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I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
Comments
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Jan ~ Ha! I like how you think!
I'm just trying to enjoy my life and if my young man (I don't call him that to his face of course!) wants to get laid on his b-day (or any other day) you'd better believe that I'm going to comply with his wishes! But seriously, neither of us sees the age difference and we get on quite well outside of the bedroom.
Good luck to you with your young(er) man!
Janis L0 -
Dear Janis,
Its so funny for me listening to your posts about your younger man. I am the younger woman in a marriage that is going on 18 years. I am 41 and my husband is 56 so we are just the opposite. Its worked for us and its so great to hear of other couples with an age difference that works for them.
Barb
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Just a bump for redchest......xo
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I can't believe it! One month out of last Taxol, 8 treatments of dd chemo total and I thought my sex life was shot. Janis I think you inspired me!
Last week I experimented playing with myself to see how the "o"s were or if they were still there. They were piddly and small! I was upset.
Tonight, I asked my H to get me off and I will do the same with him. I did not expect anything. For me. Well, it took a little longer but I got almost a rocking O! I was stunned and cried since I had assumed my sex life was nearly gone forever....somehow he knew how to do it which was different and required a bit more force then he used to do it without hurting me. It was tricky. Took a little more time, But my body responded.
I feel good that this is one thing I did not lose! Lost so many other things........for sure I thought this was gone too.
You gals can do it too, get a lover to help you get your orgasms going good. Takes a little different technique and some time but you will get there!0 -
W is 64. Had E dep BC 7 years ago. Was on tamoxifen for 5 years. She has no mojo. some what painful intercourse. We use Astroglide but she does not like the wetness/mess. One UTI book said lubes increase the chance of getting another UTI so W also complains if I use a lot of lube. KY seemed to dry out.
W is not adventureous. I can rub her feet and back for hours. I can touch her breasts for a short time if I do it lightly. Almost No touching the labia and no toys. She does not MB. No oral, won't let me.
W would like to quit being sexual with me and still have me rub her back and feet. UTI's were a problem for a while until I found several books and web sites that had solutions. I thought once the UTI problem was solved, sex would be more frequent (quickies at her request 2x a month). It's not now because she thinks her vaginal walls are thinning and the whole area is getting smaller. W made a joke about me getting a penis reduction. I am not large, she is getting smaller.
My next step is to buy some Replends for her. Any suggestions ladies.
BTW W having one breast much smaller or no breast does not reduce my desire for her so if anyone reads this post thinking they are less sexy post surgery, maybe. But to the guy having the woman in good health is much more important than altered equipment. The womans attitude and happiness are the things that turns me on.
One single woman posted something like "who would want to have sex with a flat chested bald lady? I would if her attitude and mojo were right.
I an not here to pry into anyone's life. Just looking to get some ideas about increasing my W's mojo. I want to be her lover. Needless to say, containing my desires are hard. (Oops) Some days I almost go nuts.
I don't want to be too graphic for others sake. Me? anything clinical or erotic is game.
We also had relationship problems due to her shopping addiction post BC surgery. The shopping addiction is about over. W does not want to go to counceling so I read many relationship (R) books and have been trying to improve the R for 2 years. W does not read the R books. She did read 1 UTI book.
Thanks for any help, Lou.
Married since 1968, 2 kids, 2 grandkids, living in the same house since 1974.0 -
Lou...Sounds like your wife is sorta depressed. Has she/y'all had any counseling? If that's not the ticket, you might try sensual massage (some good how-to books on amazon.com) or maybe some 'light' porn (playboy.com)to get her in the mood. As for lubes, there are tons of suggestions in this thread, but it's heavy reading fer sure. I like K-Y, but ID is good too and doesn't have the ingredient that can lead to UTIs (also comes in flavors if oral gets to happen for you). I'm sure that these ladies will come (?) along with other ideas. Good luck!
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So girls....Things have majorly heated up with bf (which used to mean 'boyfriend' but was re-negotiated to mean 'friend with benefits/benefits' friend' and is sooooooo 'beneficial'!)! We can't seem to get enough of each other and this is with a guy who I thought was low on the testosterone...YES! A few highlights....I surprised him by going over to his house (ostensibly to go out to dinner) wearing a red satin corset, black silk stockings and black leather boots. Covered it all with a jeans skirt and big sweatshirt until I hit the door. He freaked and it was all over (the clothes that is!). Last night I went over again (in between, he visited me and we did it while setting up my new TV in the lr...lots of doggie style leaning against the couch.....mmmmmmm) and I suggested some porn (god do men love that stuff and, lemme tell ya, I've yet to meet a guy who doesn't have a collection hidden somewhere!) and some peach-flavored lube for mutual oral. Very nice!
