I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
Comments
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I'm not sure. The name makes me a little leery. Is he bragging or something? Is he a Troll? I want a little more info before I feel comfortable. Some guys get off on reading things like this, and I don't want my difficulties to be a source of inspiration for some wierd guy.
Muffet0 -
Connie: Thanks for the welcome. Muffet, et al: Full disclosure: I'm a 44yrs young male who's wife had an axillary dissection (did I say that right), with 2 positive nodes (out of nine) last December. She just completed her TAC regimine last month, and began radiation this past week.
This is her second incident with BC. On the day of the fifth anniversary of her first surgery, she went in for her annual mammogram (which we were hoping would give us the 5yr "all clear") they discovered a lump in her other breast. First time she was "lucky:" tumor was smaller, no positive nodes, and she only required radiation.
Interestingly enough, just as we were hoping the completion of chemo would signal an end to her side-effects (e.g., nauseau, fatigue, etc.), they returned once she started radiation! Sure enough, the radiologist confirmed that those are "normal" side-effects.
Okay, I realize I'm getting pretty far-afield of the "mojo" threat, but due to Muffet's comment I felt a little background info about me was in order.
As for the name, what can I say? I guess I *do* get whimsical at times, ;-).
Whatever you gals decide regarding my fate on this thread is fine with me. Unfortunately, I have yet to find an online discussion groups for BC husbands that treats of as many issues and with as many active participants. You ladies are great--hats off to you all--and God bless.
Greg0 -
Greg I welcome your comments, and I hope you read the whole thread and learn a thing or two to help the intamacy between you and your wife. Sounds like shes got a great teammate in you, and I hope this time around she kicks the beast far, far away.
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I have no problem with you being here. Who's to say that any of us are who we claim to be??? Gotta love anonymity of the internet.
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As you already so much of the game is mental. I found that when I allowed myself to enjoy being touched by my mate instead of embarassed that he may touch a scar, lots of great things happened. We started by massaging lotion on to each other. You know not sexual but touching. My husband loves Vanilla Enfusion I got from a friend at whole foods (also web enfusia.com) Something about the smell relaxes us both and we are able to connect with each other. Once you get that connection the rest kind of works itself out. Part of the problem I had is that I did not feel like a sexual being. Once I let myself enjoy being touched I realized just how much I needed it all! My sex life isn't great but it's getting there.
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Ok. OK. You seem to be all right. I guess I just went in to my "over-protective" mode for all those who are here on the boards.
I agree. Read them all. It will be a real lesson. We miss "it," too.
Muffet
PS: I'll protect your wife, too, if I have to! I wish her lots of good thoughts and prayers.0 -
you are welcome in my book. =0) I think you know more than my husband.
Janis0 -
As original author of this thread, Greg, I believe it's important that you list your wife's entire history with breast cancer, all of her treatments, including names of chemos, number of rads, etc., and where she was treated in order to ensure that you are indeed the husband of a wife with bc and not a pervert getting his rocks off reading this thread.
It would make me a lot more comfortable, as I'm sure it would make a lot of my bc sisters. We encounter way too many "lurkers," losers and sickos.
A precise accounting of your wife's history with bc and subsequent accurate detailing of her tx's will legitimize your presence here.
Incidentally, my husband just left me for another woman. I have Stage IV breast cancer and am not entirely happy with the male species right now. Please oblige me. Thank you.0 -
Mena, After what you have just been through I think this is a more than reasonable request.
As for me, I was just getting the courage to post here and have now changed my mind!
You all take care and be careful too.
G0 -
It looks like a man with a bad sense of humor, no history on the board here and a crappy handle just killed the best thread on this system!
If women are afraid to post in it what is the point of welcoming him to the thread...
We should not allow someone to intimidate us... We are fighters!
Just my POV (point of view)
I think he should create his own thread and see who joins in...
We can't stop anyone and shouldn't want to stop anyone from reading this.
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To Mena, et al: I had no idea what a tempest I was going to be stirring up with my presence here. I understand your concerns and anxiety, what with everything you've been through and my "poor sense of humor" and even poorer choice for a handle. I am sorry for any anxiety or offense I may have caused.
In truth, I am totally "legit." Everything I have told you thus far about who I am is completely true. I was "invited" to join this discussion by a female member of this board/thread whom I met on a BC husbands online support group. I came here looking for support and to be supportive.
