Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
Comments
-
Upon returning to work bald after 7 surgeries and 6 cycles of TAC, my boss (who took my job when I had to go out on medical leave) said " Bet it's nice to get back to normal". My silence said everything.
0 -
This happened to me about 6 months before I was Dx with BC.
My MIL had recently had BC and decided to give me a pamphlet on SEX AFTER A MASDECTOMY!
I was shocked as I was perfectly healthy at the time. I almost felt like she had place a curse on me. I did not have BC, and the idea that she would, under any circumstance, tell me how to have sex with her son was appalling.0 -
I agree with all these comments for the ones that love us. I also get well you will live longer, no one dies from Breast Cancer at an early stage.
Sometime I just would not say much about my feeling because they just no understand,not until you walk in these shoes would you understand.
I just found out 8/3 and my life seem to be flying bye with so many questions due to the fact that I also have disease call "NF" www.nf.org" this disease also cause tumors and spots.
Why? Why? but we have a lot to go through
No treatment, Do we need treatment before surgery?
God Bless Diana
0 -
Diana
I have to disagree with you about "no one dies from BC at an early age." Agree that "most" BC takes a while to develope, how ever many of us have very invasive and fast growing cancer. And left untreated, (in some cases even treated) still died from BC...fast. I had no lumps, no signe of BC...clear mammo and shortly thereafter developed a lump. My lump appearred out of nowhere in les than a week, in fact in 2 DAYS. It was no ta small growth but one that was the size of a golf ball. Removed a short time later, was 6c. It has spread to my lymph nodes. I will be having a bilateral mast on Sept 26th, this is after 3 tx of TC to rid my body of the cacner, and appears not to have done it;s job.
My mom and G-mom both died of BC. My dad said his mom died very quickly and at a very young age, late 20's early 30's. Telling women that "no one dies......." is doing a vast diservices to us women and can cause many to lose their very lifes.0 -
This is total misinformation. Women do die of early stage breast cancer, all the time. A small lump with no nodes is no guarantee. This is a matter of statisitics, and they are not 100% survival.
0 -
The ones that floored me the most - from two separate people, mind you, but along the same theme were to the effect that at least a side "benefit" was getting my breasts fondled more frequently.
I wanted to ask them if the fondling done by their lover(s) involves mashing in machines, poking needles into them and slicing and dicing, but refrained.
My cousin, who is an admitted horn dog, asked if my husband was "missing his toys." Thank God my husband isn't that big of a jerk!
0 -
Couldn't sleep, found this great web site! Until my bc diagnosis I was never sick so didn't have a regular dr. my onc said I needed to establish a relationship with someone. You can imagine my reassurance when the dr walked in and said "So you have a little cancer!" With a cheery smile no less!!
0 -
I want to add something my pedicurist said to me when she learned I had BC:
with a sad ... puppy look ( you know the one where the eyebrows lift up.. forehead wrinkled mouth going into a oooo.. ) --
'See thats why you really need to live your life you never know how long you are going to live !'
Well although I tend to agree with the general principle it certainly made me feel really bad and am not going there again.
0 -
Here are a couple of my favorites:
From my sister: 'Oh stop worrying about your biopsy, you won't have cancer; no one in our family does.' (she was wrong.)
From a friend: At least they caught it early and not like my friend Susie - her breast cancer has already spread to the brain.' (Didn't need to hear that.)
From a colleague: "Do you have a place to go get a wig?' (Didn't end up needing one.)
I also got the typical responses:
'Don't worry, breast cancer is pretty much curable these days.'
'You don't look that bad for just having had cancer.'
I have tried to put them in perspective; folks truly just don't know what to say. Most folks have done the right thing - they say they are sorry to hear about it and then they give me a hug and say they will say a prayer for me; while others have offered and have helped out when I needed it the most.
Perspective. I am grateful that I can live another day.
0 -
After my AC and at the start of my Taxol & Herceptin ( Obviuosly before Rad) my Sis in law said "well now the worst is over and you can get on with life"! I just now finsihed the radiation and started Tamoxifen and am still not myself yet and she keeps wondering why I get tired and as many times as I tell her she can't grasp Herceptin goes on for a year. She's just ignorant but it can still hurt.
