Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
Comments
-
Hi,
I'm new to BC and to this wonderful funny thread.
One of my friends told me that my hair would fall out and probably would come in better looking??? We're both friends for years so I forgive her...I think:):) We're both RN's...I think she meant well.
She was surprised when I talked about having a lumpectomy instead of a mastectomy. "I think you should have a Mastectomy and not have any further worries about it recurring." I read her the comparison stats...mercifully she shut up.
0 -
This isn't a "worst thing," but I thought it was ridiculous enough to share. I had my #3 chemo tx last week and was showing my onc some bruise-like discoloration to two or three of my fingernails. I guess I'd hoped he'd tell me something I could do to prevent further damage, or reassure me that it won't get worse, but his only comment (with sympathy in his voice) was, "Oh, yea... it's from the chemo." Duh... I think I knew that! He's really an outstanding onc, but I was irked that my observation to him was met with such an unhelpful response.
0 -
Sorry, I pm'd you and meant to send a reply here. Ask about dunking your fingertips in icecubes for next chemo. Slows the bloodflow to the nails. Might help.... hope so. I got ACT and for the life of me I can't remember which chemo they did the ice cube thingy for. But it was only for one of them. Hope this might help.
0 -
Okay, some of these are funny ... and some make me want to punch the people who said them to you all!!
Here are my top two for now. No. 1:
Guy I Don't Know: "I really know what you are going through. My dad had cancer last year."
Me: "Oh, I'm so sorry. How is he now? Is he doing okay?"
Guy I Don't Know: "No, he died. But he's with Jesus. So, it's all good."
Here's No. 2:
Me on the phone to Neighbor: "Well, we just found out this week that I have breast cancer."
Neighbor: "Oh. (awkward pause) Well, they can do a lot for that now."
Seriously. What kind of response is that? My other neighbor cried and cried when I told her I had bc, and her tears made me love her so much, even though she felt horrible about crying later. I was like ... at least you didn't blow it off like it was no biggie like the other neighbor did! "Oh. They can do a lot for that now." You know, I don't like it when people flip out or act like I'm dying. But at least some tears or shock when I tell them let me know they care about me. Jeez. Some people ...
(And for the record, I would have PUNCHED the coworkers from the story earlier on the thread where they said reconstruction wasn't deserved. I would have PUNCHED them for you, sister. Punched them right in their precious areolas they think you don't deserve! Lemme at 'em ...
)0 -
Oh, I forgot one. I don't know if this counts. It was the mammo technician trying to get an image of my bandaged up boob immediately following an ultrasound guided biopsy where they took three (three!) core biopsies of the tumor that turned out to be IDC and implanted a steel marker (and while I didn't have the biospy results yet, I really knew what was coming). So they stop my bleeding, bandage me up, walk me down the hall to the mammo lady, she shoves my breast onto the cold slab and says *this* to my sad little worn out A-cup boobie:
"I've been looking at your mammo from three years ago. Your breast is MUCH SMALLER than it was the last time."
Thanks. Thanks for insulting me on this fabulous and memorable day, lady.
0 -
Oh darn, here I am so full of words, and I forgot the very best comment I got. I told my sister I had breast cancer, (my only sibling) and she said, and I quote: "That's what you get for having all those mammograms!", then, I did not hear from her for weeks. It was so bad, I truly did have to laugh.
My favorite comeback to all the inane questions is: "So far, so good", no one, usually wants to hear the whole miserable story, so this shuts them up and if they want to know more, they will pursue it. Sure has worked well for me.
Hugs, Shirlann
0 -
Oh Gosh Debra -I am cracking up over the "contagious" thing I am for sure going to use that.
I have had so many things said, but the one that sticks out right now came from my BIL girlfriend. I am scheduled for a bilat on 10/17 my first DX was in 06.
When she learned of the new news she said "oh WOW I thought if you had it once you could never get it again" DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Anyway she is not the sharpest tool in the shed and I was actually having a pretty good sence of humor that day and just said - well " They are working on a shot similar to Rubellla and unfortunately I missed my appointment?" You know what she really belevies it.
