I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
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Jaybird-I know about condoms, you goof! I just don't have the desire to have sex at the moment.......
argh.
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HA! (I think?)
Maybe try Wellbutrin?
I swear by the l-arganine, and maybe even the Women's Libido by Gaia Herbs. Something is helping my response but I don't know what! I don't have the 'desire' (read sex drive) but once I'm properly stimulated my body remembers (thankfully!) how it's supposed to act!
Or, if you do lose your ovary, you can get the new shot-in-the-arm drug which is supposed to improve a woman's libido (only for those without ovaries).
Or, try some porn. I know it works for Marin!
(works for me, too!) 
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Well, lookit what I've been missing by staying occupied with my new men! Not doing what you think (yet), but just setting up the dates for the weekend. Duke basketball (I hope) with the guy I mentioned in the other thread whose wife died of cancer, Indian food and music with shaved guy, and Old Salem with country guy. NEWAYZ.....Deb, my girl, it occurs to me that the libido is low because you seem to be under major stress with the ovary thing, the pain meds issue, the possible fertility implications, your father's recent death, ETC., ETC., ETC.! No freakin' wonder you don't want to get laid! So I'd suggest that you give yourself a break and maybe you and dh can set aside a time for some cuddling, some soft, slinky jazz and maybe give each other some warm massages and feed one another yummy chocolates. No pressure, no expectation, no obligation. That's my prescription. And I'll send you the bill.....
Jaybird...you go, girl! Frequency is, indeed, desireable....and variety is delicious!
~Marin
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HA! (again)
Yes, setting the mood is now, more than ever before, required! I have too much goung on with work and with my daughter to even begin to relax and now I'm suppose to want sex??? I do, but I gotta be taken away form all of the everyday crazies before I can even think about pleasure! I do blame the lack of estrogen for my failings but am working on overcoming (pun? perhaps!) my lack of desire.
It used to be for me that porn was fun but not needed and now it's more a matter of need. I remember back when I was 22 and dating a 'younger man' of 20 (!!!) we'd go to the local XXX theatre. It's now long gone but it was fun at the time!
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Jaybird...Don't you have your own collection of porn? They are now making more videos geared towards women's desires and tastes, i.e., that have a story line instead of the hard core, goin' at it stuff that men tend to prefer. You may want to check out some ideas and order a little something for when you're in the mood (or want to be!) from here:
http://www.babeland.com/videos-and-dvds
Even if you just order one or two.....ya never know when they'll come in handy!
This is hardly momentous news, but it's all I got....my date for Sunday told me on the phone last night that he'd like to demonstrate his kissing technique for me. I have in my online profile how important kissing is to me...I added it after the last slobber-fest!!! So, we'll see if this guy passes the test, huh?
~Marin
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Marin, have LOTS of fun on your dates!
I am suddenly free Saturday night (no longer working late) so I just might call the young man and tell him that I'm available...
Haven't heard from Mr. Wonderful all week. I can assume we're still on for this Sunday but it bugs me that he doesn't return my phone calls for 3+ days...... (grrrrr)
No, no collection of porn at this time. When I was with my last long-term b/f we purchased a few movies (of course I got them in the break-up!) but I tossed them some years agon. I just go on-line, to a free site, and can watch any type of porn that I want to. Most are from 20-30 long, and seem to be outtakes, but that works for me!
Back to work now.....
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OK, well here's where my own ignorance comes in....how do you find these free websites, Jaybird? Do you have just one that you go to? Curious minds (I'm sure I'm not the ONLY one!) want to know.....
~Marin
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Marin, I'm at work right now so I can't access that site but I will PM you tonight with it. I swear it's free and the stuff there is VERY interesting! It's a site that allows you access to other sites. Kind of like a cyber-orn clearing house?
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Thanks, you guys for the tips. Jaybird, I forgot to add a smile when I said you were a goof. Don't think I am being a grump!
I actually have some desire today. I miss the intimacy when we go for a number of days without any.
Jaybird, what is that patch thingy called? I'm interested.....
Love and prayers, Deb
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Deb, the patch thingy was just announced this week in the news. I caught it on aol but don't remember the details other than it's in the works still and you have to be ovary-less (which I am not at this time but my gyne want me to be so I'm kinda interested).
