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Worst Thing Someone Said To You?

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Comments

  • dinamarca
    dinamarca Member Posts: 17
    edited February 2007

    YOWYOW...sounds like a woman w/ issues. But it did occur to me that you might want to ask your friend for that box...and perhaps give it to your sil on her next birthday. Oh, and don't forget to tell her you won't be needing it, as your plan is to be free of bc and toxic people!!! LOL

  • yowyow
    yowyow Member Posts: 36
    edited February 2007
    Dina, I keep coming back to this thread and keep reading so much support for me with this issue. THANKYOU, THANKYOU,THANKYOU.

    I have a prob' now with my boys 5 & 6 who havn't seen their 4YO cousin in a month or so (only nana takes them to SIL's house) I feel soooooo guilty about that and its making me sad as they only live 15min away. I can't explain any details to my boys and wouldn't (obviously)

    What do I say to them, as they used to see their cousin at least once a week if not more?

    I may just have to ask my mum to visit them with my boys now and then.

    Thanks again.
  • mccarroll
    mccarroll Member Posts: 24
    edited February 2007
    I also have a toxic SIL but her shining point is that she adores my brother. I try to get over all the hurt feelings and ugly things she says to me but it gets harder each time. She hasn't called once since my dx in May but I'm sure my brother keeps her "abreast". Considering how she is, I'm probably lucky that I HAVEN'T talked to her. We are like wary cats, side stepping each other but luckily we live 1,000 miles away, not 15 minutes. I'm sorry for you for that.
    It's hard to say this and kind of hangs in my throat but for the sake of the kids "be the bigger person". OUCH! That hurt to say. I posted a joke somewhere with the punch line "How Nice!" and believe me, it is appropriate to lots of the knuckleheads we deal with during this battle.
    Chin up and take the boys to a ball game. Karen
  • yowyow
    yowyow Member Posts: 36
    edited February 2007
    Hi there, You sound so strong!! In a previous post I used the exact words "bigger person" and yes OUCH. I feel like actually Saying "go @#$^%" but for my families sake and all kids involved I AM BETTER THAN THAT. I will be cordial when I end up having to see her, but thats as far as it will go!!
    If BC has done anything for me its changed my priorities in who I want to be around not who I should be.

    Your lucky yours is 1,000 miles away, I wished mine lived on the moon.

    Thanks for posting the similarities, I am not alone.
  • bookworm759
    bookworm759 Member Posts: 3
    edited February 2007
    My brother, a few days before surgery: 'I'll miss you if you die.'

    An elderly relative, on hearing the news of the diagnosis: 'Welcome to the world of the old people."

    The receptionist at the cancer clinic at my first appointment, after I asked her how she liked her job: "It's okay, but it's sad because people die."

    There's more, but those three stand out and still make me laugh.
  • yowyow
    yowyow Member Posts: 36
    edited February 2007

    Bookworm, I cant get over the receptionists comment, wouldn't you think she would have a few more brains!!!with her chosen workplace.

  • Valerie_R
    Valerie_R Member Posts: 6
    edited February 2007
    Several people have told me that "cancer is a gift". I could just shoot them. The other thing I really detest is when someone tells you that stress caused Stage III, Grade III cancer!

    Further, why do people assume that we might want to give up our jobs with BENEFITS and go do good works after having cancer? I am not Mother Teresa; I work in law!

    Thanks for listening. If cancer is such a gift, can I give it to them?
    Valerie
  • awb
    awb Member Posts: 213
    edited February 2007

    at my pcp office the other day (have the flu, we needed to rule out pneumonia), nurse taking vitals looks at chart and says "a breast cancer survivor--GOD love you"-which by the way, I thought was very nice. But then she went on to say, "my mom died of bc, and my sister died of bc". I thought that might've been a little too much information to share with me. But since we were sharing, I let her know my mom is a 3--time cancer survivor, bc twenty years ago and colon ca twice in the last 5 years. She said "wow, what a trooper" and was really very inspired by my mom's courage.

  • SueShe
    SueShe Member Posts: 3
    edited February 2007

    Oh how much I can relate to what you are saying. I want to SCREAM and tell them once they have experienced this ugly disease, then come back and we will talk! I will admit that when I was very young BC sounded like something only real old women got and they could just have a breast or two removed and all would be okay....oh boy how naieve.

