Come join others currently navigating treatment in our weekly Zoom Meetup! Register here: Tuesdays, 1pm ET.
Weigh in: What are the best and worst gifts for people with breast cancer?
Share with us: What are your proudest moments of 2024 and personal goals for 2025?
Take our poll: How are you feeling as we near the New Year?

Worst Thing Someone Said To You?

1…3132343637…64

Comments

  • bkc
    bkc Member Posts: 31
    edited January 2009

    Another mother at my daughters school stopped me and asked rather rudely what was wrong with me. I asked what she was talking about and she said well you've lost your hair. I just smiled and said 'OH NO HONEY IT'S NOT LOST I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE IT WENT TO"!

  • Makratz
    Makratz Member Posts: 1,605
    edited January 2009

    bkc - I love it!  You've got a great attitude!

  • bkc
    bkc Member Posts: 31
    edited January 2009

    My youngest children are 5 and almost 4 so life has to stay fun. The kids at my daughters daycare were a little afraid of me when I first started loosing my hair so I answered thier questions as best I could and one little boy even asked to rub my head. My hair is finally now growing back about 2 inches. This morning one little girl touched my hair and said "You are so beautiful I wish my Dads hair would hurry up and get back on his head!" From the mouths of babes. Sometimes I think children are much smarter that us grownups.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited January 2009

    I've been back to work the last couple of days and finally went out onto the sales floor today (I work from a private office normally, but had some customers with me in the showroom). Anyway, one of the salesmen looked at me and then made a chopping motion across his chest and looked confused. I just smiled.

    When I told my husband, he said I should have grabbed my crotch and made a questioning face!

    Too funny. This guy will feel like an idiot when he mentions it to other sales people who know I've had the double mast! 

  • Britt
    Britt Member Posts: 81
    edited January 2009

    barbe - that man deserves to have his testicles undergo an MRI guided biopsy - followed by a mammogram (or testicogram?) - Idiot!!!!

  • Eldub
    Eldub Member Posts: 12
    edited January 2009

    Most upsetting so far was the Radiologist I saw for a consult while in the decision-making process about whether to have a mastectomy or lumpectomy with rads.  He said the team of docs wanted to know Why I "was so eager to have a mastectomy."  Eager?!?  I am Not. At all. Eager. To have a mastectomy.  However, I AM eager to live a very, very long long (and without recurrences). Sheesh.  Of all people, he should have known better...

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited January 2009

    Eldub, your radiologist was just afraid of losing your business! With a mastectomy, especially with DCIS,you most likely won't have to have rads unless something else shows up on the pathology.

    Tell  him you don't want to go through this again. My surgeon agreed with me completely. Ask any of your doctors what they would do for their wives/mothers/daughters. Then you get the real answers.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited January 2009

    I think all men should have at least one mammogram on their testicles. We'd get at lot more understanding. As well, each man should bleed out of his penis at least once in his life...

  • Britt
    Britt Member Posts: 81
    edited January 2009

    barbe -

    Hear, hear!  I totally agree!  I am thankful my BS is a woman, my potential rad onco is a woman, and, if necessary, my med onco is a woman.  Because they get it - they understand. 

    I do hope that a testicogram will be developed soon.  Medical science has made so many great strides lately, so why not? 

  • 2frogs1princess
    2frogs1princess Member Posts: 36
    edited January 2009

    Diagnosed in May of '05- I have since had both breasts removed(widely known by all friends and family). I delivered a beautiful little girl last May and have been asked at least 3 times by different people if I breastfeed! The first to put their foot in their mouth was my brother-in-law at the hospital the day after my daughter was born. "So, are going to breastfeed?" I just looked at him and said "You're an idiot, you know that?" I was teasing him and he was so embarrassed and apologetic.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited January 2009

    Actually in that case it is kind of a compliment as he forgot your situation for a beautiful moment...

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited January 2009

    Hahahaha, I just remembered another one! I called a (male) friend on the Sunday before my Tuesday surgery. He had been madly texting me about apricot pits curing cancer. I wanted to end the communication and he said of course it was too late for me now, but if I had started eating them when he first told me the month earlier I wouldn't have to go through surgery!

