I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
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I bought some arousal gel and it seems to be working. I guess I'll stick with the Paxil.
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I was so glad to see this topic as I too thought what is wrong with me! I have always been ready to go with my husband of 29 years but lately it is like the drugs removed the desire. My goal during this journey is not to lose all aspects of "me". I have found that you need to set the stage - music, photos or a movie to get your mind ready as it takes time. I also think the steriods affect everything too!
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The mojo will come back? I have no desire
But my DH and i are going to try this weekend. Its been almost a year. Going to talk to dr about biryh control this week. At 45 didnt think i would have to worry about that0 -
Fredntan it takes a while but keep at it. In time you will have more desire. I'm not like before but I think that's normal after meno or chemopause. I mean who wants to be like they were when they were 20? Just one touch to the shoulder and you were ready
We have more interests and things to do now. 0 -
Hey, Everyone!
I finally got the Hitachi Magic Wand, and now I need you guys to tell me which are the best attachments to get. There seem to be sets of three, sets of two, and a whole bunch of individual ones that do different things...Should I just get one of each?
Thanks!
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bump
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so I was listening to the women's health show on Sirius Doctor Radio station and a woman called in and mentioned that she uses Wet Platinum Body Glide - and one of the doctors almost screamed with excitement - how much she loves this product. The caller did say that it certainly worked for her. The doctor went on to say that many products ie replens? are water based moisturizers which dries tissue and contain an ingredient which actually causes irritations but Wet Platinum is a silicone-based lubricant and does not irritate. I haven't tried any moisturizers or lubricants yet, I am not even sure if I am dry ( tamoxifen drip) or if either would address atrophy and loss of libido, but I am intrigued and I wanted to share this with you guys. I did a search on "wet platinum" and only one post came up from september of this year - where the gal said she was going to try it. so maybe it is a new product? It is available through regular pharmacies like cvs and walgreen - on line, I haven't checked on the shelves of my local stores yet. Would love to hear if someone uses it and what they think.
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BUMP
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Hello everyone,
After chemo I was given the Estring scrip but I was afraid to use it because I had just started Arimidex. Well, after almost a year on Arimidex I decided to go for it. I am so freaking tired of not feeling the least bit sexual and knowing that my poor husband would really like to do the wild thing from time to time, I decided to get it and start. What the hell. So today was the day. March 1st. In like a Lion.
The secondary reason is that I was diagnosed recently with cataracts and Fuchs Dystrophy. Had cataract surgery in one and and waiting to see if the Fuchs will settle down for a whilie. If not the only option is corneal transplant. I don't even want to think about that but there it is. I will freely admit that if this is what getting old is all about you can take it and shove it where the sun don't shine.
So I'm thinking that I am going to get as much out of this life as I possibly can while I still can. Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead!! Estring I love you.
Kathy
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Good for you Chatsworthgirl! I agree with that philosophy. Quality of life is more important to me than quantity, otherwise what is the point?
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Yeah - Have been on AI's on an off for 1 1/2 years - 12 mos. in total and have had a full hysterectomy. Engine is definitely on idle. Feels a little strange. Not at all ME. A part of me is missing. Well more than one part...........but that would be for another thread
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I just wanted to share that for the last 5 years since BC and Arimidex I had no libido at all and never ever thought about sex except to feel guilty about my lack of desire for my husband. I loved and enjoyed sex prior. I have been off the Arimidex for one month now and there is an 80 percent improvement I actually think about and want sex again and I can have the big O too!!!!!!! There is hope ladies at the end of the tunnel.
Linda
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I have been on and off the AI's and my sex drive definitely follows the meds. Nose dives when on, beginning feeling like a sexual human being again when off. It comes back gradually over a few months.
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What a relief to hear that
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Still working on the mojo and thought I would share this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cob6IJ2XHis0 -
This is one of the best threads on the boards! I've been on here many times over the boards and always found wonderful ideas and support.
My mojo is doing pretty good these days...I gave up that stressful job search finally ( at least I know I tried), moved on from the ex BF, relaxed and enjoyed life for awhile..turned 60...and then somehow a hot new younger man kind of fell into my life. Now the only problem is keeping up with him!
Still have financial issues, staying afloat and chipping away at ways to save money all the time. I don't seem to have the pain or dryness issues many struggle with... oral sex /foreplay seems to help with lubrication.
