I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
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Well, maybe you'll get a job soon and be able to light up again after the drug test? Alternatively, are you sure that you've tried everything else to get yourself interested in sex? Maybe you need to get more creative? In my area, a local sex toy place has monthly classes on all sorts of topics, from the use of toys to kinky sex to swinging. Perhaps something new in your repertoire is in order?
~Marin
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I talked to my onc today about my missing libido. He didn't have an answer. If I can get up the energy, I'm going to get "creative" as Marin calls it. I've got to get something going. Even when you don't want it, you miss it, you know?
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I have been just giving sex a shot even when I don't want to and it really helps. My body catches up after awhile. I feel closer to him and he feels closer to me.
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I guess I'm just feeling stuck- but I will see -- maybe if he wasn't my "ex"- or sort of ex- the job stress started when we were still together and just totally put me out of the mood, along with the lack of the mood-enhancer.. then I broke up with him.. but I still think we have a chance if I could het some motivation..
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I just thought of an idea for some who need that extra oomph to get in the mood. I think that we should realize that even though cancer and treatments robbed us mightily of our libidos and capable bodies, long-standing relationships sometimes go through pretty stale periods. That's where creativity comes in, right? Now I know, in the past, when I suggested we try using soft porn (as in videos), a number of women got a bit skeevish about the prospect. They felt either embarassed or too shy or the whole idea was actually a turn-off to them. So for those of you who might prefer a milder approach, how about erotic literature? You can buy all sorts of books with different foci/intents, all over the web. If you're reluctant to even search and/or buy, you can find some places to read erotic stories and some in seemingly "innocent" places. For example, iVillage has a forum entitled "Sexual Fantasies" and posters write in their own stories and sometimes they all contribute to one story. Although poorly written at times, some of these stories, my chicas, are HOT! Check 'em out...
http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Sexual-Fantasies/ct-p/iv-rlfantasy
And, for even more "help," share the stories you especially like with your partner. You'll be glad you did!
ENJOY!!!
~Marin
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I finally got in to see a gynocologist regarding the excruisiating pain I experience during intercourse.
The doctor told me that my linings were all fine, I did not have vaginal atrophy, etc.
However, upon a more detailed examination he said that he believes my bladder is the issue so maybe it has "dropped" - not sure but boy he found the right areas to push against!
I am now to see a Urologist - and of course I have to wait 45 days for that appointment. At least now I feel like I am making some sort of progress as this has been going on for way too long.
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Bump
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Does anyone have an ONC/GYN in the Orlando area that is willing to perscribe testosterone cream?
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Hello Mojo ladies!
What would you tell other mojo-deprived women about talking with their doctors about issues around sexuality? Did you ever feel reluctant to raise the subject, and how did you get past that reluctance?
There's an article, How to Talk to Your Doctor about Sexuality Issues, in the BCO blog with some suggestions, and we thought of this thread as the mother lode of experience and advice to help women who may not visit the boards!
You can log in just as you do here on the boards to add your comments and suggestions, thank you!
Your Mods
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I think that just informing my docs what is occurring may help them understand the depth of how we are affected by all of this.
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Cyborg - I totally agree which is why I told my oncologist who referred me to a gynocologist who has now referred me to urologist. I am determined to get to the bottom of all of this. 2 years of painful sex and therefore, lack of sex is reeking havoc on my marriage.
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Haha, I had stage 2 diep sx yesterday and I asked my anesthesiologist to say some statements to me while I was "under", such as "you're doing great" and "you'll feel well after sx". DH said I should tell her to say "you are horny". These subliminal messages make a difference and guess what, i did ask her. She laughed and said she'd do it!!! I did feel a bit frisky on the way home... If only it would last!
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Xray girl you are funny!!!
