Take our poll: How are you feeling as we near the New Year?
I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
Comments
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The lack of estrogen is a problem because estrogen helps us with lubricating the vaginal tissues. Also, circulating hormones can affect the chemistry involved in arousal. Ok, that is not a full discussion of the role of hormones in sex, but it is an overview.
Diane, there are two women (the name Berman springs to mind, but I could be wrong on this) who are doctors, and who specialize in sexual dysfunction issues. I've read some columns written by and interviews of them in magazines over the years. As I recall, there can be physical reasons why you would have this pain, and there are interventions which can help with this. It is not always a mental issue. Now that does not solve your immediate issue, but I do think you might try to find a good doc on this issue.
All of that said, I do think that not all lubricants are created equal. Also, when you become really aroused, the vaginal and labial tissues will swell and EVEN AFTER bc and how these dang meds mess with us, you will get some lubrication. The trick is TAKING TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know the timing of viagra, but you might consider starting foreplay before your husband takes the blue pill, to give you more time.
Ladies, again, I highly recommend the book "Your Long Erotic Weekend". This is one of those "sex books" which is really quite lovely, not prurient, and yet full of wise and loving advice. Written by two doctors (married to each other).
I hope you have a great whoppee weekend Diane!
Nan0 -
Thanks ladies for your input thus far.
I do feel like alot of my problem is being set up mentally for the pain, but I do have physical pain.
Been on so many different hormone therapies, did the chemo, rads/twice, after the mast, had a complete hysterectomy, thrown into surgical menapause when I was 38. Pushing 50 in half a year now. It's been a terrible time whenever sex is mentioned. Yes, we have tried different approaches, but it would be grand to be able to make love in the traditional way... face to face, man on top.
Woman on top of course has greater control, but I'm tired of being in control! I control EVERYTHING in our lives and I'm just sooooo tired of it. So, for sex, I'd love to lay there and enjoy the pleasures like I used to... without having to direct, arrange, draw diagrams, suggest, or plan.
Don't get me wrong, I'll participate, just don't want to control the event.
His doc was not in the office today. Could not refill his Rx. Will have to try tomorrow. In the meantime, I put on an invisible mask, went to the drugstore and bought him a present. Got him Rejoy'n, the penile ring. DH is in his mid 50's, looked at me and that tight looking ring, like I was crazy.
I told him if I was willing to be killed with intercouse pain, he'd better just shut up when we choke off Mr.P!
Never used one of those before, but if it will keep the erection, the less trama will be done to Ms.V, as opposed to a lopsided willy irritating the whole works.
Have to admit, I'm about having palpitations just thinking about the pain. I will be sure to take a good long drink before we start. He won't be able to drink... there would go Mr.P, out of order.
I've got the relaxation tapes, the candles, the lubes and rubs, the rings all set to go. Got that book too.
If you hear screaming in Atlantic City this weekend, it won't be me hitting the jackpot. It will be Mr.P invading the honeypot!
Can't believe I'm going to do this... or that I'm even posting this. Man, I must be crazy!
Diane0 -
Nan, I guess my question wasn't clear. I was asking how specifically Tamoxifen works, does it decrease the production of estrogen (which I thought was NOT the case) or does it only interfere with the way breast cancer/cells receive or react to estrogen? I had the understanding that Tamoxifen functioned like a lock and key, and if bc lacked it's abliity to play the key/lock role (whichever it would be)then it couldn't stimulate bc growth. I'm probably wrong, but I thought the Tamoxifen mostly blocked how the estrogen was utilized by bc. I guess part of the reason I was under that impression was because many women still have periods while on Tamoxifen etc. which would imply that other areas of our body has access to the circulating estrogen/progesterone (which are necessary for a menstrual period). Maybe it was wishful thinking on my part to believe that. Thanks for trying to answer my question, either way. I appreciate that you tried. I suppose I should read the mechanism of action, despite how much I'd like to live in denial.
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dear connierc friend!
wow--did you post the e-mail that took the words right out of my mouth!
I do scan this thread and have tried to try a few things mentioned. Last was the "warming" lubricant----well, damn----I call it the BURNING sh**. But, I do so grin and bear it! And, try other ways to keep my dear man happy...