I also read a FANTASTIC book - A Gay Man's Guide to Sex for STraight Women- right after I met my new man. I studied it and worked on manual and oral sex techniques for HIM with the book. I know I had a lot to learn there.
Body image issues are still there, but I think having a great partner and focusing a lot on him more than me sometimes helps that...and yes I went ahead and got a medical marijuana RX. Living in CA we are fortunate to have that. That helps libido immensely. He makes sure he focuses on me as much as I do him too. We smoke together as part of our relaxing ritual, watch a little soft porn such as Game of Thrones...and have a good ol time!
I'm at a place in life where I don't really care to get married again. My kids are starting to become self-suffcient (one more than the other), and being single I think I was starting to think about just giving up on relationships with men, given all the body image/libido issues I had post- bc and post menopause. starting to think why am I stressing so much! No one has a perfect body, maybe he really does just like me for me...maybe I should just accept ...the gift of mojo!
Hope there are some ideas there for others to try- definitely that book will spice things up for you and at the same time take your focus/anxiety off yourself. if you don't have a partner get the Hitachi Magic Wand and try to relax and experiment with it. That thing is amazing!
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soccermom good relationships aren't about sex or body image. Also I never thought about marriage till I met the right guy. If you are to get married again it will not be something you plan… it just happens. My DH was a good friend of mine for 6 years before we got romantically involved. 3 months later we were engaged. This coming fall will be 18 years. I highly recommend, if you do get married, to marry a good friend.
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LAGO--- I agree my husband was literally a friend for at least a year then it just happened we will be married this July will be 19 years.. Yes we had bumps in the road but it is finally getting back to our old self's.
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thanks for your replies- but regarding mojo- and getting it back after disfiguring treatments, and the horrors that many of us experience(d) during treatment and recovery- I just wanted to share what is currently working for me in the area of getting mojo back
body image IS important to many of us
I'm happy that you have supportive mates -that was something I did not have- in fact mine filed for divorce just before I started herceptin-
anyhow getting married is really not a goal of mine and I probably have a lot of good reasons not to do it again-
but I have a great guy who helps me get my mojo back and it's a stable, monogamous relationship, so I'm pretty happy with that...
I think those of us who had a mate who stayed by them through cancer and beyond and still have "mojo" are really fortunate...maybe those kind of mates were more likely if they started out as friends as you point out- I just don't happen to be one of those, but I'm pretty happy, given that, with what I DO have
anyhow here's to happy post-BC relationships of any sort! whether starting over with a new partner or getting through it with a long-time partner
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soccermom I said I would never get plastic surgery or get a tattoo. Now I've got boobie prizes and 2 tattoos… never say never. It could happen. Maybe not next week but who knows.
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soccermom - I hear you. I was in an unhealthy relationship at the time of my diagnosis and it only went downhill from there. Not only was he non-supportive, he was even mean; he refused to come to the hospital or call on the day of my mastectomy. I broke it off with him shortly after that, that being the main reason. I marvel sometimes at my bad 'luck' at being with him but know it was not luck but rather the result of a lot of different things. For that reason I would definitely baby step it into any new relationship. I have grown icked out by online dating (which I have tried several times) and now try to focus on my kids and girlfriends but am a little lonely sometimes (actually a lot of the time). I used to be a very MOJO driven woman in the past, probably part of the problem. lol. I would like to meet someone just by chance and have it move slowly, see where it goes but we will see if that is the plan.
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I am still looking for mine.......
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Hi ladies, how long after treatment did it take for your period to return? I finished chemo in February and no sign yet, I was TN so no long term meds for me. As for any bedroom action, forget it!! My poor husband!!
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Hi Mum. My period never came back, but then again, I'm old
. It's been three years. I was 50 at diagnosis, and still having regular periods. To me, it was the best thing that came out of this whole rotten experience. I assume that you are a little younger than that. I realize that wasn't very helpful, but maybe this will help to revive this thread.And, I am still looking for my mojo.....
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I was 43 at diagnoses and regular and on time period and am 45 now and I still don't have them back its been Feb 2012. I kinda wish it would come back then I would be out of the hot flashes but my doctor said no you don't want that because my cancer was 68% estrogen positive. This whole thing sucks....
