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I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
Comments
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Gotta love you, Liza! I wanted to go there with Lou....where you did...but after my husband's infidelity, I didn't want him to take that as permission or a hint to cheat on BB.
I do believe BB is incredibly selfish. I had sex straight thru chemo, hormonals, depression, you name it. I endured painful sex and left the bedroom in tears. As you know, that's why I started this discussion. And I'm glad to see men spilling their guts here now....as long as they aren't perverts......I'm glad you're glad I'm baaaaaaaaaack.
I filled out over 2 hours of divorce documents today and I did it with joy!! I have finally realized that he is not worthy of my energy, tears, etc.,,,hell, he ain't worthy to shine my Size 2 shoes!! My Dad's death gave me some kind of strange release from my loser ex.
Now let's all put our heads together and find me a lover. As John Mellencamp would say, "I need a lover that won't drive me crazy. I need a lover that won't drive me mad, I need a lover that won't drive me crazy....Someone who knows the meaning of HEY HIT THE HIGHWAY!" hahahahah......xo0 -
Told my husband what you all said about Tamoxifen (and what you said, Mena) and he got back from out of town last night. Let's just say if I was a smoking woman I would have needed a cigarette.
He had in his mind that Tamoxifen was akin to taking chemo. He's quite happy (and therefore, so am I) to know it's not like that.
THANKS!
Jen0 -
Liza G & Mena, no cheating or trying to hook up with anyone, but sometimes I think it would be nice. I also realise it is destructive to the primary relationship and not fair to BB or even for the potential hypothetical OW in my case.
I used to love that word "fair" but the older I get, the word "fair" has lost it's origional meaning. Life is not fair, you know that. No one deserves any kind of cancer.
....as long as they aren't perverts
Me being a pervert, trool, or what ever you call them, a man looking for a reason to cheat, well let me say I have been working to support someone since my step-dad died when I was 17. I was told I would not know to cheat if someone offered me the opportunity. It just does not seem right. Wish I could sometimes but can't stand the extra drama/stress. BTW, no jumping out of airplanes that are not on fire.
My problem is that sometimes maybe I have had too much empathy for BB. Getting my own way has not been a big part of my life since i had a somewhat selfish and controlling step-dad. My mother was a gem.
Back to the current situation. I still have a difficult time with making or asking someone do things they don't like to do. When BB says sex is painful, it is difficult to do some of the things that are just basics of ML. I would take all of the time she needs but am encouraged to finish ASAP if we get started.
Determining real dislikes, which should be respected most of the time, from things that one wishes to not participate in but you/they know it is part of a contract/bond, to some anoying things is not always easy to determine.
you're being TOO patient with her, and she's got you between a rock and a hard place
I have been working on standing up for what is right for both of us for about a year and a half by reading relationship books and posting on a pro-marriage web forum. Compared to two years ago, I have made many improvements to myself, the relationship, but there seems to be something new every so often that blocks the path of intimacy.
Part of the problem is, there are so many stories about women not liking sex, the ones that feel that way, use the stories to reinforce their feelings and think they are the norm/majority and they are normal. Even so I don't like to make anyone do something they don't enjoy.
On the other forum I am on, most of the women want more time and physical contact with their Husbands, so I know the "women hate sex" myth is not always true.
can't she give you oral or manual sex?? Manual was out for such a long time, and one try at oral pre marriage which BB did not like so we did not try again. I might go in the direction of manual again.
Her doing me sounds so one sided. I feel I need too offer something in exchange. I will have to work on that one.
One thing holding me back is I know I am not perfect either. BB dislikes my business being at home and I am working on selling the parts inventory in the basement.
Thanks for the the good comments all. For now I will see how the Replends works for BB.
Best wishes to all who read. I am learning the abreviations. I saw the words "my boyfriend NED" which ment "no evidence of disease." Wishing all of you BC or any kind of C a NED life.
Lou0 -
Lou, Lou, Lou, we don't think you're a perv or troll! Also, you've got a lot of character and self control, as well as morals, as many, probably 99% of men in your situation, would already be cheating. I commend your commitment to your marriage and your vows. But by now you must be ready to bust a gut!
And omigod, if life was fair, you'd be getting a divorce, too, and we'd hook up aahahahhahah...