Whenever I complain or bring the subject up with family MD, or onc, or rads onc--I am told that I am getting older--yadayadyayada...they cannot explain why one day I was an easy, happy, roll-over, spread my legsandloveeverysecondofit (early 50's) to mid to late 50's--after all the bc tx--and I am now a grin and bear it or just plain out DON'T TOUCH ME! NOT TONIGHT!
This man is the most wonderful, supportive, super positive person I have ever known--but, this is really causing issues with our relationship.
I love my husband so very much--I enjoy checking this thread to look for ANY suggestions that will boost/assist/revive a "now sucky" physical relationship!
All y'all are too great! many hugs from junie0 -
Hi, Rachel -- there is a great website for those of us who use tamoxifen that is very inclusive and explains (as much as they know now) how this stuff works. There is still much we really don't know. The fact that women should not take it if they are pregnant or even thinking about becoming pregnant should give us an idea of its power.
Here is the link. I hope that you can just click this and go there, but if not, then just copy and see if that works.
http://www.cancer-info.com/tamoxifen.htm
M20 -
M2, the link worked! thanks for the info. I'm finally gonna go read about it, and hope it's not worse than I imagined. God bless. 0
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I'm new and came looking in this support group for this exact reason. My marriage was great; emotionally and physically. Now the physical part is all but gone (because of me) and it's tearing on the emotional part. We use to have a very, very active sex life, now it may happen twice a month (also due to me). I talked with my doctor yesterday and begged for hormones. I'm willing to take the risk for quality of life. (She gave me the Femring a few months ago. This works good, girls, if any of you are interested in it. Makes the vaginal walls less irritated and moister). She also put me on a new antidepressant, Cymbalta. And in a few weeks we are going to try very small doses of testosterone. I have to do something. While I'm so grateful to the wonderful Lord that I'm 3 years out from Breast Cancer, I still feel so sad alot and I miss me. I miss us (me and my husband). Thanks so much for listening to me.
Patsy0 -
Well... I'm back.
Made it thru the weekend away.
After all the prep and nervousness, we had a great start. He and his pill, me and a few drinks!
Things were pretty uninhibited, then came the dreaded moment. Took many deep breaths and prayed for a quick and final "withdrawl".
Let's just say, I survived. On a sad note, we were too busy focusing that neither one of us achieved the "outcome" we were hoping for.
So, back home now, and with more time and less pressure... maybe we can get it right.... but not this week!
Diane0 -
Diane, just plain nosy, but was it as painful as it was the last time? I hope it gets better, gotta believe it will. Who would have thought something we once loved, and took for granted has become so elusive. BC sucks.
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Diane,
Well, maybe the runup to the event was some fun? I hope so!
You are a trooper. I would sure be on the dr. to discuss this issue and get some Help!
Nan0 -
The "Run for the Roses" was great... but ouch, look out for those thorns. DH surely noticed how parched I was inside.
With all that friction, and I'm bone dry... we could have started an internal fire!0 -
Good morning, Thought I would share this. Maybe the research folks are finally noticing that we could use a bit of assistance here.
I would also recommend using shark oil (squalane) for lubrication - it is odorless, colorless, tasteless and your body actually makes it so it is natural for you. It is also very inexpensive.
best Regards,
Jeanie
Femprox Effective In Treating Sexual Arousal Disorder In Women
ROBBINSVILLE, N.J. -- December 2, 1999 -- NexMed, Inc. announced that its Femprox cream, incorporating alprostadil (prostaglandin E1), for treating female sexual arousal disorder (FSAD) demonstrated a positive effect on increasing blood flow to the clitoris and labia in 18 female subjects.
Dr. Edgardo F. Becher, the principal investigator for the study and President of the Latin American Society for Impotence Research, conducted the study with 18 women between 18 and 61 years old. Using duplex ultrasonography, the study measured blood flow through the major arterial blood vessels in the clitoris. In addition to labial and clitoral engorgement, 13 subjects reported a " pleasant" warm sensation. No systemic side effects were evidenced and local side effects were minimal.