I have no interest in "intimidating" anyone, or otherwise disrupting this very fruitful and prodcutive thread. It seems several people are rather uncomfortable (to say the least) by my presence here. Therefore, I am going to respectfully bow out, wishing you all the very best in every aspect of your lives.
Greg0 -
Good points Claire...I'm very irritable lately...you know, no mojo and all...it's his screen name that really set me off and sent up the red flag...I have a good sense of humor, but I felt that was a little much. Perhaps he's overcompensating...oops there I go. Damn. Such a bitch lately.
Greg (can I call you Greg?), if your intentions are honest, then your wife is very fortunate and we'd be happy to help.
And Connie hahahah I love your "advisory"...
Oh, and btw, if we are going to welcome "notsopuny"...let us NOT judge any lesbian survivors who are looking for support with intimacy issues and their partners. They have every right to be here too and speak freely...
I am not gay, but "I do understand the inclination"...that quote comes from one of my all time favorite movies, "Boys On The Side"...and how appropriate it is for me after having dealt with a rat bastard and his infidelities...
OK...let's not let all this ruin this thread...I'm off the bench and on the playing field after 9 years...I need you guys more than ever now...I do not feel like a sexual being at all...I had one good romp with Hitachi, but nothing since then...guess I should try harder...(pun intended)...
Who was it way back when that told us to use it or lose it?0 -
Mena: To quote Elvis (Costello!): "My aim is true." It is extremely gracious of you to welcome me onto this board/thread after such a clumsy start on my part, and I sincerely thank you.
I shall do my best to be a positive influence here, and I'm *confident* that if I get out of line there'll be no shortage of people to point it out to me, lol.
On the other hand, if there are still people who are uncomfortable with my presence here, please say so, and I shall do my disappearing act, as promised. I only want to be a positive force here, not the opposite.
God bless!
Greg
P.S. No, not overcompensating...Bragging maybe.
P.P.S. Do you like my new screen-name? Designed to be as unoffensive as possible.Quote:
Good points Claire...I'm very irritable lately...you know, no mojo and all...it's his screen name that really set me off and sent up the red flag...I have a good sense of humor, but I felt that was a little much. Perhaps he's overcompensating...oops there I go. Damn. Such a bitch lately.
Greg (can I call you Greg?), if your intentions are honest, then your wife is very fortunate and we'd be happy to help.
And Connie hahahah I love your "advisory"...
Oh, and btw, if we are going to welcome "notsopuny"...let us NOT judge any lesbian survivors who are looking for support with intimacy issues and their partners. They have every right to be here too and speak freely...
I am not gay, but "I do understand the inclination"...that quote comes from one of my all time favorite movies, "Boys On The Side"...and how appropriate it is for me after having dealt with a rat bastard and his infidelities...
OK...let's not let all this ruin this thread...I'm off the bench and on the playing field after 9 years...I need you guys more than ever now...I do not feel like a sexual being at all...I had one good romp with Hitachi, but nothing since then...guess I should try harder...(pun intended)...
Who was it way back when that told us to use it or lose it?0 -
Hello EVERYONE!
Hugs to all and hope you are having a GREAT FOURTH! I will let you know that I ACTUALLY KNOW "Greg" / BCHUSBAND...".
He is one of the most kind, gentlest men I have met. We met on the Yahoo site for "men on how to cope with dealing with women in their lives who have breast cancer." He VERY KINDLY offered to "talk" to MY husband, via email or chat, to help MY DH, who is as confused and afraid as all of our partners. That touched me so much, I don't even think he realizes it. Sadly, my DH is too damn stubborn to take my advice....wow, how ususual, huh, ladies? LOL!
His insights are fantastic, we have had a few emails back and forth via email, and I can vouch for him as much as I can vouch for Mena (LOVE YOU, SWEETIE!!!!!)!
Obviously, his fear of being rejected brought out everything that we, as women, dislike -- the jokes, the "braggin," and the somewhat "swaggering" way he first introduced himself. As we ALL know, men ARE from MARS....and sometimes fall back on stereotypical male behavior when they are afraid to show who they really are, and that they are in pain and are afraid.
Please, I do hope that this thread, which is so important to a healthy, "new normal" relationship between partners, that THOSE PARTNERS be able to READ some of the suggestions!