Listen, in all seriousness now, do you and BB sit and talk and laugh and just hang out and have fun? Or has that disappeared as well? Do you have gut-level discussions with her about your needs? About your partnership? It seems like you're the only one looking for help, and that's just not right. If the sex wasn't an issue, let's say, would your marriage still be in trouble?
Ok, why don't you try this? Tell her you have a right to her medical records as her husband; and, that you are calling her onc and her ob/gyn to discuss the sexual problems you two cannot resolve. See how she responds to that! Hey, I'm aggressive. I'd do something like that.
Quite honestly, even when I was in pain, I met my husband's needs. I didn't want him looking elsewhere. Oh well, joke's on me. He did anyway. But she's a lowlife slut who abandoned her kids to live with a married man, so they are perfect for one another.
As I told you before, I do hate to see marriages end. But if no one is happy...what's the point? Life is short. And so am I ahahaha...
As you know, there are more women that like sex than don't. In fact, I didn't even have "rock the world" orgasms until I was 42!! I love sex. Yes, when I started treatment for mets it was painful and I sought help pronto. I don't understand BB's apathy. Why don't you tell her to read this damn discussion, starting with Page 1? For God's sake, it's the
very least she could do to help address the situation.
Or, you could print out the entire discussion and highlight things you want her to see. Hahahahaah that's exactly what I'd do! And I'd stick the pages to the toilet so there would be no sorry excuses for not reading it! Hahahah sorry... laughing at myself...I really would do this. That's just me.
Keep posting and we'll get you through this...and btw, I crowned Liza our Resident Researcher back in 2004. She's brilliant! Pitanga also was a great researcher, but I haven't seen her in ages.
Pitanga, if you're out there, stop by. I miss you...xo0 -
Lou,
Does your wife have sexual abuse in her background? So much of what you describe sounds like hang ups due to messed up sexuality (re: sexual abuse.)
If this is the case, having been there, I can tell you that until she wants to change, there's not a lot you can do. You might be able to get her into therapy, which would probabbly help the most.
God, I hope I'm truly out of line and nothing like that has happened to her. But everything you write sends up warning signals. You are a wonderful man to be this patient with her. Thank you.
--Theresa0 -
Hi again, Lou,
I don't think either Mena or I were suggesting that you cheat on BB. As I read your last post, it struck me that maybe this isn't about sex at all, but about fear of intimacy/control issues, rather than something as simple/apparent as BB not liking sex (which I also think boils down to fear of intimacy, childhood abuse issues...something like that). I can understand not wanting to force BB to have intercourse, if it's painful to her, but it wouldn't hurt her at all to give you oral or manual sex. And I can understand that you'd feel less than enthused about being with someone who treats the whole matter (making love) like it's void of any kind of pleasure for her. But again, I think there are other issues involved beyond just the sex, as far as why she's holding out on you and why you tolerate it. Again, I would suggest that you get counseling with a good, qualified therapist...unless you want to settle for things as they are. Just my opinion...
Hugs, Liza0 -
Hi again, Lou,
I don't think either Mena or I were suggesting that you cheat on BB. As I read your last post, it struck me that maybe this isn't about sex at all, but about fear of intimacy/control issues, rather than something as simple/apparent as BB not liking sex (which I also think boils down to fear of intimacy, childhood abuse issues...something like that). I can understand not wanting to force BB to have intercourse, if it's painful to her, but it wouldn't hurt her at all to give you oral or manual sex. And I can understand that you'd feel less than enthused about being with someone who treats the whole matter (making love) like it's void of any kind of pleasure for her. But again, I think there are other issues involved beyond just the sex, as far as why she's holding out on you and why you tolerate it. I mean, sounds to me like you've been "giving" her quite a lot by putting up with this all these years. If you want to give her something, maybe you could give her the back/foot rub (which she enjoys), and she could give you oral sex (which you enjoy and need). Wouldn't she enjoy touching you, the emotional closeness and warmth between you, and seeing your pleasure, even if she didn't want sexual arousal herself?? Does she ever at least give you a long backrub and foot rub?? And I'm sorry, but 64 isn't too old to enjoy physical closeness and intimacy. I personally don't think it's too old to enjoy sex, either, and I'm no kid myself...I'm 54, and I plan to make love to my partner until either she or I can't anymore, for whatever reason (and death would be a reason...breast cancer wouldn't, not for 7 years!!) I also don't expect lovemaking to be at 75 or 95 like it was at 25, but if 2 people come (oops...sorry! lol) together willingly, I believe some form of sexuality is possible (and it may not even result in orgasm and doesn't have to...it's the willingness and desire of the 2 people involved that matters).