Approximately 47 million American women, including 75 percent post-menopausal and 25 percent pre-menopausal women, are estimated to suffer from FSAD with symptoms that include the inability to experience sexual arousal or orgasm. The causes of FSAD are complicated and may include, in some cases, psychological problems such as depression, stress and fatigue. Many patients experience physical discomfort due to inadequate natural lubrication that may be a result of inadequate blood flow in the genital area, which is often associated with menopause, diabetes and hysterectomies.
Women suffering from FASD may have poor or inadequate blood flow to the genital area resulting in inadequate lubricating secretions for sexual intercourse. These women do not have adequate lubricating secretions and do not become sexually aroused with normal sexual stimulation. The Femprox cream is a promising treatment under development designed to improve the blood flow to the genital area of females and restore the natural ability of the genital tissues to engorge with blood and produce lubricating secretions during sexual stimulation, thus improving sexual arousal and pleasure.
Dr. James L. Yeager, Vice-President for Research and Development, commented, "Topical treatments for male and female impotence are of increasing interest because they may offer advantages over currently marketed treatments. The results of this blood flow study are very encouraging and demonstrate a potentially new therapeutic approach to treat FSAD."
Dr. Edgardo F. Becher presented his findings at the recent Boston University School of Medicine's New Perspective in the Management of Female Sexual Dysfunction. He commented, "The results indicate that the Femprox cream may also have applications in diagnosing circulatory problems as a cause of FSAD."
The Femprox cream incorporates alprostadil (prostaglandin E1), an off-patent vasodilator drug recognized for treating male erectile dysfunction (ED), commonly known as impotence, and NexMed's proprietary NexACT transdermal drug delivery system. The company is also developing Alprox-TD cream, its proprietary topical formulation for treating ED.
In an August 1999 press release which announced U.S. Phase I clinical trial results, the Femprox cream showed statistically significant (p<.05), dose-related improvements in arousal, lubrication, engorgement, pleasure, and relaxation. The product is intended to improve vaginal secretions and thereby increase sexual arousal and pleasure during intercourse. In vitro and in vivo studies indicate that the NexACT transdermal drug delivery system promotes the rapid delivery of alprostadil through the outer barrier of the skin as well as below the skin. U.S. Phase II clinical trials are expected to begin soon.0 -
I saw my Ob/Gyn this past Friday and ask about some bites of testosterone. The Femring has done wonders for dryness and irritation during intercourse. Now I need something for my libido!! Hopefully the testosterone will help. I miss being me so much that it hurts.
Patsy0 -
Hi I am a regular here but was too embarrassed to post this with my real name because it will sound so dumb- but IT ISN'T!
I never have used anything mechanical in my entire life so this was a very new experience. I bought it by accident! I have had no libido at all...until about an hour ago.
three words:
Gillette Venus Vibrance.
It is supposed to be a really good razor for your legs because it vibrates and exfoliates. I bought it because I wanted to exfoliate before putting on selftanning lotion.
When you are done "exfoliating" pop off the blade- it comes off with one button. It was designed to. The darn thing is a vibrator. Never tried one before but ME LIKEY!
oh- my legs are real smooth too
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Well, my MojoMan moved back to Germany at the end of March. So this put me back on the market! I am being very realistic about that long of a long distance relationship. It won't work. He won't move here permanently and I don't want to move there.
I went out with a guy a couple of weeks ago. We had emailed back and forth for weeks and then when we met in person the conversation was nice. (we met on yahoo personals) It was mostly very generic about what we do for a living and about our dogs. We talked for 2 1/2 hours. It didn't seem that long (good sign). When it was time to go (it was a week night and we both had to work the next morning) he gave me a very brief hug and a peck on the cheek and said "It was nice meeting you". That was it. The next day I had an email from him saying he had a great time and we should do it again soon. I was sure there was no chemistry there.
Then he went out of town for a week. While he was out of town he called me one night (he was at a convention) and was totally drunk. He was telling me how beautiful I am and how much he misses me and how much he wants to see me again and then the conversation took a really weird turn. He said "I hope this won't offend you, but I want you to know that if I am in a relationship, I want SEX" it almost seemed as if he was yelling that word. I put the phone away from my mouth and laughed! ((DUH! Who in a new relationship doesn't want sex)) We hadn't even had a "personal" conversation at that point. The next day when I thought about him, I got tha giggly feeling in my stomach...