So, as you can see I've been rather 'busy' and am glad to hear equally delicious reports from some of y'all! Yes, here's to great MOJO for each and every one of us!!!!!
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wife is sorta depressed
Yes, some what. She was on Prozac but decided to get off. She was on it mostly because of her dog dying, then the BC. Strange, yes but the wife which I will call her BB, is a pet lover. Pets come before me sometimes. I have been to counseling several times and BB went once. She won't read books or post on the internet, she hates computers.
you might try sensual massage
That works sometimes but less so more recently. I can rub her feet/back/hair but it puts her to sleep and kills her bonding/sex mood.
I like K-Y, but ID is good too and doesn't have the ingredient that can lead to UTIs
Now you are talking. BB had a mental problem with lubes and physical problem with UTI's. I will have to find out more about ID. I basically had to solve the UTI problems.
Oral??? I would but she won't do that. No toys or MB for her.
Back to one of my questions. Because BB's BC was estrogen recepter dependant? or something like that, and she is not supposed to take or use anything with hormones, do Replends help lessen the shrinking feeling / thinning of the vaginal walls, she thinks is happening now. She had an GYN appt and was offered some cream but when she told the doc about her BC problems the rx was withdrawn.
Penetration for her is getting more difficult as the years go by. It seems it is up to me to solve the UTI and sexual issues and once I have some information that seems to work, a new problem comes up.
I am trying to be as empathetic as I can but the more I do it seems like I am a wimp to her and she desires me less. I know more is going on but BB is a "the problem is too big" type of person and does little to change things.
Any factual help appreciated.
BTW I am not here to pry or get any kind of thrill. I have read how tramatic any cancer is for women. I read many posts on another web site about hot flashes, so I am aware of many of the problems women have and why they lack interest in anything sexual. One of the problems is that I am still functioning sexually at a high level which causes me to supress desire to the point of high anxiety or frustration sometimes. Saying I should consider BB's condition and wishes works to a great point if she were trying to work out some of her/our problems. The problems seem to be mine to solve.
My sister never smoked but has lung cancer and a spot on her ribs. My mother died of BC and my brother died from colon cancer.
I had my colon scoped and am OK but have to go back in a year for suspicous areas.
Sorry if this is too much information or it sounds like life is about me. I know if I just acted like the sexual side of the R never existed, BB would not like that either.
I googled ID Glide Water-Based Personal Lubricant but did not find anything about it compared to Astroglide especially associated with reducing UTI's. BB will only use water based lubes. Any opinions or stats as to why ID is less prone to UTI problems.
Thanks again,
Lou0 -
FitChik thanks for the reply and I wanted to add, glad someone here is working their mojo. I read so many post on other forums that mojo goes away and does not come back, it was depressing. You and others have changed my outlook on the subject.
Lou0 -
Hi Lou.....Welcome to our world....it's so refreshing to see a proactive man looking for help, as opposed to, say, my husband, who split. But I digress.
I used Replens. It has nothing to do with hormones. It simply mimics natural lubrication for women, and it has to be inserted every 2 or 3 days. I had no side effects or any type of discharge. It's odor free also. Being ER positive doesn't mean BB can't use this.
About depression....keep in mind that most antidepressants reduce libido....there's a double-edged sword there. And they do have to be taken continuously for up to 6 weeks before it can really be determined whether or not they are working.
I never advocate porn, so I'll leave that one alone.
Have you actually tried romancing her? You know....tell her she's pretty and so desirable that it's killing you not to be able to express your feelings for her sexually?
Another hint: All women I know love to have their back and feet rubbed...but everytime I asked for a backrub, it lasted 32.2 seconds and then turned into sex. That pissed me off, and I grew resentful and held sex back.
What about sexy lingerie? Will BB comply in that area? She sounds conservative, so maybe just a slinky nightgown and some chocolate you could surprise her with. Or do the strawberries & champagne thing and don't forget the whipped cream...
Tell BB that we here, as well as the Drs. Berman & Berman, (the link to their research is somewhere in these pages and was posted by Liza) will avow without hesitation that you've got to use it or lose it. Also, there were a lot of things I didn't do before starting this discussion.....now I've got a few toys (Hitachi Magic Wand is the best) and take care of business, so as not to lose my mojo forever; I'd like to find a partner, that's all......good luck and God Bless.0 -
Ok,
I've seen this thread so often and have always chosen to overlook it. Never felt the need to read.
