I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
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Yes, it is very, very difficult. I don't know if this could be helpful, but we have some links on our site regarding the change to one's self esteem post surgery and treatment otherwise. It is not easy, but know that you are not alone.
How to increase self esteem after surgery?
Changes in body image cause bad self-esteem?
Thinking of you All,
Melissa and the Mods
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marthah: I can't imagine any other disease that affects our self-image as much as this one. Hang in there.
Those links are helpful.
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I haven't posted here in forever (was quite active when the thread started in 2004). Last night went back to the beginning and read through about page 37. So glad to see this thread is still going strong (over 100 pages!) Our dear friend Mena, who started this thread would be proud indeed!
My mojo went "silent" for about 8 months after breaking up with BF about 14 months ago. Then I remembered how much I enjoy (LOVE) the Turbo 8 bullet and we have become quite close again. I used to buy them in the adult toy store, then my sister told me you can order them on Overstock.com. Who knew Overstock had a sex toy section? And they are about $10 less on Overstock.I ordered 2 more for backups
Started using Replens on a regular basis (even though I'm very single and have been for some time now.) I do think just the moisture from the Replens is helping my mojo!
Here's to good mojo for all~
Donna
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Hey Donna, thanks for the tip. I just visited Overstock. I'll let ya'll know if my purchase helps 0
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Donna!!!!!
How's it going, girrrrrl?! I remember back in '05-'07 or so when we had quite a raucous bunch of chicas on here including, of course, you and me. So glad to see your post and hear that you're back to gettin' some (even if it's from an electronic source- at least it doesn't argue with you or ever make you feel bad about yourself, right?
)!~Marin
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Hey Marin!! Good to "see" you again, my friend! And all the others here working on their mojo.
So had a great date the other night with Turbo 8! I couldn't believe it when I looked at the clock and two hours had gone by.....I probably shouldn't even admit that.
No, it didn't buy me dinner or take me to a movie, but the sex was awesome lol. And you're right Marin - it didn't argue with me at all or make me feel bad about myself. In fact, it made me feel really, really good about myself! LadyinBama - Hope your Overstock purchases work out for you. Actually, I believe Overstock shortened it's name to just "O". Coincidence? I think not....
Here's to good mojo for all ~
Donna
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Did I kill the mojo thread?
LadyinBama - did you get your Overstock order yet?????
Donna
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Donna, Yes, I got it, but I had my last chemo Tuesday and haven't felt like checking it out
It's still in the wrapper. But it looks promising 
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Hi ladies,
Popping in here to share with you all the Breastcancer.org Blog on How to Talk to Your Doctor About Sexuality Issues. Hope you can find some good information here!
--The Mods
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I just signed up for a "Look Good Feel Better" session later in September. Hoping this will help!
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Well ladies, I was soooo pissed off Tuesday. I went for a checkup with my gyn/onc, who I haven't discussed this with, and he basically said I'm SOL, there's nothing that can be done period! I mean he had no suggestions whatsoever and I said "so this is it for the rest of my life?" and he said "yes." He riled up my inner feminist. I thought, If this were a male problem, you better believe they'd be working on it!
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LadyinBama- terrible. Change to another gyno/once ? The effexor that I am taking makes things difficult in the bedroom but helping me functionbetter everywhere else. Last night, i just started the moves on my guy even thoughmy head wasn't in the game at all. Just wanted to feel a connection. Ithelped.
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Cyborg: Unfortunately, he's the only game in town. I've decided I'll just have to take matters into my own hands (no pun intended), do my own research and come up with a plan. It does help to "connect" even if you aren't really into it.
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FrannyK mentioned that her doctor prescribed DHEA suppositories to reverse vaginal atrophy. There are studies on its use in increasing libido as well. I posted about them on the clinical trials etc discussion board, but logically this is the thread where interest would be highest. FrannyK, what were your dr's directions? what strength?and there are clinical trials going on right now in Iowa!
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/73/topic/774713?page=1#idx_4
Julie E
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Thanks everyone who supported me after my post of July 14th. Thought I might give a quick update since about three months have passed since I found out about my husband cheating on me with call girls.
Good and bad news. Bad news first: I found that he had been doing this for about two years. The most painful part was when I found his "reviews" of the girls on various websites. It is hard for a fifty something woman to compete with 25 year old girls. And, even harder is reading all the gory details.
Another part of the bad news. This wasn't just once or two. He probably has been with at least twenty woman.
Good news: No STDs, thank god. We are going through counseling and are making good progress. I believe he is truly sorry for the pain he caused. He made a commitment that if he ever thinks that he has to do that again, he will let me know. At that time we can decide if we want to stay together. If things are that bad again, we would probably just end the marriage, but at least there wouldn't be sneaking around.
But the best news for most who is suffering from low libido is that it CAN return. My sex drive had been dormant for a few years, so it took a lot of work to even think about "getting into it" again. But, once I did, I am totally re-sexed! We literally have sex most every day, and I miss it if we don't. And, as they say, the more you think of sex, the more you want it. That's what my husband said about the women he paid for. Once he started, his sex drive was in overdrive, and that led him to wanting it more and more.
