Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
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When I told my co-worker about my BC, two days later she send me an e-mail with some names of friends of hers, wanting to send their cv in for my Job, she said
" Since you are going to be gone for good very soon, I hope you dont mind finding a replacement ASAP........
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OMG, Mamita, that is incredibly callous and cruel! Even if she didn't mean, "because you'll be dead," how can she know what your plans are and how you feel?
And "very soon'?! Give me a break...
Can't even put that one down to "well-meaning but didn't know what to say." Sheesh!
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mamita49 - that is UNBELIEVABLE! How did you respond to THAT?!
Some people have no brains. Hope you are doing well, and doing great at work - despite working with such an idiot!
Susan
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I told her that I will look myself for a replacement, since I will be off work only 6 months, and I will get someone who will be able to work for those 6 months ONLY.
She said, thats ok,
" I was just wondering, since I have sooo many friends who are dying to get a job like you have........
( I am an autonomous teacher working only 3 hours each morning.......)
Truly, I told her to stop that stupid smiling of hers, and just get out of my way......
I saw her again recently in a shop, she kinda ran away from me, like if I have some transmittable sickness.....
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The radiology technician who used to do my mammos for years decided it was appropriate to comment on how bad my breast looks post-lumpectomy. Last year she asked me who my surgeon was and said, "Well, I must say, this certainly looks like his handiwork." When I looked at her in amazement she said, "I know, I know...I know all of you love him..."
Unreal. Like I need a professional telling me how bad my breast looks, as if I don't have eyes or something.
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Mamita - Oh. my.
This co-worker person has immediate contact with children???? If she does, how does she treat her students if she treated you that way? Is there some way to protect others from her?
Makraz - You just have such an incredibly warm heart, I just don't know what to say. Thank you isn't sufficient. I feel like I was really, really understood. I hope you understand.
Desdamona- what a creep! May we be protected against such people.
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A lot of your network will fall away when you need support. I think you will lose at least one "friend" and find out that a few people weren't your friends at all.
Mamita49, that's why I won't be telling any co-workers at all. I work in hell. The employee benefits are great, though.
Sessna1
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By the way, kmmd, we all have a friend-enemy (frenemy) relative like that. Trust me. You deflected him with aplomb. Good job!
Sessna1
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Ok here is my add on to the list of worst things said.....
I had my first simulation yesterday. The tech needed a picture of me for identification purposes. She held up the camera and said...SMILE...
Really.....
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Is anyone taken Taxol? I was on Taxotere and I Had a bad time with it. Dr. is going to try Taxol (5th treatment). Did you have many side effects? Thank-you
I think some people just don't know what to say. It is hard when they say (chemo is killing the cancer) when you go for 2 1/2 weeks with total pain. I just can't always build my self up. BUT I TRY.
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Yesterday I had an appointment with my pc. I mentioned being uncomfortable that there was no test or obvious measure that would let me know if my cancer returned. My pc said, "you know, if your cancer returns any care after that just palliative".
Helpful. Very helpful.
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I was dx'd Feb. 1st. On FEb. 2nd the phone rings: me- "hello"? Anonymous voice: "Hi this is Susan from the Breast Cancer Relief Fund, we are hoping that you can contribute to the Breast Cancer Awareness Cause and pledge a donation of blah blah blah. I then said "I just found out that I have Breast cancer, would you please tell me what help you can give me?" " I need all I can get."....total silence.......click. She hung up on me! That was unbelievable to me especially since I had never received a call like that in my life! At least she could of done was say "I'm sorry". And if ONE more person tells me their Aunt So and So died from breast cancer I am going to SCREAM! I hope someday I can laugh at this, but not right now! Tami
MAE- you might try to post your question under the Chemotherapy thread, you will get an answer faster.....Hugs.
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Mae - I took taxol. 4 DD. My main se was neuropathy.
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Okay, I'm fed up. (Finally.) The two sides of my family are driving me NUTS! One side expects the whole thing to blow over, like yesterday. Chemo is done, why am I not "bouncing back" with my usual verve? And then this gem from my mother this evening:
"Whatever time we have left will be enuf.....much more than many folks get with many more years. I would much rather be us with these challenges than different with 100 years to play it out in."
And no, she is NOT talking about how much time SHE has left. She fully expects to live every one of those 100 years. I just wish she'd stop trying to be so positive. I mean really.That WAS her attempt at it. Yeesh.
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Hi webwriter, It took me awhile to get my energy back. Please be good to yourself
and remember they have not walked in your shoes. I always wonder why some people
don't think before they talk. Please take care and remember you can tell them. I will
take that up with me ,myself and I and we will get back with you as soon as possible
I will be praying for you.
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Those Breast Cancer Prevention fund solicitors are harpies.
I think they are paid solicitors, and they are very pushy, mean, and rude.
