Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
Comments
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That brings one question to my mind: who carries the insurance? Will quitting his job jeopardize it? Will quitting it help with money?
Not to be judgmental but I'm trying to understand why this would be the first thought.
My husband does the same as Janet - goes to Oncologist and surgery but I take care of the rest. We need our income and insurance - especially now.0 -
I know what you're saying about needing insurance... we recently had a lottery pool at work, as we often do when the jackpot gets big. This is the first time that I've ever not thought that I'd quit my job if we won. Who can quit when they need insurance?0
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Yes hubby is the bread winner and the insurance carrier. But I think he could have handled things a little differently. He insist on going to all the appointments. I am very lucky he is there for me. I just wish he would have said something like, I can come with you some and maybe we can get somebody else to come with you sometimes because I want be able to take time off work. It was very ugly and cold sounding the way he said it. Like I said before I do not believe it was meant to come out the way it sounded. Everythings fine with us. Working through it one day at a time.
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I keep getting asked when will I lose my hair. I am having radiation not chemo. I understand not everyone gets the difference but when I say I won't lose my hair they almost look disappointed.
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It's funny -- losing your hair is such a VISIBLE thing. Otherwise just about all the sides are internal, and when they ask how I'm feeling, i don't go into details about diarrhea or mouth sores or... (*LAUGH*). But hair is safe to talk about, and it's a visible sign that we really HAVE this. Wierd, isn't it?
Janet0 -
One of the most difficult things about breast cancer is if in fact you do lose your hair, I have found complete stangers engage me on my medical condition. You certainly would not find a stanger approach my husband at the supermarket and discuss his cardiac condition--but I have been questioned by people in just that situation. One gal told me breast cancer is not the death sentence it used to be. How comforting to the 40,000 plus who died of the disease last year.
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I have had someone tell me that losing my haid wion't be that bad because I wear my hear really short. They also asked me if I had looked at myself (it had been two weeks since my left mast) because they KNEW that was the most emotional part. You know, I somehow thought hearing the dr tell me and my DH I had bc and then telling my two sons was somehoe the most emotional part. But then what did I know. I just lived through it. They had HEARD all about it I suppose or maybe they saw it on TV. Either way it was pretty emotional when I told my mom also.
I am very lucky in the DH department. He works second shift so he is able to work and take me to my appointments. At least I think he will. I go Wed to find out about starting chemo. More than a little anxious here. But I am going to be fine. I feel great and God is with me controlling my worries. Bonny0 -
Worse things said to me? Start with hubby can home from one stop breast clinic and told him that I had cancer. Got o dear. He told my daughter he would be there for me and give all the help he could when I got ill. Im still waiting though he does run me to hospital has private insurance and gets £65 every appointment and still complains how much it costs him.
Best friend told me I looked good on chemo it must agree with me. What no hair, eyebrows or lashes and skin kind of muddy. She is a nurse and has nursed people at end of life who had cancer.
The top prize goes to a colleague < Id been into work to see a manager just to make sure I was ok you know. I was told you look better than me and I can still come to work. She has cold wish we could swap.
Some times I dont know whether to laugh or cry
Harvey0 -
TODAY! My case was being brought up at a Tumor Board Mtg(inter-disciplinary discussion) for the 2nd time...I attended the 1st one...when I arrived today the nurse who administered my chemo said "you must like coming to these meetings". Uh, NO, at 7am I'd much prefer being home with my family!!! To make it worse the outcome was a recommendation for mastectomy....I would've rathered been anywhere but there this am. Haven't even called my dh yet.
