tell his intensions and if he can be happy with status quo.

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Nov 3, 2018 02:50PM Enerva wrote:

hi friends

Well nice to see you here. We have been absent for a while. I will try to check in more often now that I have some time due to old friend winter lol

I usually go to the calling type arthritis forum to share my crocheting pieces lol

As per love life well nobroken I heard you I have my Italian friend Enzo he has been my best friend for many years and when ever I feel I need the Male talk I can grab a coffee at his parents place who i adore and then i get to see him and we chat and laugh at stuff. It is funny how we get use to our single life and it can be very good

Specially when married people vent to us about their day to day issues?

I am ok so far feeling a bit down due to December is around the corner and that brings many sad memories it will also be a year since my stage 4 diagnosis so not a month i care about SickTired

My family will be happy to receive 4 huge boxes I have sent for xtmas but also dealing with the fact that it ll be a year of my sister been in a bed. This morning she was hysteric and upset crying etc

Is just so hard for all of them. I guess I just have to keep positive that December will go away fast

Hope all is well for every body here

Right now I am baking bread and my place smell amazing. I love the bread smell and xant wqit to have some.

Surgery 3/24/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Surgery 12/23/2013 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 8/26/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 12/13/2017, LCIS, 6cm+, Grade 1, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 12/21/2017 Zoladex (goserelin)
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Nov 3, 2018 09:11PM jazzygirl wrote:

E- sorry to hear your sister is struggling. I know your family is continuing to have tough times in Venezuela. Sending much love to you. Four big boxes sound like a wonderful thing to get in the mail!

The cancerversary dates get seared into our memory forever, don't they? I can remember my dx date, surgery date (anniverary for that is coming up), the dates I did rads, the dates I started and finished AI therapy. It will be with me forever. I hope you are continuing to feel well, but understand how that upcoming date can really throw a person off.

I am always happy to get to the New Year myself. I love the fall and good through Thanksgiving (coming up here int her in the US in a few more weeks) but can live without most of the rest. My favorite holiday ritual is a yoga practice for the winter solstice where we bless all that has been in this year, let go of what we need to and clear the way for new things to enter in 2019. It is a wonderfully cleansing process.

Holidays are tough time for many. Hugs sister Heart



Dx 9/14/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 9/14/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/14/2012 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Right): Sentinel Surgery 11/14/2012 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Sentinel Surgery 11/14/2012 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lumpectomy (Right) Radiation Therapy 1/6/2013 Breast Radiation Therapy 2/24/2013 Breast Hormonal Therapy 3/21/2013 Arimidex (anastrozole), Aromasin (exemestane)
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Nov 4, 2018 07:37AM notbrokenjustbent wrote:

I hear ya. Even though I have my kids, the holidays are not what they use to be and I too would just assume skip them altogether. I muddle thru but it is hardly a festive celebration.

E, you have a heart of gold. Yes, your boxes will go far to brighten your family's holiday. As to your dear sister, ugh....I can't even imagine how she must struggle. Fortunately she was blessed with such a loving family but clearly it is very difficult for them as well. I use to believe that in everyone's lives there is an equal amount of pain and joy but that was when I was young and naïve. Today I can make no sense of anything.

E, let us know how your upcoming MO appointment goes. Also to be overly cautious mention your back issue. Everyone I know has some measure of back problems and the cold weather just aggravates it. You have been very busy with the cottage and doing much physical labor but none the less mention it to the doc.

I have had a miserable week but next week should be better. Jazz, the new year is always a time for my self reflection and to look back on the past year and establish some expectations for the new. Unfortunately I fell very short of my goals and was far too consumed and focused on others but I wouldn't have changed a thing. Maybe 2019 will be my year for me?

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Nov 4, 2018 04:40PM grayeyes wrote:

Enerva,

I'm sorry to hear of the new diagnosis, but happy to hear your doctors are managing it.  

And I see that, in the midst of everything you're going through right now, you're still thinking of everyone else, sending boxes to your family.  You and your family have been through so much together, and you have so much love for each other.  The treatment available in Canada is good, though - right? - and there are many new treatments available now. 

Yes, thank the lucky stars that you're single.  The last thing you need right now is drama - like the divorce drama so many of us went through.  Couples can look so happy together, but you never really know what's happening behind closed doors.  Remember the woman who posted here that, at stage 4, her husband left, drained all the bank accounts, even her children's college funds, and moved in with another woman?  She visited briefly and then disappeared from the forum.  Hope she's okay.  

We gained an hour here with the time change, yet I'm still suffering from insomnia.  Hope you're having an easier time finding sleep.

Talk to you all later.



2011: Left MX w/TE (Ki67: 60%) AC x 4, Taxol x 12, Radiation, Tamoxifen, BRCA2+ Dec. 2012: Right prophylactic MX w/TE, ooph; June 2013: Final exchange; Nov. 2013: Fat grafting; 2014: Arimidex; 2015: Femara REST IN PEACE, MELANIE Dx 11/23/2010, IDC, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 2/22 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Nov 18, 2018 04:25PM jazzygirl wrote:

Just wanting to wish all my US friends here a good Thanksgiving whether you are spending it with family or friends, or just relaxing at home on your own this coming week.

Dx 9/14/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 9/14/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/14/2012 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Right): Sentinel Surgery 11/14/2012 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Sentinel Surgery 11/14/2012 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lumpectomy (Right) Radiation Therapy 1/6/2013 Breast Radiation Therapy 2/24/2013 Breast Hormonal Therapy 3/21/2013 Arimidex (anastrozole), Aromasin (exemestane)

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