A friend of mine also said something that made me feel a bit better. First of all, he PAID for these girls. While my husband is in good shape, it's not like he could walk into a bar and pick up these beautiful girls. He had to pay them, as he is 53 years old and bald.
My friend also pointed out that he only went to one person a few times. No real connection with any of them. I think it would have been much harder if he was cheating with one person that he had an emotional connection with.
So, we are moving ahead, but instead of just writing this as a pity party, I do want to give you hope that your mojo can come back!!
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My libido is totally gone. At this point I could care less if I ever had sex again. My husband wants it every night. I had a BMX with immidiate diep construction and I love my new figure. I just don't have any sex drive whatsoever. My hubby is 46 and I can't expect him to be celibate forever. So I just do it to keep him happy. I know it's terrible but I just don't know what to do. I am going to speak to my OBGYN about this next week. Before my diagnosis I was an animal LOL.
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D4Hope,
So sorry to hear that! I guess I'm lucky that mine has turned around.
How often are you able to do it? I know at first it pretty much sucked, but in my case it got better and better.
Wishing you the best!
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LisaF - you have my respect. I'm not sure I could be as gracious as you have been.
You have very valid points about the girls being PAID and there being no emotional attachment. That seems to easy the sting a bit.
Thank you for updating. I'm glad you and your husband are making positive progress in healing your relationship.0 -
I am three months out from chemo, 6 months from BMX. Mine is finally starting to return. I am so glad. Now if I can just guarantee that I won't have a hot flash while fooling around so that I have to throw my husband off of me in a matter of seconds, all will be well. LOL.
He can tell when I am starting to have one. Says my nose turns red and skin heats up. He moves away quickly before I start throwing off clothes.
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Fluffqueen - the throwing off clothes bit should help things, eh? Not stop things! Of course, I'm joking - I'm not having any right now, but when I do - it's "GET OFF ME!"
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On my oncology site someone recommended Crisco for the dryness. (I think it was on there and not on here.) Thought I'd pass that along. I googled it and it appears to be safe. It is sure cheaper than Replens. I'm gonna give it a go.
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I meant on my "ovarian" site (not oncology)! There is an ovarian cancer site sort of like this one, but not nearly as good.
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This is the only time I have been somewhat glad I was widowed last year. I don't have to worry about having sex!
Of course if I ever get back into the dating world I know I'm going to be a little insecure about my body even with the reconstruction about 3/4 of the way through. I'm going to have my nips & areolas tattooed on so that will be odd.
I haven't gone back through all 100 pages as of yet but those of you who are single and dating when did you tell your new guy about the cancer, etc.?
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So I'm 3 weeks PFC, and I had a dream about having sex last night...maybe my drive is coming back!
DH and I are headed out on a romantic vacay next week...must be a good sign!
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I need a review on lubricants. I am trying the Replens now but ... Having some problems. I want my body to catch up with my mind in the bedroom!!!!
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Cyborg,
In all of the time that I've been on this board (almost from the beginning when Mena started it), I've seen reviews of nearly every lube out there. The preferences seem to be a highly individualized, but one thing has been relatively consistent and that is that the usual drugstore brands are usually less effective since they either dry out quickly or they burn (esp. the so-called "warming" ones). Most seem to have found success with lubes they've ordered online form the "toy" sites. These usually have reviews and sometimes guides on which one would suit an individual's needs. So I wuld say that going to goodvibes or babeland and perusing the lubes there might be helpful. Alternatively, you can go to Whole Foods and buy a jar of pure coconut oil. The stuff stays solid if stored in a cool place or turns to liquid in a warm environment. Either way, slathering that stuff on (and in) on a regular basis has worked wonders for many. I use it myself to keep anything moist that threatens to get a bit dry and have even begun to use it on my face and around my eyes instead of moisturizer. So far, it has begun to hint at a few miracles!
Good luck...and keep trying!
Marin
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I'm about four months out of chemotherapy and am currently enjoying all the thrills that Chemopause has to offer...one of the worst -for me - has been vaginal and vulval dryness. My bits are dry enough that wearing regular loose fitting jeans is uncomfortable - I've been using lube a couple of times a day, just to keep from chafing, but it's not exactly comfy. Sexually, I can be aroused as ever, but I got nothing in the way of lubrication.
I've gotten a scrip for estring (low dose, slow dose estradiol ring) from my general practitioner and am checking with my oncologist - assuming I can tolerate it, I'm hoping it will help with the Sahara between my legs. What I'm hoping for is any first hand reports from the field - anyone else tried this? With what results? Specifically, I'd love to know whether the entire vulva stays lubricated, or whether it just helps with vaginal dryness.
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It will come back just give it some time,your body ahs been thru trauma, trust me it does come back. msphil
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Some women on this site are writing about Scream Cream.
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So, I misunderstood and when I went to the onc. I asked her about Scream Cream as I am having some issues with pain.
She had not heard of it and looked it up. She then came into the room laughing at me as she said "the cream is to make you scream not keep you from screaming..."
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