BIGGER DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
0 -
Two people have told me that I better fight this and not get depressed.
Someone offered to tell me what my life expectancy was once I knew my cancer stage.
I dont start chemo till next Wednesday so I am curious as to what I will all hear when my hair falls out or I have other side effects.
0 -
"don't use the cancer card"!! Do you believe it?? And the funny thing...by no means was I! This was from my new husband of 6 mos!! Needless to say he is now my ex!
Patrice...hopefully..you will hear no more comments...I would say you have had your fill!! My goodness! Hopefully it will be good things...Like..."you look good without hair, or you have a nice shaped head". I heard these, and honestly...it really did make me feel better.
Cathi...too funny!!
0 -
Whoa...there's another Patrice on the board! Yay! I rarely run into someone who shares my name. Welcome, Patrice, and good luck with your chemo!
Take care-
Patrice (GSG)
0 -
gsg...I forgot your name was Patrice. I love that name..my favorite sister in law has the same name!!
0 -
I don't remember if I posted this here already or not (short-term memory loss), but since I am still pissed off about it, I thought I would post it anyway.
My youngest brother moved from MD to Texas about a month before I was diagnosed. His wife was pregnant at the time. I was scheduled to have my bilat on 10/24. He called me to ask me how long did I think I was going to need my Mom and Dad. I didn't understand what he meant. After all, we had no idea what the future held. We were hoping for a complication-free post-surgical period of about 2 weeks, and then move on to reconstruction. No one knew if I was going to need chemo or not. He wanted my parents to come down and stay with him and his family (to take care of his kids) because his children were "getting under foot" and his wife was tired.
I told him I had no idea, since I had never had a mastectomy before. His response?? "Well I had an appendectomy and was back to work in a week". So I said "I think there is a little bit of a difference between a double mastectomy and an appendectomy." Believe it or not, he actually said "NO, I DON'T THINK THERE IS"
Can you stand it?!?!?!? I hung up on him. He called me right back and demanded I call him again. If I could have reached thru the phone.......... UGH!!!
0 -
I have posted this before (along with some longer stories) but for the 'fresh eyes': I haven't really had a lot of time off work during the last 9 months of treatment for cancer..not because I'm a martyr but because I didn't need it and I was saving my 'sickies' for later when I was likely to be most shabby.
For some reason this irritated a senior at work, and then one day when I told her I might go home and try to have a sleep (after 3 dex-days and nights) she replied, "Well you don't have to be Superwoman ALL the time, you know!"
Love ya'll. Take care.
0 -
Hi:
I am appalled reading all these. Some of them are so stupid, they made me laugh out loud. Laughter is good healing so at least something good comes out of these outrageous comments.
The stupidest things said to me came from the same person at two different times. Shortly after my diagnosis, she said, "don't wear red while this is going on". Huh? I had just bought a red dress the day before so then what, I don't have enough to worry about, now I have to worry about what I'm wearing??? Apparently red indicates "growth" and that's why she said it when I asked her later.
The other thing was, "I'll give you some of my clothes when you get skinny". Don't need to elaborate on that one, lol.
Peeps
0 -
A so-called therapist told my mom that her BC recurred because of her repressed anger toward her boss. That gave me some not-so-repressed anger toward the therapist. Upon learning that my mom has metastatic BC, some stupid people have said, "Where is it?" My favorite (and by this I mean least favorite) is when someone proceeds to tell me or even my mom about their favorite aunt or uncle who died of cancer. Why people do this I do not know. It infuriates me. I told my neighbor about my mom's BC and his immediate response was, "Well, is she gonna make it?" Thankfully, he realized what he said and immediately apologized, saying he didn't know why he just said that. I told him it was ok, that I knew it was hard for people to know what to say.
