Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
Comments
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LOL hollyann! I will use that line next time!0
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I am sure others have encountered and possibly posted these befor but here it goes:
While debating reconstruction:
1) "Wow...are you ever lucky....a free boob job!" Yeah I'm really friggin lucky!
2) "You always did do things the hard way! " Yeah, like a had a choice...let me see.....I should go the hard route and get BC so I can get implants....duh!
3) I was saying that I don't have enough belly tissue for a tram flap and the response was..."Are you taking donations....you can have some of mine." ha ha...real funny!
Yep some people have just rolled off the old turnip truck!
I know people mean well but Geesh!
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Pickle...my co-worker said that one to me about the free boob job....I see nothing free about it, and s a matter of fact, it is the most expensive (money and emotionally) boob job you could ever get!!!0
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Spot the bloody turnip!!!!!
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Pickle 141--I get that from friends more often than I can count.
London--Can you imagine if I responded with your remark?
An US American says: "mind if I donate some of my fat?'' heheheheeeee and I shout back
"Spot the bloody turnip!!!!!"
Yeah, that might just shut them up!
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ccbaby - you are so right. There are too many kinds of breast cancer, too many stages, too many other things to group every woman who had or has breast cancer into one group. In fact, it is stupid!
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I love to be able to give people some good news--my mom is a 22 year survivor and has never had a reccurence----and give them hope.
anne
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Thanks Anne! I hope that's me!!
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When people try to make me feel better by telling me about survivers, in my mind I am asking the question "Were they tripple negative?". But then I remind myself that four months ago I thought breast cancer was breast cancer. I've been on a huge learning curve. I don't forgive my surgeon for his ignorance, but I do forgive the ladies who are trying to give me positive energy.
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I saw a different onc the day before yesterday prior to my second round of chemo. He hadn't read my file and knew nothing about me. The kicker was when he lifted my head wrap back and asked. " What happened to your hair?"
On a worse note, I called my husband who lives in Portugal this morning to let him know how I'm doing. He had a heart attack a month after my diagnosis so I always ask about him first. He was very tired and I told him to be strong. His reply was that that was easy for me to say because I didn't know what pain was. (Oh no, I don't know pain, only broke my neck in a car accident, had my appendix rupture and developed peritonitis, had a cyst and partial hysterectomy, total hysterectomy and bladder tack and had to wear a urine bag for two weeks, have Crohns Disease and fibromyalgia, three surgeries for this bc and chemo and have developed cording and lymphedema) I didn't rip him a new one but I did say. " No it's not easy for me to say. It's the hardest thing for me to say because I am having to do it whether I feel like it or not. I told him that his mental outlook had a lot to do with his physical well being and recovery and that he was scuppering himself with his attitude." He is such a pessimist and I have always been there to lift him up and I'm sorry I can't be there to take care of him but I have to do this in order to live so I can do just that. Sorry for the rant ladies.
Nancy
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Hi ladies, I ALWAYS get the 'you're lucky you have breast cancer' and not the bad kinds....one of my coworkers just told me that AGAIN yesterday...his wife is a 7 yr bc survivor, which I think is great, but when I ask him anything about her bc or treatment he is totally clueless...I found myself explaining my whole situation to him, from dx to mx to treatment to now...his jaw dropped. Geez, I find myself almost preaching to people about NOT relying on mammograms, etc.
I've had a couple people tell me how cute my short hair cut is....I say "oh I didn't cut it, its growing back!" they just stare at me!
pantufas/Nancy - that must be hard with your husband living in another country!! hang in there girl! I can't believe that onc said that to you.
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Nancy, your DH sounds pretty clueless with his remark.
I "only" have BC and UC - it's not crohn's but you must also know the difference, and just those two are such a blessing.
When my hair was really short (1/3 of an inch short) and growing, a man told my boyfriend that he "would have never have allowed his wife to cut her hair so short, it's unproper for a man to have longer hair than his wife".
) I just relish the whipping he got from his wife later, she was present and looked mortified at the remark... and perfectly aware of my situation. 0 -
Not sure this is the worst thing ever said to me, but took me by surprise. Yesterday I was walking in the neighborhood when two of my neighbors staged what I think might have been a mini-intervention!! They told me I'm just "not (my)self" and that they want "the old Lynne back." I tried to explain how life-changing BC can be; six months post dx, three surgeries, boobs that are under construction, the "new normal."
I have really tried not to let BC get me down, but probably not the life of the party anymore. Wonder what I was giving them before that they are missing now. Too gobsmacked to ask.
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Imays...you are right BC changes you, it doesn't matter what kind it is, what stage, or what treatment you had. It's always in the back of your mind. Your friends don't have a clue, what you are going through, and hopefully they never will. They need to be supportive, and never mind a mini-intervention.
That being said...I hate when people say that there is a cure for cancer....but the drug companies are keeping it under wraps because its a big money maker. I actually have a sister who said this to my mother. I'm doing a fundraiser this Sunday for relay for life, and sent her an invitation, which she never replied to, so my mother asked her if she was going and she told her no, because this cancer thing is only a big proboganda to make more money. Talk about ignorant.
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Okay here is mine. I had to call into a department in my job to get approval to return to work after my mastectomy and when the WOMAN asked me what kind of surgery I had and I said mastectomy she repeated the word mastectomy like it was a question and she did not know what that meant. Can you be a woman and really not know what that word means? I sure did well before my diagnosis.
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Bumped into an old colleague and told him I'd had breast cancer and had just completed nearly a year of treatment and he said ...... "Ick."
I kid you not - he said "ick" - like the noise 8 year olds make when someone has snot on their face.
