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Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
Comments
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Oh...how about "well at least it's not ovarian cancer, I hear that's really bad" 2 days before my scheduled PET scan? And Cindy....YES that whole positive attitude thing just flat pisses me off. I have a positive attitude but I don't need all these healthy people telling me I should! LOL Marsha
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I just remembered another one- I was being prepped for my mastectomy, one nurse taking my BP, another listening to my heart. She says "Are you nervous? Your heart's just beating like a drum!" No, lady, I never get nervous before a major surgery!
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The worst thing someone has said to me so far, has to come from my surgeon. After looking at the mammogram and reports, he said "you are in trouble".
Ok, thanks doc!?!0 -
The first surgeon I saw (just two days after my bx results were in and before any other tests) insisted I should have both breasts removed and reconstruction during the same surgery so I could come out of surgey with "two pretty looking breasts"."
I started crying and told her I was under the impression that due to the small size of the tumor (1cm) they could do a lumpectomy. Again, she insisted on the bilateral because the tumor was above the nipple and I "would not be happy with the results". When I continued to ask about the lumpectomy she told me "What can I say, just your luck of the draw"
Not only was she wrong about the lumpectomy and how my breast would look but I also had lymph node involvement which she did not even bother to check. I had breast conversing surgery and lymph node dysection all in one session, saving me one trip to the OR.
I still can't believe these comments came from a female doctor. How is that for poor bed side manners? Thank God I always get a second opinion.0 -
As for the stares, I like to catch them in the act and have learned to say..."It's the left one and I got to keep it." They're stumped and usually shut right up.
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The worst comment Ive encountered was not from a family member (I'm suprised!) but from a business associate. There was a work meeting to go and the meeting room had not yet been emptied so about 10 people had congregated in the hall outside the door waiting for the room to be available. One man (in management position) walks up, sees me and says in front of everyone who was waiting for the room something to the effect of oh, you are back to work. I heard you had medical problems and had to be out. Tell me, does your husband still love you? ??!! ?? what the was that supposed to be funny? I sure didnt hear anyone laugh there was awkward silence, hopefully VERY awkward for him. I uttered yes, my husband still loves me trying to not to overdo my tone which I did not want sound nice.
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Wish I'd found this thread earlier too.
Wow, Linapril .... what an a__ that guy is ... and I would think everyone that heard his comment probably lost respect for him and now look at him as an insensitive jerk!
Just yesterday, I went to the shoe repair guy ... hadn't seen him in 6 mos and even then, I was wearing a wig. So, instead of long blonde hair, I have this short dark blonde hair and have gained close to 20 lbs thanks to all the chemo ... and he says, "You're unrecognizable, what happened?"
I replied, "Well, this is what happens when you go thru cancer and chemo". That changed his tone ...
Although he asked what type of cancer I had, I told him I didn't want to get into the particulars of my medical situation ... Who knows what idiotic comment he would have had ...
It makes me really thankful that I've been able to take a medical leave from work and not have to deal with who knows what stupid things people would say. And yes, I've walked right by some acquaintances (grocery store, post office) and they didn't recognize me.
For those of you who have the insensitive and self-absorbed comments and/or lack of support from spouses and other family; that's really hard and hurtful. I hope you have other family or friends that are supportive.
CalGal0 -
When I complained to my ps after exchange that I was unhappy with the outcome of the recon and lift/read reduction, he said I should be grateful that I could have reconstruction.
I told him that I would never be grateful that I had cancer and that recon. was not a gift to me. He was also really ticked that I was not grateful for lipo that he "gave" me on the sides of my chest.
Obviously, I found another ps.0 -
Wow my husband said the same thing to me "At least they caught it early". Not to mention he now think's he's and expert on BC do to the fact is mother had BC and is a survivor. I was diagnose with IDC last week and all I get from him is "I know what I'm talken about I've been there" as if he was diagnosed with BC or anykind of disease.
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Hi Everyone,
My SIL said to me . Do you miss your breast? I said.... Like i would miss something that had cancer in it.
