I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
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OMGGGGGGGGGGG I could not make this up...I just brought my mail in, and with it is the latest issue of MAMM Magazine. On the cover, ladies...Ahem........"Getting Close Again"..."How to Rediscover Your Sex Life!"....
I wrote the article!....................NOT hahahahaha
Anyway, once I've read it, I'll share the juice with all of you. In case you haven't figured it out, MAMM is a magazine that's all about female cancers. I subscribed a couple years ago.
How cool is this? We're getting front page attention at last...
This is to those who are confused about this thread: it's all about sex, intimacy, bc, tx, relationships, and everything that fits in between including toys. We can be very silly, but also very serious and compassionate. It's a touchy -- pun -- subject, and this is one of the best places for advice, venting, and certainly trying things out and then telling us all about it...
All are welcome to hang -- pun -- here...
After this, I'm not going to identify my puns. Just be creative and go with it...xo0 -
I found this discussion by accident last week and I was in tears reading the posts of other women struggling with this issue. I'm not alone! I was dx in March 2003, had lumpectomy, rads, CMF chemo. I was 49 at dx and chemo threw me into full blown menopause. I have been very happily married almost 30 yrs and sex is important to both of us. I had the same problems as other posters - loss of desire, dryness, difficulity in reaching orgasm. Words do not describe my disappointment! I beat bc and now this! What the heck is going on! Well, I wasn't going to let this problem wreck an otherwise wonderful relationship. I went to my onc and said "you guys have got to help me!". My dr and the female NP at the cancer clinic have been wonderful, they've offered lots of advice and suggestions but nothing like the support and ideas I've found here. My dr said he believes this is the single most unreported problem breast cancer survivors suffer with. Anyway, here's what I've found that helped. I am taking ALOT of fish oil - double the recommended dose, a mega daily vitamin, natural vitamin E, and I started taking Arginmax about a year ago. All with the blessings of my onc. Also got a vibrator (a must have!) and went to a few Passions Parties and picked up a few items. I also highly recommend Astroglide! I keep looking for new things to try and "His Royal Hardness" is more than happy to participate in the product testing. I took tamoxifen for 1 1/2 years and had to stop as I could not tolerate it, also with the blessings of my onc. We also have to schedule sex for when I am rested, nights are out - mornings are in! Things are much better, but I still am not where I was before this all happened. Anyone got any more great advice? Let's keep this great thread going... I'm sure it has helped many women in this same boat!
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I'm happy to see that this thread is still alive and well...and definitely accomodates a variety of issues! Seems that we're all pretty fascinated with toys and, IMO, for good reason! I must confess that I'll take a good, hard man anyday, but there's nuthin like the convenience and power of the vibrators (hey, if I buy another, I'll need a separate room for them!). So here's a question....Assuming that most of us don't just buzz away mindlessly, what about the source(s) of your thoughts and fantasies? Do most of you recall certain hot scenes that you've experienced, wishful scenarios, scenes from movies or books? I rely mainly on my own tailor-made fantasies, based alot on snippets from movies and some books. I recall a scene from a little-known film of Meg Ryan's (she plays a kinda tough New Yorker who hooks up with a way tough cop...great scene where he goes down on her...OMG!). I'm curious about what else y'all use....Maybe I'm needing some new material?
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Late night cable movies. Lousy movies with predictable scenes, and I have one book with really hot, well written passages: "Till We Meet Again" by Judith Krantz. A very old book and none of her others were as well written.
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In the spirit of Valentine's day, I will post. I am wishing all a hot night tomorrow. Nothing gets my motor running like Nancy Friday's fantasy books.
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Please let us know how you like the Eroscillator! I've been looking at it..... toys are a girl's best friend!
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Janis I can't believe you ordered it... I swear I have shown the website to all my friends. Did you go all out for the $200 package... did you see the soft finger attachment... OMG- even for my young, semipornographic self, I can't believe that toy. I want all the reviews. If you like it I am SOOOOOO getting it asap.
Nice new pic btw- i like the glasses.0 -
beth...
I have had my eroscillator for 4 years...it's wonderful.I have all the attachments, and yes, variety is the spice of life. It NEVER lets you down - lol...