Again, I would suggest that you get counseling with a good, qualified therapist...unless you want to settle for things as they are. But then you wouldn't have come here if that were the case. And I think you deserve better! Just my opinion...
Hugs, Liza0 -
OOPS! Sorry for the double post, gang...the last, longer one is the one I meant to send.
Liza0 -
Mena and Ladies,
I took your advice.......purchased the "Pocket Rocket".......Oooolala!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart !
Cheers Kelly!0 -
Yeah Kelly! I LOVE my pocket rocket! It may be a bit noisy but who cares if it gets the job done!
Janis L0 -
Re Mena probably 99% of men in your situation, would already be cheating Really????? That high???? I would not expect that high a percentage would just think of themselves. I have worked with only a few selfish guys.
do you and BB sit and talk and laugh and just hang out and have fun? Talk, yes, some. I have to word things right or it appears to BB I am saying something I am not. Have fun, a little but not much. We have some time together that includes physical touch, several times a week. The physical touch is good if it involves me doing a majority of the actions but if it developes into sex more than twice a month, that is when it goes down hill. The list of excuses is unrolled.
Do you have gut-level discussions with her about your needs? About your partnership? I do but BB thinks it is along the lines of wanting to argue sometimes, which I try to convince her it is not about picking on her.
In fact, I didn't even have "rock the world" orgasms until I was 42!! That is what I heard for so long. I sort of felt like I was getting my fun but too many women were just going along for the ride but not enjoying ML as much as guys did. I always felt women liked ML for some emotional connection and some tingly feelings.
BB and I had some real good/hot baby making sex when her clock was ticking. Boy, I miss that time.
Tell her you have a right to her medical records as her husband She is open about her medical status. About discussing her lack of interest as a couple, with a doc, not much chance of that. She is convinced she is surgically (hysterectomy)and chemically castrated.
I didn't want him looking elsewhere. During one of our/my discussions, BB told me to go elsewhere. Don't be surprised by that. Other women on another relationship forum admitted they said that to their H at one time and now they are the ones that want more sex/ML. Two or three other guy's wives also said that to the other male posters. Not one of the guys wanted to involve another friend with benefits / sex buddy. Well, maybe the did but they also realised what a can of worms it would be if they actually found a sex buddy or OW.
I put the "find someone else" in the same group when a guy hears his W say she does not want any thing for Christmas, birthday, Feb 14, etc. The words don't mean what she says or what you hear.
I didn't want him looking elsewhere....He did anyway Sorry to hear that. How are you doing these days? I hope you don't view all guys as cheaters. I don't hang around guys that cheat. I worked in one business more than 25 years ago that had a cheater. The guy and his W both cheated. Drinking, smashed cars, revenge, and getting back at each other were topics of his conversation. They both acted like first graders and were in their early 40's.
Why don't you tell her to read this damn discussion I can print it out for her. She "might" read it.
I did print out part of a forum like this where the women were frustrated by their husbands lack of interest in ML and BB said she was too old and used her hysterectomy and tamoxifen as reasons why their situation was different.
I just read Mama Gena's Marriage Manual by Regena Thomashauer. Not a guys book but more along the lines of women making themselves happy, not being a slave or a nag, and how to have more fun for herself, her husband and improve the marriage.
Other books relationship books are The Divorce Remedy by Michelle W. Davis, Nice Girls Do by Kassoria, *Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch, Undefended Love by Psaris & Lyons. Most of these books have things in them that could benefit women that want their mo-jo back. They are mostly about improving relationships.
Lou0 -
Re TheresaPW Does your wife have sexual abuse in her background? No sex abuse. BB does feel like she was takled down to as a child so has been standing up for what she thinks is right for the past 20 years. I think she goes overboard.
