I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
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Okay, so today at work I bought "Women's Libido" by Gaia herbs. It calls for 3 capsules/day but I'm only going to take 1/day. I'm not having a problem with the new man (it gets better every time!) but I want to see if in 60 days (when the bottle is empty) I 'feel' differently. I'd like to get my long lost sex drive back but I suppose that as long as I'm responsive then I shouldn't be so greedy? Remind me to report back on this stuff in 60 days.
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MOJO??? Maybe. But sex is definitely the issue!I'm just amazed that this discussion has been ongoing for 3 or 4 years without something positive from the medical community. In fact, on one of the "ask the expert" conferences on sexual intimacy, no less, I addressed the issue & was told something to the effect that my language was not acceptable for bc.org -- words like intercourse, sexual climax, & the like. Amazing. Nor does my oncologist (female) want to discuss it. My family doctor is willing but is concerned about giving much advice because of the cancer issue. So, for me & my love of 42 years, the problem remains & I'm hoping for help.As I understand "libido", it means the DESIRE for sex. If I'm right on that, lack of libido is not my real problem. The desire is there, but the climax is illusive. This is extremely frustrating for me & for my husband. I believe this problem began when I was on aromatase inhibitors. Because I had many side effects on both Arimidex & Aromasin, I am now on Tamoxifen. The side effects are much more manageable &/or acceptable, but that issue of falling just short of climax has continued.In April, 2006, I had a lumpectomy followed by mammosite radiation. My tumor was ER/PR+. I was 62 at that time, so I was post-menopausal & had dealt with some of the mucosal changes before being diagnosed with bc. The unsatisfactory sexual response did not begin for some time &, at first, I thought it was just temporary so didn't really take note of the exact time frame. It has now been 6-8 months or so with no resolution. Ugh! I'm hoping to hear from some of you who have solved this problem. Thanks for listening. I guess the encouraging thing about all of this is that, at 64, I still care!!
hula0 -
I hope after my husband and I have been married for 42 yrs. sex is even an issue, other than exchanging that ugly 4 letter word when we meet in the hallway.
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hula....have you tried reading some of the posts on this thread because your issue is shared by many, many others and our intent is to offer suggestions worth trying in an effort to help one another achieve not only orgasm, but as much sexual pleasure as possible? Ideas throughout range from chemical assistance (some radical and probably even dangerous, like women taking Viagra) to role-play to toys, lubes, porn, setting the mood, etc. It might be virtually impossible to find time to read it all (that's why several posters have suggested converting this thread into a book!), but maybe if you browse a bit, something might sound fun and appealing.
I'm wondering how long you've been without an AI in your system? Maybe you need to give it a chance to clear out?
~Marin
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Oh, my chicas, I may be getting me some good times soon! I've been corresponding with several guys I've met on a new online dating site (actually 15 of them, but I only like six
!) and one guy is sooooooooooooo hot (at least his pic and the words he writes are), so we might be meeting up soon. He lives a bit of a distance away, but seems anxious to get together, so we'll see. And I'm not expecting any "performance" problems....he's 32 years old! Oh, yeeeeeeeah 
!I really need a man, ya'll....I'm just feelin' like a freakin' fish without a bicycle, ya know?
~Marin
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Marin, just go for it!
I say, use 'em for what you need 'em for!
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OK, chicas, now I need y'all's help here. I think maybe I'm just being weird or overly demanding, but then again, maybe not. Here's the deal...I keep accepting dates with these men who are, typically, pretty hot. Then, because I've vowed to not sleep with anyone on the first date ever again, I end up making out with them until it threatens to break my resolve. So what's the problem? I can't find a good kisser in the lot!!!! And I LOVE kissing!!!!! These guys are all about the saliva! I'm drowning, y'all, not to mention grossed out! And the tongue, thrusting and poking and darting about in a most reptilian way. WWWWWWTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFFFF???????!!!!!! I seriously don't know how to "fix" these guys. Had a date a few days ago who was so hot until he started the drooling, so when he said that he loved kissing, I said that I did too but not so wet. Did he try to alter his behavior. NO! Started the thrusting and slobbering all over again! GEEZ!
What a quandry, huh? I'm not gonna get ANY at this rate! Am I being too picky? Has anyone else ever had this problem and successfully resolved it?
