Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
Comments
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I hate being told, "you're my hero"! I'm not a hero, I'm just doing what I have to do. Don't know why I'm so sensitive to that word, maybe because when I hear it I feel like I have to be strong and sometimes I don't want to be strong.
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The day after I told a really good friend of mine that I had BC, she broke down crying at her job, and they had to send her home. She was sure to tell me how much that upset her.
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Shrink, that was hysterical!! Reminds me of a guy who said to me (right after diagnosis) "My Aunt had that, and she was 40! And she died!!" (I'm 38, by the way). Cool! Are you thinking I'll die too? Just curious!
LOL,
Amy0 -
Dx'd May 2006, Surgery, 6 Chemo, 26 rads finished 12/2006. This week my husband told me 1. I had cancer years ago. 2. Get over it. 3. Most people go to chemo then right back to work. 4. "look at that hair" 5. I am unemployable 6. "I wish you had died!"
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Your husband is acting like an ass. I am sorry that he said that to you. Maybe you should find a support group. A group of people wearing your shoes. I guess what he is saying is he himself can't take it any longer and it is not about him, even though he is involved. Go find another outlet sweetie.
Diana0 -
Holy cow ... is your husband always like that ??? - or was he angry about something ? My gosh ... that's totally mean. I think I'd be falling apart over that list and seriously considering moving on and way from that relationship.
Sorry...
Doreen0 -
bborbone, you certainly don't deserve that kind of talk to you! How dare him! I do hope you have some place to go to get support and reinforcement of your worth.
Is there a Gilda's Club in your area? Can you ck with your local hospital to see if they have ANY cancer survivor's meetings? Doesn't have to be bc. You certainly deserve to be talking to someone who can offer you another perspective of your worth, how about a pastor for couseling? Some of the ministers who have divinity degrees, also have subdegrees in counseling. I'm not talking about part time pastors, but fulltime ministers who have been to divinity college or university.
I do hope you will come back here more frequently and talk with us--you have not been posting for a long while and we'd love to have you with us more.
Hugs.0 -
Yikes. I hope he is your ex husband. Doesn't matter what his reasons are for saying such things to you. There is never a good reason to say hurtful things to someone else. You don't deserve it.
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You're husbands response is so very cruel. My guess is that this has been going on even prior to your diagnosis. You need all the support, love and kindness you can get. Don't expect it from him. If there is some way to have distance from this creature, take it.
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Sometimes, it's what's unsaid that's cruel as well. There are 3 women I've worked closely with for over 2 years. I haven't heard a peep from them. I told my daughter about my diagnosis about a month ago. She was very concerned and supportive. I haven't heard from her since that phone call.
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Big party at my house. The whole family and then some were here. Everybody knows I have BC but most, hadn't seen me since my hair fell out. I thought......If one more person says to me "it'll grow back" I'm going to scream. I thought....If....when....I meet a girl who is new to this nightmare and who's hair is falling out....I'm going to say "it f#*@ing sucks!!!!!" Then, Debbi showed up. She saw me in my bandana, asked me "Is it all gone?" and I said "Yes, except for the few strands hanging out." (I chose not to shave my head" and she said "That f#*@ing sucks!!!!!"
I've always liked her.
Good luck my BC sisters.
Traci0 -
I'm sorry you haven't heard from your daughter. She's probably scared like crazy and doesn't know what to say. Some people handle things like this different than other people. I say.....call her.
Hang in there sister. If she stays distant....come into the chat rooms on this site! They are awesome!!
Traci0 -
I think we'd all like Debbi.
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Some people also figure that if you don't bring up the subject, that you'd prefer people didn't talk about it. Everyone reacts differently. Everyone prefers a different "level" of support (some want to be the center of attention, some want to simply have a "normal" life when with others, and all sorts of degrees in between).
And no one is a mind reader (as my husband reminds me (*grin)). So especially when you have friends who seem supportive, but don't call, call THEM when you need a shoulder or simply ssme company. If they can't help, call again. I only give up if they can't make time for me after 3+ calls.
And since no one who doesn't have cancer wants to hear about the latest tests or fears in every conversation, I also find that for me, a 'support buddy' via email or phone of someone who is going through this (or people on this board) too is WONDERFUL. Then you can help each other through things...
Good luck finding the support system that helps you best..
Janet0 -
No matter what you do, people are bound to say something! My husband tried to tell everyone we know so people would not feel awkward around me. The first time I was back in public, a very nice woman said to me, "oh, well Sometimes people get over that now, but what will Mike do, you have all those kids?"! I was speechless, I knew it was kindly meant, but for heaven's sake, I don't have the flu! I really wish there was a handbook of things to say without being impolite when awkward or silly remarks are made to you. Later, when I told him what she had said we had the best laugh we have had in a long time!