Don't let anyone abuse you over the telephone line that you pay for. Honestly, what nerve!
http://www.irs.gov/app/pub-78/searchFromResults.do?nameSearchTypeStarts=false&names=breast+cancer+prevention+fund&nameSearchTypeAll=false&city=Everett&state=WA&country=USA&deductibility=all&dispatchMethod=search&searched.nameSearchTypeStarts=false&searched.names=breast+cancer+prevention+fund&searched.nameSearchTypeAll=false&searched.city=&searched.state=WA&searched.country=USA&searched.deductibility=all&searched.sortColumn=name&searched.indexOfFirstRow=50&searched.isDescending=false&submitName=Search They are not highly or well ranked, based out of Everett, Washington
http://www2.guidestar.org/SearchResults.aspx
Sessna1
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webbie, I don't think your family is ever going to get it.
They just want you to go back to being perfect, i.e., the way they expect you to be. Quiet, silent, smiling, happy, non dis-eased...
Don't live in the past with them.
Sessna1
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Idaho, I know you didn't mean to be funny. But, your answer to the solicitor was one of the best I've ever heard. Hope its ok with you if I repeat that story to a few friends. I'd have loved to have been on the other extension, and a big cyber smack to the lack of response from that worker. How hard is it to say "sorry to hear that.." I look very hard at overhead statistics for the charities we give to. Too bad they're already off of my list because I'd have crossed them off after that.
Webbie: sent a PM
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I have to admit, I got frustrated with a solicitor the other night, too. I got a call telling me I had won a cruise for 2 to the Bahamas. All I had to do was pay for transportation between ports (I thought that was what the cruise was?) Blah..blah...blah. So I tried to be nice. I told him that I had been sick and wasn't planning any vacations in the near future, etc. No matter how nicely I tried to tell him that I wasn't in a position to accept his gracious offer, he kept up his sales tactics. I didn't need to take the cruise for 18 months...yada, yada, yada. I finally said, "I may not be alive in 18 months!" He asked me if that meant he should take me off his call list.
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DOI !
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Mae- I just finished Taxol. I had severe pain, requiring narcotics to relieve it, and neuropathy that will be with me for quite some time. I apologize if this scares you, as the pain I had is a fairly rare side effect.
Amazing how different family reactions can be. My parents have driven the 7 hour round trip every two weeks to be here and take me to chemo, help look after my kids, etc. My husband's family, who all live with 3 minutes of us haven't even called. I was too sick to attend a family gathering and hubby came back from it saying, "Everyone asked how you are, they're so concerned!" I said, "How surprising, that they suddenly have no phones or cars that they could use to find out for themselves how I am." I realize I'm just an in-law, but you'd think if only for my husband's sake they'd want to help out!
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My step father came to visit a couple of weeks ago and told me I looked a little too thin, my coloring was yellowish and the scarf made me look like a nun. He's obviously not the most tactful guy in the world!!! We all definitely need a thick skin to get through cancer treatment and the comments that go with it.
~Bonnie
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kmmd- you can tell anyone you want that story! I did kind of chuckle after a few hours about my response. I don't think it hit me funny when I said it because I am not the type to EVER think of a good comeback quickly- (unlike Barbe!). So I surprised myself! HA HA HA! Barbe your response awhile back made me laugh out loud for a long time! THe post was- that a friend had told one of our breast cancer sisters that SHE wished She had breast cancer so SHe could be closer to God- your response- "you should have killed her then she could have BEEN with God." That is classic!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I always get excited when I see your face and know that another zinger is coming....Thanx for cheering me up! Tami
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Have any of your heard the comic Bill Engvall? A few years ago he had a song out called "Here's Your Sign." It was about stupid people and the stupid things they say- it is FUNNY! Anyway, anytime someone would say something stupid to him in the video he hands them a sign that says "STUPID" that they can hold, and then he says "Here's your sign". I am going to make some up and use them! Tami
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My favourite answer was to the lady who's MIL told her she got breast cancer because she must have been bad. I told her to tell her that the MIL is going to get colon cancer 'cause she's full of shit!
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M'I bad?
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Perfect answer, barbe1958!
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You are NOT bad! YOU ARE TOO GOOD! You brighten my day and cheer us all up! Thank you! Tami
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A long time friend whose sister has gone through bc told me that her sister had said on a scale of 1-10 that having bc was a 2. It made me so mad- what a put down of what I am going through- that I told my friend-Let's cut off your breast and see if it feels like a 2.
Believe it or not we are still friends. But boy did she time that stupid coment at the wrong time. I was two days out from my mastectomy.
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Oh, Oh, Oh- I've got another one- Another good friend told me that she had "added me to her church prayer list,even though it hadn't done her brother any good." (he had died two months before)
Sometimes I understand that old saying-with friends like this who needs enemies,.Lol
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