She then said ...I would never have my breast of.
I thought to myself....Lady you have more problems than me?
bc and le hugs jinky0 -
Jinky,
Wow - I'm amazed how many women will say that - but then again I'm amazed how many women will say "I could never cut my hair - my husband would have a fit!"
Oddly enough - they would probably get in line to get it removed when they hear "you have cancer" - they just don't know it.
Good reply though - I love it - I'll have to remember that...
Hugs,
Ginney0 -
I agree with Ginney. Just hear the "C" word once and you are running as fast as you can. All you want is for that stuff to be out of you. I remember how horrible it was the think about a MRM and the thought that I couldn't even keep the nipple. I was crushed. But I got over it and plan on being here a really long time and hope I don't say too many "worst thing" to someone along the way!
I love the reply directing the inquisitive stares. Priceless!
Hugs, Karen0 -
I had a partial mastectomy about 2 weeks before Christmas. Someone asked me if I was enjoying my time off?. (Yea, I'm having a blast recovering from breast surgery and can't wait for Chemo!) DUH!!
mamadeek0 -
I was told by someone that I should be glad I was having minor surgery (lumpectomy and slnb). I agree with my daughter. She said the only minor surgery is the one that is not happening to you!
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bump
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After 6 months of treatment and just starting rads I returned to work. I was feeling good though only had little sprigs for hair.
Anyway a coworker I barely know said" Welcome back. So, what's your prognosis?" There were at least three other people in the group at the time. We all looked at each other,horrified. I said, "do you really want to know?" Then I gave him all the gory details and bad stats for my stage,while watching his face fall. Believe me he won't ask anyone that again. LOL.
Fists up!
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I have a few pet favorites, "Did they catch it early?" I have an aggressive form of bc so what does this mean, no it is not stage 0 or 1.
The thing that bugs me the most is people who tell me how impressed they are with how I am handling this. I am generally doing OK and I try to keep a sense of humor and an even keel, but if they see me when I am depressed, or crabby, or freaking out (behavior usually reserved for my family and closest friends) will I no longer impress them. My cousin does this all the time and even though I have told her it bugs me, she always seems to forget. I know she means well but it drives me nuts.
Ellen0 -
Hi to you all, I am new to these pages and am stuck at home nearly at the end of my Chemo and feeling bald and fed up and tired so it was nice to find you all. My best comment so far has been, "Well, breast cancer is the best kind of cancer to get" I hadn't really thought some were better than others!! Deborah, UK
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Ok, I have been seriously LOL but then getting cross reading some of these. I have a SIL (cross about that too). I could number up to 20 with her comments but I will give you a few.
Ok I was actually dx on my 36th birthday.(yep) It was at 12.15pm (would you ever forget that app't) we were going out for dinner that night (friday worst dx day possible).
My SIL drove me to the resturant and we parked next to one of my girlfriends who happened to have a large cardboard box in her car, I had already seen the picture and it was a clothes dryer(which I knew was for her) so made the joke. "Oh honey thats a lovely thought and very expensive gift but I already had one LOL) my SIL with so many brains said "NO DARL THATS NOT A PRESENT, THATS YOUR COFFIN"
I had only had core biopsy so knew zip about nodes/size mets etc.
Ok Ok my app't with surgeon was the following monday at 10.20am (dont think I cannot forget those app't times) she phone me at 9.45 and proceeded to tell me about a mother at her sons day care who's prog' was poor and expected 6 months and that her mother died last year. Then went on to say that I had not breast feed my children long enough I hadn't done myself any favours there either.
guess who I havn't seen in 6 months0 -
Hi YowYow,
Tell your SIL that I breast fed my TWINS for 12 months and it didn't stop me from getting breast cancer. I was also 36 when diagnosed.
By the way I will be passing through Melbourne in a few weeks, I don't suppose you could bring your SIL out to the airport so that I can slap her one for you? Sheez!! I can't believe she really said that.
Take care,
Sandy0 -
I might buy a ticket to watch Sandy "b" slap YowYow's SIL. I can hold her for you. Is her head with her all day long or does she check it with the coat lady????
