Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
Comments
-
Roninpt - That is unbelievable! What is wrong with people? About 9 years ago my mother who was suffering from brain cancer and didn't have too much time left committed suicde. My sister & I were at her apartment cleaning her stuff out when some woman who lived a few floors up rang the bell. She flat out said she'd never met our mother but proceeded to ask was she depressed for a long time, etc. My sister started exlpaining to her that we don't think she was depressed at all, but rather knew she didn't have much time left & didn't want to die in a hospital, etc. I pretty much gave my sister a look to shut up, told the woman we had a lot to do & closed the door on her. What nerve to think it was any of her business and to disturb her family. I thought she was just a busybody and told my sister we don't owe her any explanation. We know why she did it, it's no one elses business and we don't need to explain it to anyone.
Sue
0 -
Sue, how rude of that woman and good for you for cutting off the conversation. Your mother did what was best for her. I'm sorry you lost your mother.
0 -
Thanks BMac. She was much too young at age 64, but I can't complain. The first doctor she saw gave her 6 months to live so she went down to NYC and found a top neurosurgeon. She managed to battle it for 18 years and never once used the word cancer to her children.
Sue
0 -
Two things stand out for me: before chemo i had long full blonde hair to my waist and i use to go to a mini mart and get me a pepsi, i hadnt been there in awhile till after my hair fell out i had my head covered with a little chemo hat, i walked in and the gal said, Are you in cognito?? I wanted to say yeah i took all my long full hair and tucked it in this silly little hat (idiot)
I went to khols that same night and i handed the guy my credit card he asked to see my ID he looked at it and said, this dosnt look like you, i took off my hat right in front of every one in line and said Ya think!!! (idiot)
Heres your sign
0 -
Sue, my Mum was 68 when she died in '01 of ovarian cancer. Ten months later I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Our mothers were both too young to die. There should have been lots more years left.
Debbie, I love it! Taking off your hat would definitely shut him up. Good for you.
0 -
The other day I saw a woman who had not seen me since I got my hair back. This is a very casual acquaintance, NOT a "friend". She told me how cute my hats and scarves were and that she thinks I should wear them even though I have hair now...
Strong - that word just irks me to no end. If they could see us/me crawl out of bed with the residual aches and pains, hoping and praying that a hot shower will take some of them away, tossing and turning in bed at night with the worry of not being "cured"... You all know, you understand.
There is one woman at bingo who sits behind me and keeps telling me that God "wanted" me to have BC, so I could be an inspiration to her. She claims to have told all her friends how much closer she is to God since she "met" me and found out I had BC... When she starts in," I have to go to the bathroom" is my reply and i walk away.
0 -
The same thing happened to me yesterday - at Vicki's Secret, no less (how ironic - I can only buy the "bottoms" there now). . . I think she thought I was using a fake credit card or something, since she kept looking back and forth between my driver's permit (which has the same long and complicated name as my credit card) and my face. . . I finally looked up and stared back at her and asked if there's a problem, and she gushed about how I look like a completely different person than the one on my permit. . . since everyone else in the place was staring at me by now, I pointed out that the picture was of me with long hair, and now my hair is short. I didn't mention that the 30 or 40 pounds have come since the chemo and steroids and absence of exercise or any of that stuff. . . and yeah, I'm probably a completely different person than the one who posed for that original photo!
0 -
On Christmas day, someone said to me, "Did they cut your nipples off, too?" I left the table, threw up and tried to regain my composure, but I was in near tears the rest of the day. Didn't have a reply, but was left with that graphic image ... actually still have it. Another person, another day, said, "Did they take both? You know my friend's wife had BC and now he's really happy with her new big ones." Again, speechless.
After my diagnostic mammogram and before my biopsy, my guess (and radiologist's guess) was that I had pretty extensive DCIS and would need a BMX. I went for acupuncture in tears, hoping for some relief from the anxiety and the dr said I really needed to fact the fact that we're all mortal and would die sometime. Last time I went there.
Most people try to say the right thing. When there's effort, I can try to appreciate that they're nervous, dealing with their own fears, etc., but it can be hard.
0 -
Oh, Maggie -- that is horrific -- now THAT person (jerk #1) does not seem to be "well-intentioned"!!! Who would say such a thing AT THE DINNER TABLE?! Who would even say such a thing, ever, but AT CHRISTMAS DINNER???!!! I am so sorry!