Janis...definitely tell us what you think when you get it. It will suredly add a new dimension to play, whether alone or with DH...
Jan
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Hello,
This is my first time writing under this topic. I'm sure my story is the same that you've heard so many times. Divorced for almost 3 years after 23 years of marriage, daughter moved to GA for a job, son left for college in Boston, I meet a great guy who we enjoy a great sex life and then boom.....I get breast cancer diagnosed july 2005. I've had mastectomy and i'm on Tamoxifen. Our sex life has literally died.....I have no desire, no passion, no orgasms....it's a real shame. We lose so much...you'd think giving up a breast was totally to much as it is...now at 49, my sex life and relationship with my BF is changing and not even sure it is going to survive.0 -
From one Janis, to another I say You Go Girl! Or should I say you come girl.......
Good luck - I'm sure youll get something out of it!
(Does your husband know?)
Janis L0 -
Marytim, I'm sorry to hear about your woes!
Yes, this new 'situation' sucks! I was hot-to-trot before BC (always chasing men and trying to get laid) and now I have no true desire. I get excited with my young man but it's not like it was before. My body just doesn't act/react like it used to. I cannot believe that most of the time I'd just rather cuddle! (I cannot believe I even wrote that!) I used to think about sex all day every day and now I don't.
But as my onc (a female) told me "he'll just have to work harder at getting you there" and that's what it all boils down to. Either he's there for you (both of you) or not. It is a challenge but not one that can't be overcome (no pun intended).
I find that if I know I'm going to see my young man as opposed to a last minute get together I can prepare more in my mind and the anticipation buildup helps me get in the mood better. Then I think of how much I really do like him and how the sex was before BC and I go with that. We also have fun. We laugh a lot about positions that work or don't and all the weird noises my body makes and just try to enjoy it. If I don't come then I don't. I try to and he's patient but sometimes it just doesn't happen through no fault of his or mine. I hope your b/f is as understanding. Good luck!
Janis L0 -
yikes, that thing looks scary! but interesting.....hmmmmmm
Glynn0 -
MaryTim -
I can so relate. It happened to me and I've been married almost 30 years - can't imagine how difficult it must be in a new relationship. Here's what helped me. First, you have to talk about it. If he understands what is causing this problem he'll be better able to help you solve it. You have to try lots of things to find out what works. Get healthy, stamina helps - take vitamins, exercise, eat well. Have sex only when you're rested, schedule it when you're able to relax. Think sexy - read erotica, buy some new lingerie, go to a sex shop. I had NEVER done this before, it was scary at first. There are nice stores out there and I found a helpful saleswoman who was wonderful after I explained I was recovering from breast cancer and needed help. I got a vibrator and some Vigel, which helps get things going. The vibrator is a must, I had never used one before, but desperate times call for desperate measures! The right tool for the right job - if you can't get there any other way, you can always pull out your toy to save the day. Also, have a long talk with your onc about the drugs your taking. Many medications kill your sex drive and maybe there are alternatives. This is a quality of life issue. I hope this helps, let us know how you're doing. Hang in there!0 -
What recommendations can any of you give me to combat the vaginal dryness? I was starting to have problems prior to bc because of menopause, but it's awful now. No sex in ages at our house because of pain caused by the dryness. Can I get something at WalMart, or do I need to ask the doctor? Hubby's birthday is coming up, and I'd sure like to surprise him! Might help my mood too! Ronda
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Get any good vag lubricant for the dryness. They have many of them at any store, grocery store, drug store, variety store, Wallmart included. There are racks and racks of them.
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We had "sex" last night. Mutual handjobs. Ok with me since the orgasms are more intense and better. Easier too.
But today, I am stiff and my joints and muscles and ribs ache.
I had 4AC and 4 Taxol. The chemo ended 12-28-06 Anyone know if this achey feeling the day after doing "any exertion" will go away with time?0 -
That's those orgasm muscles that haven't been used in a while! They are waking up! Have more orgasms and the pain will go away! 0
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For dryness you can't beat Astroglide. It's not expensive, can be purchased anywhere (Safeway sells it here). I've tried many other lubes and Replens and this stuff is the best. You have to use a generous amount and reapply as needed, but it works!