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Your husband sounds like a keeper! Good for him and you.
I found that if I told people I was doing treatment 2 of 12 and everything was going fine, or something similar, it prevented them from asking something they don't really know how to ask. Bottom line is they care or they would ignore you, so please try to take it that way.
My insensitive people told me stores about people that had br ca that didn't live, then at the tail end of the story threw in, "this has nothing to do with you though............................................ "
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blondie45 - I went to Macy's lingerie dept. while on chemo and asked if they had mastectomy bras, the girl said "vasectomy bras?" I repeated mastectomy and she asked "what is that?"...I explained then just walked away shaking my head...
suzan_survivor - I get that one all the time.."this has nothing to do with you"... I also am willing to talk to anyone who wants to know anything cause you're right, they care!!
greenfrog - ick!!!!!!!!!!! is right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Let's talk hair... I was talking to some coworkers about my hair (or lack of it) and telling them that it was really starting to bother me and how I was obsessing about it growing back. One lady proceeded to tell me "Oh, my husband's been bald most of his life - it's no big deal".
On another occasion, I wore a hat and wig to work one day for a change. It was first thing in the morning and I was feeling pretty perky. A couple of women I work with approached me and started talking going on an on about my hair (lack of). One girl very nicely said "well, you've always had very thick hair so I'm sure it will come back that way". The older, less tactful woman snickered and very snidely replied "She 'had' thick hair". I almost ripped her eyes out!
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Isn't it interesting how people not going though chemo seem to know so much. They are sure it will grow back thick? Hmmm. I just think back to how ignorant I was before my diagnosis. After first being told I had bc I was givin the number of a lady who had been diagnosed a few months earlier. She found out she had bc on a monday, and literally had masectomy with reconstruction done within the week. I was about three weeks from diagnosis, but was waiting for a second surgery and more test results done and had not yet seen an oc yet. She freaked me out asking if my tumor was estrogen positive and being absolutely shocked that I didn't know yet. She went on and on about how my care was not adequate and made me fell like if I didn't do it her way I was doomed. I got off the phone with her and my poor husband had to put me back together again.
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Huh, so that shows you that even people who have gone through it can't say the right thing!
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so true.
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No comment at all from people you thought cared about you, that to me, so far, is worse than anything. Maybe they're afraid of saying the wrong thing? and hurting me? I don't know. Truth is no one can really know the right words unless they too have been diagnosed with bc. My handicapped son said the most endearing thing - "How's your boobs, Mom?."
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Kids get straight to the point. don't they?? Now adults, on the other hand...
Last year as I was midway through tx, dh and I attended his family reunion. Had told a faithful SIL beforehand to let people know I was feeling fine, had a great prognosis etc, etc., and didn't want anyone making a fuss but please just treat me the way they did in past years. She spread the word, but it just didn't get through to another SIL, who started CRYING when she saw me!! I guess others told her off, because about an hour later, she came and apologized. She's never been among my favourite relatives, and I suspect she just had to "outdo" everyone else.....!
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Out of the mouths of babes...
During my holidays last week, my step-mother (dad is dead, though) asked me if I was getting the support I needed from family. NO! I said. Well, did you tell them what you "need". I said I don't think I need to email them to tell them that an email asking after me, or a "thinking of you" email would be nice! I said I think I made it all look too easy...maybe I should have milked it more. After all, cancer is a big word! (My dad died of cancer). I think she was shocked at my reaction, but hey, don't ask something you don't want to hear the true answer to! It was a blatant point to her as well, as she has been completely lacking in support too! None of my brothers or sister came to my daughters wedding in Punta Cana, but there were still 32 people around the table....
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Barb, those 32 people are the important ones. Well, except one or two!
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Gotcha Linda... 0
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I am still reeling fron tlking t o my "Caregiver" from the treatment canter. I called them to let them I was off of the TAmoxifen. I have not been able to resume life while on it. I fall asleep behind the wheel of my car when traveling on the interstate. I wake up feeling like I have the flu.,and have to go back to bed( No work) I cant sleep sometimes because of hot flashes. I have no energy to raise my five year old son and he is running wild with no dicipline because I cannot get out of bed to supervise him. She told me that if I did not take the Tamoxifen the cancer would come back.She said she had seen it many times and I do not want it to come back somewhere else. She told me some other things but that really sucked. I had wrestled with the decision to try to go with out for a month and had finally made the decision to do it. I had spoken to surgeons who had seen many cancers. I had planned to do things with my son again. Now I am a basket case again because I am so afraid of what she said. It will be on my mind for a long time, stressing me out.
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YOu might want to ask your doctor about some anti-depressants that could help with the side effects. Although read the post on here about the side effects of those taken with tamox. There are some that don't interfere with tamox. Have you tried taking half in the morning,and then half at night? Have you asked your Doctor what percentage rate taking tamox will actually reduce your recurrance rate? Taking tamox only reduced my recurrance rate by 3%! SOunds like you need to have a chat with your doc, and ask the hard questions. Peace and health to you, Tami
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Idaho ~ You and Lydia may want to read this brand new info:
Antidepressants & tamoxifen not a good combo (If the link doesn't work, that's a new topic posted a couple of days ago in the Alternative section here.)
Lydia ~ Your "Caregiver" was way out of line to talk to you that way. Can you find a new onc, or at least talk to your existing one directly about your severe SEs? A drug, no matter how beneficial for you, isn't beneficial if it incapasciates you.
You might also be interested in some of the conversations within the thread here called "natural girls," also in the "Alternative, Complimentary & Holistic" section. Deanna
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