  • SueShe
    SueShe Member Posts: 3
    edited February 2007

    I can relate. My physical therapist informed me last week that his mother in law died of breast cancer at age 49, and his own mother died of BC at around 55, and then he started telling about some of his patients who "are no longer with him" due to breast cancer. Finally I just said "hey you know some of us live and may live long enough to break your legs and you will need physical therapy, DUDE". Turned out we laughed because he just didn't realize how insensitive it was to go on and on about all the "worst case scenarios."

  • SueShe
    SueShe Member Posts: 3
    edited February 2007

    I have to stop laughing...wait give me a minute. You are in law? Of course GIVE THEM THE CANCER when they say these ridiculous, mundane, lame, idiotic things to you. Oh my gosh, sometimes I cannot believe people.

  • Chelee
    Chelee Member Posts: 36
    edited February 2007
    My latest one was...my husband knows this lawyer lady from 2 yrs ago when he filed a workmans comp claim. (She was in the medical field and then became a lawyer.)

    I've been having some problems at my cancer center and wanted some pretty simple legal questions answered so I called her. She asks me what stage I was DX with, which was stage IIIA & exactly whats going on in a NUT SHELL?

    I tell her a few things and then said "Basically they aren't doing anything for me...they won't answer my questions or even exam me". I said its been TEN months and they have never once examed my neck, lymph nodes, breast, nothing. I said what about my patients rights?

    She blurts right out, "Well, there's REALLY NOTHING they can do for you". (Hello...gee thanks lady!)

    That was the END of that call...

    Chelee
  • beth1225
    beth1225 Member Posts: 402
    edited February 2007

    This will get me into boatloads of toruble but what the heck! I am tired of people telling me that since I know I carry the brca2 gene I don't need to worry anymore. Oh yeah? I have been told by the surgeon I am a ticking time bomb (nice analogy since I can have a very short fuse) and by the onc with the "its not a matter of if it is when". So, I am taking the necessary steps and will continue to seek advice from those who have walked before me with AND without bc. I had my dad and his mom die from bc and two cousins from ovarian. I have seen it and don't want it.

  • althea
    althea Member Posts: 506
    edited February 2007

    yowyow, your sil sounds like a real piece of work. Please do what you can to keep her and any other toxic people away. I took a timeout from my own mom for almost a year, and she's way nicer than your sil. This is the time to put YOUR needs first. Doing battle with this disease is damn hard work. Allowing any inkling of guilt into your life is diluting your ability to get better. I hope that there is a way your boys can spend time with their cousin that keeps you away from the sil. YOU are the most important person right now.

  • yowyow
    yowyow Member Posts: 36
    edited February 2007
    Everytime I check out this thread it really make me LOL.

    Althea, thankyou for your kind words!

    Valerie, Love that "cancer is a gift" sorry girls but give me a refund, not happy with the quality.

    Chelee, I think we all know MOST lawyers are not human and dont have a heart (I said most)
  • mccarroll
    mccarroll Member Posts: 24
    edited February 2007
    I want a refund too!! This hasn't been the cruise they promised me!
    YowYow, where is DH in all this? Could he take the boys to a play date with the cousins? Just remember you can come here and vent after you see her. I just found out my SIL is coming skiing with us but will only be with us for a day (our trips are crossing).
    Beth, I think we are all ticking timebombs and that everyone has cancerous genes. Just some of them decide to turn on and some don't. I am ER/PR - with HER + (very aggressively overexpressing) so the surgeon says there aren't any indications that I should have had this lovely disease. But I did. It's just in the cards. I've made some great friends up here (Chelee and I follow each other to posts, I think) but it is so nice to have instant access to someone who can really relate to what we are going thru.
    Everyone, chin up. I'm leaving this pm to see my first grandchild born. I'm so thrilled to still be here to see her.
    Karen
  • yowyow
    yowyow Member Posts: 36
    edited February 2007

    Karen, Thats sooo exciting, make sure you update us on your grandchild. (You look so young to be a grandmother)

  • mccarroll
    mccarroll Member Posts: 24
    edited February 2007
    Lillian Abigail (Abby) was born yesterday at 5:40, 8 pounds 4 ounces, 20 1/4 inches long. And she is GORGEOUS!!! No, Really! Jessie had to have a C-section due to complications but everyone came thru with flying colors (grandparents and father included). So you can all call me Darlin' now. YowYow, you are right, I am WAY too young to be a grandma so I'll be called Darlin'.
    Karen
  • Dar1
    Dar1 Member Posts: 10
    edited February 2007

    Congratulations Karen - had to comment on the name - my grandaughter (2 years old) is Lillian Grace. Enjoy her every minute!

