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TIME TO CIRCLE THE WAGONS GIRLS
Comments
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Good Evening Everyone: Oh Lordy! There are 2 pages to read since my last post and that was midmorning today. We sure are talkative. This is the first day all week that was "normal" and part of that is being home at 3:30pm and talking to all of you.
Gina: I want to say something. You have always been there for me. All through chemo. You and Liz - you remember how sick I was, how I lost my voice all through chemo and how I broke my rib! We have been through alot together.
Then you started this wonderful thread. A place where we could laugh, cry and support each other. My safe haven. Excuse me "OUR" safe haven. You will never know the sorrow I felt when I read those Evil comments. You will never know the anger I felt. You are loved! You deserve a break! Your my friend. Oh by the way, this is what I really feel like doingto anyone that tries to hurt you.
Cheri: OK, your next! The nurse that I am, I had to look up cysts in the brain. They are fluid filled sacs. Tratment if fairly simple. In my opinion, this isnt "mets." The brain is really the last place bc will normally travel too. Usually to the lung first. So Im thinking you are dealing with a new and different problem. But dang it, if it were me, I would be going balistic right about now! Seems like this roller coaster ride never ends. You are a good person. You are a kind person. And you are my friend.
PurpleMB: Your generousity is astounding. You always manage to say the right thing, give support, do something to make us feel better about ourselves. I remember you too, way back when - I was first diagnosed - I spent hours on the chat line. One day I spent 12 straight hours on the chat. I was newly diagnosed, I was scared and you were there. And now, 2 years later, your were here for me again. You are special. You are the most unselfish person I know. You are my friend.
Tracey: Same thing goes for you. I was new and scared and there was this "crazy" person so full of energy whose name was snowmen in thongs. That in itself puts a smile on my face. You were always so supportive on the chat and continue to be supportive here. With your recent Birthday I realize you are exactly the same age as my son! Young I am - had him at 17. You are full of energy. You are delightful. You are my friend.
Liz: Hmmm let me see. I think I was already established on the chat when I met you. Maybe I was about one or two months ahead of you. We sure went through some tough times together. We share the same still unsettled feeling about our bone scans. You are my partner in the health care tent, you are a special one, you are my friend.
Sherloc: Well I think you came along right about the time Liz came to the chat. I remember your name cause I loved it. Didnt think of Shirley though. Thought of Sherloc Holmes and investigating to find a cure for bc. Your face shows your heart is smiling! You bury the head of rattle snakes! Ewwwwww! You are my friend.
Peggy: What can I say. I think the first time I met you I sent you a stupid email about a stupid topic. At first you were offended and I felt awful. Then we connected. You are so very special to me. Sometime, in my lifetime, we will meet. I feel like I have know you all my life. You are an inspiration! You put a spell on me. You are my friend.
Jasmania: I remember when the boards went down. I was still into chatting and I was going through total withdrawal. Then I found your website. Gosh another time I spent about 8 hours on the chat. I loved your icons and I begged to be authorized to go into the private discussion boards. Seems like I have known you forever. You are an inspiration. Your faith makes me want to pray. You are my friend.
Tgirl: You are my "Are you ready for some football" buddy. We had a blast last fall and all through the football season. When you first came here you were big time competition with early morning posts until your computer went down. Whenever I see you post, I smile. You are free spirited. You warm my heart everytime I see you post. You are my friend.
Shokk: I love your posts. You make me smile. Make me laugh. You are my tornado buddy! Although you are a fairly new friend. I feel like I have known you forever. You are strong. You can survive anything including tornados. You are my friend.
Z: I am so glad you found the circle. This is a special place. And you have made it even more special. You are connected. You are a fighter. You are trying to move beyond. You are my friend.
Sheri: Wow what can I say. We have known each other for a long time here on the discussion boards and we have so much in common. Had to change from taxol to taxotere. Had to stop herceptin after a few rounds. Seems like I was always hypnotized by your posts. You are a really special person. Your a wonderful teacher and mother. You are my friend.