To understand some of the changes in BB and women in the work place, I even took a "Womens Issues" class at college. I did not say much from a male point of view, I mostly listened. Some women/gals were raped, some used their sexuality to get what they wanted, some were lesbial, some women had controlling husbands before they got divorsed. I saw some things different after being in the class.
I would say BB is needy in some areas (wants people to fuss over her, or if they don't, easily feels slighted.
having been there, Sorry to hear that Theresa.
I worked in a deliquent boys group home and had a couple of abused boys and boys that were abusers. Their life was so foreign to mine as a kid, I could not imagine doing or have done to me what they did or was done to them.. I know it (sexual abuse) happens but don't see why some people could do something like that to another person. Sickening.
How are you doing now? BC and sexual abuse. Gee, not fair/right at all.
Lou0 -
Re Liza G I can understand not wanting to force BB to have intercourse, if it's painful to her, but it wouldn't hurt her at all to give you oral or manual sex Well, LG, I brought up some of our dating practices from 1967, which included hand jobs (HJ). I asked what BB got out of it and she said "it was exciting to her. She said she did not like the ejeculations but felt she had to learn to handel that as part of the package of heavy petting while parking or going to the drive-in-movies and making out.
Now it is not fun for her because of her lack of hormones, BC, taking tamoxifen, and her hysterectomy, and O yes her age.
Does she ever at least give you a long backrub and foot rub?? Short but not very often. She claims the tired thing often and I am the strong one.
but 64 isn't too old to enjoy physical closeness and intimacy. I agree with you but also realize people vary as to what they can do, think they can do, or like to do.
If/when I can work out something that I think will be safe to talk about and we can make some progress, i will continue the HJ line.
Right now I am hoping the replends might be some help. Overnight guests today but tomorrow night is open for some EC and maybe some ML. I read some posts about menopause here hisandherhealth.com
I am not going to force BB to do anything but I am not giving up either. If she complains some, I can handel that too but don't want to go too far. I realize there is a balance point for both of us. Some things I do that BB says she does not think will help because I think, what do I have to lose. It might work and if it does not she was upset before I mand the change so I am in the same position if I do or don't.
I would suggest that you get counseling with a good, qualified therapist You are right. No insurance now.
BB thinks counseling is a waste of time for most people. She was a mental health nurse (LPN)for 15 years.
I know I am part of the problem by doing too many things for her and not doing some thinsg for her and/or myself.
Thanks for the input ladies. I don't want to take anything away from your progress so will turn most things over to you.0 -
Well, hello.....here I am. Didn't think that I would have as need to post here but I must say, I am at a loss and could use the advice and wisdom of you fine ladies. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. The first 10 months of our relationship, he had a strong interest in sex and we had a great sex life. At about 10 months I was dx'd with bc and our sex life was no longer. He is a wonderful person and I love him very much. He has hung in there with me throughout my whole ordeal. He is very affectionate and I know he loves me, however, the fact that he has no interest in sex is very hurtful to me, especially since I am soooo attracted to him and just want to jump his bones everytime we are alone. I get so frustrated that I just want to cry sometimes. If I initiate sex, he will go along with it but he makes no effort to initiate sex himself. I am tired of being the initiator. It feels humiliating to me to always be the one. I don't want him to do me any favors if you know what I mean. I have had numerous talks with him to no avail. He acknowledges what I am saying and seems to agree that we need to make time for sex but then nothing changes. I am 44 and just not ready to throw in the towel on sex yet. I have just gotten my hair back to a point where it looks normal. My lumpectomy boob is starting to have a normal appearance. I JUST WANT TO HAVE A NORMAL LIFE AGAIN, SEX AND ALL!!! Does anyone have any suggestions?
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Jenna, I am married to a wonderful man who has never been that hot on sex. During the first years I thought it was because he worked so hard and was so tired.
The couple of occasions that I started it, he was turned completely off, so I sure quit that.
I found out a few years ago while I was in counseling that it is due to a long term depression. He's in a group counseling thing, not individual, and refuses meds for the depression.
I'm older than you, but I would hope you could get the pair of you into counseling and a trial of antidepressants for him. It's too late for me, but not for you.
We;ve not had sex in 4 years and he's never been a touchy feely guy, so we hardly even touch, let alone cuddle.