My husband (Alfred) had been told most of the wonderful suggestions you all have offered ... and we have tried some.
Oh, and Mena, I think I may have been the one who said, "Use it or lose it...." -- it's a phrase i've used many times for various occasions.
"Greg" emailed me after the first couple of responses, and told me who he was .... which I had pretty much figured out, since his real name begins with the same initial, and I could tell by his "voice," if that makes any sense? :-)
He's NOT a hound dog, trying to get off on our topic for HIS pleasure, but for the SAME reason we are here.
I open my arms to him with as much love as I do to everyone who comes onto the boards and to chat who is in need of comfort, counsel, a shoulder, some laughter, and sharing of tears.
I believe that I have mentioned the "men's" chat room / discussion board that is on Yahoo! while I have been in chat, and since "I" was a woman, there was some question about MY being in there. Funny, since the person RUNNING it was a woman at the time, and was giving HER personal experiences, but did not want ME to.
As it turned out, I did honor HER wishes, and left the board .... and then had a number of the guys from there come find me and ask me questions on my personal email, since I basically was REALLY trying to help them, since my DH and I are having problems in MANY areas that were being expressed on that site.
"G" is just one of the kindest guys, and truly wants to help find that bond again with his partner, his love, his wife, his best friend. And, of course, he is very afraid, as this is the second bout, which is scarier than the first, I would imagine, for both of them.
Greg, if YOU feel like letting people know about the YAHOO site, feel free. At this point, the moderator would not like me to mention it, I'm sure. The messages these men send back and forth to each other are heartwrenching, as they don't know what or how to help us or themselves....
IF anyone wanted to go to that site, use a man's name ... or you won't be invited. Which is a shame, since I found that the men there actually DID want a woman's perspective.
Greg, again, you know I welcome you, care for you and your wife, and am glad to see so many "welcoming" emails sent to you to join our discussion.
Oh, and if you think MEN have "dirty" minds, prepare yourself!
If anyone would like to email me personally, please do so through the board, and I will HAPPILY talk with you!
Blessed Be, my Sisters-in-Kind, and all partners and caregivers....
Big hugs and luv to ALL!!!!
Connierc (a member since Sept. '04)0 -
Just bringing the MoJo thread back to the top for the newbies...
Must be the heat outside! I've got the urge... but no one to complete the urge with... then again.. who wants to start a new relationship in the middle of a hot texas summer... at least if I did, he would really see me at my worst...
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Okay, I've done a bit of the homework you ladies kindly assigned me: that of reading up on this read to better acquaint myself with some of the issues, etc.
First off a word of appreciation/admiration to all of you who are so courageously waging battle against this terrible scourge. As I've repeatedly said to friends/relatives, after going through this twice with my DW Lizzie, there's no doubt in my mind who the stronger spouse is... I also want to express my sympathies, for the pain and suffering you are experiencing dealing with some of the side-effects of treatment and hence this thread.
Having said that I wanted to share some of my experiences in the hopes that: a) it may be of help to get a male's perspective and b) you all might have some advice and suggestions, and c) I sure as $%^&* need to vent and don't have very many outlets!
Shortly after my DW was diagnosed the second time a clergyman(!) dropped off a copy of Marc Silver's "Breast Cancer Husband" book. If you're not familiar with it, I suggest you seriously consider getting a hold of a copy new/used/from the library and suggesting your DH/DSO read it. It is a first-hand account of the author and his wife's experience from the time she was diagnosed through the end of treatment. It includes chapters on obtaining/understanding medical information, how to screen doctors, how to be supportive of your wife, and also includes a chapter on intimacy.
First time Lizzie was treated she got off easy with a lumpectomy and radiation. And aside from fatigue, she didn't experience any other symptoms. This time, the tumor was larger (in the other breast), the sentinel node dissection/biopsy didn't work, so the doc was forced to remove nine lymph nodes (2 of which tested positive). Because of the size of the tumor, number of lymph nodes involved and the tumor's grade (3), they recommended chemo (TAC--6 sessions once every 3 wks), which she completed about 6 wks ago. While on chemo, she was taking a whole host of drugs: decadron, ativan, etc. to prevent inflammation, for anxiety, for nauseau, etc.