Chin up, we will get better and all these people wont have a clue what they said. Oh yeah, I breast feed both of my kids and still got bc. Were we supposed to do it until they left for college?
Karen0 -
I breast fed 3 of my son's till they were 2. One till he was almost 3. Guess where I had my lump,right behind the nipple area.Don't feel bad about not breastfeeding. It did not stop me from getting breast cancer.
Joyce0 -
I had to add one comment that I got from my BF who is high risk. At least you have already had BC,I have to live with the fear of getting it. Should I consider myself lucky???
Joyce0 -
yowyow, Some of these are hilarious and I have to laugh...then others absolutely TICK me off. And the one your posted about your SIL is one of those. I too would like to come out and HOLD her while you SMACK her around and I am not a violent person. Some people just don't know better...but there is NO EXCUSE for her remark. How freaking cruel can someone be. (What goes around...comes around.)
That REALLY made me angry! I am NOT kidding one bit. I'm glad to hear you haven't seen her in 6 months. Hope its another 6 YEARS or more. lol Hang in there.
Chelee0 -
Girls as I said thats only a couple of them, I could start a thread and add one each week. But by the sounds of it I would then have to post a photo with "AUSTRALIAS MOST WANTED" thankyou for all your support. I know shes married to my brother and either he doesn't see it or chooses not to, and I think he probably has a harder time than me now. I THOUGHT I MAY HAVE BEEN TO SENSITIVE, But I had to cut them out of my life during chemo' as the angry sleepness nights were not needed.
SANDY - You may even see her spread eagle tied to your plane, now I am getting some strength back.
Karen & Chelee - I will serve the drinks and nibbles and you will have first class stadium seats. GO SANDY, GO SANDY, GO SANDY !!!!
Thanks0 -
OHHHHHHHHHH Look, Had to give you another one, My SIL also knew exactly how I felt as she had cancer too and everyone one knew it once I was dx. (it took over every conversation that started about BC)
POOR Love, once had a abnormal papsmear!(I am not making fun of that as its serious) but hers was normal 3 months later!!! but she was soooooo sick. (and that was 6 years ago) She still proceeds to call it her cancer.0 -
Too bad there's no 12 step program for "stupid", so there's no help for her there!! But to say to someone just diagnosed with cancer that a box is "your coffin" is just plain cruel. I'd never speak to that person again. Too bad you're related to her. What a nasty thing for her to say.
Patti0 -
Patti, I cant put my finger on it! whether she really is nasty & cruel? opens her stupid mouth before thinking? did not understand that its not just having an operation and its gone? just plain BITCH? Or she really does have a mental problem? (she did once have a fight with her mother because she suggested she may be bipolar)
I wish I could just forget her but I have chosen to be the bigger person here and if I have to see her in the future will keep it cordial for the families sake. As I also think she is a person who needs confrontation in her life and may just want a HUGE reaction and to cause trouble.0 -
I had a person say to me "At least you're not dead" when I passed them in the hall at work. The "When does chemo start?" and "When is your hair going to fall out?" are hard to answer since I'm DCIS/0 and the radiation doesn't cause the hair to fall out. Guess they ask without realizing that every case is different and how that feels.
On the other end there's the complete silence and no acknowledgement. I guess these people don't really know what to say, but it feels like they don't really care (even my X, like the other gal said).
I know what I like and that's an open ear and asking how I'm doing and if there's anything they can do to help. Just listening and supporting me is what I need. My honey does that for me and I love him even more after this ordeal.
My most difficult struggle now is healing. Healing my body, my heart, and my mind. There is the possibility it could reoccur...tomorrow or years from now. It's those people that have helped me to be strong thru this (almost) year that have made the difference.
Thanks everyone for your input into this forum. I got many much need laughs from many of the postings 0 -
I'm with Patti, I would just write her off for good. Some times we need to get distance from some folks in order to maintain balance and our sanity. Some folks are just out right sadists (sp?).
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