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I WAS HAVING AN EXAM IN THE SURGENS OFFICE (FEMALE AND YOUNG LOOKING FOR THE AGE OF 51) SHE ASKED MY DAUGHTER IF SHE SMOKED. HER REPLY WAS YES SOCIALY. AND THE DOC RESPONDED WITH WELL DO YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE YOUR MOTHER OR LOOK LIKE ME. WE ARE THE SAME AGE YOU KNOW. THIS IS THE DOC WHO DID MY MASTECTOMY. SHE IS ALSO THE TOP DOC IN RHODE ISLAND AND HAS BEEN ON THE COVER OF RHODE ISLAND MONTHLY I THINK IT HAS ALL GONE TO HER HEAD. IF I EVER NEED ANOTHER MASTECTOMY ON THE LEFT SIDE I WILL SEEK OUT ANOTHER DOC I DON'T CARE HOW GOOD SHE IS
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Today I went for an eye exam. The eye doc asked what meds I take and then asked if there had been any changes in my health since our last visit in dec 05. When I said YES - breast cancer - her response was Carol's sister (Carol is her asst) had breast cancer in her 40's and they've lived through it adn she is now a 4 or 5 year survivor.. NO not so - unless you have breast cancer, you have not lived through it. Maybe you have gone through it vicariously or been a co-survivor but you have not lived through it!!! The comment just put a downer in my mood.
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OUCH - that was really uncalled for - especially from a medical professional working with a cancer patient. I would have said "excuse me - I'M STILL IN THE ROOM - I CAN HEAR YOU!" WTF
Sorry for the outrage but GEEEZZZZ0 -
Just no excuse for that doc's comments. I would never go back. It's just plain rude AND unprofessional! How insensitive!
Patti0 -
What I think is so outlandish is when some finds out that I have breast cancer they list all their family/friends who died a horrible death from cancer. Just what I want to hear. Yeah, I know there are death from cancer, but there are survivors out there too. I don't want to hear the death stories -- really can't handle it despite the fact that CA can be deadly. But maybe I'm eternal optimist and only want to hear the survivor stories. I consider myself survivor, despite that I have mets to the bones, I am NOT dead, so therefore I'm a survivor.
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Chattipatti-I know just what you mean. Everyone loves to list the people they know that have died of cancer. Not just breast cancer, any cancer. I always tell them, "Thanks a lot, that is SOOOO helpful to me!" What are they thinking? After I told my sister that I would be on Tamoxifen for 5 years, she said "Oh no! My friend was on that and she said it is horrible! Is there any way you can get out of taking it?". I asked her how that comment is supposed to be helpful. I told her I would like to get out of taking all of this treatment, but I would like to live more. I hope I've never said anything so thoughtless to someone going through this. I've decided there are some people that I need to be away from for a while.
Donna0 -
This may be the worst thing I have heard of from a "professional'. Bless your heart. We feel like crap and then Barbie has to confirm we LOOK like crap. Some people should shop for a brain. Oh well, we are going to get better and she will always be stupid.
Hugs and prayers, Karen0 -
Before chemo, I had long naturally blonde hair. A few weeks ago, I saw a neighbor of mine that I don't know well and haven't seen for almost a year at the mailbox at the end of our block. She's married, has three small kids, used to be a marketing executive, now she and her husband own their own business, so I think of her as being smarter than the average bear. She said to me, "Oh, you cut your hair!" I said, "Well, no, not exactly" and proceeded to tell her that I've had breast cancer and lost it to chemo. She said, "So, are they working on a cure for breast cancer?" I just stood there and stared at her. Can you believe?? Has she been living under a rock?? I wanted to say, "Uh, no, they aren't working on a cure for it. It's a good way to weed out the population." What a moron!!!
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i was sitting in the rads waiting room a couple weeks ago and the girl next to me (who was very cute and very petite) and i were comparing our new hair growth. we ended chemo 5 days apart in august. a woman across from us looked at both of us and then looked directly at the "cute" girl and said, "Well, *YOU* can get away with wearing your hair short." i self-consciously put my hat back on, feeling really big, ugly and bald.
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gsg..that is horrible! Don't let that get you down!
Well, I said something dumb not too long ago...saw one of the oncs that I don't always see. I know that she had bilateral bc. But, other than that, I have no idea if she went through chemo, or what kind of chemo.. the times that I saw her she had her regular long hair like she had when I had first met her. In fact, one time it appeared that she was in need of coloring her roots!.
My reg. onc was on maternity leave so I saw this one for my follow-up. She had a cute short hair cut. More hair than I have. I blurted out how cute she looked and then after we left, I was thinking..OMG..maybe she was wearing a wig all this time and this is her new hair??? Felt really dumb! I still have no idea if it was new hair growth or just a new hair cut. She answered me that it was a "change" or something like that.