Of course, just as with everyone else here, our sex life was affected. Interestingly enough, to the best of my knowledge, Lizzie did not experience the dryness so many have reported (in spite of the fact she was taking decadron). It made no practical difference, however, b/c 90% of the time she was simply too tired to even think about sex (I think since last December when she was diagnosed we've been together *maybe* a half-dozen times).
How has that affected me. To tell the truth, what with all the additional responsibilities I've assumed around the house since last December I often fall into bed exhausted, too tired for any bedroom games. Moreover, considering all my DW is going through, I was/am extremely reluctant to pressure her for sex so as not to add additional stress to what she's already feeling.
However, the good Lord in His infinite wisdom saw fit to create me with a rather healthy and active libido, and therefore I have had to find ways to cope (since I'm not tired all the time, and now with summer in full bloom and all the young ladies on the street undressing their best (and I'm talking work outfits!) for whatever reasons they do that, my libido has made a significant comeback.
In the chapter on intimacy, Silver discusses this issue with several BC husbands. I recall one man (a independent trucker I think) who, when asked how he coped with the need for sex (when his wife was not up to it), replied: "Sometimes you just got to be an owner/operator." Boy, did I have a good laugh at that! So, truth be told, since imitation is the best form of flattery, I've been following this fellow's advice (not nearly to the same level as when I was a teen ), but as need arises, and often enough to keep me sane.
I try to take the long-term view of things and hope (please God) this will be a *temporary* situation, and therefore do what I can to get myself through it. Truthfully, I have some "issues" with this approach (for religious reasons, God should forgive me), but compared to walking around all needy and irritable, I've rationalized my behavior thusly.
I mean I don't visit prostitutes, or strip clubs (in spite of the close proximity to our house of one such place), although I have tried phone sex on a couple of occasions (comment: if you want to know where all the wannabe actresses wind up who aren't even good enough to appear in "B" movies, the answer is they become sex-phone operators. Gentleman, if any of you are out there, take my advice--save your money--unless you're looking for a good laugh--and take matters into your own hands!), and I don't have affairs, although I have had a couple of steamy online chat sessions a while back on a lark, so I figure that on the scale of things there are worse things to do.
I thank you for your indulgence, and apologize for taking up so much of your time. Besides, I haven't shaved in a while, and all that palm-hair is making it difficult to type...
Best regards to one and all.
Greg0 -
Just thought I'd give you all a good laugh...
I broke my pocket rocket... as most of you know it's my prize possession. So I go into this store to grab a new one, its a big head shop (no pun intended)- they sell a lot more stuff other than sex toys. So I was looking at some candles and I won't lie, some Blueberry flavored rolling paper, and the guy behind the counter was adorable. We got into talking- turns out this was his fun little weekend job- running the store, and having fun... he must have been all of 22 years old. (I know I'm young, but 22 is REALLY young)... anyway, I gave him my number.
He didn't even blink when I threw the pocket rocket on the counter...
I sense a good mojo story coming out of all this...
have a great day!
greg-- love your posts- its great to see a guy around here.0 -
Greg, I hope my DH has been taking matters into his own hands too. But I think with 3 little boys, he is exhausted too.
Thanks for posting. I don't mind BC Husbands posting.
Janis0 -
Girls,
Check this out!! My radiologist had a compound made for my nerve damaged fingers (taxol)that I can apply. I'm going to call my onc tomorrow and have her call in a compound for some mojo magic! Read this article. http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6707662/0 -
A word of caution about the testosterone cream...PLEASE check with your oncologists first, especially if you're hormone positive, because I've read that testosterone is converted to estrogen in the body (at least some part of it), and I know there are a few of us whose doctors completely nix the use of testosterone in any form.
I STILL recommend the Hitachi Magic Wand used with K-Y warming gel (for use during sex), and Replens vaginal moisturizer (used every 3rd day). I had lumpectomy, chemo and rads (finished rads almost 5 wks ago), am on Herceptin every 3rd week and started Arimidex 9 days ago. My partner and I are slowly beginning to resume our sex life at this point. We don't particularly enjoy penetration (we're lesbians), so I don't have the penetration problems/issues that most of you do, but as far as clitoral stimulation, the above still works for me so far...AND I do still experience female ejaculation so far too, which (for me) requires more extreme arousal than a regular orgasm (I thought I'd lose that ability, but so far, so good), so I strongly recommend the Magic Wand.