  • caaclark
    caaclark Member Posts: 19
    edited February 2007
    Karen- congrats on the grandchild.

    Yowyow- I have never heard the cancer as a gift thing personally, that is, until last night!! My friend was talking about her life and some life changes she is going through and then said, "Well, you understand what I mean. I really think cancer is a gift." I said nothing because she is going through a rough time but I wanted to say, "What the hell are you talking about? It is NOT a gift. It is a sucky life circumstance and people say it is a gift to put some positive spin on it and to make themselves feel better." I guess I should now feel guilty for not being happy to have been given this "wonderful" gift!!! Jeesh!!!
  • Margerie
    Margerie Member Posts: 5
    edited February 2007

    I agree Carol- I'd take this "gift" back in a second if I could!!!!!

  • Chrysalis
    Chrysalis Member Posts: 3
    edited February 2007
    Wouldn't regift it even to those I can't stand the most....

    Reneee
  • gerbie
    gerbie Member Posts: 60
    edited February 2007
    Karen,

    Hug that little precious one for me...congrats!

    Gerbie
  • Odalys
    Odalys Member Posts: 929
    edited February 2007
    Oh, what great news. Congratulations, Darlin.
  • QueenSansaStark
    QueenSansaStark Member Posts: 27
    edited February 2007
    Karen - congratulations on the new grandchild! Lillian Abigail is a beautiful name!

    And anyone who says "cancer is a gift" can go sit bare-butted on a giant saguaro cactus. I'd gladly send this "gift" back to the Great Cosmic Department Store in a second.
  • Chattypatti
    Chattypatti Member Posts: 17
    edited February 2007
    I went in for my 6 month checkup and my surgeon was reading through my file to re-familiarize himself with my case. He shook his head knowing how close to the chest wall he had to scrape to get all the cancer and how much cancer was in my breast and said, "You had a lot of cancer, but you had a "great disease" (DCIS). I almost jumped off the chair and strangled him, but instead calmly said, "You might want to re-think how you word that." He immediately realized how it must have sounded and tried to back peddle the statement. It never ceases to amaze me how stupid educated people can sound at times. As hurtful as this was, I just chalked it up to "He just doesn't get it since he's never lived through this." He's only treated it without involving himself in the emotional aspect. He's a great doctor and still doesn't get it. Maybe now he'll think twice before he makes a statement about this "great disease".
    Patti
  • oscarsmom
    oscarsmom Member Posts: 1
    edited February 2007

    One of my neighbors stopped over after my bilateral, and said "You have my sympathies". Like I buried them in the back yard. Just smiled and said thank you. :-)

  • Made
    Made Member Posts: 9
    edited February 2007

    Honestly - I am usually one of those that says stupid things - so I don't think I've even paid attention or kept track. However, this week I had more tests ordered and I'm almost as scared as I was at the beginning. Of all the people I've told - including DH - the only one that 'got' it was a 6 year survivor. She just hugged me. Everyone else has been like - well they are just making sure right, this is routine right.....I just wanted someone to validate my right to be freaked. Then I realized. No one but someone that has taken this journey before will ever be able to validate my feelings - its impossible for them to get it.

  • yowyow
    yowyow Member Posts: 36
    edited February 2007
    All the "cancer is a gift" commentors, we could all do that cris cringle thing you know, wrap up all our cancers,
    put them in a box, sit all those people around the box and they can choose a surprise cancer gift. Do you think they would really want to play ????

    Sorry girls am in a silly, crazy mood today.(warped sense of humour sneaking back in)
  • wildabouthorses
    wildabouthorses Member Posts: 458
    edited February 2007

    Post deleted by wildabouthorses

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