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TIME TO CIRCLE THE WAGONS GIRLS
Comments
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Wake up ladies...It's Sunday...last day of our weekend.
Just had a full blown major heartaching heartwrenching meltdown. WTF...I have no idea where it came from. Just hit me like a ton of bricks. Sat on the bedroom floor and felt like I was going to cry forever. Called a neighbor (who is totally understanding) to come grab Nathaniel and take him to town for dinner so I could get it back together. Have a pounding headache now...a lump in my throat (it's NOT cancer...its my heart I think) and a knot in my stomach. I feel so friggin alone. I have Nathaniel and my DD calls me every day but still I feel so lost. Mom, dad, gram, gramps...my "adopted" mom...all gone. I have my sisters and love them dearly but they don't understand.
ok...I'm done and I apologize (I know you will tell me I don't need to but I DO...I come here to bring you smiles, love, laughter, hugs, inspiration, hope, healing, prayers not bring you down...ever)...just needed to vent and get it off my chest.
Better now.
Love you sisters
Vickie
whew0 -
Vickie,
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU HAVE US. And you sure have ME. And this Wagon Circle was started by me so we have a place to have laughter and joy- BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY- a place where we can let it all out, like you just did. We were scared back at the end of August, three sisters had mets dx's. People wanted to say they were scared- they wanted to say how awful they felt for the girls and they also wanted to say " I am afraid for me too!"- THAT is why we were formed. And look at us- we touched a nerve because it has grown and grown and grown- sure we have our silly times and our pj parties- BUT we can come here and say "I hurt", "I am frightened" or " I am mad" and "pray for me" without worry or fear.
So do not think you can't let it all out here- because that is why we have the circle- the outer circle, the inner circle, the many colorful wagons and tents, the horses and donkeys and afghans and food and drink- all illuminated by our three bonfires- LOVE - COURAGE - HOPE
Love you,
g0 -
Vicki, great bug huge sloppy wet kisses and hugs just for you.
Cheri, I take a different view I suppose. The Circle is what it is. It and we need no defense. Those that don't "approve" or whatever....well thats their problem not mine.0 -
Vickie. You always feel better when you vent. Human nature. That's what we do here. We listen to each other and lend support. Stop. Breathe. Now, count your blessings. You'll find that you have many. It's ok to have a meltdown once in awhile. It's allowed. (I read the Cancer rule books fine print saying it was ok) So you're alright. Now, run along Sticky Fingers & 'borrow' us something funny. You know you want to! lol
your friend
cheri0 -
Vickie: Sometimes it just sneaks up on ya, when you least expect it. I hate those moments and its hard to explain them to others. You talked about alot of things in an earlier post. About how you first thought your were diagnosed stage 4 only to find out you were a 2 or 3 and that was around Christmas time. So taking down that tree did have some significance. And even though it was a little over a year ago, that experience - that fear, you still remember. So hoping you just have a good cry, take a xanax, and maybe go to Ginneys spa tent. You need to be nice to yourself. Massage, pedicure, manicure, - something to make you feel good.
Probably wont be back tonight. So Ill see ya all in the morning.
Nicki0 -
bug????? hahahahhahahah
hope you know I don't wish you bugs.0 -
well shoot every time I post someone else pops up. Hi Nicki
Cheri, I smell so much better now.0 -
OK!
Trying to catch up around here is like trying to hold back the tide!
May I ask why so many have new names???? I am so confused!
I spent the day yesterday cleaning, painting, polishing and then sleeping! Then I did something that may sound crazy- I watch TV- and I watched two movies in a row the first one was STEPMOM and the second was STEEL MAGNOLIAS!
CRAZY??
I was ok!
The first time I was dx'd and in chemo I watched Stepmom thinking it was a comedy- BOY WAS I WRONG!!! but this time- I made it and I am ok.
Next week is going to be a busy one. I hope I don't have to yell at too many people to get insurance approvals because that might cut down on my cleaning time- I have cleaned everything in site. Even painted rooms. Still have one wall in the living room to do and the hallway. I washed and waxed my car too!
