Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
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Well my boss just asked me if I would be off 2 or 3 days? (after double mastectomy..lol )
He knows I will be on FMLA.......Jerk!
Do all men have their sensitivity chip missing?0 -
One co worker actually said "it must be nice t stay home and lie around" This was before I had to go in for my second surgery, my margins were not clean. I was shocked because her mother died form breast cancer.
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how about the co-worker who said to me Oh I wish I had cancer, you will be so much closer to God now, I am jealous...........................I really was speechless at her ignorance.
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If you had killed her she would have BEEN with God. I think you would have gotten away with it in a court of law.
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Grace, If not the worst on this whole thread, it must come in the top 10. That person needs some help
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When I told my friend that the doctors were saying "no matter what you do , you still have to expect this to show up again in 4 or 5 years". My friend said, well, that's alright- your daughter will be fifteen by that time, and quite able to manage without you.
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Julie ~ I hope you found new doctors! Deanna
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Did some retail therapy this afternoon and as my Ralph Lauren jeans marked down to $22 were being rung in (brag, brag), the middle-aged clerk mentioned that the lingerie department had a "fitting" session this afternoon. I politely declined and she pushed it so I said I'd had a double mastectomy, expecting her to understand. She said "Oh they're really good at fitting anybody!" I said "BUT I DON'T HAVE BREASTS ANYMORE SO I DON'T WEAR BRASSIERES." She got this really blank look and I still don't think she's got it!
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Barbe, You should have let them fit you for a bra. What an idiot!
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And then there's the stupid questions, "Did they get it all (the cancer)? Like, WTF, how would we really know until it recurrs? Do you think the chemo and rads are just for fun, like someone taking target practice at my wife? My wife read me a paragraph from a book where one husband was so sick of the question, "Did they get it all?" that he said in reply, "No, do you have someone you want to fix me up with?". I'm sure that shut him / her up. Sorry if this offends anyone, but I do get sick of the questions.
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I told my friend I had cancer and her response was "oh, I suppose you'll be losing a bunch of weight now and be all skinny". Needless to say, I rarely answer the phone now when she calls. Some people just don't get it.
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DH and I went out to a diner for dinner tonight and a woman said, "I'd die to have your eyebrows. Do you know how much it costs to have mine done?" Well, yeah...I used to have mine done before I got cancer and now, I'm pretty much dying to get mine, too.
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Now Jane, did you actually say that (good for you!) or just telling us what you were thinking?
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I just thought it. I didn't say it.
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My post op nurse asked me why I was crying and when I told her I was in pain she snapped "well what did you expect" after having a doulbe mastectomy. Needless to say her supervisor had to do a report on her.
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I can relate, Jaimieh.
I had a snippy little b@##$ for a nurse after my first mastectomy. She sailed into the room, announce to me that she had 11 patients to care for; some of them were really sick and really needed her care. She hoped that I wasn't expecting to see a lot of her or want much.
Later that day, when I had requested pain medication for several hours after being due for it and she didn't bother responding, I called the administrator's office and complained. She sailed into my room within 10 minutes, pain meds in hand, glared at me and stated, "If you stayed in bed where you belonged instead of walking around, you wouldn't be in pain."
After the meds kicked in, I walked out to the nurse's station and had a long chat with the floor supervisor.
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My mother-in-law told me not to worry about my upcoming lumpectomy but to look at it as an opportunity to be a couch potato for a few days.
I overheard her speaking to my husband on the phone. He was telling her that I was going to have to see several doctors going forward to which she replied "oh dear does that mean you will have to be driving her around?"
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I don't know if I posted this already but after finding out that I would be out of work for 4-6 weeks following my bilat mast, one of my co-workers said, Oh, you can ride with your husband in the semi while you are out of work. I said No way would I be able to pull myself up and down from the semi after they cut my chest open and I had numerous doctor appointments to go to following the surgery. Even now almost 2 yrs out, I still am uncomfortable pulling myself in and out of his truck just once or twice a weekend.
Sheila
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I'm glad this thread is still around.