0 -
This is such a great thread! I've been reading it this morning and can't even count the number of times that I have laughed until I've had tears in my eyes! I think the worst thing that has happened to me involves my own father. I love him to death, and he has never been known for his tact, but what he said one day really took the cake. I was actually at a funeral for my dad's sister who recently passed away from (of all things) bone cancer. I was standing in a group of people that I either had never met before or hadn't seen for literally 25 years and the topic inevitably came around to who in the family had cancer. Of course, someone asked if I was currently undergoing treatment, and my dad piped in, "Yah! Why don't you show them your bald head!!!" I and everyone else in the group was mortified. I think I brushed it off by saying something like, "Geez, Dad. I can't go anywhere with you because you can't keep a secret." But the more I thought about it, the more hurt I felt.
0 -
I had a mammo in mid-September, and my 3 month onc. visit a couple of days ago.
The doctor was sick, so his Physician's Asst. gave me my exam. She looked over my file, my new mammo report, then proceeded to examine me. While doing the breast exam, she felt compelled to tell me, "It's breast cancer awareness month."
Looking down at my scarred chest, then into her eyes I replied, "Yea, I'm pretty aware!"
DUH!
0 -
I can't remember if I already posted this one. When I was still putting my top on after my initial mammo and ultrasound, which confirmed what I thought when I first discovered my lump, that I probably had cancer, the young technician saw that I was a little teary and said, "Don't worry. Someone who works here was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Within a few short weeks she had both breasts removed, it was real fast and easy."
0 -
FLtricia... OMG!!! LOL!!! What a dingbat!
robyn33... I suspect your Dad regretted his comment as soon as it slipped out. I doubt if he meant to embarrass you -- probably just flustered by so much going on that day and not thinking very clearly or intentionally when he spoke. But your comeback was very poised in view of being caught so off-guard.
So glad this thread is active again! We all need to share these ludicrous encounters and laugh about them together ~ Deanna0 -
When I was trying to decide whether or not chemo was necessary for me, a friend/coworker said, "Do you remember my friend who died of cervical cancer last spring? Well she was on a really good chemotherapy. Maybe you should tell your oncologist about it, in case she hasn't thought of it." I didn't know what to say! I'm not sure if I was more surprised that a) she thought a chemo that didn't save her friend's life would be good for me (without knowing anything about my cancer), b) she thought the chemo for cervical cancer was probably best for breast cancer, or c) she thought my oncologist needed input from a lay person on what chemo to consider! Weeks later, when I told her that my oncologist and I had decided that chemo was not necessary, she asked if I had at least considered the chemo her friend had been on!
I guess those who are lucky enough to NOT be a member of this club can't be expected to know the ins and outs. Another coworker was asking me about my radiation treatments. I told her it was pretty quick and easy, and takes longer to get in position, and get all the lasers and tattoos lined up, than to do the actual radiation. She said, "No it doesn't. I've had xrays before...I know what it's like." Don't we all wish we could go back to being that naive about the ways of cancer treatments? Well, I hope and pray neither of those co-workers ever has to find out what is really involved.
0 -
Isn't amazing what people say? (I know I put my foot in my mouth, and say things that I don't mean or didn't think about.) But some of them actually think they are being helpful!
0 -
The Worst Thing Someone Said to Me...
"One day, you'll realize that this (breast cancer) is a blessing."
(Is hell freezing over?)
Tammy Lou
0 -
This is a great thread! dbl, I'm pretty sure I used to put my hands in ice water for adriamycin. The first time they forgot to tell me I could take them out periodically so I almost got frostbite! I then learned that the idea is to keep the nails cool but not frozen - you can take them out when they start getting too cold.
I have heard many of the same comments as above but really I think most people just have no clue what to say. My young daughter was upset about everything, and when started chemo I told her I was going to lose my hair but it would grow back eventually. This was after surgery so all she could think was that my breasts were going to grow back too. It was quite funny, under the circumstances.
0 -
leaf,
I agree that people think they're being helpful, but I do feel the hackles raising on the back of my neck when people tell me how important it is to stay positive.