Also, I'm fine with your presence here, Greg. You seem to be a sensitive, thoughtful man and I hope this thread is helpful to you and your wife.0 -
I have a question for everyone. I was never one to climax easy or regularly before cancer. Had a colectomy and chemo ( 8 inch scar with my navel in the middle of it) at the end of 2002, a year later lumpectomy with rads which I finished March 2004. My weight at the beginning of this mess was 120, now a whopping 160. I now hate to be touched, actually cringe at the thought. I know my attitude is not fair to my husband,( we actually had sex the day after I came home from hospital with all those staples in my belly ), not my idea his, so obviously this is my problem. I really am getting nervous about my marriage lasting, when I do have sex it is with gritted teeth and the hope it will be over with soon which of course means I am not participating (is kind of like rape at times) am I the only person who reacts this way? I do love my husband and remember orgasms, but just can not get past this .
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you sound so down and I'd love to reach out to you to give you a hug. I know how weight gain can crush our self esteem and I worry that you are feeling raped. You have been thru a hell of a journey, (I have a hard time with the sex the day you came home from major abdominal surgery!!!!!) There is no way in my mind that that was to your advantage AT ALL. It sounds perfectly selfish and controlling to me.
May I suggest that you and your husband seek couseling? This does not sound like love making to me and I think you may feel the same. If your dh will not go to counseling, go by yourself. You deserve some peace and loving care. Please consider counseling, especially since you are worried about the future of your marriage. Many, many couples have found a great deal of help this way.0 -
Hey Susan...glad to see you here at what appears to be one of the most charitable contributions I've made to society hahahahah...
Listen, I had the same problem with my DH (only now the D stands for Dirtbag...as you know, he's got a girlfriend and I am divorcing him...)
But, before all that I would endure extremely painful sex, leave the bedroom in tears that he didn't even see, hence my authoring this thread...to keep him satifisfied sexually so he would not stray...so much for that...many times I would grit my teeth through sex and keep my eyes closed so he couldn't see the tears...I, too, thought, "This what it must feel like to be raped..."
We tried counseling, but as you know, he lied in every single session...I urge you to try it, as your husband may not be a liar...
However, what makes me extremely angry at YOUR husband is that he had the fricken nerve to make you have sex while you still had staples in you. How inconsiderate and utterly selfish...I'm sorry you had to endure such pain and humiliation...I CAN RELATE.
OK, enough blathering...I love you, Susan...xo
PS: If you haven't already, get the KY Warming Liquid, or Astroglide and Replens...of course I've no use for the stock of these that I have, as I'm now single and can't even imagine trusting a man again.0 -
Just bringing this up to the top again for a new person!
Barb0 -
NOTE: Sexual topics, including some not approved by many established religions, discussed in this post. Please do not read if this might offend you. THANK YOU!
"PS: If you haven't already, get the KY Warming Liquid, or Astroglide and Replens...of course I've no use for the stock of these that I have, as I'm now single and can't even imagine trusting a man again." by Mena
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DEAREST MENA,
hey, don't throw it AWAY! I'm sure you can use it with your magic wand -- which you are SERIOUSLY making me consider going to get one!
Oh, and I don't know WHO it was, just recently, who mentioned the VENUS VIBRATING HAIR REMOVER! OMG, ROTFLMAO! And, yup, went to look the Walgreens yesterday, and there is says right on the box, "Vibrating ...."!!!!!
Funny thing is....a week earlier, I had been looking for ways to get rid of leg hair, without slicing myself to shreds in a recent three-razor, get-rid-of-winter-hair experience (thought I was gonna need a transfusion!)....
So, bought some VEET and NAIR, but actually am using DH's electric shaver! hee hee! Which is stupid, since I have one of my own, just have neer taken it out of the box, thinking I could still "tolerate" my usual "dipilatory" S&M machine -- can't remember the name, but it RIPS the HAIR out of your body from the roots?
I'm SURE many of you have tried them, ONCE, and tossed them away! Well, before my spinal surgery, which left my legs too sensitive to have the CAT lick them, I used to be able to put up with this device, since it left legs free of hair for three weeks!
But now? One time, and I cried throughout, and that is it. the next time, with razors in VERY EXPENSIVE shaver, sliced more skin off than kept on....
