Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
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Nancy...........ROFLMAO
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I would honestly have to say that the worst thing someone said to me was my Breast Surgeon on the day she told me I was triple negative. While the shock of the cancer diagnose was the most unsettling news I ever received, finding out that I was triple neg was absolutely devastating to me. I felt, and still do feel, that I have come into this boxing ring with my hands tied behind my back. I only hope I can kick box my way through this nightmare.
Linda
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Very entertaining posts. Some sad; some extremely funny.
Here's one:
After my bilateral mastectomy I recovered at my parents, and my mom boldly told me, "you must continue to keep yourself looking nice, as it reflects back on me."
Here's another one:
I have heard this from several nurses and two Onc--"You don't look like you're in pain." At the time, I was experiencing intense nerve damage from RIBP and LE.
The worst thing I've heard happened yesterday before my chemo treatment. It was said by my Onc, but I rebuked it and promised that I will not repeat it. I WAS IN TEARS!! I wish I had someone in the room with me.
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Kay-Kay, the fact that you promised to not repeat it (for his sake or yours?) does makes it the worst thing of all....{{{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}}}}}}
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Shame on that onc! I'm so sorry about your hurt. That should not have happened. Gentle hugs!
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((((hugs)))) Kay-Kay.
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Barbe,
You have asked a really thought-provoking question ...his sake or mine. Believe it or not--this question means a lot to me. I have decided not to repeat it for my sake and peace of mind. I wasn't going to allow him to speak negativity into my life. I must admit, I felt strong when I 'rebuked" his words.
Thank-you for making me think. I feel powerful! I heart you!
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Hello Leaf and Anxiousmama,
Monday I was in uncontrollable tears due to inconsideration from my Onc, and today I'm in tears from the compassion you both have taken the time to bestow upon my life.
Much appreciation for uplifting me.
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I rarely laugh out loud when I read something funny, but your story Nancy had me guffawing. It started with the fart and kept going to the one boob out!
I read a kazillion of years ago where Dear Abby said you can always say "why do you want to know" to a rude question. In some cases it could really leave them stammering....
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My answer was and is to any question "I am a private person and want to keep it this way" Really I have learned not to be nice if I do not want to, before B.C. I was too nice.
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Oh Kay-kay, your post brought tears to my eyes, and that doesn't usually happen. How awful to have that experience in the middle of this terrible time. My heart goes out to you, and I am glad to hear that you were able to take something good and empowering from it.
Shame on the professionals for questioning someone's pain level or causing such pain by a comment. One would think they, of all people, would understand.
Gentle hugs.
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EWB,
Thanks for understanding.
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EWB,
Thanks for understanding.
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just bumping this up
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Yesterday my MIL asked me if I had any scars. Let's see ... a bi-lateral mastectomy with no scars??? What could she have been thinking?
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I had an appointment with mt Onc yesterday. He asked me if I had had any side effects from my first chemo three weeks ago. I told him, "No, luckily I had a pretty easy time of it, almost no side effects." He told me, "See, I told you that you were strong. I've been doing this a long time and I can always tell who my winners are. " I'm sure he was trying to make me feel special about myself, but it pissed me off. That means that any of his patients or any of the great ladies I talk to here at BCO are LOSERS because they suffer from side effects? Spoken like an old male doctor who has never had breast cancer or undergone any chemo in his life. I'm damn lucky to not suffer from the nasty side effects of chemo, not special. Jerk.
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Glad to see this thread has been resurrected. Yes, it's too bad we've actually heard things this bad, but isn't it great to have a place to complain about them and get sympathetic hugs from women who understand?
otter
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I keep this thread and the Stage IV SSD thread in my favs, and I bump them from time to time, if no one else has. I think they are both valuable threads with a lot to offer and don't want to see either pruned from the forum.
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bump for rock
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ˆI love this thread. First and foremost, my DH has been absolutely wonderful, supportive, affectionate, taking over every little thing around the house and with our youngest son, even when he doesn't feel well himself. He's my rock.
I never know what to answer when people give you that pitying face and ask, "how are you feeling today?" Best answer I can give is "hanging in there - I really don't have any choice." Fortunately I have a friend (commonly referred to as my HSH - Holy Shit Hotline) that I can call 25/7 for crises large and small. She is also in charge of coordinating resources (meals, cleaning, running kids) during the one "bad" week out of every three. She also doens't let me feel sorry for myself, and keeps me laughing.