My darling daughter- in-law (and I do love her dearly!) told me a positive attitude will prevent recurrence. Oh, my. I tried to kindly point out that it probably didn't have a whole lot to do with it.
I got a flash of my future self, with a big grin pasted on, as I get the bad news, saying, "But, I had a positive attitude, doctor!!"
But, as you say, I come up with some bloopers, too! Like asking someone when the baby was due, and having her tell me she had the baby 4 months ago. OOPS!!
Susan
0 -
how about this one although it's not the worst thing anyone ever said to me. when i was going thru chemo i got several things in the mail from acs and of course had lost me hair. my postal gal not only isn't high in the brain matter she's even lower in class. i was outside one day (with scarf on my head) and i saw her coming so i started walking towards the mailbox. as i got there she said "so did you beat it?" in a very crude and ignorant manner. at first it didn't hit me what she was talking about so i said "what?" she then said "the cancer, did you beat it" i was so stunned i just wanted to say no, i fricking died a month ago but i just said i'm doing great (which was a lie since i felt like crappola.) i was so so upset i went in the house and cried. i thought of calling the postmaster but decided why did i have to broadcast my medical history to the town.
0 -
One I will never forget was from a grocery bagger at the local supermarket. I was speaking with the check out gal about my cancer/tx. etc when the bagger gal chimed in (with a big smile on her face) "my aunt had the same kind of cancer you have-she died ! I'm not one to become speechless too easily but that comment did the trick. I just looked at her and said "gee, thanks for sharing"! Obviously, not the brightest bulb on the chandelier!!!! Oh well, you just have to laugh at these comments and move on!
0 -
Susan
LOL! So funny about the baby comment. I said something similar when I was very young - a girl I hadn't seen since high school was standing next to me and obviously pregnant. I piped up with "oh congrats! I didn't know you got married" Embarrassed silence since she wasn't married. Okay, I was very niave....
And Peggy - that is so sweet about your little daughter thinking they would grow back! Precious!
My dad had a stroke and my brother was trying to explain to his 8 year old son that papa would look different when he saw him because they had taken his teeth out. They had never seen him without his dentures. My nephew was horrifed and crying. My brother tried to reassure him then my nephew said "Why do they pull your teeth out when you come to the hospital?" So here we were crying about my dad and laughing at my poor nephews horror. It sure made for a few good laughs.
0 -
I have a new one. My mom is being careful not to hurt her back since her recent radiation to the area. She was trying to explain to her boss why she needed assistance opening the door, when her boss replied, "Well if you can't even open a door, maybe you shouldn't be here!" I wanted to call down the ACLU on her, but I have to chalk it up to ignorance and a lack of empathy. I am so proud of my mom for working during her treatment.0
-
Wow! That is shocking! What a hurtful, insensitive comment. I can't imagine not jumping in to help without a second thought no matter what the injury or reason someone can't do something physical -- sort of like opening a door if someone is carrying packages. Do you think maybe the boss's mindset was more empathetic than the comment came out? Maybe she was trying to say, "No need to overdo it by being here if you need more rest." Just a thought --
0 -
My general response when anyone asks how I am feeling is I feel great. I don't want to discuss my breast cancer with people in general. I will talk to my close friends if they really want to know otherwise, most people really don't want to know. When they see you they feel like they have to say something to you about the breast cancer or try to avoid you.
This is a very serious disease, when I have concerns or questions I need to have experts answer my questions. I go to my doctors and come to this forum for answers I need. It took me awhile to learn about it, I'm still learning more each day. So how could I expect my friends to know about breast cancer. When I was first dx I knew nothing about breast cancer, my friend was dx with breast cancer and I remember saying to her you caught it early you will be ok. Now I know that wasn't helpful.
Sorry if this sounds negative. I'm just venting. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I'm just so tired of thinking about this every minute of the day and trying to figure out the next steps.
Thanks for the support,
0