Colleen: Nothing better than getting McDonalds when ya have a hang over. Yes indeed. Big Mac, french fries and a chocolate shake. Take the fries and dip them in the shake. Any other time this whole scenerio sounds awful. Your strenght is an inspiration. You deserve more than what was handed down to you the early part of this year. You will be gloriously happy - I know it. You are my friend.
Brenda: When you are not here I miss you. The posts you made today made me cry. Cry for Joy. You wored things so eloquently. How is your husband doing? You just about the sweetest person I know. You were thrown back into "real" life and its been hard. You are so kind. You are my friend.
Shel: Seems to me like we had a rocky start too. No fault of yours. I think I was in one of those crazy moods and sent you a pm telling you that your were nurse cratchet! Oh my - Im embarrassed to think about that one. In actuality, I was the nurse crachet. You have been through so much. You make me smile. You and I are so much alike. You are a good nurse. You are a wonderful person. You also amaze me at your strenght. You are my friend. And dont you ever change.
Robin: I put you on the map. Man Tennessee is hard. I had to zoom 4 times! But you are there. And yes, in a pink dress! I happen to like pink Now what can I say about you - we have known each other for a while. I have always thought what a strong person you are. You fight every battle with grace. You also deserve a break. You are my friend.
DebC: You are so much part of the circle. I can remember almost every detail of your trips to the "big" city when you were getting rads. Your husband got you a lap top. We saw pictures of the Northern Lights. Then there was your trip to Hawaii. Gosh I felt like I was there with you. And then the beautiful gift. Seeing the circle of flowers float into the ocean has left a lasting imprint. Then the CD! I listen to it everyday. You have a real gift in cheering up people and making them feel better. You are honest. I respect you. You are young and yet so wise. You are my friend.
Vickie: My sunshine sister! I remember when I first met you. You were newvickie then. I immediately took a liking to you. Love hearing the stories from the retirement community cause I did that for many years. You are the first person to brighten my day. You are well - just a sweetheart. You are my friend.
Beth: I was just mean to you. There is no way of getting around that. I think at first you confused me. Maybe I was just being paranoid. You perservered through many a hard times here and you gracefully backed offed when you shouldnt have had to. Your surgery is in 10 days. You have made the right choice. You are scared. You are my friend.
I am not done. Just have to take a momentary break to eat dinner. Gotta love it when the DH does all the work and all I have to do is eat. I will be back.
Nicki0 -
nicki..hehehehe that's me with the heart on my big back side...lol
hugs
MB0 -
PurpleMB: I'm the Tiger! Grrrrrrr
Nicki0 -
Hello everyone this is Amber I just wanted to tell you that my mom is sleeping and thank you all for being there for her this is a rough time for us and she has really needed and enjoyed the friendships she has got out of this site please stand by her in this time of need. Thank you
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Amber, you give your Mom a great big hug when she wakes up. I am glad she is getting some rest. We are absolutely here for her!!!
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Hi Amber, tell your Mom that we love her and are praying for her.
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Thank you all so much i am so scared and i dont know what to do or who to talk to!
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Thanks Nicki!!! You're the best!
P
PS: I still remember exactly what the *stupid* topic was too LOL.0 -
Amber: How sweet you are to posts for your mom. I am sending Hugs and Peace to you both.
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I am here to listen whenever you need, to whatever you need to get out. Don't let the fear keep you from reaching out, don't let it make you feel alone. I hear you girl!
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I am so appreciative for this site and for you all here. I have come out of my own head and I am getting back some of what I love doing, talking and being there for others. I cannot beleive how sick I was of listening to my own bad thoughts and fears in my head (not totally gone yet, but a heck of a lot quieter). Peace to you!
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Ah Z, so glad you found the Circle. 0
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Thanks. BTW - can anyone relate to the itch you cannot scratch because I'm numb still! Today is an itchy day! I keep trying to get alone at work just for a few seconds so I can really go at it (ha ha). There's always someone in the bathroom. I'm laughing though, I cannot wait to get in the car to go home!
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Try cold water on the area. That seems to help me. Also, someone once told me that constant itching is a form of low level pain, so I take an advil when I have a persistent itch. I don't know if that's an old wives tale or not but it seems to help me sometimes.