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Xray I went for hypnosis in May to a therapist that advertises helping with sexual issues. He was an older man and very nice, talked me through the process and asked me lots of questions about myself and by "beliefs". This is to take what you believe in and attach it to the hypnosis so you brain believes this too. Well, I didn't think I was under because I seemed aware of everything in the room but when it was over I didn't remember much of what he said at all. He made a CD for me to listen to anytime I wanted to put myself under. It did really relax me and I wanted to have and did have sex the night of the appointment. It was really calming to listen to the CD and I would nap for a bit after and I think it did help some but I haven't listened to the CD in a few weeks now. I want to find a therapist that will say what your husband suggested, "you are horny" and other graphic suggestions. This "you love your husband and sex is a natural part of that" just doesn't do it for me. I would like to be a sex addict. I am so sad every time I hear these stupid celebrities claiming to be addicted to sex--I WANT TO BE ADDICTED TO SEX WITH MY HUSBAND!! is that too much to ask. I'm going to try hypnosis again but maybe find a therapist who is also a hooker so she understands where I'm trying to go with this.
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Anybody having UTIs after sex? The last two times (only two times in 6 weeks) that DH & I did it, I ended up with an infection. The onc nurse put me on bactrim both times, but I don't want to take an antibiotic all the time just to have sex! Any suggestions? This is new for me. Maybe a combination of the infrequency, so we are irritating something, and a lowered immune system?0
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LadyinBama-argh! My gyn wants me to take an antibiotic every time we have sex (1 pill prophylactic). The same thing was happening to me:-( I also have a rx for pyridium-it helps with more severe symptoms during infection.
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Hi LadyinBama,
I think the UTI's are a consequence of lowered immune system from the treatments. I kept getting them after finishing chemo and rads. So annoying! I would say this went on for maybe 2-3 months after finishing rads.
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This is crazy to have to take an antibiotic prophylactically for sex! Overuse of antibiotics causes them to become resistant to a lot of bugs. Doesn't sound right to be using them this way. What about vaginal estrogen? Just a tiny dab (not the whole plungerful like the package says to use) to the vulva and vaginal entrance does wonders and is not enough to raise estrogen levels in the bloodstream.
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Ladyinbama, I was getting UTI's after sex too. My gyn gave me an prophylactic antibiotic (macrobid) and told me to take 1 pill after sex. He also told me to use daily moisturizer in the form of vitamin E and do lots of kegals. It seems to have worked. I haven't had a UTI since I started this.
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I talked to the NP when I went for chemo Tues., and she recommended "all the above" that ya'll suggested. She gave me a prescription for 30 prophylactic antibiotics. I told her at the rate we are going, that should last 3 or 4 years
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LadyinBama I so far haven't had any UTI for 20 years but when I had the cronic condition I did drink cranberry juice regularly. I also pee after sex. Seriously I do. It is not uncommon for post-menopasaul women to get UTIs more often. I'm chemopausal and pretty much done. So far though no UTIs for me.
I would not be happy about taking antibiotics regularly. This year between the BMX, exchange surgery and finger issue on chemo I've taken more antibiotics than I have in 20 years. Hopefully I'm done with them now. They can give me yeast infections if I'm on them too long.
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OK ladies...I guess I need help with my mojo. I am going to try to go back and read this thread, but it is so long! Here is my problem...I had BLMX, TE's, Chemo and just had exchange surgery 2 weeks ago. I have had less interest in sex but when we get things started it's fine except it is horribly painful. I could handle just having sex with DH for him even if I was not that much in the mood, but it hurts too bad. I was pre-menopausal before BC and was on birth control. Now because I am ER/PR+ there is no birth control so we have to use condoms. No matter what kind we try and no matter how much lubricant it is horribly painful. It feels like rubberbands rubbing on my insides....I can't even do it. We have to stop....I am so frustrated. My DH is has been so patient...he still is, but I want our intimacy back. I do have less interest in sex too so I have no idea how to fix that. I just want to find a way to do it without pain....any quick recommendations? We did try astroglide too. I wonder if without condoms it would be better...but my doc said we have to use protection. I could have DH get a vasectomy but it may still hurt anyway....help me find my mojo, please! I am going to go back and try to read some of this 98 page thread.......I don't have hours though.
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Is coconut oil safe go use as Lubricant?
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MDG, vaginal estrogen works wonders and you don't need to use that much. Look back about 6 posts to see what I wrote about this. I've tried everything. Lubes, natural oils, clitoral stimulation gels, Replens, and the only thing that takes away that raw feeling is the Estrace cream and some suppositories by Bezwecken that contain: estriol, beeswax, vitamin E, and cocoa butter
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mdg used Replens daily for about 2 weeks. (My NP said for a month but I was getting too much discharge) then went to 2 tx a week. I slowly got back but you do need to get the blood flowing again down there in the mean time. If that means getting a vibrator then do it. It takes time. I use astroglide as well.