He called a couple more nights while he was away and I found out more stuff about him... but he found out nothing about me... (I wasn't evasive... I just asked all the questions)
So now I am faced with telling a new guy all about my scars and history and such! Hell, I don't even know if I want to have sex with him... but then again... My friend said I should just go ahead and have the sex with him even if I don't feel any sparks or have any chemistry...
I want my MojoMan back!
My toys and I have great chemistry! Fortunately.. there are no sparks!
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Claire
Ultimately its your decision, my first response was go for it if you any sexual attraction to him at all. Just use protection so you don't have icky nagging worries. I do find that girlfriends tend to tell you to go for it even when they wouldn't. Its almost like if you want him laid that bad why don't you do it.
It sounds like he may drink abit too much when he is nervous so go some where or try to manipulate the setting so he can't get too bombed. same goes for you. I find I have even more lubrication issues when I've been drinking. That stinks because nothing I like better than sharing a bottle or two of wine and going home and screwing.
Good luck
j0 -
PLEASE NOTE: SEXUAL CONTENT IS DISCUSSED OPENLY AND AT TIMES THE LANGUAGE USED MIGHT BE OFFENSIVE. Thank you.
Hi Junie!
Well, I'm glad you've found the "right page!" When Mena started this in 2004, I don't think she EVER thought that it would be (I think), THE most viewed discussion thread on the site!
Yet, evidently, I guess there are hundreds of thousands of us who have the same problem .. but don't know what to do, where to go, or how to get it back! And that the "medical profession" has no idea what to do, either, amazes me.
I mean, DAMN, how many products are out there now for MEN to take for "when the moment is right" for Erectile Dysfuntion??
Hey, how about "vaginal dysfunction?" Where are all the prodocts out there on TV being advertised? And I just LOVE that they have women talk about these adds for Erectile Dysfunction....my DH and I just can't ABIDE the marketing industry and how we are manipulated!
Soooo, that said, since our last "try" at it, I will say that DH HAS found my G-Spot, after all these years! Using his thumb, I think. At the time, I wasn't doing too much thinking!
At least THAT solved PART of the problem -- no clit stimulation, since he's not remembering how to do it correctly for me; no penile penetration, since it really DOES hurt too darn much; but, with enough artificial lubricant, he can and has found what we both think is the "G-Spot".
FYI -- I know many of you know this, but the elusive G-spot is approximately, oh, below the belly button (sort of), on the UPPER side of vaginal wall. That's the closest description I can give ya, sorry. I have not be able to recreate it for myself (simply cause I just don't give a rat's ass, to be blunt), where before, my shower massager was "my best friend!"
http://www.zestraforwomen.com/aboutzestra/index.shtml
Here is a link to something that someone MAY have already posted. This I found on the Berman & Berman website -- or, rather, as I was doing a google search FOR their website.
I APPEARS to be smething that might be of interest to "us," and I'm definitely willing to give it a try, once I make sure it has no HORMONES in it.
And, hey, I REALLY need to ask my ONC: will a TINY bit of hormone, as in a vaginal cream for one night! -- increase my chances of recurrance?
call me deluded, but I seriously doubt that such a small amount (as opposed to HRT or Birth Control pills, etc.) will / could pose such a huge danger. And, I could be 1,000% WRONG!
ASK YOUR ONC. BEFORE USING ANYTHING WITH HORMONES!!!! (depending on your "hormonal" status -- I can't even take SOY in a pill form! HAH!
GOOD LUCK,Julie & my sisters-in-kind, in our endless search for a sex life again.....
With love and hugs,
Connierc
BTW -- my last account went weird, so even though it says I've posted only three times -- HA! that's a joke! You'll find my XXX-rated posts throughout this thread!
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Hey girls...I'm so happy to see this thread still thriving! I get all the posts in my email so I have been keeping up with you and miss being part of the banter here.
I haven't posted in a while because, well, I guess my research and consumer testing wasn't enough for my husband hahahhah. I kicked his sorry ass out after I learned in March that he was "interested in someone else" with whom he thought he was "more compatible".....Sure, I'd be more compatible with a husband and father that HAD A JOB. The guy has not held a steady job in 8 years....I have been and will continue to raise his biological children...even HIS lawyer thinks he's a schmuck.