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop" and the devil's workshop for me is thinking about worst case scenarios- so hand me a mop!
Now I cannot answer everyone- heck- I haven't even finished reading!!! But Jeannie- you see your doc about the new lump? My prayers are with you. 3 mm sounds like a good size- but i am so sorry you have to go through this. I will shampoo the living room carpet in your honor.
Love,
g0 -
Shirley, I agree, my friend. I don't care what anyone thinks about us it's when they say derogatory things about the place I love that I feel I must defend. That seldom happens and that's a good thing. I have a fierce loyalty. My sister tells me I'm loyal to a fault. Maybe she's right. But I don't have any problems with anyone on the boards or chat. I like it that way.
pals
cheri0 -
Vickie vent all you want, melt downs are ok. as a matter of fact I also had one this weekend.....maybe it's the cold weather or that I just lost a cousin yesterday. brain tumor he was 30 years old 2 littles ones and a wife. sucks!!!!!!! he was in the military and they believe it was from some chemicals that were used when he was overseas.......sucks sucks sucks!!!!! maybe its because life is just not fair!!!!!
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Hi Sherloc! Same thing happened to me lol.
NS: When your done you can come here and clean my house. I have an extra bedroom. I'll PM you about the name thing.
OK! This is the thing about the chat and discussions boards. Sometimes we get emotional, the difference is the chat is live, unlike the discussion boards where the post stays for along time for many to read. The chat is what saved me from falling into that big black hole and never coming out. I was so gosh darn scared and here there were people telling me it would be ok. I thought for sure my time was up. That was 2 years ago. So I spent alot of time on the chat and made some wonderful friends.
I stopped going to chat when I started working full time. The discussion boards work out much better for me, but every once in a while I like to go there - to the chat. I mean yesterday there was a woman - first time on chat and having surgery this week. There were 2 other women who were dealing with many positive lymph nodes. One starting chemo. They were scared! And for the short amount of time I was there, I was able to help someone like I was helped.
I like this thread, others dont. And thats ok, there are some threads I dont ever visit. I just like being here with all of you.
Nicki0 -
Hi all,
Betty, good luck with the mammo tomorrow.
Joyce, glad you and Kevin are back home. Rest.
Ginney, what a nice way to spend your Sunday morning. Your boys sure are cute.
Shirley, I just rented The Guardian last week. It's fine for a movie to watch at home. I have 3 men in my house - I'm lucky if there is toilet paper in the bathroom and I don't even know what it's like to have a toilet seat down. Don't get me started on the dishes and garbage.
Tracey, my dh has a cold with the cough. It's no fun when men are sick. Good luck with the transvaginal US tomorrow.
Vickie, you took the Christmas tree down? Guess what I did last night after reading one of your posts-I made hot chocolate with fat-free half and half, and it was sooooo good. I'm reading further in the posts and saw that you had a meltdown. I'll tell you what I told NS - yes, there are many people who look up to you for the smiles, love, laughter, hugs, inspiration, hope, healing, etc., but there are times when you need to let us take care of you. There are days when you (I don't mean you personally) just don't have it in you to be up and it's ok, that's when we step right in to lift you up. That's what this circle is all about. We support each other and that means suporting you (and G) when you need it - it's a two-way street. I had my meltdown the other day. Hope all of that made sense, you know how email is sometimes and I've been up since 4:30 this morning.
Cheri, I made lasagne for tonight too so there is plenty for everyone. You know the best thing about grandkids is you can love them and then send them home.
Jeannie, good luck tomorrow with the surgeon.
Michelle, sorry to hear about your cousin; you're right, it sucks.
NS, you can alway come out here. I don't have an extra room but I'll put my son on the couch in the family room and you can have his. Course, his smells like a male so you might have to clean it first. It's only really clean when the housekeeper does it and then the next day it's back to normal.