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I am also still looking for mojo
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I was 49 at diagnosis. Last period 2 weeks prior to chemo. I am in menopause now. The closer you are to menopause age the less likely it is to come back. I knew mine wasn't coming back as did my onc. My mom & sister started menopause at age 51. I finished chemo 2 weeks before my 50th birthday.
I did get my mojo back but I'm certainly not like I was when I was 20! It takes time and work but if you don't use it you'll lose it.
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As I'm recovering from a hysterectomy, due to tamoxifen, I'm prohibited from sex for another month, but I'm concerned that it's another blow to my Mojo which took a hit from tamoxifen, age, general worries, you name it...
Recent article in NY Times about intimacy and cancer: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/06/20/living-with-cancer-seeking-intimacy/?_r=0
A week or so after a procedure, I found a sticker on my body. Not a Disney sticker or a Dora the Explorer sticker, put there maybe by a godchild or nephew, but a 1 1/4-by-1-inch white rectangle with a steel nipple at the center.
What does it say about alienation from the body that I only found this sticker a week after an operation that worked or did not work, but that in any case I cannot remember or distinguish from all the other hospital events?
I consider this sticker as the women in my cancer support group discuss intimacy over lunch in a restaurant.
Beautiful Judy flushes while admitting that she knows she is desirable, despite the weight loss caused by radiation. But what she wants to feel is her own desire welling up. The problem is, desire puts her back in touch with her body and her body brings her back to fears about a recurrence. Will lovemaking always tether her to dread of mortality?
But Sarah worries about her spouse’s desires. Like her, he is young and vigorous, and he has been patient for more than a year now. Except for the port barely visible on her chest, her body in remission feels resilient. She works out every day. Though a self-professed “prude from Nebraska,” she has started reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.” “Is it working?” someone asks. Well, she’s only on page 100-something, so she remains hopeful that it will heat up.
I remain silent as Alison explains that her husband treats her like a china doll. Wary after her numerous operations, he’s protective of her vulnerability. Diane, on targeted therapy, confides that she was not hurt so much as perplexed after sex when her partner found her “reconfigured.” He is, she adds by way of explanation, a lawyer.
I’m trying to decode the emotional valence of his remark, though I’m still brooding on the purposes the nurses must have had in mind when they affixed the sticker to my body. Probably there were many others, and there was a purpose, and it must have served them well. Still, they forgot to take this one off the middle of my back, right between my shoulder blades in a place I could barely reach.
Patricia, pushing back the unruly curls of her blond wig, cracks us up with the lesson she draws from a younger man who found unusual ways to dramatize his intense crush on her. The “juiciness” of the infatuation — though nothing happened — leads her to believe that sex in the mind might be the way to go.
Ever the academic, I mention that Joni Rodgers corroborates this idea in the most explicit description I have found of lovemaking during chemotherapy. In her memoir “Bald in the Land of Big Hair,” the author mentions the torrid sex scenes she managed to produce in fiction. In real life, though, sex made her smell and taste (on herself and on her partner) the poison being pumped into her: “It grieved me greatly,” she wisecracks, “that my love canal was now more like Love Canal.”
But I am thinking of my beloved husband. And the sticker that had been on my body for a week, though I never knew and my husband never knew it was there. He is 17 years older than I. Or that’s how I thought of it when we met long ago, decided to live together and to cherish each other, as we still do every minute, every second of this very day today, for which I am abundantly grateful. Now, because cancer and its treatments have accelerated my aging, the difference in our years has been erased.
That evening, my husband tried to comfort me. “Let’s take a look-see, Missy,” he said, doing a caricature of the old man he in fact now is to the spoof of the old lady I in fact have become. We did that. We took a look-see. We didn’t find anything else.
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kira I believe those "stickers" are the electrode thingies they use to monitor your heart. I had at least 3 of them when the did my port surgery. How do I know… because the following day I had chemo. the day after chemo I had 3 red circles on my body… it looked like a martian landed on me. I freaked out a little. I was told the issue was they probably ripped them off quickly and ripped off some of my skin.
So maybe leaving it there wasn't so bad.
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Some people react to the adhesive and get a red ring. I know that happens to me; the ring lasts about a week or two. When I'm having procedures I try to have them use paper tape.
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