I think this Women's Libido stuff I'm taking is working. I still am not running around saying/thinking "I'm SO horny I need a man NOW" but I do believe it's helping some. :-/ Oh, I am SO glad I had my horny "I REALLY need to get laid NOW" years as at least I have the memories..... I curse BC and chemo for taking that away from me!
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I'm a little late here but I noticed you mentioned about the condoms a few posts ago. I don't understand why more men don't get vasectomies. I'm 40 and I have no businessfathering any more kids (we have4). My wife and I spent years dealing with condoms. One time I forgot to bring any while we wereon vacation (oh joy.).For the past 5 years now I've been a free manand it's been great. I just can't figure out why more men don't go this route.
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i have been dating my bf for the past 4 years and he had a vasectomy many many years ago when he was still married and i think we both think it is the best thing ever!!! his kids are now 21 and 22, so he doesn't want to have anymore kids and when i met him, before bc, that wasn't a thought for me either... so needless to say it is great and he has no problem what so ever... if you get my drift
barbara
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Hello ladies: I've been lurking on this site for a few days, afraid to write in but read the posts and thought about getting over the fear of meeeting men after bc. So I joined a singles website and I received alot of responses and then became scared shitless to answer any. Well one was from a nice guy he's a lawyer and seemed decent and he emailed me four times. Well I felt so bad that I emailed him right back and told him that I don't look like my picture, just getting over bc and sorry that I put myself out there. Now I feel like an idiot. I think I'm just going to call the ex and have a regulare wine (lots of red) and dinner at my place and see how that goes.Pearl49 Man I'm reallly a chickenshit I really realize it now.
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Oh Pearl, I can't tell you how many false starts I had when I started the online dating thing! I actually posted profiles on sites, then took them down, posted on yet other sites and took them down....like a jack-in-the-box! I was terrified and it wasn't just about the bc. I was afraid of rejection on every possible level. I'm too old, too ugly, too fat, too wrinkled....never mind the boobs! It seriously took me months before I calmed down and took it slowly, responding a bit carefully and tentatively to guys and disouraging the ones I knew I wasn't at all attracted to. That took awhile too...at first, I responded positively to everyone, but then I got a few stalkers and wised up. Anyway, now I actually look forward to meeting these guys (first few times, I was so shaky, I thought I'd faint!). It's all about practice....and letting yourself make mistakes, then moving on. There is a message board on iVillage that is all about online dating. Maybe you should read some of the posts there:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlcyber
I do want you all to know that I've asked Tami & Melissa if we can have our own forum for singles and their issues and this thread would probably be included there (all marrieds welcome, of course!). They're considering it and will let us know.
One last thing, Joel....the issue of condoms for me and some of the women here isn't so much a fear of pregnancy as a fear of disease. It's so important for us to be careful out there, ya know!
~Marin
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pearl i totally relate i think we all go thru that after bc - it is hard but once you take the plunge like marin says it does get easier
just go out for a drink or coffee with one of the online guys that interest you - dont tell him about your bc at least not at first- just get yourself used to going on a "date" you will feel more comfortable with each experience- hey you never have to see them again! just use it as a chance to get back to "livin" again
i did it in baby steps and it worked
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Wanted to report, Got the MoJo working a few nights ago. Was very special and long over due....was just a great night.
I hope to have it working again tonight . It's my BIRTHDAY!
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I sent you a PM, ML!
I can happily report that our MOJO is up and running again, too!!!!
Thank God. We both really needed it.
Love and prayers, Deb
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Thanks for the birthday wish Deb, I know what you mean....I was missing that closeness. Felt like Michael was my roommate or something. I also feel more relaxed and in love if that makes sense.
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YEA Mary, and Happy Birthday! Here's to many more of both!
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Thanks Jaybird 0 -
marin - how was your weekend looking forward to reading your post! hope the date went well
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UGH....they were GREAT! I wrote all about them under the "...boyfriend" thread and over on "Growing Friendships...", under the "HIJACK" thread. I'm totally confused because both guys are attractive to me in different ways. If you have any experience with men who totally resonate with you emotionally, but not physically, please read my account and HELP!!! Here I am, all about the MOJO, and not attracted to the guy I'm so very attracted too. And with another one I am definitely attracted to, but not as deeply , in the emotional sense. Hence my "ugh"!!!!