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I can't wait for someone to tell me how cute I look in my new short hair!!!
Ravdeb, maybe she really did just change and you made her feel good by commenting on it. We are all so sensitive about our bald heads and fuzz. Lots of people really do cut their hair on purpose! 
I stil have chemo brain and don't remember enough to know if I said toooo many dumb things. Hang on girls and have a great weekend. Karen0 -
My first chemo is scheduled for Dec. 4. I'm doing dense dose so I will have a second on Dec. 18...I should have my bald head just in time for the holidays...I guess I'll have to wear a Santa hat! I have pretty thin hair anyway...I'm hoping it will grow back nice and full with natural highlights! Nice dream! Nobody's had a chance to say anything dumb to me yet because my dx is so new, but I am going to a wedding this evening and many of the guests are aware. In addition to my bc dx, my mom also died this week. Times have been tough.I'm a little worried about making it through all the sympathy comments without tears. I'm almost tempted to bail out and skip the wedding, but we are very close friends with both the bride and the groom's families. Guess it's time to wear my big girl panties!
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Teacher, I'm sooo sorry to hear about the loss of your mom! Thoughts and prayers are with you...
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Teacher:
My thoughts are with you while dealing with your loss. A woman's mother is priceless. She will be watching over you as you go thru this journey.
hugs, Karen0 -
So very sorry you are dealing with not only bc` but the the great loss of your Mom.
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What that woman said to you, gsg, was incredibly rude and deserves a good retort. Maybe we should start a thread of "Retorts to things someone said to you". Things we wish we'd thought of at the time. For you we have a variation of a famous Churchill quote: And Madam, you are ugly. And my hair will grow back, and you will still be ugly.
For me, I just had a man laying on his horn in the car behind me because I wasn't turning right-on-red fast enough to please him. Finally I got out of my car, went back to him, and told him to quit blowing his horn or I was just going to sit there and not move at all. There was a bit of yelling back and forth. Later on I thought of what I should have said. I should have whipped off my wig, displaying my bald head, and said that I hoped in the future when he's sick from cancer and not moving fast enough for another driver, I hope he gets plenty of horns blarred at him.0 -
I'm with you JeanLouise - gsg - I cannot believe someone would actually say that to someone else's face!! I think the Churchill retort is a good one.
Unbelievable the gall of people - especially sitting in the rads waiting room!!
I am so sorry that happened to you!0 -
thanks guys...darn i wish i had been faster on my feet and thought of that churchill quote. i wonder if i would have had the nerve to say it, though. hmmmm.
nah. probably not. i wish i did have that kind of nerve though.
p.s. Jean, i can't believe you actually stopped and got out of your car! you've got guts girl. sure wish i had been there to see it. i would have paid to see the look on his stupid puss. i bet it was priceless. love your spunk!0 -
Teacher: I hope you made it through the wedding and reception okay. You're quite a friend to still go in spite of all you're going through. I hope your friends are there for you, as you are for them. I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother.
((hugs))
gsg0 -
Teacher, I hope your evening went well. I am sure no one would have faulted you if you decided to stay home, though.
GSG, you are adorable!!!! What an idiot. My favorite retort is, "Did you learn how to be rude in school or were you brought up that way?" No one ever knows what to answer.
Jean, I have a friend who this happened to, but she had all three of her children in the car. She too got out, went to the back and recognised the woman as a parent from the school. She calmly told her that she was not going to endanger her children and was going to wait until she felt it was safe enought to turn, surely she understood, being a parent? Then she walked back to her car, slowly put her seatbelt on, and waited until every last car was out of the way, even going the other way. This happened a few years ago, the lady still avoids my friend when she sees her0 -
I don't think this is the worst thing anyone has said to me but it reminds me why my ex and I got divorced. He saw me the other day and said quote " wow look at your hair. You don't look like you have cancer anymore, you just look a little butch. ahhhhh excuse me. Was that a compliment. Not that I think looking "butch" that there is anything wrong with that but since I am not gay it just is not the look i am going for...... My ex does have that nack of giving you a compliment but actually insulting you. Anyway that's that. Carolyn
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