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Hey ladies...I don't recall Kegels being recommended lately, but by regularly exercising your pelvic floor muscles, you can enhance mutual pleasure (muscles are toned and tighter) and (I have read elsewhere) improve the efficiency of the vaginal lubrication 'system.' Hey, it can't hurt
http://www.childbirth.org/articles/kegel.html0 -
Thanks you cool gals! It is true, many many muscles in the body are used while orgasming. No wonder I ache the day after like i had worked out at the gym!
I will have to "work out" in bed many more times!
One thing I learned is that if your man or partner is patient with you you can orgasm better and without "pressure" to hurry up. I kept telling my husband I was sorry it may take a little longer and to give me more forplay. He said, "no problem I dont care how long it takes"! Wow, took all the pressure off me.
Of course, he understands "taking it slow" since I am patient with him also. Men at age 51 are not always like they used to be in bed either!0 -
Re Shirlr I've tried many other lubes and Replens
Did the Replends do any thing for you? Lubes help but more is needed.
I have to agree about the Astroglide, way better than KY. Bought ours at WalMart.
Anyone try things like "Liquid Silk" or a silicone based lube.
I Googled free samples and came up with this address FREE Sample of Pjur
Thanks, I am looking for information to help improve a problem area.
Lou0 -
The Replens didn't do much for me as far as sex goes, I think it does help you be more comfortable if the dryness is causing you discomfort at other times. I have heard that squirting lube into the vagina with a syringe before sex can help get it where it needs to be. Haven't tried it myself. You should check out Passion Parties - they have lots of different lubes (I understand the "Slippery Stuff" works well)and you can order online. Also, I can recommend their "Pure Satisfaction" arousal gel. Lots better than Vigel.
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Okay, Ladies, I did it - I bought the eroscillator! And I must say that it works quite well! It's a lot quieter than I thought it would be and I'm really wondering if I really need a man anymore?
Janis L0 -
I didnt find this sight until after my treatments(last rad mid sept 05) been on tamaox since.
BUT...today I found this thread for the first time....and I'm about to cry as a read your posts....this IS me....married happily for 23 years tommorrow, great relationship, But I seriously thought it was me....but I can see it is the drugs, I am in full menopause now at 43, and I felt so guilty for such I long time now because I have NOOOO desire or drive at all. I think i have hot flashes more than I blink!!!!! And my husband is sooo understanding, so im lucky there....but thanks to you all and reading as much as pos.(26 pages!!!!!) I see there is hope for me yet!!!!
I might have found this sight late in my recovery, but every day I feel blessed that you all are here helping each other and women like me get through this life changeing, not ending, ordeal.
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LOL, Janis....find a man to share it with...your young man might like to experiment with it. I named mine "Jacques" because of the French Legionnaire's Mustache attachment...hehe. I love it...keep it plugged in next to my bed all the time ;-)
Jan (still looking for her young man, she says lasciviously - lol)0 -
Luba, sorry you had to find us but we're glad we could help!
Janis L
Still smilin' from her new toy! 0 -
Jan, oh that "moustache" thing/attachment scares me! I only got the basic stuff but if/when I get bored I can always order more...
And if you look hard enough you CAN find a young man. Mine seems to like to be by himself/alone more than he wants to be with me so either I need to find another young man or he has to spend more time with me!
I was talking about my new toy today at work with two of my (male) co-workers. One has made verbal passes at me but I'm not interested (much to his dismay but he's definitely not my type) and the other has too, and I AM interested even though he's even younger that the one I have now! He reminds me of Ashton Kucher! They refer to me as "one hot older woman" and I take that as a compliment as sometimes I feel so frickin' old from all of this BC crap! Anyway, neither seemed turned-off by my new toy but rather turned-on! It was definitely a good way to pass the time today. We're supposed to be PC and all but what fun is that???
Happy mojo!
Janis L
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz0 -
The eroscillator. Oh. My. Gosh. Yes, ladies, it is worth every penny. :-)
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Hey you horny toads....check this out: www.vibeforthecure.com. I can't take credit for finding it...it's elsewhere on the boards submitted by a Kathybemi. I'm bumping us up for her. Check out the site. Tres cool...xo0