Anyway, saw my pain specialist today and I told him about my diminishing orgasms. God I nearly died of embarrassment!
He told me that it is probably the Lyrica!
"Go buy a vibrator!" were his exact words! More embarrassment! My Catholic sensibilities are still struggling with this idea!
I will go visit the newly opened "Sexland" on Saturday!
Will keep you informed.0 -
go get that vibrator!!!
mine is a godsend!!! not only alone, but with my bf, who thank goodness, doesn't see it as a threat to his manhood... LOL!!
my mojo was stolen by having a total hysterectomy, ovaries, cervix, uterus, along w/ my bilateral mastectomy.
i did not need chemo, like most of you, but the hysterectomy left me with no libido (menopause sucks!) whatsoever... the dryness and the pain were horrible. i never thought i would enjoy or want to have sex again.
pick up some astroglide too... that helps, at least for me.
good luck and don't forget to keep fresh batteries on hand!
barbara0 -
Yes, go get that vibrator! There's also a "bullet" you can add to the vibrator that gives extra clitoral stimulation but I will caution you because it is likely to send you to the moon!!!! My husband also gets pleasure by watching me use it.. he is not intimidated in fact he is the first to pull it out of the drawer!
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Okay I admit it, I read about mojo all the time. You ladies rock and I have learned so much from all of you. I must admit I have a bit of a thud on my hands. Sex is great, however he's not sure he wants to get into to many toys. We do however, have the bullet and I LOVE IT!
Sedgymum- If your the type to get embarrassed may I make a suggestion? Order it online! I'm not really the shy type and decided to go into a local toy store to purchase the bullet. I was so humiliated when I asked the guy behind the counter for one. He decided to tell me in a very loud voice at how awesome it is and how he and his lover not only love it, but HOW they use it. (Too much information!) After I felt my face warming up and I knew it was beat red, I could have passed out because the store was full of customers.
Lou- I wish you luck with your wife. You've surely come to the right place for help.0 -
Hey Sedgymum,
I am Catholic too.....Even Catholics deserve good orgasms!!! Before starting this thread I had never used any toys or lubes. Now, however, I am proud to admit that I love my Hitachi Magic Wand (w/attachments), my Pocket Rocket, AstroGlide, KY Warming Liquid, etc....AND I certainly do not feel the need to go to confession hahahahaha....I started this discussion not knowing what a raw nerve I hit. Look at us now....
Why don't you start off with the Pocket Rocket? Almost everyone here that has one loves it. It's about $12.00, small enough to fit in your purse, and can be ordered online and shipped very discretely. If you've never had a toy, the Hitachi Magic Wand may be a tad intimidating. But omigod does it deliver....
We're very happy that you're here after overlooking us for so long. And we do so love to hear about bc sisters getting their mojo back!
Tell hubby it's time to be a bit more adventurous. He'll probably love it. Just approach it with a sense of humor and gut-level honesty.
If you go back through the pages here, you'll find all sorts of links for all sorts of toys. The girls here are very resourceful and very smart, too!
Let us know how you're doing. Good luck and God Bless...xo0 -
A while back, a long while we'll say, I looked at this topic "of wanting mojo back"??? and thinking WHAT?, yes its been that long...and today being it's a down day for me, I decide to browse around here in the "mojo dept"...Oh you guys are great! I love it, and your honest and open, that is good.
My mojo left me long long ago, and I could care less...but this "new" me I am trying to bring out past 2 wks, made my mind start to open a bit....as DH and I both don't even know where to look for it, as apprently we hid it quite well, and forgotten where we placed it...
But we had a good talk last week, well I kind of did the talking...as I was listening to that song, by KT Oslin about "don't kiss me like were married", kiss me like were lovers...OH man! He really listened to me as he has been for years so hesitent to touch me in ANY way, as I hurt so bad...but I also told him don't pat me on the leg, or kiss me on the head like that, yes I said it kindly, as I mentioned it to DH that it reminded me of my Grandpa patting my knee or giving me a smoochie on the top of head..
This topic has been good for DH and I, as it's a "Starting Over" period, which is good for us...as he laid a big ole smackier on my lips and I told him woooow boy, gotta start at square one..the courtship, ha ha...he just laughed.