I guess my mother has made some of the worst comments. When I mentioned getting injections of radioactive dye and nuclear dye for some of the scans, she just said "That's nothing - wiat til they have to give you an injection between your toes because your veins are blown. You know this is all gonna get a lot worse before it gets better." I just wanted to say, "Gee, Mother, if this is you being supportive, then you suck at it." She also made comments about my DH being "put off" by the sight of me after my mastectomy, and being unable to help me with the maintenance on my surgical drains. Nothing could be further than the truth - he is the best husband ever and would be madly in love with me if I had 4 boobs & 3 eyeballs. The lymphedema treatment also gets some nosy questions, but I usually sidestep that with "It's a long story."
It's all in our outlook, and seeing some of the comments suffered by others (and especially the snappy comebacks) helps us all make it through this awful journey we've been thrown into.
Keep our collective chins up, ladies - we really don't have any choice in the matter.
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Dear Ladies,
How I needed a laugh tonight. So great to read this thread. Dear worldturned pink. My mother made some of the worst comments too. It really hurt, but I'm getting ovet that now.
From everybody else I take rude comments as insensitive.but the ones that got to me the most were made by my mother. My mother came to my house to stay for a week to get out of the bad weather, we live in the land of sunshine. She was talking to my brother on the phone and didn't know I could hear her. After about 10 minutes of her telling my brother how fat I looked, how bad my wig looked, how rude I was to her and other horrible things that I don't want to remember, I slammed the front door. Then she told my brother she'd have to call him back and got off the phone.. Then to my face she is so nice. What a liar. All this was last winter and now that I've gotten it off my chest it's never going to bother me again and I won't be letting her come to visit me. So THANKS for letting me vent a bit. I'll try and add my 1 funny story another night. Hugs to all.
Corrine.
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This is the first time I'm saying this outloud. My mom and dad are dead and I'm "glad" in a way that they aren't here to see this. My mom would have made it all abou her; and my dad would have blamed me somehow (meanwhile he died of lung cancer!)
There, I've said it.
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Barbe,
That is so sad ................ but I must add that I see it as so healthy that you are such a realist about what was. So many do not!
hugs to you,
Pat
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It sounds like your parents have caused you a lot of suffering. I'm glad you don't have to make the decision now of telling them/keeping them informed. I think its harder when you know that your parents wouldn't have recognized what damage they have done. No parent should do this to their child!
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Right before my mastectomy two weeks ago, a old guy asked me "Are you ready to die?" I was so mad, I snapped at him 'NO'! Then he said " I mean, are you ready to die?" and pointed up to heaven and then down to hell. He said "Where are you going?" I was so angry at him, and I said "Up, I hope, but that's not for me to decide, HE will decide when I get there." How dumb to ask someone who has cancer a question like that. I did not talk to him for days, he made me so mad. Then he came and apologized to me after he knew I was upset about it.
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So, right after I had my mx, my father said to me, " Now Tara, is there anything else that you need to get off your chest, b/c if so, now is the time to do it". I understand most people might get offended by that, but I i laughed my ass off. Granted, at the time, I was high as a kite off dilaidud (sp?). But, he said it to me again later on after the drugs wore off - just in case I didn't remember. I still thought it was funny. He has a twisted sense of humor. It works for me.
But recently, I had a friend who was pregnant say to me that she could now understand what I was going through when I was dx and had to lose my breast - b/c her body was changing b/c she was pregnant. I was too stunned to say anything. But, I really didn't understand how the two could be anywhere on the same page as my body was changing in a horrible way for a horrible reason. And, her body was changing in a beautiful way for a beautiful reason - to give life.
Mostly though, I don't get easily offended when someone says something to me b/c generally speaking I know they mean well. And, even if they don't, then that's a reflection on them - not me. Plus, i'm sure as sensitive as i always try to be, I've probably said things to someone that may have gotten their goat. People don't always share if they are having a personal crisis in their life, so i always try to take that into consideration. Although, I do have my moments of really having to bite hard on my tongue.
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Red- sounds like Dad is a great guy. Can't believe your friend. Pregnancy changes as similiar?? Yeah, when a pig flies.
Horsegal- love the avatar. Glad the guy apologized
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In reality, pregnancy is medically one of the worse life threatening conditions a woman can undergo. It is just a fact that is not told to pregnant women (and definitely not by right-to-lifers who refuse to understand that, medically speaking, an early term abortion is much safer than a full term delivery). There is also the long term after effects of pregnancy that range from the simple larger hip or ribcage measurements to complications that cause lifetime health complications.
So, depending on what stage of breast cancer one is diagnosed with, pregnancy can be a larger health threat and it does cause major (not for the better) changes in the body.
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I had someone ask me if I felt "less sexy," after my mastectomy. What do you say to that? Huh? Jean 0 -
Sassa, I'll take pregnancy any time.
And I already have 6 kids.
Leah
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