Hi to Kristin, Sheri, Deb, Susan and anyone else I missed. It's a nice lazy Sunday afternoon around here. Lasagne going in the oven now.
Hugs to all.
Margaret0 -
Good Evening All!
Glad to see that everyone seems to be having good weekends. DH and I have been watching old war movies on AMC. Well, he's been watching, I've just been enjoying having him home!
Brenda, thanks for the update on NS. NS I was really good to see you back! You are wearing me out with all your cleaning!
Christine - hugs to your SIL. Is it me or does there seem to be a rash of new diagnosis lately? I've seen so many of us here with new diagnosis in our family and friends and I know I've heard of a lot personally. Weird.
Nicki and Betty - you guys are making me hungry and I just ate! No wonder I'm gaining weight.
K4Katz - Was your fundraiser for a troop, district or ??? Are you a Scouter? I've been a BS leader for 15 years. I was going to be a Girl Scout leader, but plans changed when I had 2 boys. Boy am I glad. My sons are too old, but I'm still Scouting.
Joyce - Hope Kevin's drain comes out soon. Those things are so annoying!
Tracy - Tomorrow will be over before you know it. I've had one of those transvaginal things, and while it'll never be a ride at Disney World, it's not too bad. Just very undignified! I'll be thinking of you!
Vicki - melt away, Girl! I've never felt bad when that happens because I read somewhere that there is a chemical that is released when we do that is actually good for us. I wish I could find that information to show you, but I promise I really saw it. Sending you a great big HUG!
I went onto the chat pages once when I first found these boards. Moved way, way to fast for one thing, and it seemed like it was a fairly closed group. I said Hi and that I was new, so I wouldn't be accused of lurking, but after reading for about a half an hour I still didn't feel like I was following the conversation enough to contribute. So glad I came over to this side of the webpage. Much more my speed. Especially now that I found the circle.
Well, gals, I need to wash a couple dishes and fold laundry. I've decided I want self folding laundry. Could one of you please invent that?
Tomorrow I get to call the electric company and figure out why they are trying to bill me twice for the last week of December. Looking at the dates of service, 12/26 thru 1/4 is on both the January and February bills and the longer I spend studying the stupid bills, the more confused I get. And it's not just chemo brain, because my DH says he comes to the same conclusion.
See you all in the morning!
Anne0 -
You ladies are simply the very very best of the lot. Better than sliced bread as my grandmother would have said. A ray of sunshine through my dark day. I think your right...taking down the tree was hard but all my outside lights are on...took a Xanex...had a small glass of wine and a couple excerdrin for this "crying" headache. I love you all dearly. You are my strengh and I thank you again for picking me up and dusting me off. Got my big girl panties back on.
NS...how in the world could you watch those two movies and not be where I was!!! Oh...I stay soooo far away from sad movies! Your painting!!! Guess what...I am painting my living room this week...the color is called "Lady in Red"...heehee. It's a beautiful warm color and I think it's going to be great. Not a shocking red...it's a little dark and almost a maroon...I have a huge living room with lots of windows so I think it will warm it up and make it a bit cheerier (I think I'm making up words again). Love you sweet lady.
Jeannie has a lump!!!! Ok I missed something somewhere...please fill me in. Maybe I forgot...maybe it's chemo brain rearing its ugly head again.
Cheri...I'll be sticky fingers again sweet friend.
Margaret...thanks for lifting me back up...hugs and love to you too.
Shirley...love the sloppy kisses and hugs...us new virgins need to stick together LOL.
Nicki...yup...it sure snuck up on me and I really hate that...no rhyme or reason to it just WHAM...on my knees down and out.
Michele...just lost my cousin last week to brain cancer. No reason for it...it just appeared. Four kids and a husband. Two teenagers and two in their early twenties. Too sad...hugs to you.
Quiet day in the circle...hope that everyone is well and happy.
Looks like we are going to get a storm starting Tuesday afternoon through Wednesday...we are in the 18 inch range!! Yippee...I NEED a snow day. Hopefully the auditors are done and I can get caught back up at work tomorrow. So very very tired.