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Thank you I am i this mood I have been in for awhile I am so MAD I know that my mother is not a bad person and has not done anything in her life so bad that she deserves this or any of you I think that maybe there is no one up there that gives a s*** if there was....WHY?????? I dont get this at all my mother is the best person i have ever met she would give up anything thing for me or my family and now I would give up anything for her i beged for everything to be ok maybe for her or for me i feel selfish like i need her to live for me and i feel so bad for that. I need her like i have needed no one I want nothing but for her to be my mom again the way i remember her happy and free from this thing they call LIFE.....
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There is no rhyme or reason to this disease. Nobody did anything to deserve it. And its okay to be angry, to want your mother to be okay. Its not selfish at all! Don't ever think that way.
As for my faith, I do believe there is a God who cares. I've never considered that God did this to me. I've always felt that my cancer had an environmental factor. I'm fairly convinced that my cancer is some kind of chemical/toxic exposure in my environment or even caused by a virus. I tend to be more pragmatic about things.0 -
I just dont know what to think any more
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Do you know when your mother will see the doctor next? Hopefully then, they can do more tests so you know exactly what you are dealing with. The 'not knowing' is very hard. I'm praying that this is a benign condition.
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I'm back! trying to finish what I started. I do have a purpose believe it or not.
Susan: I have told you over and over again. You smiling face in your avatar brings a smile to my face everyday. I remember when I didnt know how to post pics I was so jealous of your talent. And then you made the circle wagon friends. And posted every single one of our names. We have been through good times and bad. Then a totally new health care issue to get over. The total knee replacement. I remember one of you pm's to me right after the surgery. You were looped my friend from all that pain medication. You are the kindest person I know. Your smile is contagious. You are my friend.
Jan: My drinking wine buddy. I cant look at your avatar without wanting a glass of wine. Its getting warmer and sometimes I can feel my hair blowing in the wind riding on a cycle with you. You cheer me up so much. You make me feel really good inside. You are my friend.
Madison: Another sunshine sister. I remember you wanting to send me what sounded like the most decadent cake and I actually said no. Guess what. I still weigh the same. You are also my football buddy. Went through the heart ache with you with the Saints! You are so full of life. You always want to help others. You are my friend.
Amy: Well what can I say. I have a cyber race horse who is in love with a donkey who cant mate for at least another year. I have had so many smiles and chuckles with you. You are my idol. You are so strong. You are a survivor. You are my friend.
Jankay: You and I go back to the chat also. We spent many hours just talking. And you have made me laugh so hard with some of your funny posts. You are a sweetheart. You show us all how to deal with health issue with grace. You are my friend.
Denise: Yet another new friendship, and it seems like I have known you for so long. You are addicted
to these boards lol, you are an inspiration, your a good care giver, you are my friend.
Puppy: Whoa - we also go back a very long time. Many a battles have been won! We dont forget. In real life you are not a fruitcake. You are strong. You will do great in cardiac rehab. And you are my friend.
Lisaelder: Im so glad you are back. You will nver know how much you helped me and just made me feel better by reaching out to me when I felt like I was in the darkest place. Your smile is also contagious. You are gentle and caring. You WERE missed. You are my friend.
I know I have missed many. I didnt mean to miss anyone. I just want you all to know, you mean something to me, from the deepest part of my heart. YOU ARE MY FRIENDS.
Nicki0 -
I have an ill mother also. She is very limited in her movement and her activity and during my cancer battle she was so sad all the time because she wanted to take care of me, her 39 year old baby and she couldn't do much. I told her often that knowing that she wanted the best for me and how she encouraged me and she did the little things for me saved my life. Mothers just want to be mothers (I'm a mom too), it sucks when we have to be patients and it sucks for all who love us. Hang in there, be mad if you need to, be sad if you need to. I ask my son all the time, just bear with me, I'm trying for you, sometimes are harder than others. If you are as compassionate as my son has become, you and mom will be just fine and you will get through this together.