Oh and hahhaha when he was leaving he grabbed one of my duffel bags...I said, "Go get some large garbage bags and pack like the white trash you are..." He complied hahahaha. Then I told him to take that pathetic thing he calls a dick and leave. Ok, so I wasn't very Christian at the time....I was hurt and angry.
This all started in March, when I booted him out the first time, then forgave and took him back....duh....he told me he loved me and was going to stay with me. I got us in counseling two days later. We went several times...In April I learned that he'd been lying in counseling and was still enamored by this home-wrecking, husband-stealing harlot...Two weeks before he left he even sat the children down (15 and 10) and promised them that he loved me and we were NOT getting a divorce. Now, of course, they hate him. He doesn't even call. He pops by once a week with his "contribution". It's not enough....but I'm trusting God to provide for the children and me.
Anyway...I was feeling horny the other day (I've had no desire since all this started and have spent days in bed so depressed). Enough of that shit...I got out my Hitachi Magic Wand and enjoyed a phenomenal orgasm (which I haven't had in about five months). So, once again, I am highly recommending this product, chiquitas....
In all honesty, this divorce has devastated me but it is what it is and I have to move on. It's hard. But, damn, that Wand kicks ass and is probably one of the best investments I've ever made hahahahah....especially now!
I'll probably start another discussion on divorce or if someone else wants to kick it off, pm me and let me know where it is. I know for a fact that many breast cancer patients are deserted by their husbands....bunch of loser cowards.
Oh, did I mention that his girlfriend is 6 years younger than me and has huge healthy breasts? She's already divorced, has had an HIV test and has two children. Isn't that sweet? The scum.....I told her what goes around comes around. Vengeance is God's....
Ok, I wanted to let you all know about this...It's just taken me a while to get back in the groove. That orgasm did it hahahaha.
Peace to all of you.........xo0 -
Mena-
That sucks! I mean it's not easy to be the husband of a woman with breast cancer so I always cut my husband some slack, but it's not easy being the wife of a guy who doesn't have a steady job either!
You deserve better but you already know that. I send you hugs and hope for happier times ahead.0 -
Holy crapola...if I can quote Napoleon Dynamite "IDIOT".
My sister went through something similar 5 years ago, this fall she is marrying a wonderful man.
You sound like such a strong person. I know we hate when people call us that, But seriously we are!
I too have been divorced and felt very un-sexual after the event for months. But it does come back. Like you said.
Sending you positive thoughts and vibes. One day at a time.
Janis
(who appreciated you starting this thread more than you know)0 -
Oh Mena,
I am so sad and angry to read your story. What a low life son of a bitch he is. Man, you're finally recovering from cancer and wham.......you get sucker punched. I am so sorry.
I know it's easy to say that as time goes by, he's probably done you a favour by leaving. But right now, I'm sure it doesn't feel that way. So all I can say or do is to say I'm sorry and send you a great big cyber hug.
Now as for the Magic Wand.......I can't thank you enough for introducing me to it. This thread has been a godsend because I thought "it was just me" who was suffering from lack of Mojo.
((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))0 -
A friend gave me my "magic wand" as a housewarming gift when I move d out from my husband. Its the gift that keeps giving.
j0 -
Dear Sweet Mena,
I have been a fan of yours since I joined here! And when I read this post I am furious. I will be more than happy to help you start the Scum Bag Men who Leave their Fabulous Survivor Wives thread.
Until then...
may that poor excuse of a husband of yours be forced- for all eternity- to lick clean the dugout floors of every major league stadium in the country during the games on live TV.
And I am just getting started.....!
Hugs to you,
G0 -
Mena, it sounds like you are better off without him. And Pauline, your comment sounds like a good country song title - "You Did Me A Favor By Leaving."
Hugs to all of you ladies.
Margaret0 -
I laughed out loud catching up with the "moving beyond" ladies by reading this entire thread!
My hair has grown back wavy and very "French" ooh la la, I've lost 15 pounds so far on South Beach Diet, and I'm ready to get back into the saddle! Cowboy up!
