Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
Comments
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Not funny! I had that said to me in a review. That if they had to let someone go, they'd let the person utilizing the benefits package the most go. After having said that, I dare them to! I would run so fast to a lawyer their heads would spin!
I'm doing WAY better than half the people there (we get print-outs of sales AND pay). 0 -
lmays, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I mentioned to my bosses boss last week that I felt badly about the stress I was being on the system. He says, everyone takes a turn and tells me (no names) of other issues from other employees like accidents etc that I did not know about. Sooner or later everyone has isses, he was right. Don't let them make you feel bad about something that you did not ask for.
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My continual frustration is running into people who you sort of know. I live in a very small town, so this happens quite regularily. Anyway, the usual greeting is "So, hows it going". Now, my question is the response. If the the How's it going has no infelctions, I just answer "Pretty Good". and hope to move on. Then there are the people like Barbe mentioned who come up to you and ask how you're doing but the tone of their voice really is asking "Are you Dieing?" How do you answer that? I feel like if I tell them I'm doing good I'm dissappointing them - like my drama is now not worth gossiping about at the next luncheon.
Also, How do you handle people legitimately complimenting my new hair cut - MY WIG. Do you tell them, or just say thanks?
Sometimes I wish I lived in a big city with some annonymity.
(Please excuse all spelling errors - it is my biggest frustration)
Rinna
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Lainey....You should have told her you'ld trade the bag for her hair.
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Last week I was working on a campus rental we have getting ready for the new students. An elderly gentleman I got to know when I bought the house five years ago was going on one of his many daily walks, stops at the front of the house and stare at me. I said "Hi George" and he continued to stare.
I finaly helped the old guy out with "Don't you recognize me without my hair?"
He says, "What'd ya go and do that for?" DH nearly fell off the latter.
"Well George, I had cancer." Long.......pause.....
"We'll," he says, "You have a beautiful smile."
I couldn't knock him off his cane after that come back.
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That was actually a rather gracious response! Rather than, "Oh, you'll be fine, blah, blah, blah!"
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Renee, I think he made up for the off the cuff remark by commenting on your beautiful smile. I wouldn't have knocked his cane out either.
Sheila
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Renee - he definitely saved himself. I think we all walk into it sometimes. I shows some grace to dig yourself out.
Rinna
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I'm kidding of course. Pretty quick on his feet for a old drunk guy. He walks down to the store to get a six pack of beer twice a day.
I think the only comment that ever came close to bothering me was, "That's the good kind of cancer." As for the other stupid things people say, they're just trying to help most of the time. I know they're uncomfortable and don't know what to say.
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I've been pretty lucky all in all, with people mostly not saying anything too obnoxious. The one comment that still eats at me, though, was said by a neighbor (a man). A different neighbor was diagnosed with Stage III bc just a few weeks after my (DCIS) diagnosis. The male neighbor happened to bump into me a few weeks later (after I'd had surgery and was getting ready for radiation) and said something like "so, you were lucky and ducked the bullet" in reference to my version of bc. I just didn't know how to respond to that. Yes, my other neighbor's bc situation IS worse - no argument. Yes, I do feel VERY lucky that in my case it was found in the DCIS stage. But, I did have surgery. I did do 33 radiation treatments. The whole thing did take over my and my family's life for about 6 months (not counting followups every 4 months for the next several years). I would think that "ducking the bullet" would be a b9 biopsy result, y'know? Not having cancer at all...
Linda
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I am in the process of getting my diagnosis. I am scheduled for an excision soon.
The worst: My mother telling me that my sister visited a fortune teller, and the fortune teller told her I have "nothing.' Now if I try to talk about my feelings of what else could be found, I'm told, "you're sister says you have nothing." Thanks. I guess I will just cancel the surgery. This is the same sister who told me I got lupus because I smoked. Obviously we are not close.
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Wow covertanjou, guess you can stop forking over all that money and time to doctors since that fortune teller knows so much more then they do
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Amazing isn't it? Thankfully she lives far, far away. Unfortunately she is coming home just in time for my operation. I will have to work very hard to avoid her. I really don't need that extra stress, but what can you do? Obviously when it rains, it pours.
As for paying doctors, I live in Canada so I don't have to pay for my treatment (my taxes do that). I don't know what I would do if I had to worry about that too! My thoughts and hugs to everyone who also has to worry about that on top of their dx.
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Okay, here's my latest regarding insensitive comments:
When I shared with a coworker/nurse that I had just been diagnosed with a chest wall recurrence (after 2 past experiences with breast cancer--one with tx of surgery/chemo/rads and the second with surgery/hormonal therapy), she said, "I bet you wish you had chosen to do chemo that last time." Yeah, like that's the answer to everything and an automatic guarantee you will never, ever get cancer again. Oops, I guess she forgot about my first chemo....
When my sister-in-law called to express her concern about the new diagnosis of recurrence, she said, "Of course, I am concerned about you, but the person I am really concerned about is [her brother/my husband]. I don't know how he will cope with all this." And he is a highly functioning, intelligent person, but--unfortunately for him--has the bad luck to have a wife who has had cancer three times. I know we don't need a competition about who is facing the most stress--and I certainly have empathy for my husband--but you don't think facing a life threatening illness might be a little more challenging? Perhaps she was referring to how strong a person I am, but that kind of "back-handed compliment" I would love not to hear again!
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Wow, Brenda. With that kind of support, who needs slaps in the face?
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I didn't think was awful at the time, sort of funny really. I was going in for my first check-up after my bilateral mastectomy and was weighed by a hospital volunteer.
After weighing me she commented that I had lost weight.