Just housemates at this stage since I had to move to another bed room due to his snoring a few years ago. He recently got a sleep test and will be getting a c-pap machine to help for his sleep apnea.
(i begged him to do something years ago, but it's taken this long for him to ck this out)
So, I'm the one who depends on the "massager" for relief and "affection".
He's a good man, and I'm way to old for a "do over".
Don't let that happen to you.0 -
Dotti,
Thank you for sharing your experiences. You are a strong woman to hang in there. When you really love and feel connected to someone, it's hard to think about leaving them because of sex. I kinow my boyfriend isn't depressed because he is so interested in life. I think that is part of the problem. He always has so many things that he wants to do that I think he tires himself out and has nothing left for sex. I really hate being the "man" in this relationship. I would guess that he has no idea, despite my having told him how much I value sex in our relationship. His complete and utter lack of interest, in combination with my bc has taken away any self confidence that I had (and trust me there wasn't much) in the sex department. I bought a couple of sexy outfits but can't seem to get the guts up to wear them. he doesn't actually say no to sex but he makes no effort to initiate it and when offered it, he does not appear to care about it, although he is able to go through with it. I don't understand how someone early on can seem to have such an interest and now nothing. It makes me wonder if when we first met he acted more interested because he thought that's what he needed to do to interest me. Now that he has me (and he has me good), maybe he no longer feels like he needs to be interested. So in other words, maybe he was never interested in the first place. Does this make sense?0 -
Re: jenna61
I posted and read a forum at The Sex-Starved Wife thread on www.divorcebusting.com You might find some help there especially on the "Sex Starved Marriage forum. The women and men that post there are super. I know you will find understanding. From what I have read there in the past year and a half, no one had BC so that dynamic is different.
I am tired of being the initiator. It feels humiliating to me to always be the one. Sounds very familiar from the other site. One book that deals with desire is Passionate Marriage (PM) by David Schnarch. One concept in PM is the "moving ahead in the crucible" or how to get people to make changes, even if it is unpleasant. Nothing mean or selfish BTW, just getting people to do something.
I'm just guessing, from a guys POV, I might say he sees you as someone that needs more medical care than he has knowledge of, or being close to you might result in a bigger loss/more emotional pain later, even if your medical condition is not that bad.
He may also have been conditioned to not think about ML when you or any woman has a medical or eomtional problem.
I know in my past, it was drilled into me to not make demands on my W. It was sort of like an old Ann Landers thing, give the woman time and maybe next month/couple of months/year go for the gold.
You can tell him you want to ML more often and he can agree to it, but what is his real reason for not being more of a stud.
Try asking by saying "hun, what are you thinking about me that is different now then it was when were were doing it every XX days a year ago. Say there is no right or wrong answer. And number one, don't come up with any reasons he is wrong or any "well why don't you try this or that." Just squeeze his hand and/or kiss him when he talks and say thanks for your honesty.
Doing this for a while, you might get some honest answers eventually. By honest, I mean the real answers, not just the honest but politically correct answers. Some women forget it is difficult for some guys to hurt a womans feelings, or be less of a protector/stud/manly, even if it is not about the woman. Many years of being told men have to be stronger one in a relationship won't go away over night. Of course there are guys that think about themselves most of the time.
Eventually he might see you really care about the physical and emotional connections you have with him and how ML is part of your feelings for him. But I coud be wrong. I hear some guys and women jump ship rather than be completely honest.
Chech out the questionaires on the left side of this web site Marriagebuilders The first one is the Emotional Needs Questionnaire near the bottom of the page after you click on the Emotional Needs Questionnaire link/words. You should see http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forms/enq.pdf in the web address box. Print out two of the lists/questionaires and do them seperately, then go over them together. It looks easy, the comparing and talking about his/her list but is difficult to do.
The other questionaires are worh a go too to see where you are in sync and what you two have to work on. Better find out now. In my case after 37 yrs of marriage, changes come slow and the differences/baggage seems to interfear with our different goals.
Take what you can use jenna61 and best wishes.