I doubt your onc will allow vaginal estrogen being hormone positive.
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I need to avoid estrogen based things...I will look into replens tomorrow. Do you just get it at the pharmacy? I feel like I have the interest in sex, but don't want to because it hurts. I guess I am happy that I am still a little interested...hopefully that won't change. Crossing my fingers this works.... Any other recommendations welcomed!
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MDG it does take time for it to work. I purchased it at my local Walgreens but you can get it online too. My NP also said Rephresh is another option. You should talk to your onc and gyn about this though before you start. You might have other health issues that they might not think this is the course for you. I doubt it but always check before you take anyone's advice online.
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MGD in my experience the best lubricant is the one our bodies produce and even in the aftermath (or the midst) of chemo our bodies still know how to produce it if they are given the chance. So the best thing is to find ways to help our bodies do what they knew how to do pre-chemo etc.
This means (and sorry to be blunt) oral sex and masturbation. Lots of both. The best lubricant is the one an orgasm produces because it also softens the area up - relaxes the muscles - so that even if you still need to use lubricant (and I found the silicon ones like Pjur to be the best) it will be easier because you will have got your body in the mood so the muscles don't resist and it is less painful. In the depths of chemo it was still sometimes possible for me to have good sex without using any artificial lubrication because I was so warmed up by the oral sex first.
If you don't enjoy oral sex then as someone else has said, get a vibrator and use it LOTS.
You also need to go really slowly when being penetrated, I found. Like, sometimes it would be several minutes before he was fully inside me, to let my body gradually figure out what was going on. Requires stamina from the man, but worth it!
In the meantime, there are also lots of ways to have sex that can give your man great pleasure but don't have to involve him penetrating you. And lots of those things are still incredibly intimate, and I am sure you don't need me to tell you what they are! And I found they warmed me up too - seeing his desire, seeing how I could still make him feel fantastic - would often help my own body relax. Making the focus his body, not mine, made my body less tense. Made me feel sexy even when bald and seriously steriod puffy.
I hope this is not too blunt!
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Hi all,
I haven't been on this bc.org for a few years. For newbies, please know that the cancer will not take up the bulk of your waking hours. Life does go on.
Here's my situation. The chemo and tamox took almost all of my estrogen away. I was always one to love sex, but my hubby and I could go over a month or two without it.
I discovered through his computer that he had been paying "girls" through Craigs list. I confronted him and he admitted that he had used them. (THank god he didn't lie to me.) We both cried and said that the SEs of cancer sucks. We talked about the fact that he is 50 years old, in great shape, and he doesn't want to have a sexless life. (He said the bottom line was when there was a sex scene on TV, I said something about turning the channel, and he said to himself, "I'm screwed. This cancer has taken taken every ounce of lust out of my wife."
I asked him, why didn't you just tell me? I would have tried harder. Or, if you really needed it, just let me know and "maybe" I would have agreed, because I had not one ounce of sex drive. His response was, right, I'm going to tell you that. It's not your fault you have cancer.....
OK, bottom line. We worked together to change the situation. It took a bit to get the "cobwebs" out, but now we are having a great sex life. The more you have sex, the more you think about it. I really was in the wastelands, but once I came out of it, I'm wondering how I could go for a few years without thinking of it.
I know many of you will think I'm strange for staying with a cheating spouse, but I do understand his actions. It just doesn't make it easy. But then, none of ths is easy.....
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I have been reading here for some time now, but have never posted. My DH and I have a dynamic sex life and I worry this will change because of BC. So far it has not, but I have not started tamox yet. If I am correct, that is what is causing the losing the mojo. Just another thing to worry about. I discussed this thread with my husband, told him woman are saying they are loosing their sex drive, he says, I will believe it when I see it. I am a little younger than he, and he tells me I am going to kill him (lol)
Lisa-What an incredibly strong woman you are. I am sure many woman will disagree, regarding staying with a cheating spouse. I would have been one of them several years ago. I have learned through life experiences to never say never. If my DH were to cheat on me I would be devastated, but I love him so much, leaving him would not be easy. I am so happy for you, that you were able to work this out.
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