Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
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I got into an argument the other night with a man who had cured himself of 2 cancers, so he says. He had surgery then took it upon himself to do vitamins and never eat out - only home cooked meals, which his girlfriend is forced to cook. This dude never married and qualifies as a male chauvanist pig, in my opinion.
Well, since I had surgery, I am cured... I am not in treatment according to him. So, I ask this: if I am cured, why do I go for Herceptin every 3 weeks? Does "everyone" do this -- I do not think so. This is the standard "treatment" for this, right? Thanks for letting me vent.
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Yep, everyone has an "easy" cure. We seem to be doing it the hard way. We should have just put baking soda in our tea or something and then we wouldn't have needed the surgery. heheheehe
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My mother-in-law will tell you that I made myself have breast cancer. She says because I am a very hyper person, I brought it on myself. I'm not sure how to respond when someone says something like that to me.
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Tell her she's full of shit so she's going to get colon cancer!
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Barbe--I laugh so hard when I read about the colon cancer. How about "You have no heart, so you won't have a heart attack."
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Barbe, Hiker
LOVE it!
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Barbe - You are too funny!
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Thanks for the laughs Barbe and Hiker!
Love you guys!!
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Oh my God, I can't believe all of these people. So here's my latest...I really shouldn't even waste the key strokes telling it but it really made me depressed. My new husband's 18 year old daughter came over for dinner and just as she sat down and thought we were talking about the HPV cervical cancer vaccine (we were actually talking about me....gee....and a new possible vaccine for triple negative breast cancer) but this young lady is so self absorbed that she couldn't follow that the conversation was about my cancer. She then says, "People that have cancer have it because God wants them to." Days later, at my request, my husband told her that that was disrespectful and she was outraged. Unbelievable.
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Oh man, that you're so full of shit you're going to get colon cancer is amazing....I've got to memorize that line!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Good one Barbe
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I am waiting for my tests to see if I have thyroid cancer, I had some say
a Dr your neck doesn't look like it got any as he felt today I have 7 nodes
and my father died of thyroid cancer, Where are peoples brains lately.
Also I have full body lymphedema from all my cancers and people ask when
I will be over that today(a nurse)
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They must be in another dimension, footprints.
It just makes my blood boil what people have said to you.
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Ok - I think even the irrepressible Barbe will be flabbergasted with this one:
I had a micromet found in the sentinel node after my initial lumpectomy/SNB - after much thought and deliberation, decided to have the ALND surgery to take out the rest of them. Luckily, all were negative. My onco then ordered the Oncotype test and I scored 12. Yes, I am very fortunate.
However . . .when I announced all of this on one of the theads on this board, someone asked me what my onco was going to do with the micromet, because no matter what my Oncotype score was, I still needed to get chemo in order to get rid of it. Well, the micromet was taken OUT - it is OUT - and I am starting radiation treatments very soon in this regard should anything have spread, which recent tests have shown not to be the case in the BC arena. Now, what I should have responded to this person (and I use that term loosely) was that my onco had preserved the micromet and I am going to wear it in a protective amulet in order to ward away ignorant, snarky individuals such as yourself! Witch!!!!!
Thank you for allowing me to vent.
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Barbe and Hiker you are both too funny. I need to use some of those expressions next time someone says something extremely rude. I could not stop laughing after that colon cancer comment. I can change my "you're so full of shit your eyes are brown " line. It is amazing how insensitive people can be.
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I am a Prosecutor and we have a particularly nasty female judge on the bench. When she wanted to continue one of my matters (an alcohol in public charge that she thought should be dismissed and I refused) to her afternoon docket, I told her that I had a doctor's appointment (for a breast biopsy) that afternoon and that another Prosecutor would be taking the case for me. She angrily told me that she hadn't excused me and that I needed to plan to be there. I told a shocked (and thankfully almost empty) courtroom that I had a biopsy scheduled to determine if I had cancer and that I hoped it would make her happy to make me cancel it. She told me if I was having a bad dy I shouldn't have been at work that day. My boss was so angry that she went to judges chambers along with the second in command in our office to confront the judge about her behavior. When my boss confronted the judge, her comment was - "well if she has cancer, tell her not to expect sympathy from me because she doesn't have sympathy for the alcoholic man in the parking lot" (referring to my case that morning). My boss was so angry! Now that I have had a cancer diagnosis - that judge won't even look me in the face. I was shocked and angry that she could be so callous, but my boss and I are now able to laugh about it.