Also have been learning how to dream lately, as for so long too many obsticals of health got in my way. And just being able to realize this mojo thing, its a good thing.
As of Embarrassed????? Your daughter most likely knows more than you ever could imagine....I have a son, who is a sweetie, all the girls love him...as they love him to be their Big Brother so to say...and its a mothers job when its so obvious to overhear them, as they dont talk quietly, of what these girls know. Heck I remember LONG ago in high school, about a girl going all the way....dah on me! I had no idea what that ment....Well yes I did have to make up for lost time in my adulthood...LOL
Maybe well get our mojo back someday, but so glad to finally look into this site...You gals are awsome!0 -
My husband has a question for you ladies. lol. I've already told him the answer, but he wants to hear it from the rest of you just to be sure.
When I was taking Taxotere the nurse told me no gettin' jiggy with it for three or four days after as the chemicals could leach onto DH. Not really a problem because, really. Who wants to have anything remotely resembling sex right after chemo?
Anyway, I started Tamoxifen near the end of December and he's just a little leary of what it might do to him. Not that it's stopped him. lol. But I told him it's not like the chemo chemicals and he can't absorb it through my tissue.
So, please ladies. Can you back me up??
Thanks in advance! lol
Jen0 -
Re Mena
Have you actually tried romancing her?
Yes I have to a point. If I tell bb she looks nice, she will bring up her marshmellow tummy, shape of bones in her upper chest, small breasts, etc most of the time. She also says all the compliments are not about her, but about something I want. Not all of the time but often.
everytime I asked for a backrub, it lasted 32.2 seconds and then turned into sex.
BTDT too. I have done the foot back rub for 3 evenings while watching TV for a couple of hours together. The long back/foot rubs are are mostly being in contact and doing a little motions every 5 ot 10 minuets. It only takes me 32.2 seconds to start thinking about sex but I know that is not what most women want to happen in that short of time frame. I squash my true feelings so BB gets what she wants often enough to avoid the comment "you only want sex" which is only part of what I really want. I want a friend, lover, partner, someone to cuddle with, and someone to do things with. BB hooks on to the sex part and spends too much time feeling cheated or something.
Tell BB that we here, as well as the Drs. Berman & Berman, will avow without hesitation that you've got to use it or lose it.
I have been doing that. BB thinks she is, and anyone her age is just to old for sex past a certain age and do it for the benefit of the H.
I've got a few toys (Hitachi Magic Wand is the best)
Mena, Good for you.
We actually have a similar "back masager" we bought in the 80's but were clueless up until about a year ago at to its other uses. I suggested BB make use of it but no going there for her at this time.
What about sexy lingerie?
None of it around here! Maybe I will buy her a shortie top. I just thought of aroma therapy. I know that idea will fly even when the nities and food items get frowns.
In one of my posts, I said I did some manly things. One of those things is to not listen to BB's no's if they seem to indicate that she is really not up to speed. If I think I hear a real "no" I try to honor her wishes.
I am not trying to be macho, but sometimes when BB says no and I go along with her no, the next morning she asks me why I quit.
We bought the replends and BB did not know much about them so read the directions. I hope they help her.
it's so refreshing to see a proactive man looking for help, as opposed to, say, my husband, who split.
Sorry your H split.
If he asked to come back, would you want that? I have read on other boards/forums where women were devistated their H left but after he was gone for a while, she finally realised she was better off w/o him. Others women are still feeling devistated 10 years later. Where are you? I don't want to pry though.
I have been on www.divorcebusting.com for a year and a half and http://midlifecrisisforum.com/6/ubb.x for several months. I am here because many of BB feelings and symptoms are related to her past BC and also aging.
Thanks Mena for the pleasant reply.
Lou0 -
Jenster and Mr Jenster
My W was on Tamoxifen for 5 years. She quit taking it 2 years ago and I am still intact an would do it 2 or 3 times a week if she asked and I am 62 right now.
So, your question I guess was "will Tamoxifen affect my H?" Chemically I don't know? In real life, physically it did not affect me.
I could tell it was affecting my W and I felt bad that her desire was down. I also felt like a pest at times for wanting sex and missing many of those feelings people get when being close physically and emotionally. The emotional part of sex was missing and that hurt more than doing it less often.
I hope you don't experiance much of the emotional disconnectness with the Tamoxifen therapy.