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I am an RN, stage IV, triple negative, age 35. After I was re-dx recently as a stage IV I saw an email a fellow male nurse sent to someone on a shared computer that read, "Can you imagine telling your 3 kids that your dying"? Well, I have 3 kids ages 5, 7, and 9 and I haven't told them I'm dying. After 3 months of Taxol and Avastin I am in remission and the 6 hotspots on the PTscan have been irradicated. God Bless all, Sherry.
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bborbone, Oh my gosh, my heart just breaks for you. I thought my husband was bad! He's said some not so nice things...but that last comment your husband made was in-excusable! He has a serious problem and you don't deserve that. Having and dealing with bc is bad enough...we women need someone that we can depend on. That is just awful. I think its just great how most women are ALWAYS there for their spouse if God forbid something awful happens to them health wise...but if its the wife that gets ill...that man is so mad and angry! I've seen it from my OWN husband I would of never expected it. I don't know what it is with so many of these men that think they can treat their wives like crap onces they have bc?!!! I would like to smack them all upside the head with a two by four!
bborbone, sending you a big hug and know that we care and please don't let your husband drag you down. I know thats not easy...but take care of YOU. Sending your warm healing thoughts and prayers.
Chelee0 -
God Bless You Sherry.
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When my husband told his sister, she said "I thought I'd die of breast cancer". What - I get to instead? She's also informed me that the stress of my job caused it, then sent an email about how it's caused by nutritional deficiencies, chemo is bad, have to be positive, etc. Told me it would be so neat to get new hair! People tell you to be positive to make them feel better, not us. And I like Debbie too!
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I have found that there are just some people who seem to know how to handle it when you have something rough going on, and most others just don't. It seemed like after my dx, people just came out the WOODWORK to share with me all the alternative treatments they had ever heard of. I know that they were trying to "help" but being inundated with myriad options was more overwhelming than helpful. I appreciated the people who simply trusted me to find the best treatment options I could and to decide what I felt comfortable with.
Amy0 -
The absolute worse thing ever said to me was by my Motherw sho said about a month or two after my mastectomy, "Well, it's not like you had a lot to lose, Sue." She now is deceased, but I don't think I will ever get over that. I am almost 7 yrs. out, by the way.
One of the things I try to remember to say to people who have made inconsiderate remarks is, "Oh, did you say your head hurts?" Or, sometimes I say "your mouth" instead of your head. Or, sometimes I just look at the person and say nothing at all, just look and look and look. After a while someone says something, but it is not I, I just continue looking at the person as long as I want to. Everyone present learns that there are just some things that should not be said. I've been told that this is too passive/aggressive, but I don't care. I just want to make my point as clearly as possible and don't want it forgotten.0 -
I have some good ones. Most are be positive and all that junk!! The worst one comes from a so called friend of 18 years. It started last year when my son almost dies of brain lupus. She had been sick with an irregular heartbeat and always called to vent. One day, my son could not walk due to the high doses of meds and chemo he was on. I told her that I just did not have time today and explained why. She did not talk to me for the whole summer. Obviously, I was her therapist and not a friend.
When I was diagnosed with BC, I thought I would try to talk to her. This was her reply "I can't believe this is happening to you. You know what they say about bad luck... It happens to good people and for a very good reason." AS IF. Who wants cancer and a very sick child and what is the good reason. Then a few weeks later, I was going for chemo and her husband runs into us. We ask how are you and he replies " Oh I am barely alive because of migraines" I haven't seen the guy in 1 year and I have BC and he is barely alive. GET A GRIP.
I am so shocked at people around me. There is so much bad stuff in the world. Why can't people just help each other out and have compassion. I am a nurse and I just don't get the way people treat each other. Such ignorance!!!!
GOD it feels good to vent!!
take care everyone
kim0 -
When I tell my sister about this kind of stuff, she just says it's just that God's trying to warn the rest of us...until they say this sort of dreck we might not know about them.
After all, they don't come w/ "stupid," "insensitive" etc. tatooed on their foreheads... but once we know, then we can just "consider the source!"
HTH,
LisaAlissa0 -
Hi Suellen, I like the way you think!
Lisaalisa, LOL, I think you're right!!0 -
t
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I couldn't help but laugh when reading some of your postings. People can be so innapropriate sometimes. I had a lady from church drop by a 'miracle cure' that she said 'another lady didn't use and now she is dead'. !! I threw it away and my bad thoughts about her with it.
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This one is for bborbone, although i hope everything works out for you i can't help remembering a post awhile back...a bc sister said her marriage didn't survive her treatment....her post was that bc caused her to lose her boob and her *sshole!!!
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The worst thing....my best friend, when I told her I had cancer, said "Oh, you have to talk to my cousin, she had breast cancer, she's lived a long time, but her daughter died from it"....sigh....WHY do people do that?
Gracie0 -
How about "what are your chances?"? They want to know what the odds of me dying are!?!?!? I told them it didn't matter, either I lived or I didn't.
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Dear BIL who is usually quite thoughtful, asked if we would stop homeschooling.
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