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Wow Kim, it sure does take all kinds doesn't it?
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Kims2, that's a pretty incredible story. You have to wonder what prompted that case to hit such a nerve with her, certainly was an overly emotional response on her part. As a female in a typically male dominated profession I really hate it when women do that. Sorry that happened to you, and hope you don't have any other insensitive dolts give you reason to post here.
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barbe and hiker, perfect! just perfect responses.
i had an aquaintance tell me, "if you need to talk, call me. my best friend died of cancer."
perhaps i should give MY best friend YOUR number instead...incase i die...you can commiserate together. here's your stupid pass.
sorry about the other stories. lots of fools out there!
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Oh Cs34, if we could just speak our minds. Love the stupid pass. Perhaps you could loan it to Kims2 to give to the Judge.
Welcome Kims2....Feel free to call on the shovel brigade any time you need to. With Spring approaching, we'll need to put away the head smacking snow shovel in favor of the garden shovel but it works nicely as well. Wish you didn't have to join us.
ReneeS
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Today a person told me I looked alot better today, It must be the makeup. Funny thing is I always wear the same makeup the same way. Please figure this out for me.
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How about (right before my mastectomy/tissue expander surgery). "Oh, I've heard that is the most horrific pain you can have"!
Or "I know you'll be fine, you're a strong woman and a fighter" (If I'm not fine, am I a failure??)
Or I love when people stare at your chest the whole time you are talking, trying to figure out which one.....
Or from an aunt who went through breast cancer herself a few years ago: "Your tumor is much bigger than mine, so I'm sure you'll have to have chemo and much more agressive treatment."
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Hello ladies!! Thanks for the laughs. I am new to this site. So glad I found it!! I was diagnosed w/ bc 9/08. Had lumpectomy. Then bil mastectomy 2/4/09. Currently in the expander stage. Still waiting to see if I need chemo or rads as IDC was found in "good breast" after BM. Reading this site has helped me know I am not alone...So thank you.
Stupid comments...where do I begin?? Well, I posted on another thread but will post here. When I was first diagnosed and having the lumpectomy, I told my neighbor. She had been yammering on and on about her recent breakup with her boyfriend. I told her, when asked what was new, that I had bc. Well she proceed to tell me that if I died I would just go to heaven with Jesus. Later on she apologized to me. Said she was caught off guard. And I accepted her apology.
Another hall of fame lame and stupid remark came from my "brilliant" mother. When she found out I was having a bil mastectomy w/ reconstruction, all she could tell me was how her sister had implants and they hurt her terribly. I probably heard this a total of six or seven times during my visit (2 days I might add..) Then she proceeded to tell me that her mother never had reconstruction after her breast cancer. I had to say, "Mom I'm only 46. Grandma was in her 70's." Oh well, my husband has always correctly said that she's not the sharpest tool in the shed.
But ending on a brighter note, so many people have been wonderful to me. And yes, I've heard the comments..." how I'm so lucky to just have breast cancer." "I'm jealous that you're getting new boobs." "this cancer will be just a bump in the road." And I've gotten the emails about how I brought breast cancer on myself. But still, the kindness of people outweighs any of the negative comments by far.
And this Valentine's Day, I was 10 days out of surgery. I still had my drains in and looked like crap. And to top it off I started my period. So it was a really big banner day...But it was probably one of the best Valentine's day ever. All the love and kindness my husband showed to me - emptying my drains and being there for me showed me what love is. Maybe sometimes that romantic love is a little over rated...But emptying your wife's drains, going to all appointments, making me laugh when I want to cry...Well that takes the top prize in my book!!