I said last fall that if I made it this far I would only be found on the weekends out by the pool with a frosty cocktail saying "Oh pool boy - bring me another magazine" wink wink!
Well, I'm not by the pool yet - (25 more pounds to go) but, I am feeling the stirrings of mojo lust again. I've had the same problems y'all have mentioned with losing any of the natural lubrication that we all used to take for granted but, I have found that "replens" works well not only for those "intimate times" but, also for just walking around town! I was actually starting to chafe a bit from normal walking and exercising because I was so dry down there! : )
I've got part of my shopping and spa mojo back but, I haven't been with anyone new doing the horizontal mambo since the breast cancer diagnosis. So....ladies - how does one go about moving into the dating scene?
I love to dance and tango and salsa lessons were what got me "in the mood" before all of this bc stuff - I've got new clients in Puerto Rico and Miami and I'm thinking that I need to go out and hit the dance floors in South Beach this summer - what do you think? Is it time? : )
JoyousATL0 -
Hi Mena - I just lost 185 lbs myself as of April 19th after 20 years. I'm sorry you had to go through all that crap though. I'm sure you already know that you are better off without his sorry ass. You know we are always here for you.
I'm gonna get me one of those Magic Wands for sure. Assuming there's still something down there to work with....
Donna0 -
Mena, you go girl. Sounds like you are better off.
Okay, now back to the mojo. I haven't posted on this particular thread, but have been an avid reader. My DH is a gem and has continued to chase my tail throughout 16 chemos, 7 surgeries, 28 rads and menopause. Well, it was the Sahara down there and I would bleed during sex. I was really concerned that was how it would be. Well, I'm all better now!!! I take Vagifem twice a week and started Replens about a week ago. We also use Astroglide. I also think the 2 week vacation helped too. We had more time to be together and increased frequency. I am not at the point that I want to initiate (like he evers gives me the chance), but at least I don't dread the pain! We actually went home on hour lunch hour today for a nooner (no kids around)!
I am a happy girl. Now, what is the magic cure to grow hair??0 -
Hey Shelliks,
I have been taking Hair/Skin/Nails vitamins from CVS, eating lots of sugar free Jello, and using a vitamin oil on my hair that is also sold at CVS for strengthening hair follicles. All I can say is that after waiting four months with duck down fluff - my hair now is super thick, wavy, and shiny! Who knows how much of this is nature and how much is nurture! THANKS for the tips on the Sahara!
JoyousATL0 -
Hi...BC husband here. Are males *allowed* on here?
Best to you all,
Greg0 -
PLEASE NOTE: Some adult language and suggestions are used in this post. Please do not read if you are offended by such material. THANK YOU.
Hi NSP!
I, for one, have ZERO problem with you coming in here. I think it's great for men / patners to learn what is happening, so that you realize we're not making it up, and that we're trying to do everything we can to "get our mojo back!"
As an added suggestion for any males reading these posts on this thread .... BE GENTLE WITH OUR PRECIOUS 'JEWELS!" They have taken a beating and rubbing the heck out of us only makes (me / us?) sore and takes (me/ us?) out of the mood RIGHT FAST!
A nice, gentle...tease...like a feather touch with you fingers on that sweet little "button" will produce a much better reaction than rubbing it like you were trying to get a burnt pot clean! IMHO and from my own experience!
And, hey,it doesn't happen as fast as it once did. I used to be "ready" at the word "sex" .... now it takes, oh, about at LEAST a half hour of foreplay directed toward ME AND MINE to get me interested enough.
I find, and maybe some of you ladies have also found this, that although I still am too painfully dry for intercourse, I use hands and mouth to keep an intimacy between us.... and after doing THAT, don't you know it, THEN I'm ready to start! DAMN!!!!
JUST NOT FAIR!!!!
So, I have NO IDEA how to do a "vote / poll" -- or if anyone wants to do one -- to say yeah/nay for men to paricipate on the MOJO BOARD. Since they are in this for the long haul, too, I can't see that their reading would hurt THEM ... unless some of the comments are too delicate for their ears ..... or someone has written something and doesn't want it known they wrote it. (Which is sort of difficult, since this IS public board....).
OK, so, that is my 2-bits worth .... anyone else?
With lots of hugs!
Connierc0
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