0 -
Hi all, I am here on behalf of my wife who hates technology (but makes me type and find sites for her!) What I constantly say to my wife when she is down is simple....I am so in love with you, do you want me to cook??This remark instantly takes her mind off the sadness and fills her with the fear of a burnt meal!! But I do think the award for stupid comments should go to this beauty. One of our friends actually said "oh my god! you won't be able to go outside until your cured!.....top that one.
0 -
from a male friend "Have you lost all of your hair. How far down did you lose it?" He thought he was being funny - I just answered "That's a personal question - don't you think"
I went to a meeting and before it started a couple of friends asked how my chemotherapy was for me. I started to explain and a male walked into the meeting and said "If we continue this conversation, I'll have to start talking about Prostate Cancer." YEESH!!!
0 -
bumping this thread
0 -
THANKS for bumping this!! I looked all over for it. I LOVE THIS THREAD!!
can't the mods PLEASE make it a sticky?? This thread makes me laugh so much. During some low spots in the middle of the night, I've read this again and again. good grief. The people in this world.
I wouldn't mind being bald if people would STOP STARING at me.
0 -
It never ceases to amaze me how many people (family and friends) have told me about someone they know who has DIED from breast cancer. And they just throw it into casual conversation when we are not even talking about breast cancer. (I've only been on this journey 14 months, and am still growing in my hair, so they haven't forgotten I am a breast cancer patient!) In fact, my sister-in-law just brought up someone yesterday at a family birthday party! Unbelievable!!
0 -
I had a bilateral mastectomy in June, started chemo in July. I got a letter from my insurance company a couple of weeks ago. It advised me that I may be due for a mammogram.............
It felt like a double whammy since I always had regular mammograms and this tumor never showed up on any of them.
0 -
How about this one...."You're not really a survivor since you didn't have chemo or radiation" I couldn't even look back at this person since I was so upset! I guess this person thinks a mastectomy is a walk in the park.
0 -
LOL Figsgirls - I can so totally relate. However, my insurance company apparently decided to save postage and opt for a voice mail because 2 days post mastectomy while clearing my voice mails I hear:
<insurance bladdy, blah> Did you know October is breast cancer awareness month? Here at <insurance bladdy blah> we value early detection. Please consider scheduling an annual mammogram today.... <blah, blah, blah.>
LOL Hello?? Really. Yea, right - check your claims logs people! Been there, done that.
I certainly don't mean for this to sound bitter but really, their random messages could be a bit more "strategically placed" don't you think? Somehow I felt like I was in an abyss or something....I just gotta wonder - 2 days post mastectomy, would they really have paid for another mammography? LOL
0 -
I had a birthday party to celebrate a year on from dx and to thank everyone for their loving support. I had had mast, chemo rads and am on Arimidex which makes me feel like I'm 92.
My boss had been very supportive and positive was invited and of course he brought his wife along, now not known for her tact. Conversation went like this:
"Okay, Val, what did you have?"
I looked at her bemused - cancer? mast? hotpot? (that was the supper dish) What?
"Lumpectomy or mastectomy?"
"Mastectomy."
"Oh. You look, well, NORMAL." This said staring at my chest. "Which one was it? You can't tell."
This conversation was conducted in my kitchen were guests were helping themselves to said hotpot.
Needless to say, I was breathtaken with the insensitivity. I suppose it's reassuring to know that I look NORMAL!
Big hugs
Valerie S
0 -
Stupid comment of the year for me goes to my FORMER oncologist. I had a 6 month follow up and she notices my compression sleeve/glove. (I have been dealing w/LE since July). She starts the conversation by saying "Maybe I shouldn't tell you this......" then procedes with "I have another patient whose onset of LE was an indication that her cancer had metastasized to her bones and lung". Wow! Thanks for planting that seed in my mind!!
Thank goodness for this site or I'd think I was the crazy one!!!
Hugs!
Veronica
0 -
My most amazingly thoughtless comment came from my psychiatrist right after my diagnosis. I was there for a routine med check and we went through all of the regular questions...As I was walking out of the door she looks up from her desk and says "Oh, are you feeling suicidal?"!!!!! I was so stunned. I stopped and said "Ummm, no....right now I am focusing on survival!"
I also had a parent of a former student give me the "free boob job" speech. She actually ended it by saying "You are SOOO lucky!" Wow, I guess I should be more grateful!0 -
RE: Trigeek- I want to add something my pedicurist said to me when she learned I had BC:
with a sad ... puppy look ( you know the one where the eyebrows lift up.. forehead wrinkled mouth going into a oooo.. ) --
'See thats why you really need to live your life you never know how long you are going to live !'