Lou0 -
Re Iodine
Just housemates at this stage since I had to move to another bed room due to his snoring a few years ago
BB and I slept in seperat rooms for 5 years because I snored. I did not want a CPAP. I wanted a surgical fix but the sleep doc said they did not work very well. Also Insurance would not pay for a CPAP because of snoring only. They did pay for sleep apnea/ breathing stops for a while so i went back and said my W tells me I quit breathing at night. I learned to play the insurance game.
I had the sleep study and found that my breathing stops over 50 times an hour if I lay on my back. sleeping on my side was not as bad test wise. I was told the lower oxygen level caused by my pauses in breathing makes my blood pressure go up, heart work harder, my memory not as good as it should be, and other negative things.
I got and use the CPAP. Now my BP is lower, I don't get up to use the bathroom half as much (wo ho) and I don't wake up BB either.
I will say it took BB over a year and a half to get used to me being in bed with her. Her hotflashes were especially bad with another body in bed with her. Sometimes she still wants me to go to the other room to sleep. Other BC and aging things play a negative part in the relationship too.
I took my first vacation in 20 years and would never go anyplace without my CPAP blower. Now I don't want anyone to hear my snoring. The blower is quiet and the mask looks like the ones that drop down in an airplane if the cabin loses pressure. I think guys have to get over that mental image of hospital patients wearing masks when they are about dead. No one wants to be viewed as about dead.
Another web page for you sleepnet and snoring.com
I hope some of this helps iodine.
Lou0 -
Thanks, Lou, glad to know the machine is quiet. Maybe he'll actually use it.
I hope it will help him feel better.
I don't look for it to do much for us, I gave up his changing a long while ago. He's 64, ain't gonna happen. He was taught too well as a child to have no physical contact with others, his mom and dad really did a number on him. No abuse, just a real number from people who didn't know how to love.
The mask won't bother him since he's in the medical profession, so I look forward to his BP lowering and any other good things it can offer for him.0 -
RE: iodine
Your H sounded like me at one time. Not any physical affection when I was a kid but I knew my mom loved me.
Then I met BB.
Touchy, feely exploded in me. I still have almost 20 years of mental tapes playing in my head of women in my life as a kid, saying don't do this or that, or girls don't like fresh guys. Mom and other women never said anything about women who needed and wanted to be touched all over, and did not feel femanine with stand-offish guys like I used to be. I discovered that (touchy feely activities were in short supply only after I surfed the internet a couple of years.
Maybe he'll actually use it
Like I said before, it is sure nice not to have to get up every couple of hours to use the bathroom. I guess when I snore, I never really get into that deep sleep for long. I do on the CPAP.
Lou0 -
Lou,
Thanks for the link to the "sex-starved wife" thread. Those women on that thread described my feelings to a T! I wouldn't have imagined that there are so many women dealing with this issue. Usually you hear about the women who lose thier libidos...it seems like it always somehow gets blamed on the woman. Anyway, reading that thread has fueled my fire even more and now has me in an uproar. The thread has many very unhappy, sex-starved women that feel rejected. While writing about thier experiences, they reinforce thier own feelings and the feelings of the others on that thread just by being there. Those women certainly reinforced mine. I now have steam coming out of my ears. Unfortunately, there is no advice or suggestions offered that might help a woman in that situation. It seems like a bunch of women, all in the same boat which is sinking very fast! While it is nice and very comforting to know that there are others, I would also like to know that there is hope and things that I can try that are not going to damage my relationship while I am at it. I would love to hear more advice from the women here. Anyone...any ideas????? Thanks in advance!0 -
Re Jenna61 would also like to know that there is hope and things that I can try that are not going to damage my relationship while I am at it. A common concern. I hope it does not come from some fear. From what I have learned being on DB forums for the past year and a half, usually too little is done because the person working the most on the relationship does not want to upset the less motivated spouse, so not much changes. The idea of not doing anything spitefull and doing almost everything to bring "US" together is an implied concept that needs to be in the back of your mind. At least that is how I approach things.
SSM=Sex Starved Marriage, HD=highersex drive, LD=Lower sex Drive(both relavtive to their partner, H=husband, W=wife, DB=divorcebusting / pro marriage
Read about honeypot, Greeneyedlass, karen1, LustForLife, they are the HD women on the SSM forum and have hade some sucess, none quick.