I truly cherish you all and this thread...may God keep us all safe...may this thread go on forever.
Love to all
Vickie0 -
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Ok...been out swiping stuffed animals for our circle.
I swiped the worlds biggest teddy bear
A donkey for Mazer
A moose for Deb
A kitty for NS and all of us
A sweet puppy
For Amy's collection
And a silly gorilla for all
I do believe the stuffed animal police will be looking for me as these are the most expensive stuffed animals I've ever seen!!!
Any requests ladies...I can come up with nearly anything...gee swiping stuff feels good. I think I need therapy.
Wait...your my therapy.
Love ya
Vickie0 -
hi ladies....
i am feeling much better right now... just had a little nap and hubby gave me a back rub....
ty for thinking of me and the transvaginal thingy tomorrow but ya all are going to have to kill me... ummmm i may have to postpone as its really snowing here and not stopping but i will see in the morning.......
here is my teddy bears...
[image]
[/image]
and my favorite i got one of these at christmas...
[image]
[/image]
tracey.... acho0 -
Tracey...yup we'd have to hunt you down! We will be picking you up with the magic carpet in the morning! All will be well. Hugs to you...love your bears!
Vickie0 -
omg hahahah this is good!!!!
You've been hit by the
|^^^^^^^^^^^^^^| ||
|...WINE TRUCK..........| ||'|";, ___.
|_..._..._______===|=||_|__|..., ] -
"(@)'(@)"" "''"**|(@)(@)*****''(@)
WHEN GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............
1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.
2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING
OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE
MOVE AROUND.
3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS
AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.
4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK
MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE
JUST FOUR HOURS AGO
5. WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE
LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.
6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A
NEW SONG PLAY'S BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"
7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING
NEXT TO US.
8. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD
AT IT.
9. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY
GIVING US JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN
NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.
10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY
LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (or the mop?)
11. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT
ON IT.
12. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR
FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.0 -
Good evening CG's I haven't been here since Thursday night and it is so overwhelming to try to read 8-10 pages of post, so I skimmed them. I came home from work friday so mentally and physically exhausted. Did not sleep well again thursday or the past couple nights, even with my Ativan. DH is worried about me collapsing - he wonders if I am depressed and now I am beginning to wonder that too. Tears have come so easily this weekend. I guess I am just so tired of it all. I thought 2007 was going to be different and I am still dealing with leftovers from the BC. Right hand is better since the surgery (but time will tell after cast if off and stictches out the whole story), but left hand is now going haywire - tingly and sore. So friday when I go se hand doc, will schedule that hand. I will probably wait till after exhange surgery so I am not exhausted going into that. I just want it to all end. Like I said the other day, I know some of the other gals are dealing with so much more, but I am just worn out. Its been such a long year. Finally decided to make the appt with the sleep doctor - I talked to him at synagogue yesterday. He has a lot of things that he recs besides meds (which don't seem to work). The intital visit is about one hour. So now its one more doctor!!!! That will make 3 appt this week - dentist, sleep doc and hand doc!!!! Thanks for listening.
NS - the afgan is gorgeous. Enjoy it and I hope it brings you much comfort. Please know you are continuing to be in my thoughts. Please take care of yourself.
Jeanette - thanks
]
naughty brownies!!!! My dd is a brownie (but not naughty) and we always have girl scout cookies in the house - the new cookies are being delivered this week and we still have boxes left from last year and they are just as yummy.
Nicki - glad you are doing well. hope you enjoyed your extra day off.
moreland mom - you are ight behind me in DX. My initial Dx was 2/3 and then on 2/9, I got the results of the second biopsy telling there was more cancer.
Margaret - thanks - sleep is so overrated!!! I wish I could sleep through the night - one of these days - maybe with help of the sleep doc.
Tracey - good luck with your appt
Jeannie - I'm so sorry you have to go through this - good luck monday - you are so right it does suck.