OMG! I'm a pedicurist and am embarrassed and appalled by her comment. Sometimes I cringe at the things that come out of my colleagues mouths! Ya shoulda kicked her right in the kisser since you were 'right there'!0 -
After I informed my hairdresser about my bilateral mastectomy coming up, she said, "Well, at least you will lose some weight, right?"... Earlier we were talking about Weight Watchers so I guess somehow in her mind losing breasts = losing a few pounds. I just had this blank look on my face and couldn't think of a thing to say.
I know she meant well, but OMG...
0 -
First visit with GP to set up a relationship when upset at start of the journey (quick growing lump, ultrasound, bi-rad 5 and seeing 3 surgeons, he remarks, "well you're just being hysterical." "Why did you even bother with a second opinion." "It's treatable these days."
"You're worrying about nothing." Gee, the surgeons were right, it did turn out to be malignant.
0 -
recently someone I know just found out I have cancer.. she said well "so and so had it, but she died from it"
I said "jeez, thanks allot"
then the woman said "oh, that's ok, she was allot younger than you"
*sigh*
also.. the next time someone asks me which breast, I will now answer, THE ONE IN THE MIDDLE.
however, my 5 year old son said to me last night, while rubbing my head, "I love your fuzzy head"... talk about a tear jerker...
0 -
This is great! I wanted to find "Debra's" comment made by her daughter that some of you referred to but don't know where it is.
Here's one for you (not made to me, but to a friend): "Have you been paying tithe?????" Yes, friends, he was SERIOUS!!!!! My tithe is "paid up" - even before the diagnosis - so that can't be the reason.
Give me a break!0 -
Just found Debra's daughter's comment. Love it!
0 -
Hmmmm...the worst thing... well dic U was seeing at clinic suggested I needed to see a counsellor...I was stressed because he wasn't clarifying results with me... got hyperthyroid after rads, blood sugar levels escalated, had a lump on neck and high blood pressure as well as a high needs adult son. When I clarified that I was already seeing a counsellor he said I needed a behavioral therapist not someone to talk to. I was stunned and told him my therapist said I was doing great the problem was him not going over results...he told me he had patients with far more problems who were coping much better. Needless to say I never went back. Took me a few days to get over that one.
0 -
Hi I wish this thread could be posted on every ad for breast cancer awareness.... To start with for me, I am single, no Sig Other, no nearby family and live in a small town - so e1 knows but really doesn't care. I was first told I had breast cancer with a post-it note from the radiologist - he sent in his tech with the note giving me an appt with surgeon that afternoon, then I was asked to leave thru the back door so no one would see me since I was so upset - btw I found my tumor during self exam - came up fast in one week! First surgeon said " can't believe you missed this! I 'll have to cut the whole THING off" !!! Hairdresser said it "was because I had not been attending church regularly" Coworker - male - came in my office and said staring at my chest "so which one is getting cut off?" Another coworker saw me in grocery store (after I had started neoadjuvant chemo AC) wearing a wig and said "take it off I want to see your bald head" in a loud voice. I have also been told - lucky you! now you get a free boob job; don't worry, that's why God gave you 2 of them; at your age who needs them anyway? ( I am 48); men aren't that interested in that part of your anatomy anyway; in a few years you will be glad you don't have them, because you won't want them to sag; and the best one so far - a coworker dx after me with stage 1 had lumpectomy and went back to work in a couple of weeks - I was called at home by another colleague and asked - M is already back at work why aren't you? get off your butt and come back to work! Sorry for the long post but it is a sore spot with me and I guess I needed to vent. I have had cute things that tore at my heart said to me, too. One of my friend's little girls (8y/o) said - I think you should have both of them taken off, otherwise you will look funny.. My great nephew (5y/o) during one of the few family visits that I have had, on seeing me trying on wigs and out in public with one for first time said "Auntie Keeny you have new hair and you are soo pretty!" Good luck to all of you!!
0 -
cmharris59- Don't apologize for needing to vent. Of all the places that we do have to apologize this is not one of them. We all have to vent or we will explode. There are some great people on this site and you are always welcome to vent, we have ALL done it. Take care and I will keep you in my prayers. Hopefully you will encounter less of the idiots and more of the sweet children!
0