I replied "Well I did have a mastectomy."
She answered jokingly "Oh, it wasn't that big"
I have a very literal mind and without thinking replied "Well actually there were two of them." I wasn't offended but the poor volunteer was very embarassed. I hope it didn't scare her out of volunteer work.
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Not to worry, mke! I was a volunteer at PMH for 15 years, and I bet she was thinking she had insulted you by suggesting you had a small boob!
By the way, volunteering there was just about the most satisfying thing I've ever done. I used to tell people that I got back 100 times what I ever felt I'd put into it.
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I've been thinking I should go and volunteer as I owe them a lot (not money), but I'm really not much of a touchy/feely person. I'd be afraid of appearing in these pages for what I said to any patient. Maybe they need an editor or bean counter type.
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Hey Canadians! There's a thread on the Canadian Connection thread about meeting at Vaughan Mills August 9th. Check it out to see if you can make it!
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You guys are great! I needed this today! I'm fortunate to have a great boss. He wanted to know when I was going to lose my hair because he is going to buy me a different colored wig for each day!
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Some of the worst things said to me by my mother after telling the news of breast cancer:
Reply from my mother, "oh that's all I need now, with all I'm going through." (The thing she was going through was retiring from work).
Rang the next week, mother asked how I was, I said "Good", just the basic answer, and was returned with the reply, "your lucky, at least life going good for you at the moment".
Like what!!!!!, I'm lucky, didn't feel lucky at the time!!!!
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See post "I am not a VICTIM!"
It was Poppy, on the above thread (search function)
Hail to Poppy! "One brain cell away from a turnip!" Hail Poppy for that cool phrase!
Better than my own, "Excuse me for breathing, why don'tcha?"
sessna1
TURNIP TURNIP TURNIP TURNIP....
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My Dad actually said" That my breast could grow back" He saw it on Oprah. He was serious.
Gosh it must be true if Oprah said it!!! Ha!!! Di
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I have had a number of "worst" things said and done to me, that really hurt as the worse were said by my DH and my best friend.
First, my best friend of over 30 years, disappeared once she found out I had BC.It was not something she said but more her actions. She treated me like even talking on the phone was dangerious to her - she might catch BC - and never called. If I called her, she was "roo busy". Finally, I had a chemo appt and my DH was out of town. I needed someone, so I called her. She and her husband showed up BUT the entire time I was in treatment, 5-6 hours, both sat there staring and not saying a word..
She lost her dh recently and unexpectly, I immediatley was at her side and stayed with her for about a week. After I left, she'd call me constantly, even every night between 2-4am. I love her dearly but finally, (lack of sleep?) brought up the subject and asked why she wasn't there for me and how it made me feel. Perhaps I should have said something sooner, as I feel like we lost a lot of time during the last 2 years. At least now - she knows she will not catch BC.
Even more hurtful has been comments from my DH. I have undergone 9 surgeries, infections, and chemo, etc. over the last tow years. I was crying one day and he tells me I brought on the cancer myself!!!! What the heck? My mom and G-mom, both died from BC, so somehow that was in my mind, I guess, thereby I caused the cancer to happen.
If that wasn't bad enough, he found another area to say something worse. I have had reconstruction and I think look pretty good now. (they look real) Well we were in bed and he reached over toward me, romantically touches my foobs and says --- What am I suppose to do with them? If not the words themselve, the tone in his voice was very mean.
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Wow Jean, my heart aches for you with your D(amn)H.....{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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Somebody pass the scrotum crusher, Lady4law needs to barrow it.0
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I love that "Scrotum crusher" comment.
I have always thought, if males had their testicles crushed like women's breasts, there would be a far less painful way to perform mammograms.
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Jean, I'm sorry to hear that you have been the target of such insensitive remarks. It sounds as if your husband is angry because you have cancer, and rather than directing the anger at the cancer/situation, he is directing the anger at you! It's amazing how often that happens; even some survivors are angry at themselves for having cancer and find it difficult to "separate" the illness from themselves. I also remember how much it can hurt not to have a friend's support. After being informed of my most recent cancer diagnosis, my best friend of MANY years did not call me for months or respond to many emails, then she suddenly talked to me again, at which time she said she had not called/responded because she was having a hard time coping with my illness. Yes, she is still my friend, and I have forgiven her, but I did share with her what it was like for me not to have her support; I think I also expect less from her now. Cancer really affects our lives on so many levels....
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There's a saying, (there always is...) If people disapoint you, lower your expectations!
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When I first started chemo I decided not to wear a wig. Just to hot and uncomfortable for me so I choose to wear pretty hats or caps instead. When my hair began falling out in clumps I had my husband shave it off.
All the kids at my girls daycare were curious and asked a lot of questions and I answered their questions as best you can to 3 and 4 year olds. They all wanted to rub my head etc. Most of the parents were ok and didn't treat me any differently but one morning as I dropped the girls off two ladies were walking out and when I came out side they were still there just kind of starring at me and whispering. One of them called out to me and I stopped and turned around and gave her my pasted on smile.
Speaking for both of them and in a bit of a hostile voice she said "We were wondering what you have?........ You lost your hair."
"Excuse me? No I DID NOT loose my hair, I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE IT WENT!"
"Well we are concerned about our kids and we don't think you should be parading around exposing yourself to all these kids!"
"I have cancer and it is not contagious. And if I thought for one second that I was a danger to children do you think I would expose myself to my own children? Maybe you need to educate yourselves on this disease so you wont look like such morons the next time you decide to confront someone!!!!!!"
I turned around got in my van and left them standing there like idiots.
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