    He should be first in line for the testicalgram. 

  • Unknown
    Unknown
    edited January 2009

    Ah, laetrile (apricot pits).  Too bad he doesn't know that laetrile is outlawed in the US.  You have to go to Mexico to get laetrile treatment.

  • polishqueen71
    polishqueen71 Member Posts: 3
    edited January 2009

    Hi Ladies,

    I had just gotten my expanders out and my "real" girls put in.  I have UFC parties all the time.  All my closest friends have seen them touched them....u name it I'm not shy anymore...long story short a girl from work came over and was curious. I let her touch them...She jerked her hand away and said "OMG they're so hard...."  Oh I got another one....I was at the stage where I was going to get nipples.  Again at one of my patries and guy I thought was cool came and somehow we all got on the subject of boobs (its not difficult around here lol) and he says "I don't care what size they are as long as they have nipples"  I thought all my friends were seriously gonna jump hime....Which would have been fine with me, as long as they didn't get blood all over my house!!!  Thnx for letting me vent....

  • Britt
    Britt Member Posts: 81
    edited January 2009

    Polishqueen -

    That guy is another candidate for the testicalgram (I should draw a cartoon of that but I am not particularly artistic in that regard!)

  • GramE
    GramE Member Posts: 2,234
    edited January 2009

    Hi there.  I just found this thread and agree with testicalgrams or how about a few other things done with needles and dye injections???   And IF one more person tells me about someone who died..  grrrr.   Last night at bingo a lady asked if I was going to do radiation.  When I said I need to discuss it in detail with the onco, she told me of her uncle who died during his first rad tx of a heart attack.  

    My husband died almost 6 years ago and one woman  ( thought she was a friend ) told me:  you look great in black, you should wear it when you start dating... Yes, stupid cannot be cured.   

    Just as an aside:  my mom is 95 years old, had radical bi lat mast in 1962, no rads, no chemo, no mets.    She is probably the oldest living BC survivor.   Ginger, since I am new to this thread, please explain UFC.    

  • polishqueen71
    polishqueen71 Member Posts: 3
    edited January 2009

    lefty...UFC is Ultamite Fighting Championship...it has nothing to do with BC...sorry...Congrats on Mom... that is way awesome and can give all of us hope

  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 2,701
    edited January 2009

    Bumping for newer members to find...

  • sheri47
    sheri47 Member Posts: 10
    edited February 2009

    first let me say my mother who is a melanoma surviver stage 4 and had a stroke last sept and gets confused , was the person who said the worst thing to me .

     we had gone to dinner first time sheing her since my surgery and she started crying a said you cannot go before me that hurt.

  • husband11
    husband11 Member Posts: 1,287
    edited February 2009

    I have to say my wife and I are sensitive to the comments.  People do say dumb things like "At least your kids are grown up." which conjurs up the thought in my wife's mind that, what, she is expendible now that her job is done raising the kids??

    Another anoyance is people making comparison to someone they heard had breast cancer.  They just can't say the right thing ( I say in their defense).  Either its someone who didn't have the extent of risk, spread to lymph nodes, etc, or its someone with stage 4, had a foot of their intestine removed, brain tumor, etc, and its been a year and they are doing just fine.  Well, that's great to hear they are doing fine, but a year or two more life just isn't what a recently diagnosed person wants to hear about when their dreams of a full life have just recently been shattered.  I think people are best off to just give their love and sympathy and not plunge into details unless they really know what they are talking about.

    Oh, and then there's the people who say they know so and so that had chemo and didn't lose their hair.  Yeah, well maybe they didn't, but do you have any idea what kind of chemo they received and what kind of chemo my wife will be receiving?  Why give ridiculous false hope?  And to put it all in perspective, its hardly the hair loss we really fear.

    All I can say is, praise the phone company for caller ID.Tongue out

  • Makratz
    Makratz Member Posts: 1,605
    edited February 2009

    Very well said Timothy!  I hope you and you wife have many many many happy years together!  She's lucky to have a husband like you!