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cheri---I've been out of town for a few days and it appears that all h**l has broken loose while I was gone. Don't really think I need to respond to any of that (since I think it represents the worst of the possibilities on a discussion board) but wanted to respond to you in particular. I know how scared you are. I've been there. Can't remember if you were on this thread last September when I made a random comment to my onc about headaches---the next thing I know, literally, is that there is a 2 cm mass behind my eye. My onc TOLD me she thought it was lymphoma and the eye surgeon TOLD me he thought it was BC mets. Long story short----it turned out to be a benign "thing" that can't be removed but the worst I can say about it is that my eye makeup looks a little funny without my glasses and when I'm tired, my eyes don't look the same size. It was the week from hell and it took 3 months for the shiner produced by the biopsy to go away but hey, it wasn't CA.
I know it's really scarey and the sooner the dx the problem the better but I agree w/ whoever said (probably Nicki) that it would be strange indeed to have a met show up there first. We are all with you and we are all holding you in our arms and whispering gentle reassurance.
Amber---God doesn't "do" this to people. I am convinced that my cancer was the direct result of environmental issues and I didn't do this to myself either. God loves his children and doesn't inflict punishment for what man may see as "sin". If he did, half the politicians in the world wouldn't be here! (That's meant to make you smile but just think about it!)
Jeannie0 -
nicki .......... do you know how hard i'm laughing right now?????
i AM nurse ratchett .......... i have a sweatshirt with the very name embroidered on it (given to me many years ago, by a few of my staff who 'got me' lol)
no worries girl ......... i don't even remember if we did have a run in ......... i'm pretty resilient as ya'll know!
i have been very, very self centered lately ......... there is soooo much going on here ........... so i wanted to say that i read everything from everybody everyday, and i routinely hold you all in my thoughts and prayers.
i don't post individually to ya'll, but never a day goes by that i don't feel everybody's pain/sorrow/worry/humour/frustration etc ......... i'm just so deeply embroiled in my own complications and constant setbacks that i feel useless to respond to any of you ..... at the end of everyday i am emotionally spent lately ....... but i'm gonna work on that!
xo, shel0 -
Peace and Love to Everyone.
Nicki0 -
Hello to all, it is so nice to be back in the safety of the circle!
I have been trying to read all 4 pages that took place today..That will take awhile!
You are all in my thoughts, my friends you have all become.
I only have notes on a few....I'm sorry.
Shokk: That was a very nice post from you this morning.
NS: Always a lady...perfect words.
Liz: I totally agree.
Deb: You are so right.
Nicki: Wow! A wonderful post to all of us. You are a very sweet person..somehow feel like I've known you all along.
Shirley: Hope your husband is feeling better. I bet Deb will send you some Xanax lollipops!
Very nice pics of your family. A great looking bunch! I laughed at the receding hairline......My 28 year old will be bald before he turns 30!
Alwayshope: Love the Kool-aid picture. Just what did you mix in it??!!
Tina: Ooh...are you single? Sounds like someones got the hots for you my dear!! If it's a prank, it's a very nice prankster!
Joyce: I've been wondering where you have been. So happy about the NED!!!!
Jankay: Wish I could wave a majic wand and help you feel better. I liked (loved) the joke...especially the menopause part!
Robin: Dear Robin! I am LMAO!!!! A zig zag stitch would be perfect....and the flatter it (meaning IT) is....the better it will be! By the way, How are you and Mac doing???!!!
Hugs to all,
Denise
It has been a long, emotional day for all. You are in my thoughts....but I'm logging off for the night.0 -
Amber: Please give your Mom the biggest Hug ever for me. I know she is scared and I know you are very, very scared. Please let us help in any way we can. I know you Love your Mom to pieces and I know she loves you the same way. You can always hear the pride in her whenever she speaks of you.
Keep us posted and don't be afraid to come here or to pm any of us with any fears, questions or just to talk.
Hugs my dear,
Denise0 -
Dear Sisters, I was reading your posts and went to moving beyond, Now I know my name is Puppy, BUT " NOONE PICKS ON ONE OF YOU" Cheri sweetie, I am going to say special prayers for you , {{{AMBER}}} You are such a wonderful daughter and your mother tells us that all the time sweetie, talk to us we will always be here for you!!! I am going to sighn off now, I am so upset, i know we need to let this go, BUT some of us is just reading the filthy things said about "MY HERO" and I for one will never forget! I love you NS, OOOOPS FORGOT TO ASK IF I COULD POST!!! oh well you know my po box. xoxoxoxo Puppy
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Evening ladies. Seems to have quieted down around here. didn't take notes as I was crying over Nicki's post. it was th esweetest thing I have ever read. Still teary eyed. It doesn't help that I am estrogen deprived, LOL.