Denise - sorry you are hurting
Amy - hi
Deb - thanks for your wisdom
I love it - PJ, hugs and drugs (can we add teddies to the list - but it doesnt rhyme)
Jan thinking of you at your appt
Nicki - I too read on the other thread about googling names. Is it "safer" on pms?
Susan - the tent is beautiful
Kristen - me too - hard to keep up if gone for a few days
Madison - scary
Love the teddy that was posted - I can never have enough
Nickie - saw both the movies with DH - liked them both but the one with the little girl the best (can't remember the name - can I still blame it on chemo brain)
Betty good luck at appt
Joy thanks for update on Kevin. be sure to take care of yourself as well
Vickie - love your message
buffalogal - sorry you have to join us but welcome to the greatest group of women
Katie - welcome
can someone tell me what ROTFLMAO means?
Jan thanks for update on checkup
Shokk - burn baby burn!!!!
DH and I along with youngest daughter want to go to Israel this summer and had planned to use miles - well none of the dates we can go are available. I am so bummed. The tickets are upwarsds of 1200 - 1500 - not really in our price range. then there is accomodations and food once we are there. I told DH maybe I would go by myself. I am so frustrated. Wanted to go for years and now I figure I owe it to myself. but I still want my trip. Will keep trying. Working in the schools, my time off is limited to when school is out.
Good luck and hugs to eveyone who has an appt tomorrow. I will be thinking of you all. Who is driving the magic carpet. Well need to go. Need to take my nightly walk with DH and dogs and then go do some work for work - I am so far behind.
Hugs from Denver. Karen0 -
ROFLMAO = roll on floor laugh my a$$ off
Deb C0 -
Gina----I hate to seem unappreciative but if you're going to shampoo a carpet, come shampoo mine! We have a guest room with its own bathroom, even. Thanks for thinking of me when you already have so much on your mind. We'll all be following you around this week with a chocolate fountain----and a donkey----and a horse. Quite the entourage you've got there, girlfriend!
Vickie---meltdowns are good for you, believe it or not. The after headache is a bummer but they actually sorta "air you out". My trouble spot is the car. And I can understand why it hit you after taking down the tree. I want that adorable stuffed kitty!
ginney----Maslow's theory is pretty interesting stuff.. Have you ever read anything written by Yung? He says we never stop maturing (like a lot of the earlier guys do) and that, if we're doing it right, we reach a stage he calls generativity---marked by efforts to give back and enrich others. I thought he was pretty cool in my college days---still do. (College days were relatively recent---graduated in '96. Don't think I'm younger than you thought---I was really OLD when I graduated!)
Tracy--hope the snow holds off for you. The transvaginal thing isn't all that bad---just kinda weird.)
Glad to see Kevin is back home.
Time to go watch Rome! Will report back in after I see the surgeon at 2:45.
Jeannie0 -
Tracey, I love it! I do believe I have been there. I imagine that you've been there too and I Know Mena has. HAHAH Very funny.
cheri0 -
hahah cheri,
I have been there more often then i like to think!!!!!
i am very good at them all...
tracey0 -
If I did this right, there are a few who could use this:
Margaret
I'm happy now, I can finally post pictures. Watch out Vickie and Tracey.....I could be dangerous now.0 -
Ooooh, Margaret, it's probably a good thing I don't know how to post those little things. I'm not even going to ask how you learned to do it cos I'd have them all over the place! Very cute.
cheri0 -
Just sent you a PM Cheri - we'll get you to do this yet.
Margaret0 -
Ok. Margaret, when the 'Picture Monster' is released in me it's gonna be all your fault. Then I'll have 'sticky fingers' like my friends Vickie, Tracey, and Susan. And now you. Be afraid ladies, be very, very afraid! lol
pals
cheri0 -
lol the picture monster!!!!!!!!!
[/image] 0 -
Tracey, I think Cheri is surfing for pics - haven't heard from her since I sent instruction????!!!!! We may definitely be in trouble.
Margaret0
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