Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
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Hehehehehehe, what a bunch of dumb people! Heeeeeeeeeere's your sign!
About the rating of 2, uh uh. Take the 2 breasts - 2 = zero! You should have said you actually rated a zero cause you lost your 2! (so did I)
Tell your friend you don't believe in her religion and your God is stronger and better than hers!
Oh I am such a shit disturber.....
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barbe is wonderful - full of wonders.
Sessna1
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Sessna, Barbe truly is wonderful! We love you Barb!!
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BARBE is so FULL of wonders I wonder what we would do without her?!!!!!! Love ya girl, Tami
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I actually had a guy say to me, "I know how you feel. When I turned 40, my eyesight got bad."
Huh?
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"It's only fleshy tissue"....what a woman who I hardly knew said to me after hearing I was going in for a mastectomy.
" not like it's major surgery" (a-hem..I think having a tram-flap surgery is major surgery! said by same idiot...
"Thats what cancer does....it comes back"..said by a very good friend, when I told her my cancer had come back.
"did you pull a Britney Spears?" said by the woman in line behind me, at Walmart, looking at my bald head (which was covered by a very cool pink Boston Red Sox hat) I did have a pretty good comback...I said "no, I pulled a Chemo!" and turned around!
"now I will be the fattest person in the family"...said by an aunt, when hearing I would be getting a tummy tuck from my tram flap surgery... (was not aware that we had a list)
someday I will write a book and that will be a chapter in it...stupid things said, by stupid people!
MB
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Can I join You, We could really get something together and make people think.
I am so sorry you had to deal with alot of this as you are fighting cancer.
Some people just do not think before they talk. Good luck to all
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Barbe, that was one of my favorites, too.
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One of my co-workers had breast cancer 6 years ago and has said some really unsympathetic and stupid things to me over the past couple of months.
When I first found out, she said "You are not a strong person and won't be able to handle this".......everyone else has told me that I am a VERY strong person and I have handled it as well as can be expected
Another thing she said was " just think of it as a free boob job" .....there is absolutely NOTHING free about it!
Lasty, she said "breast cancer is no big deal"......excuse me, but it is a BIG DEAL to me, this is my life we are talking about!
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The only person in my office (65) who was kind of blase about the whole thing said, "Oh, my wife has had lumps over the years, they're nothing." to "Breast cancer is treated like a chronic disease nowadays." Now his DIL has breast cancer and I gently reminded him about what he had said to me. He said it was different because I was older and had done more! WTF? I am only 8 years older than his DIL, but my kids are 20+ years older than hers. Not my fault she waited.
We were talking about whether his DIL will get a recon or go natural with her mast. He actually told me that his wife had asked him how I looked (I go commando). He told her I look normal....Crap, I have never wanted to look normal....
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Hear!Hear! maryJo.
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After surgery, I went for my first outing, to a little photography exhibition my daughter was holding, about an hour away. I felt a little shaky, but dressed up, put on makeup, and went. I was so overjoyed to be OUT and around people and had a great time. The next day, my sister in law called me and said I had looked so bad last night that she wanted to check and see how I was doing. I thought I had looked pretty good. It was very deflating.
I do have to say, though, that contrary to some other posters, I LOVE it when people say their relative or friend had bc and is fine now. I always answer "Yes, I am going to be just like her!" and add that person to my survivors list that I use for inspiration. It helps me see this as beatable and gives me positive examples. I guess these remarks hit us all differently.
But the idea of a book about what not to say to people with cancer (and some great snappy comebacks) is a GREAT idea and seems eminently publishable to me. I wonder if it could be compiled online and used as a breastcancer.org fundraiser.
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I think we hate it when someone mentions a relative that had breast cancer and DIED. Or when people pooh-pooh your fear because someone they know had breast cancer and LIVED. We all have the right to take our own steps in this journey and people shouldn't be pushing us ahead or pulling us back.
As an example; you felt great when you went out, your SIL pulled you back by saying you looked bad.
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Absolutely true, Barbe. I am learning so much through this journey already. I know that I am going to be MUCH more careful about what I say to people in crisis in the future.
I am well meaning but enthusiastic. I can totally see myself hurting someone's feelings and never meaning to. Sometimes we want to make someone feel better SO BADLY that we screw it up. At least I know that is my motivation. But most of the times "I'm sorry to hear that" and "I'm here for you work best, it seems.
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Well put Amy! I think when someone says something hurtful it can be helpful to simply say so. That way they might be able to keep their feet out of their mouth for the next person in need that comes along.
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AND HEEEEEEERRRRRREEEE'SSS YOUR SIGN! Tami
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A guy told me that "the cure for cancer was found two years ago, but the oncology industry is so profitable that no one's talking about it." Gee, you'd think a thing like that would make the news! Probably thinks Elvis is alive.