~Marin
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Gross out on all that slobbery stuff. Keep looking!
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Marin, you're such a tasty piece of ..... (you fill in the blank!) that all they want to do is eat you like a meal! They;re priming you with spit! :-/
I think it's a younger man thing. I do. The younger ones don't know yet about finesse. But stay away from the older slobbers, too, as they just might not have a full set of teeth!
Just kidding. If it's not there it's not there no hatter how "hot' they are. Stop kissing if you don't like it, is my advice.....
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Oh, I hated the super wet kisses when I was dating. Absolute turn off. And you have to remember I'm of the age that that's about all we could do!! (and not have to go to confession!)
Necking to me is an art, and it does take practice, but I was never able to reteach a guy how to do it right. they either have it or they don't. And i assure you, I tried a lot of them!
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Ya know, Dotti, I think that you're right. I now realize that my ex-bf (the one I dated throughout treatment and for a year afterwards) was an incredible kisser, probably the best I've ever had. And the sex was fabulous too. The problem? Emotionally vacant and dull as a slug everywhere but bed. Ugh!
Well, Jaybird, I'm pleased to tell you that it's actually the old guys who are doing the slobbering! I was telling myself that I should effing grow up and, so, was accepting more dates with guys my age. The last two (59 and 49 years old) were waaaaaay kissing-challenged and, I dare say, wouldn't have enough saliva left over for more intense activities!
So, the past few days I've been emailing with.....are ya ready?....a 28-year old!!!! Before you diss me completely, let me say that I, initially, told him that he's only 4 years older than my daughter and I'd refer him to her if she were straight. But his reply was so clever and witty and smart that we've continued the repartee and he's starting to look awfully good. We shall see.....My college roommate, who has a PhD in English says that I remind her of her favorite author, George Eliot who, at the age of 58 married a 20 year old. I'm serious, y'all.....google George Eliot and see! Anyway, I'm not looking to marry the guy, as I'm sure you all know
!To be continued............
~Marin
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Okay, my mojo was always fantabulous until the past couple of months on tamoxifen. Now, I can't sleep so I'm way too tired for anything most of the time and then if I do feel like some nookie, and my husband gets close to me, it triggers a darn hot flash/night sweat. Uggg, I'm like..."get AWAY from me!" Nope....not real romantic.
I'm only about 4 months on tamox, in chemopause....
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bay1431....Have you considered asking for a prescription to help get you through this period? My understanding from so many of the women here is that Effexor or Wellbutrin can help reduce the flashes and help you to sleep as well. It seems to me tat it would be worth a try. If it works, you'll be back in business!
~Marin
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Huh. My body is in a state of weirdness. No hot flashes today whatsoever. Is it the "Women's Libido" that I'm taking or do hot flashes come and go like that? I was flashing up a storm all week at work - doesn't stress cause them to increase?
Anyway, I had a great New Year's Eve (once I got off work and my man showed up!) and an even better New Year's Day. I won't go into details but I will say that my body responds very nicely to his body and that at age 47.5 I can still go at it like I did at 27.5 (well, kind of sort of)!
Marin, while we were kissing (and he's oh so good at that and NOT sloppy - nor does he snore!) I thought of you (only briefly) and your kissing dilemma. I hope your next guy knows what he's doing! And, stick with the young ones if that's what you like!
Jaybird
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Sounds so wonderful, Jaybird! I know you've waited a long time to find a good one, so I hope you get to thoroughly enjoy him for a loooooong time! And if he's a good kisser, he's definitely a keeper!
I'm not sure if it's young or old I like....it would just be nice if the physical AND the emotional connection came in the same package, ya know? I've got a date coming up on Saturday with an older guy with whom I really, really connect online. But if he's not hot, I just can't stay with it. Maybe that's superficial, but it's just how I am......sigh.
~Marin
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Thanks Marin for your input. I can't take wellbutrin because I found I'm allergic to it and have considered effexor but my doctors don't want my liver stressed right now since the numbers were so high only a few months ago post chemo. I'm trying to tweak some of my supplements and see if that makes a difference. I can't see the point in taking tamox if the quality of my life suffers so much.
Jaybird--my hot flashes come and go and are of different quality. Daytime, they're more mild, nighttime is brutal and when someone's body heat invades my space...it's much worse. Who makes that libido supplement?