(((((hugs)))))
0 -
I may have already posted here and answered this one, but someone just said to me, "You're going to fight it, right?"
Wha?! As opposed to what, crawling in a hole and pulling dirt over me?
0 -
How about this comment from my MOTHER when I told her my biopsy was positive for BC....her comment..."oh, that's a bummer". Can you believe that? I believe she completely ruined our relationship with those words...don't know if she was just trying to downplay it or not, but I have no desire to be around her now.0
-
How about this comment from my MOTHER when I told her my biopsy was positive for BC....her comment..."oh, that's a bummer". Can you believe that? I believe she completely ruined our relationship with those words...don't know if she was just trying to downplay it or not, but I have no desire to be around her now.0
-
When I told my mother that I was in chemopause and I wasn't getting anymore periods, she said to me, " So I guess I won't be getting anymore grandchildren from you." I was horrified. I am 45 years old and hadn't plan on any more kids. But that comment just blew me away.
0 -
I have just found this thread & read through all 50 pages! Thanks to all who contributed their stories, both funny & sad.
Mostly people have been good, a few have said some of the things that have been mentioned here but I try to remember that until I was diagnosed I was pretty ignorant about BC.
The funniest thing said to me was from my dad, when I told him I was having a double mast, he said "oh well, you don't really need them anyway, they're just fatty tissue" I just laughed & said you're right. I certainly wasn't going to have THAT conversation with my dad about how much I & DH loved my "fatty tissues"!
0 -
I had a guy at my work ask why I didn't leave at least a little bit for "my husband to play with". Doi !
And get cancer in later.....
0 -
I like to call these people MR. and Mrs. PID first name STU STUPID!!!
0 -
Nene 2059...Thanks for making my night...I can't stop laughing about the squirrel story...That's a good one!! I'm glad I have BCO to come to-I was feeling a little down. My laughter and hope tanks feel like they are on empty. So thanks for that laugh...
0 -
I guess it could be worse, but...one week after my double mastectomy my brother-in-law asked me if I was still sore. WTF? I turned around and walked away from him. Think he got the hint?
0 -
Hi All, We are welcoming you to not only share with us what the comments were, but how they made you feel, and how to best respond to such comments. We are collecting short (350-500 word) paragraphs from you, our members, on this issue. Please feel free to share your viewpoints on why this is done, the effects it has, and how you think best to respond to such comments.Many thanks!Melissa and the BC.O team0
-
I agree that they try to say something but usually the most insensitive thing comes out!!! My Dx is just about 2 months ago and I have had a total mastectomy and am not sure about vvhat happens next. My friends have tried to be supportive but I often get this.... "My next door neighbour has breast cancer and she said the treatments aren't that bad." or Breast cancer today isn't a killer like it use to be, you'll be all right." and so many more lame statements......They should put themselves in our shoes before they stick that same foot that should be vvearing our shoe in their mouth!!!! At times I could just scream.......but then again, I have!!!! and for me that helps some... having a smile on most of the time makes others feel as if you are doing great but, vve are the only ones that really knovv those feeling that aloneness and dispare!! People need our reassurance because they don't vvant to feel that too are at risk, they don't vvant to feel vunerable, so if vve can reaaure them that vve are fine and gettin gbetter then they feel a lot less vunerable.
I have felt isoalted even though i have great family support... The vvoman that said that because this other vvoman had breast cancer she feels closer to GOD, and it vvas God's doing..... She obviously doesn't knovv God very vvell.HE never inflicts anything on HIS children, He only vvants the best for us. Because of free vvill vve make choices and at times not good ones.This is vvhy there are these avvful diseases..causes like pollution, poor quality food and the list goes on and on.. BC or other cancers are not HIS doing or ours most of the time, but vve are affected by everybodies choices of free vvill like polluting, the demand for beef... so they inject groth hormones.. etc... etc... etc..... Just my thoughts and I knovv not everyone vvill agree and that if fine because, guess vvhat..... vve have free vvill !!!!!! Blessings to all.
0 -
Oh yes and I would say I was probaly one of them at one time for sure didnt know what to say and said dumb things now I would say" I am so sorry and there is nothing I can say but I am here for you for anything you need a cup of tea help with laundry or just to talk or cry" I am dealing with not getting my hair all back its very skimpy unwearable without a cap and I hear every day" at least your here and healthy it could be worst " dumb thing to say unless they shave thier heads...