Anyway...sorry to be so long winded. Everyone...thanks for listening. -Rebecca
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Koreapatra - Thanks for sharing your stories. My husband sounds just like yours. We are very lucky to have them. I don't think I would have made it through all of this without him. I'm so glad that your husband truly loves you and takes care of you. He's a good man!!
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I am having prophylactic bil mx with SNB 4/16. This decision follows 15 years of abnormal mammos and too many bx to remember. I have a family history of breast cancer and a previous lumpectomy showed ADH. My latest mammo and MRI state that I have "innumerable" areas in both breasts that require bx. My surgeon took my case to the tumor board at the hospital breast center and the unanimous decision of all of the specialists involved was that bil mx with SNB was my only treatment choice at this point.
Upon telling my mother all of the above information her response was, "well, that is what you wasn't it"? She repeated this statement several times until I lost it and said to her "YES, IT HAS BEEN MY DREAM MY ENTIRE LIFE TO HAVE MY BEAUTIFUL BREASTS CUT OFF SINCE I THINK IT WILL BE SUCH A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE". I realize that she understands I want to have all of the worry and mammos to end, but talk about a stupid thoughtless thing to say!
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I have a cousin who dramatizes EVERYTHING. She's not a bad person but I think she's missing some filters. When I had my first bout of DCIS in 2005, she called to wish me well, then went off on a tale about her GRUELING 2 hours in ultrasound recently while the docs examined her breast images to discover that nothing was wrong. This was meant to show she knew what I was going through, I guess.
Then when I was recently dx again with DCIS, my mom passed on the news to my cousin. Again she commiserated but then called my mom the next day after a glass or two of wine and was all emotional, wailing, "I hope that never happens to MY daughter, I don't know what I would do!" Well, I just hope you would get a grip and not make it All About YOU...
Mind you, my mom is also a BC survivor (18 years). We just did a joint eye-roll when she relayed this latest.
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I would have to say that the worst thing I heard was from a girl friend. She said " Oh my God, that's what my mother died of!" Not exactly what I needed to here ya know?
I have since taken up a policy of stopping people if they want to tell me a grusome story, and say that I only want to hear stories with good outcomes.
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what pushes my buttons is the sermons about how we create our own illnesses and furthermore that western medicine is poison.
During my first bout with bc, one friend practically hid from me for weeks--this was an early signal that I later saw a lot of, that there are some people just cant deal with cancer. She finally briefly appeared to say she was so terribly concerned about me that she had asked her uncle to do long distance reiki on me from Puerto Rico.
It took me a long time to let that one go...so here i am, 9 years later with a recurrence, and she emails me imploring me to drop everything and fly to Rio to be "treated" by some jerk who channels the spirit of a German doctor from the 19th century named Dr. Fritz. This AFTER we had exchanged some emails about my situation in which i mentioned that it drives me crazy to hear everyone and their brother´s idea about how to fix what is wrong with me.
Nine years ago with the reiki thing, i just gritted my teeth and chalked it up to good intentions, but this time i´d had it. Next time she called me I bit her head off. I have to say, it was a huge relief to get it off my chest.
Lisa
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I think the worst thing someone can say to you is nothing! I'm still trying so hard to forgive this in people I know that have dropped off the face of the earth. Now that I'm on the road to recovery, they're poking their heads out and/or calling with excuses. The only reason I'm forgiving is, I don't know how I would react, not knowing what I know now. I know hiding would not be something I would do. Oh, well, thanks for my rant!
Deen
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Geysermom- I just wanted to wish you the best on your upcoming surgery!! Keep us informed on how you're doing, OK?? Anyway, I think we're lucky to leave in the Denver metro area as there are some fantastic doctors to choose from. I told my co workers that my plastic surgeon and oncologist are young hottie doctors. So I always have to put my makeup on to go in. ha...ha...ha...I guess if you're going to get stuck having cancer...it's one of the bright sides.
Makraz-thanks for the post. Glad your husband is as fabulous as mine. Great picture by the way.
-Rebecca
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