You did not ask me for my opinion or input but I wanted to share how some of the BC, lumpectomy, rads, & Tamoxifen treatment as I saw and felt it. I do have alot of empathy for women with any type of medical problems and aging issues. It is sad to see how a once wonderful life becomes a survival issue or a general decline of happiness, or security.
Lou0 -
Tell your hubby he is safe. I have been on Tamoxifen for over 7 months. I might b*tch slap my DH once in a while, but everything else is normal.
Janis0 -
So, I had an ooph/hyster in Dec. I am sad to report no mojo O for me since then. The magic wand has failed me too. Anyone have any insights.
Maybe I am trying to hard.0 -
My pocket rocket broke.
WTF?
Thank god I have the egg as my back up. You'd think that youngins such as myself should be getting it on the regular, but my BF is having major issues as of late... between his weight gain, and some new meds he's taking, my sex life went from so exciting that the neighbors wrote us a letter telling us they dont want to be part of the action, to non existent.
Anyone have any toys besides the wand or PR that are actually QUIET?0 -
Beth...
it's pricey, but...great.... go to www.eroscillator.com , and check it out. It's not battery operated..plugs in with a long cord, so no moving from room to room - lol...but what a nice toy
Jan0 -
Ter, good for you! I wish you success on your new adventure! How nice to have an understanding mate. Sex is a beautiful thing when shared with someone we love. Good luck!
Beth, my pocket rocket is noisy, too. By the way, WHAT did you do to it??? I do have other vibrators (the plain variety) that are quieter but on high speed they do make some noise. Perhaps you can turn up some music next time to help mask the noise(s)? I hope your b/f perks up soon!
And Janis, I'm SO sorry! Mine just aren't what they used to be and they generally are harder to obtain (except for that 'new position' I wrote about above) but I can have them. My gyne wants me to have an ooph and that's one thing that scares me about the surgery. I'd suggest something powerful (such as the aformentioned posket rocket) and just somehow make yourself have one. As I also mentioned above I tried Zestra and it does work better (gets me there quicker) than any other lube I've tried. I don't use it with my young man, only alone. I hope I helped some?
Janis L0 -
Wow - that eroscillator is 'spensive!
Maybe I should put it on my x-mas wish list? I'll look into it, but only after my next pay raise or if my young man doesn't want me anymore. I bet it works, though!
Janis L0 -
Okay, so this toy looks fun. Anyone have the rabbit??
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OMG- I don't think I've ever seen a more $$$ toy... I told my BF, it was an investment in my future, and he'd be diong it for the good of mankind.
Although, I did add, if I got that toy, what the heck would I need him for???0 -
lol, Beth...
I got mine about 4 years ago, and it's still going strong...but..it isn't battery operated. I bought it for myself as a birthday present one year. I figured it had to be good if Dr. Ruth recommended it...and I deserved the very best ;-). There's no man in my life at the moment, so "Jacques", as I call it, keeps me warm on these long winter nights - lol...
Jan 0 -
OMG Beth - I didn't know! Please accept my condolences on the loss of your "rocket"....I know how close the two of you were.
I got the Wascally Wabbit a few weeks ago. It has several speeds, rotates, has the "ears"...it's a great toy, but I find myself going back to my 10-speed bullet. I think maybe it's kind of like the pocket rocket.
For those of you having trouble with the O after ooph/hyst - I had an ooph in Dec (decided after consulting w/ onc to not yank the uterus too) and it does take longer for me to get going now, but I do eventually get there. Practice, practice, practice!!
Here's to good mojo for all!
Donna0 -
Hi Lou,
I've been following your posts and responses to them. I must say that the more I read, the less compassion I feel for BB and the more compassion I feel for you. My feeling is, you're being TOO patient with her, and she's got you between a rock and a hard place (excuse the pun...lol) with nowhere to go!! From what you say, she cuts you off at every pass and isn't even trying or giving a thought to your feelings and needs! Why the hell can't she give you oral or manual sex?? She may be depressed, but if she refuses to get help for herself (counseling), where does that leave you?
Many, many of us on this thread are fighting to retain/recover our libidos and sexual responsiveness, and many of us are doing it while fighting depression issues too. My suggestion to you would be to get in counseling again by yourself. Seems to me like your wife is not being at ALL fair with you, and maybe a professional therapist could help you uncover some answers!!! I don't think you should have to accept all this as your final answer over the long haul!
Good luck, buddy! And you're welcome in here, as far as I'm concerned.
Hugs, Liza
PS: Mena, it's so good to see your posts again! xo 0
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