So ladies, is this what this thread is all about? Have I reached a new BC milestone? I really didn't understand until lately what low libido was. Well, damn.
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Bay1431, the Women's Libido is by Gaia herbs. I work for Whole Foods and got it there but I know that many health food stores carry that brand so you should be able to find it or order it.
My libido/desire hasn't changed but perhaps it's still too soon (less than one week) to tell. My response is good but I also take l-arginine and acetyl l-carnitine which could be factors. I am not on Tamox but do take Evista which has had no adverse effects on me.
My hot flashes were minimal today so maybe it is the herbs, or maybe it's the essential oil combo that I take? I was without it for a while but my new supply came and I upped my daily dose (10 drops not the 6 or 8 I was taking) so now I don't know what is keeping my hot flases at bay but I'm glad they're not constant anymore. In fact, I'm freezing my ass off as it's like 8 degrees out! :-/
Men. Marin, I'm with you on the younger-is-better train!
So unless the older guy is buff (ha, that's rare!) and not going through a second or third childhood (even rarer!) then I'm sticking with the younger men!This one is 43 so he's only a few years younger than me but he's an incredible lover - it's like we've been together for a long time. If this one bails on me, though, then I'm going back to the 20- or 30-something guys!
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I hear ya, Jaybird! I'm still in the evaluation stage and have narrowed it down to about 6 guys. Tonight I'm leaning towards one who is 39 and hot, hot, hot! Seriously, his pics make him look like a porn star! I've never understood the men-in-uniform fetish until now....he's in law enforcement and I have this image of him in his blue & brass (or whatever those guys wear?) Since he lives a few hours away and has a child, I'm not sure when a date will happen though. Soon, I hope! In the meantime, I'll need to get off vicariously through your stories, chicas, so keep 'em coming. I promise to reciprocate as soon as possible!
~Marin
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hi everyone happy new year
marin - kissing to me is an art - its hard to teach someone who is totally inept at it! if they are ok then i have found you can sharpen up their skills my boyfriend now is an excellent kisser! thank god
we just got back from a week in palm beach florida and it was sooo nice and guess what marin - i think my mojo is starting to come back
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Ohhhhh, Julia, I'm sooooooooooo happy to hear that! Do you have any tips that you'd like to share with us here....I'm sure that we have plenty of lurking members who are wondering where their mojo went and when will it be coming back?
And I like what you said about kissing being an art. It totally is! I kicked that bad kisser to the curb and have 2 more, maybe 3, dates lined up this weekend. Once they take my "test" I'll have a better idea as to their potential for becoming a lover. Gotta have the kissing down first though....anything else can be taught, if he's willing!
~Marin
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good morning ladies... i just want to let you in on a great lube i found, it's called sliquid silk. i found it in a store here in ny called harmon, sometimes found inside bed, bath and beyond stores or you can go onto www.sliquid.com or 1-800-sliquid. i'm telling you, after not only having a bilateral and all that entails, i had a hysterectomy at the same time, so i am dryer than dry (lol) i tried lots of lubes, and still lots of pain and even more when my bf ejaculated, all i wanted was for him to get out of me, sad to say
. this lube was silky smooth and it lasted a long long time and even tho' i didn't have an "o" (i'm trying , so far only a vibe will do) when he did there was no pain and it was so nice to just wallow there with him 
. so, just thought i would share my find... it's also made in the USA, that's pretty cool too! and around 11-12 $'s.i have a bottle of l-arginine in front of me, i'm going to read the posts on that, and maybe that will help w/ me having an "o" during intercourse... oh the memories
.barbara
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Wow, Barbara, thanks for sharing that! I'm sure they'll be a big run on sliquid silk at all of the pharmacies around the country! I've actually seen it quite a number of times in several local stores here, so it's wonderful to know that it seems to conquer discomfort or, in my case, is just a great lube!
Now to find someone to lube up with
! I had 2 great dates over the weekend, but I'm really pretty hot for guy#2. No kissing, so I'll have to hold my final judgment. And I've 2 more men to check out still. This dating stuff is exhausting me. I just want to get to the naked part!Oh, gotta share this....though yesterday's date (guy#2) was very respectful, we did get around to alluding, here & there, to sexual matters (probably my "fault"
). When I admitted to having had laser hair removal in the "bikini area, he reported that he is waxed! Mmmmmmm......I felt like going down on him right then & there! I didn't, of course.....~Marin
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Marin, you are too funny!