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Well I don't think it ever stops....I went to vist my Mom yesterday, and one of my sisters was their with her two daughter (they are in their twenties). I have seen them in passing maybe 2 or 3 times in the last 1 1/2. The first think they said to me was "wow look how curly your hair is, was it always curly". All I thought was no stupids first it was straight, then bald and now it's curly. Maybe if you had given a $hit and called me or not just passed me by when you saw me you won't be asking stupid questions. One of the daughter was also telling me about a co-workers Mom with breast cancer who isn't doing too well but " she's lasted almost 10 years". Thanks I think I liked it better when they just ignored me.
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Lories:
Your post made me laugh out loud. I come to read this thread every once in a while. I am done with surgery, chemo, and radiation but wavering on taking the hormone therapy. I am sick of people saying, "you must be so glad you're done".
Uh, no, you're never done with this crap, 5 years of taking a pill.
Peeps
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Just found this thread, it's very entertaining. I'm amazed by some of the things people have said. What CAN they be thinking of? While I was going through treatment 4 years ago, I had several people tell me about someone they knew who'd had breast cancer, and finished up by saying "but she died". Gee, thanks! And I also hated the comment "well, at least they caught it early". The point was that my tumour had been caught far from early, it was blooming big by the time I was diagnosed. But I think the worst one for me was my husband (I've forgiven him for it now!) who, shortly after my diagnosis asked the oncologist "without treatment, how long has she got?" The answer was "about 8 months".
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This wasn't actually said to me, but was said to my 17yr old DD...One of her teachers asked how I was doing and my daughter told her I was doing okay and was still recovering from surgery...The teacher looked at her and said "Well if she had to get cancer at least she got Breast Cancer and they were able to just remove both of her boobs to get rid of it" My DD just looked at her and said why don't you go talk to my mom about what it feels like to "Just have Breast Cancer"..
.I was appalled that a teacher would actually say something like that to her.
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My white count and red are low and a person said, "You look like your going to die" Are you ok?
I wasn't very happy with that. People dont think. Or my weight up because of full body lymphedema, Saying, "You must be back to eating good."
People don't stop and think sometimes.
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I had 2 experiences that really bothered me (there were others of course).
I hadn't been to my GP for quite some time, I went one day for an appointment (my hair was just starting to grow in), and his nurse said to me "what did you to your hair, why would you cut it so short, you look so different" Well, I thought to myself what an idiot, so I said to her "yeah cancer and chemo have that effect on your hair" Needless to say her mouth dropped open and she said Oh I'm so sorry.
One day at work there was someone smoking a cigarette beside me, the group of us started talking about how smoking is not good for you. The guy turned and said to me, well you had cancer anyway, what difference would it make. I looked at him and said, sure I guess I might as well get lung cancer now that I don't have breast cancer (he laughed).
Another thing I find incredible is, everybody comes to me now when they know someone who has or had breast cancer. They tell me about the ones that passed away or, they ask me all sorts of questions, do I think they will be ok, how long do I think they have, etc. I am always sympathetic, but really, I didn't turn into a breast specialist just because I had cancer.
Some people really need to think before they talk.
Shelley
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Shelley, I hear you.
It feels like everybody comes running to me to tell cancer stories, breast and all others. I guess they think "misery loves company", but they have no idea how depressing it is to talk about all that illness.. I guess it is my fault as well, because I know more about it now of course, and if one asks a question I can start explaining some things - but still.
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Hey Lilith,
I don't mind the people asking me so much, I understand they think that we probably know more than others. What bothers me the most is when people tell me oh I had a friend that had breast cancer they died or are dying, do I really want to hear that NO!
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Shelloz, I agree. That happens to me too. Why? If your friend had a heart attack would you go and visit them and tell them about all the people who died from heart attacks???
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Makraz you are right, you wouldn't tell someone about all the people that died of heart attacks, so why do people think it's any different with cancer? I think that many people are ignorant, maybe they think that if you are still alive, it means you are ok, or maybe they just don't realize it's not what we want to hear.
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The other night at bingo one lady came up to me and asked why I was wearing my wig. Sometimes I wear it, sometime not, all of my head is now covered with (short) hair. I answered: " I have the option of wearing it or not and I like having that choice." She is the same one who told me she could get me into her golf club because I need to exercise more...
This is not the same, but at my husband's funeral, a "friend" came up to me and told me that I looked good in black and I should wear it more often...
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