So, was looking at that VENUS product! What a hoot! Sort of sounds a bit like the "pocket rocket," but probably costs less -- maybe -- AND has double the value, in terms of usage!
Ssssooo, don't be thinking you aren't going to be needing your lubes, honey! First off, you are one ATTRACTIVE woman, I know, I've seen your pix! Two,you have a WONDERFUL sense of humor, hiding under huge amounts of pain riht now, and such a loving personality....you WILL find someone to date and mate, and even if it's not a "forever, I DO!" encounter -- well,THOSE can be the best....don't have to see them every again or listen to them blab on and on!
And while I DO know that you are still deeply religious in your soul, you also need to "water the body and soul" to keep faith in YOURSELF! Since you've already gone "over the line" with your magic wand, and getting a divorce, what more can THE CHURCH do to you? You know, IN YOUR SELF, that you are a wonderful, charitable, decent woman, who selflessly pours love out to anyone who needs it, whether in a chat room, in THIS thread, or any other threads.
And sure, we ALL understand your INCREDIBLE pain and sense of betrayal right now, and your fear of aloneness and mortality -- and I just KNOW you WILL be "back in the saddle," as you put it, in due course.
In the meantime, gotta keep the engine running, with wand and lube!
LOVE YA, GIRLFRIEND!!!!!
Connierc0 -
dear Gardenweaver,
can you tell me what this COMPOUND is that gave you back you fingers from Taxol? Mine are gone, as well as my feet, but the fingers aspect really started badly about 8 mos. POST chemo!
I read your link, but did not find any "cure" for finger neuropathy! LOL! (Glad my DH doesn't have the same problems with HIS hands, or HIS sex life would be ruined! LOL! ;-)....
I would DEARLY love to know what is in this 'miracle compound, oh, yes i would!!!!
THANKS A MILLION TIMES,
Connierc0 -
Dear Gardenweaver,ET AL....,
This should also be posted in the RADIATION section, which I've never gone to. When I started to set THE DATE for my reconstruction, I told my PS that my irradiated, chemo'd, mastectomied chest wall is fairly dried up and QUITE TIGHT from all of the tx.
And, of course, I will be using TISSUE EXPANDERS (and having my other breast removed and a LAT FLAP) supposedly on sept. 20th!!!
SSSoooo...I asked WHAT would be considered the BEST cream / lotion / potion to put on my tanned, toughened skin, which by then was post-rads by 8 mos, and she recommended I take a look at the below site:
http://www.jeanscream.com/flash/flash_index.html
The price is pretty OUT THERE, but by looking at the ingredients, I think I'm going to see if I can't find it in some other form, rather than pay for this "specialty cream." I mean, come on, the FIRST ingredient is Aloe Vera Gel, which is pretty much a no-brainer, and what appears to be coloring, and various items used to presere products .... as well as stuff i'm not familiar with. not tt I coulnt' do with a LITTLE BIT of "preserving" at this point!! hee hee
And,indeed, what A GREAT IDEA!
Hope this works, and REMEMBER: use CLEAR ALOE GEL (not CREAM) during tx (at least, that is what my RADS DOC told me. And from talking with all of you in chat, it appears we ALL get different forms of advice. but ALOE does seem to be he good stuff!
Here's to no more "sun burns!"
With hugs and love,
Connierc0 -
Quote:
Oh, and I don't know WHO it was, just recently, who mentioned the VENUS VIBRATING HAIR REMOVER! OMG, ROTFLMAO! And, yup, went to look the Walgreens yesterday, and there is says right on the box, "Vibrating ...."!!!!!
That was me!
Haven't purchased one... have other "toys"0 -
ok, so tonight I'm a bit nervous. I've been seeing and talking to (more than seeing) a new guy. He is supposed to come over tonight just to talk. This will be the time I tell him about the BC and stuff like that. Lets see if it doesn't scare him off.
He is so concerned... he says I'll find him inadequate. I asked him why and he said straight out that he has not well "hung". He thinks that 6" is small... what do you ladies think..
This should get things started
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Wow, sounds like you have things really started. I missed the sexual revolution back in the 60's, so I really appreciate the honesty I see in younger women today.
Hey, if the guy is able to talk about his "shortcommings", please let him know that size doesn't matter. It's the action that counts!
Hope you have a lovely evening. Just consider us candles aroung your room and please report back!0