  • SLAlaska
    SLAlaska Member Posts: 1
    edited February 2009

    My friend who I have known since age 6 said to me after I told her that I radically changed my diet to help fight the breast cancer..."Cancer is nature's way of weeding out the weak".  Then, last weekend, she told me (she is 50 years old)..."I maybe have another 20 years to live".  I think at that point I probably should have replied "if you keep talking like you have been, you're going to have a lot less than 20 years"

  • lexislove
    lexislove Member Posts: 277
    edited February 2009

    A "friend" since high school called me a couple of months after my diagnosis. He did not know I had been diagnosed. I got emotional, and told him.He then said....no joke...I almost died...ready...." how long left do you have?".

    I told him if I see him walking down the street he better cross over because I will slap you upside the head. I hung up and have blocked his number from my phone. Frown

  • Nann
    Nann Member Posts: 2
    edited February 2009

    An old boyfriend I've stayed friends with called to catch up.  On hearing of my diagnosis and bilateral mastectomy, he said "Oh, Sandy (current girlfriend) had breast cancer.  They just gave her a shot or something and she was cured."  I knew there was a reason he's never been married.

  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 20
    edited February 2009

    Oh, goodness, I've had a couple of comments that have stopped me in my tracks! 

    My MIL said to me "well, you never know, maybe you won't die"

    A cousin emailed after I had my Surgery - "What is the Prognosis" Thats it - no How are you doing or anything!! 

    Then there are the neighbours who won't look me in the eye anymore and try to avoid me. 

    But, I have to say, we also have had many people - one of them a total stranger, do unexpected things to help us. For all the insensitivity you get, there have really been many more acts of pure kindness. 

  • Zachsmom
    Zachsmom Member Posts: 39
    edited February 2009

    I've had a number of people try to discuss Christina Applegate with me. Ummm...I have Stage 0 DCIS with no family history whatsoever so there's what in common there?

    And another friend who went on and on asking me how my implants would look as my body aged. Yeah, that's high on the list of things to worry about.... 

  • Lories
    Lories Member Posts: 23
    edited February 2009

    This morning I woke up and all I could think about was this Christmas letter I got from a professional friend.  The letter was at least 12 pages, double sided typed with photos of he and his wife's travels around the world, parties they have had at their 'farm' (mansion) and  wedding photos of their daughter.  All I could think about was writing one and illustrating it with my own pics.

    Yes this Christmas we had a huge decision to make, lumpectomy or mastectomy (then have pics of each).  I could not go out of town because of the ensuing radiation to further kill the cancer cell (photo of the hospital or me in a gown) and then I still have to decide on whether I will have chemo or not based on my middle of the road oncotype score.

    sorry, I am feeling very evil today.  Of course I will NOT write it (I threw out his address by mistake).

  • dee1961
    dee1961 Member Posts: 902
    edited February 2009

    I have quite a few but here a couple that stick out in my mind.



    After I told my brother that I had been dx he said "well, you have always been a hypocondriac"



    My hairdresser who's known me for years and knows I have breast cancer, was talking about how sick she has been with the flu. I said are you running a fever? I am having surgery and can't afford to get sick. She says well, I'll make you a deal, I won't give you what I got if you don't give me what you got!

  • flfish
    flfish Member Posts: 309
    edited February 2009

    Oh, where to begin, where to begin?  I guess the one that hurt the most was from an old dear friend.  When I told him about my diagnosis, he decided that it would be a good time to go on and on about his wife's problems with her cysts on her overy  When I asked "oh my, was it cancer?"  He stated, "no, but it was just as bad as cancer I am sure".  Oh OK, I get it, thanks, I hope she feels better..........see ya!,

    I was also told that I was LUCKY to have breast cancer because that kind of cancer gets good funding.  OK, thanks, I will remind myself how lucky I am to have been diagnosed with the same disease that killed my mother, just because it gets federal funding.  Lucky, lucky me. 

    People just don't think sometimes.  Or maybe I am just much more sensitive to their comments.

  • Marple
    Marple Member Posts: 10,154
    edited February 2009

    Dee, I hope you've got a new hairdresser!! 

Categories

Join Us on Zoom: Upcoming virtual meetups. Read more...
Give your account some personality! Add a profile photo.