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I have heard that so many times, "there is a cure for cancer, but so many people in the research business would be out of a job if it were to be made public" what a crock. There are plenty of other diseases they could work on.
One lady at work had breast cancer a few years ago and she was out of work for a full 16 weeks even though she only had a lumpectomy and radiation. I went back to work 4 weeks after my surgery and plan to work as much as possible during my chemo and radiation. She actually had the nerve to say that I only came back to work early to make her look bad. If I wanted to make her look bad, all I would have to do is point out her attitude.
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the worst was when i called my sister to tell her i had breast cancer (we hadn't talked in a year) and she was annoyed i called and said "why does everything always have to be about you?" i had only called her because she needed to know for medical reasons.
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Good comments!!!! Some comments I had:
Will your hair grow back?( No, my whole head will fall off)?!!
At church.. friend says why do you even need chemo? ( DUH.. to save my life).
The LOOK. the kind of look where they shake your hand ARE you ok.. like i am ready to die!!!
One other said, i wear wigs where people do not know me. but never wear them where they do!!!I am wearing one at the time!!!!!!!! At church too..pastors' wife!!!!! I could not respond!!!!!
That humor will never go in this jounrey as i need it!!!Thanks for the comments here!!1
Sister in Pink,'
Donna
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Yes People say and do very strange insensitive things. Maybe its because they dont know what to say and end up just saying something for the sake of it and its not always been thought out. However, one of my closest friends sent me a photo on my mobile recently of her new amazingly enlarge breasts. She had just had them enlarged through choice.(the photo was sent literally hours after her surgery....like she couldnt wait to show me) I had recently had a bilateral mastectomy and was suffering allsorts of complications from a reconstruction. I cried my heart out. Also a colleague also announced that I was the 4th person that month she had heard of that was dying of breast cancer......I was gobsmacked! Ive now learnt to rise above these insensitive comments etc Weve been through enough already x
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bombus--your sister makes me happy to be an only child.
You all have such a great attitude! Keep it up!
Karen
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My first surgeon was staging me after my mastectomy and she was listing the things, 3.5 cm tumor, 2 nodes positive, grade 2...and she said "thats stage 3" and I said, I thought anything under 5 cm. with less than 4 nodes was stage 2b. She then said "Okay, I'll let you be stage 2 if you want". I kid you not. Shes a real warm person, don't ya think.
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At least she didn't refer to you as "late stage" every time you saw her. But, despite that, I really do love my med onc and rad onc. A lot of people don't like my med onc (we only have 1 within a 50 mile radius), but I really do like and trust him.
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sandyb...WOW... someone sending a pic of their boobs on a phone is truly the most craziest thing i ever heard of to date!!Having bialteral mx, i would of cried too!!!! One thing, goin thru this journey, for me, i will have a new set of friends!!The ones you think you are close with, is surprisingly disappointing. Cannot have expectations i am learnoing also. So many great people i am meeting in the cancer forum and in other ways that have changed my life on many levels.
lookingforward...what a comment!!!!! Hope it gets better as that one must of thrown you for a loop. Some of these times we will never forget and yet at times, it feels like we are almost alone but we are not!!!
bombus...can see why you may not of been in touch with your sister for a year!!Try another one..lolol!!!Sad@!
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- gobsmacked! What a wonderful word! http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/onomatopoeia
Thank you for sharing, and I'm sorry that that happened. Yes, hardship does show you a lot about the people that you "know."
Sessna1
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bombus, please tell me that you made that up. Please ... that is just horrific. No woman, sister or not, should be that mean. Whoa.0
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>>"One other said, i wear wigs where people do not know me. but never wear them where they do!!!I am wearing one at the time!!!!!!!! At church too..pastors' wife!!!!! I could not respond!!!!!"
You: "Allrighty then!" as you whip off your wig. (Yeah, I don't think I could do that, either!). Gobsmack THEM for a change.
I know I've said my share of stupid things. As said upthread, I guess we have to sort out the intent behind the remark so we don't hold grudges against people who are just awkward, rather than A-holes. But it sure is hard sometimes!
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Tabby.. hehehehe..yeah, that would of stunned her a bit!!! I try to understand but lately since i am so sensitive as i think when we are tired we become more vulnerable to comments and it is hard sometimes to be strong and just want to smack someone!!!!!
One thing I know, how will I BE in helping when meeting anyone, stranger or friend etc when they say they have cancer!!At least we know what is the right thing to say and NOT to!!
Love what Pennyone said.. like they are all experts!!!!How does one know how my hair is goin to come back or if cancer will not occur elsewhere etc..That is frustrating and yet, you have to smile and get away before you scream!!!!That is me mostly!!!
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