~Marin
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Thanks Marin and Jdash: It's funny Marin that you said you took your profile on and off, well I took mine off. And your both right baby steps, so I emailed my ex and invited him for dinner and lots of red wine and asked him to bring his penis. So next weekend I am going to just try enjoy and really see how different every feels after surgury, it's a little early as my boob and underarm are still really sore but the wine will take care of that. And my ex is a good guy and usually lets me take charge of everything I want at least until near the very end for him. God I need sex, I'm so sick of feeling like cancer is all my life is about and this is a great way to start living again. Who knows I may just stick with the ex, he really is a great guy. And Marin I'll have to read Hijack post we should make up a questionairre on men (just as a joke) but also just to see what we can all stand or really dislike, it would be fun. I'll start the first question on Hijack, now I have to think.Pearl49
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Pearl...I say totally go for the booty call with the ex. That's one thing they're still good for, right? Not mine though....he's a super nice guy, but way too inhibited for me. Not to mention he's re-married!
So Architect Guy has asked me over on Sunday. He knows I've had a super-hard week and suggested we kick back. He's planning to build a fire, play some music and cook me a meal. I just might ask him to go a little further in what else he can do for me.....
~Marin
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Marin, keep us posted!
My guy is great when we're together but he never calls me otherwise!
That really pisses me off and then I just want to continue to date other men as this one isn't (obviously?) all that interested but when we're together he's all there for me so WTF? He did make my fave fish, trout, last Sunday as the sea bass wasn't available so that was good but there's no follow-up. Am I expecting too much? Should I be less available for a while and see if he smartens up a bit?I actually am going to be very busy for the next 6 weeks so our time together will be very limited unless he makes an effort to see me which he may or may not do. There are two other (younger but not necessarily better) men interested in me but I like THIS one the best so what's a single girl to do??? :-/ I'm really not into games but if I have to play one for a while I can.....
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Jaybird....I so totally hear where you're coming from! After some time, a girl starts to wish for a reliable relationship that's also chock full 'o sex and romance. But guys do seem to be wired differently, don't they? They're like outta sight, outta mind. So I'm not sure if it's playing games- to be not as readily available- as much as it's protecting your own interests....yourself. On the other hand, how do feel about suggesting more communication between in-person visits? Maybe he hates phones (I know that I abhor them!), so he'd be good with brief emails or texts throughout the week, just to say "hi" or tell each other what's going on or how you're looking forward to the next time to get together. They don't have to be heart-pumping, sloppy, kissy messages, but there's no harm in suggesting what you'd like him to do to you at your next encounter? As for seeing the other guys, it just might make you feel better and less needy to just hook-up with them once a wek or every other week, at least until you hear some definite signs of a pending committment from the main squeeze. Whaddaya think?
I'm thinking, y'all, that I'm gonna get laid on Sunday! The weather forecast and the distance of his home from mine might just necessitate a sleepover. We're already alluding to that possibility in our emails and I'm definitely feelin' the heat. Yesssssssssss!!!
BTW, we should be thinking about whether this "MOJO' thread should be moved to the new singles' forum, so let's hear what you all think about that...???
~Marin
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Marin I think youv'e got YOUR MOJO BACK! Good stuff. And I hope you get laid on Sunday, he sounds so nice a fire, laid back, yup your going to get shake your booty!!!! I posted on the new thread but each post seems to get lost so you'll see I posted you twice about the same thing. And Jaybird if he's not giving you what you really want date others or just be up front and tell him. I have no patience for games so that's what I would do, now my advice could be totally wrong for this guy so I guess you have some thinking to do. I say have fun and enjoy the other guys as well, if you start waiting on just this one guy I'd be afraid he'd start thinking of me as (dorothy doormatt) You have to think of you now you deserve it. Pearl49
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Hey, there are plenty of us old married ladies who want to stay and to invite other marrieds/partnered to stay in the conversation. I vote keep it here.
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jorf i am single but you have a good point! guess it should stay here
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Actually, y'all, I think that you're so right. We've had so many women, over the years, coming to this thread and they've been married, single, divorced, partnered...and everything in between. The whole point here is to help us cope, as sexual beings, with the side effects and the aftereffects of breast cancer, as well as to learn how to thoroughly explore, express and enjoy our sexuality. Hell, we even have male partners, husbands and lesbian partners on this thread. So yes, I think it is placed correctly here in "Moving Beyond..." and should stay. I think that the moderators think so too, but I'll PM them to lend that support.
After all.......MOJO is for EVERYONE!!!!
~Marin
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