Another poster, Chrissy was HD in past relationships and became LD with her current husband. She read and saw how the sex starved husbands felt on the forum and decided to have sex with her at least 8 times a month.
NOPkins was a HDH and his W, MrsNOP was LD. Nopkins started to post first, then his W MrsNop posted. They are a sucess story, but again not until they worked, failed, worked somemore for over a year or two. Of all the posters, this couple has had the most success.
Lillieperl and a couple of other women have men with ED. Some of their men did try to improve in the LM dept, some men did very little.
Here is a URL of all of the forums http://divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/ubbthreads.php
Things are laid out like BC.org so you can just about use the DB site like this site.
The above names of posters are mainly on the SSM forum.
To all, I don't want to change the former direction of this thread so I will be quiet for a while. Rock on, please.
Jenna61, how about starting a new thread so women can talk about their MoJo as partners and have this thread just as MoJo pertains to women as individuals. I understand that many women need to start getting the MoJo feelings back on their own and a partner can complicate that process.
Lou0 -
ok ladies... it is time we got back to the mojo discussion at (ahem) hand...
I just got an email from NightTime Toys. They are having a sale for Valentine's day... they have a special code for 10% off your order.
Use Coupon Code:
BEMINE
and save 10% off your entire purchase.
They have that Eroscillator 2 Plus for $127.95, the discount would help a little.... if it is that great!
NiteTime Toys0 -
I didn't realize that there was a particular "mojo discussion at hand". I thought this thread applied to whatever mojo issues a bc lady may be having. Can someone clarify what it is that we are to be talking about on this thread. Is it only about products and toys?
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Hi Alexa.....the answer to your question is very simple. Go to Page 1 and read what my original post says. You will then come to understand that this thread involves subjects of sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, losing our libidos from treatment and different ways to get those feelings back. It is not "all about toys"....toys are just one of a plethora of topics discussed here.
Other topics include accepting our bodies, our new "normal" and starting, continuing or ending relationships and marriages as related to our having bc or loving someone with bc.
The discussion is for patients, survivors, family members and caretakers alike. If that doesn't clarify things for you, please send me a private message and I'll try to spell it out a little more clearly for you........xo0 -
I guess what I am trying to find out is how did the discussion taking place prior to Claire's post not apply to what you summarized about the "mojo" thread. The issues that were discussed were relationship issues that applied to people with bc. It appeared from Claire's post that they somehow were being inapproriately discussed or not keeping in with the general theme of the thread since they were not adressing the "mojo discussion at hand". That's why i'm trying to find out what is the "mojo at hand". Not trying to be difficult, just clear on when to use this thread. Thanks!
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"Mojo discussion at hand" was a pun! Geesh!
Toys... mojo at hand... I was sharing an opportunity to get a discount on a toy that someone else mentioned.
nuff said... I'm not going to get into whatever anyone else took that as meaning...
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Hi Jenna...When I first started this discussion, it was really about the changes our bodies make in tx, and the often troublesome changes in our libidos and sex lives with our significant others...what we can do to get our "mojo" back...then the thread just took on a life of its own and just about anything regarding sex and bc flies here.
If someone knows about a great vibrator that helps them climax, when they haven't had an orgasm in a year, then that person shares her experience freely here, without judgment.
Claire is a regular, colorful poster and I didn't think twice about what she posted. She likes to see all of us have good mojo, or sex, and she openly talks about what works for her and may work for us.
On the other hand, I've posted that I haven't had sex in 10 months and, while I no longer miss my loser ex-to-be, I do miss intimacy, both emotional and sexual. I've posted about my ex's infidelity and how magnificent the Hitachi Magic Wand is (and the Pocket Rocket for you lightweights hahahaah).
So if you are having any issues regarding sex/intimacy/relationships, et al, you are certainly welcome to post! You will receive plenty of feedback, as you can see from the 26 pages of this thread.
I hope this clears up any confusion...xo0 -
Claiire, you're the best! And I LOVE your icon (or whatever your girl with tassles on her ta-ta's is called)!
Janis L0 -
Claire, excuse me for being so slow....it's a good thing that you can't see me because ya got me turning red! I have to admit your pun was pretty funny. Mena, thanks for your explanation. I can see that I am going to have to lighten up a bit if I want to hang with you ladies!
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