Anyway, I am reaching out to the nurses out there for a suggestion. Due to my penchant for infections, the ps put me on Levaquin as a proactive measure. It is giving me stomach pains and the runs (can't spell the correct term). Question: Should I keep taking it? I have been miserable all day. I took Diaquel and it has been better. But do you think I need to call the doctor? Maybe there is something else I can take? Thanks for your input. It will be hours before I get an answer from the doc.
I never take notes and try to rely on memory. But I will wish everyone a good night and sweet dreams. I am taking a Tylenol PM and going to bed early. Someone take notes on what happens on CSI.
Love you all to peaces (typo is meant to be that way) XOXO0 -
First I want to say Hi to Z. Sorry I missed you joining- I have been kind of AWOL lately because of my treatment scheduling. GLAD TO HAVE YOU!
Amber, has your mom gotten sick? Why can't she post? Please tell her I love her. I know she is scared about the brain thing - but it could be just a THING and not anything worse.
All my friends here, thank you for the beautiful support. It wasn't easy coming on here this morning and seeing that post.
Shokk....sssshhhh! Don't reveal too many of our "secret take over plans" just yet!
I wanted to share with you how my day went... first when I logged on I had a ton of PMs from people asking me how chemo went. Then people offering advice and support. I even had a new girl looking for guidance. That is what this board is about.
Then I saw the Vomit Post as BethNY puts it! (GREAT ONE BETH!) and I was at a loss. Everyone seems to know why they are here and what they need to get and GIVE to this place... but every once in a while something happens. It is no reflection on BCO nor the person who is being attacked that particular day. It is only a reflection on the person who decided to break forum rules and publicly libel a member of this forum. It is not for us to decipher or try to change. That is the moderator's job.
That said, I go to my (gasp!) PO box to check my mail and it is brimming with more cards from you and two packages. Someone sent me a gift to make me smile and cheer me on... which she does everytime I look at her avatar... and someone else took the time to collect fantastic wigs and scarves and hats and even some bath stuff and she sent it to me! Is that the best?
I feel the love everyday here girls. And I try to give as much as I can. THank you for holding me up while I go through this little put hole... but it is temporary- last chemo is September 26th!!
All I feel is the sisterly love we have on this board. The rest is just ballast.
I know who my friends are and I know there are girls who need my support and guidance and I will never stop being a bc sister to any one.
Love you,
g0 -
Puppy THANK YOU for your support!!! You are the best!
Beth, I think we need to talk. I have issues with Levaquin too- in fact all antibiotics. I get something called C-diff which is started by what is known as psuedomembraneous colitis.
You could try getting really strong acidophilis bifidus supplements from the health food store, the kind that are kept int he refrigerator and take them at opposite time you take the levaquin.
I was taking Vancomycin to help stop this latest round of C-diff I had from my surgery.
My doc didn't have me take it before hand. They gave it in an iv during surgery and then to have at home.
When is your surgery? If you want any tips or anything let me know... I am still "fresh" from it and can help you.
Call your doc before you take immodium because if it is c-diff, that makes it worse.
g0 -
I have issues with all the antibiotics because of my Crohn's disease which will probably flare up after surgery. it always does but at least it is better than not going at all, I think. I will try the Asidophilis after I make sure it is ok with the docs. They are both concerned about drug interactions. But this is not good either.
Gina, thanks for offering to walk me through it. The ps also paired me up with a former patient who is also BRCA2+ and wne through a PBM just like me. She also got saline implants. She is even coming to the hospital before surgery to see me off and said she will stop by the house after i come home. Her path report came back negative on one breast and DCIS in the other. She was glad she did it when she did or it may have gone invasive.
My only worry is the SNB and the discomfort from that. I think Puppy was right when she told me it would be more painful from that than the PBM.
I still have some browsing to do on the boards yet and will call it a night shortly.0
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