Yes, dating is exhausting!Am I the only one that doesn't like shaved men???
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No, Jaybird...I don't like shaved men either!
Hair is masculine....ok not werewolf-style, and I cannot bear back/shoulder hair...eeewwhhh.
I'm a shaved/waxed girl myself, however.
Sam
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Sam,
One guy I dated for four years was teddybear-hairy but it was SO soft & silky that I liked it!
Yep, he had a hairy back! Now I'm into smooth men but I'm not into shaved (waxed) anywhere in front as I don't get into stubble! But I guess if a guy takes the time to shave/wax then the least I can do is appreciate it a little, no? Jaybird
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Indeed, Jaybird, and that's what I'm hoping to do, if I get to naked with this guy. I do prefer the waxed/closely shaved....don't like anything between my teeth but dental floss, if ya know what I mean
! And here's the funny thing...though I, normally, don't like facial hair, this guy has a really cute, well-trimmed beard & mustache combo (didn't have it in his online pic) and I don't mind it a bit!What's doin' with your new beau, Jaybird? Still gettin' plenty? If so, I'm still jealous!!!
And speaking of getting some, where is Deb these days?
~Marin
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Oooops, sorry, Deb...I just remembered your pain/vicodin issue! I hope it gets resolved very soon and you get back to, well, gettin' some!
~Marin
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Not sure if I should blush at that one, or feel like a true vixen, Marin!
Actually, it IS due to the pain/vicodin issue that I am not gettin' any.
Not because of the pain, or vicodin withdrawal, but I have been ordered to be sure to NOT get pregnant until they determine what is happening with my ovary.
Oh, wait, did I even mention that one in the other thread? One of my pain issues is my right ovary, which was determined to have a borderline malignant cyst on it 6 years ago. In the past two months, I could tell I had another cyst. I had not yet established an ob/gyn (one of those things you don't get around to, like the driver's license place), so I went to a prompt care clinic. They did an x-ray, and the clinic doc said, "It's because you are so constipated from your vicodin that you are having pain."
So, I stupidly believed him, took the poop medicine (ick-Magnesium Citrate), and didn't feel any difference.I got a sonogram done (finally! It's like they just don't listen to you, ya know?!), and lo and behold, a cyst!
Duh.So, I was URGED to go to an ob/gyn, and when I told them I tried every one in the phone book and couldn't get in till February (this was November), they got me in to this terrifyingly tiny little doctor.
I'm totally scared of him.
Anyway, they said because of my "history" (such a nice way to refer to the borderline malignant ovary, the MS, the breast cancer, the toxemia and HELLP syndrome), I am NOT to get pregnant until I find out what is up with this cyst.
Son of a #@!%!!!!!
So, if the cyst did not grow, or went away on it's own, I am going to be whisked away to fertility-ville and be practically forced to get pregnant (not exactly the way I'd have liked it, but we've been trying since last May with no luck).
If the cyst did not go away, but stayed the same, I am going to be monitored again for another cycle.
If the cyst grows, I lose my ovary.
I want another baby. All I want to do is be a Mommy. I want another Daniel.
I know I can get pregnant with one ovary, but this freaks me out on so many levels.
So, it started out that we weren't gettin' any because I just felt like crap, but I just don't have the libido right now (I've been upped on my Lexapro to 20 mg, and I can totally tell a difference in my sex drive. I also wonder if that is how I gained 12 pounds since my Dad died. I know I gain wait easily, but that was alarming.).
Hhhhhhmmmmm.
Love and prayers,
Deb
PS-I still feel crappy, but after being upped to 125 mg. of Nortriptyline, I am feeling slightly better. yay
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Deb, I'm sure Marin would mention this but since I'm here before she is then I will. You could use condoms.....
Good luck with the ovarian cyst.Marin, I get it (good) once a week. I'm thinking that that's not good enough, though, so when a young man (and I DO mean young) I'd met last year called me last night I decided to be open to seeing him again. Unfortunately, my work and travel schedule for the next 6 weeks sucks so I won't be seeing him, or anyone else, anytime soon. Unless, of course, I get uber horny and there's no one else around.....
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