0 -
"oh...look at this way! You're getting new boobs!" I want to scream..."I didn't want new boobs!". I also didn't want to lose my nipples and have new ones tattooed on! People don't understand what mastectomy and reconstruction is like.
0 -
One of the worst things ever said to me was actually by my PS nurse! He had told me most women don't experience too much pain with fills so I foolishly took nothing before my fill and of course I about came off the table when the nurse came in to do the fill. I know she could tell I was in a lot of pain from it. The next week wehn we went back I mentioned I took my pain meds and valium before I came to be better prepared. She actually said to me "Just remember, you "chose" to do this reconstruction!
I was speechless and didn't know how to answer. I wasn't do it for a cosmetic reason. I didn't choose to get BC....at least that is what I wish I had told her. I figure after reconstruction is over I'll mention it to someeone since the doctor needs to know about her attitude, which I felt was very unprofessional.
0 -
Just had this comment made the other day to me since I'm waiting to find out if I will need chemo or not. "Don't worry...no one dies from breast cancer anymore." I was so speechless that someone would say that. Made me feel like they were brushing me AND my cancer off.
0 -
Hmmm..... 40,000 women a year is a big bunch of "no ones".
Leah
0 -
It was 5 weeks after the mammo, 4 weeks after mx and lumpectomy and the day I found out I was stage III with 9 nodes involved. In other words, I was right in the middle of "the dark time" when the world is turning upside down and panic is not far away. I am a professional musician and had been back to work a week before but was still extrememly worried about my arms and LE. Two weeks later I was to start chemo with all the risks for LE and neuropathy there. Not to even mention that I was grappling with the survival statistics for stage III.
Well, I explained ALL of this as well as I could to a long-time friend of mine.
The very first thing she asked was: "But don't you MISS playing??"
Some weeks later, after I had started chemo and things had settled down some, we talked again. This time she said "Just think about what an amazing person you will become! I mean, you already are SO nice and from going through all of this you will have such a deep understanding of life!" The worst thing is that I think that the subtext here was also about work- that I would become an even better musician with this new "deep understanding" and wasn't that great!
0 -
It was 5 weeks after the mammo, 4 weeks after mx and lumpectomy and the day I found out I was stage III with 9 nodes involved. In other words, I was right in the middle of "the dark time" when the world is turning upside down and panic is not far away. I am a professional musician and had been back to work a week before but was still extrememly worried about my arms and LE. Two weeks later I was to start chemo with all the risks for LE and neuropathy there. Not to even mention that I was grappling with the survival statistics for stage III.
Well, I explained ALL of this as well as I could to a long-time friend of mine.
The very first thing she asked was: "But don't you MISS playing??"
Some weeks later, after I had started chemo and things had settled down some, we talked again. This time she said "Just think about what an amazing person you will become! I mean, you already are SO nice and from going through all of this you will have such a deep understanding of life!" The worst thing is that I think that the subtext here was also about work- that I would become an even better musician with this new "deep understanding" and wasn't that great!
0 -
I gained 25 Lbs and my face is totally round from steroids, and people tell me that I look "healthy" or "fuller". I know they mean well and probably want to tell me that my body is taking chemo well, but it's all from steroids and texotere
My fingers and toes are puffy and hurt. I really don't like how I look either because I don't even look like me anymore. I normally tell them "thank you" and walk away as fast as possible before I start crying or say something mean to them. I'm telling my family that I feel like Nutty Professor. My boyfriend has been very supportive and tells me that I haven't changed a bit, which I know it's not true, but helps. 0 -
Worldturnedpink
Doesn't it make you wonder, do people think before they open their mouths or worst, do something.
My MIL left a copy of an acrticle, in our bathroom reading basket. The article was on how men hated implants. This was days after I had undergone my bilateral mast and my expanders had been placed. There I was scared I was going to die, and she left this article for who - me - my DH? Either way she had to know I'd see orhear about it. Was it no tbad enough I had BC, did I need to hear my DH would never touch me or want to look at me again, becasue I had IMPLANTS.
0 -
I got pneumonia and sepsis after my last round of chemo. A week after I got out of the hospital I went to my brother's wedding and a family friend came up to me and said, "Whoa. I thought you died."
I wish I could say I was making it up, but it's the honest-to-God truth.
0
