I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
Comments
-
I have to agree here with Jorf - of all the changes that Miz Valerie made that boosted her sex life toward za-za-zoom, I'd put my money on quitting smoking over some piece of plastic. I'll rely on my Kegels and my fish oil (I already take a calcium/zinc/magnesium supplement) and consider that old/new partner once my nipples are healed.
Lisa
0 -
Shortly after my treatment was completed, I asked my oncologist, "Where did my libido go? My head is not in the game. Sex just plain hurts. What happens next?" His answer was "astroglide."
For 4 years, I struggled with painful intercourse where astroglide was only nominally helpful. I was beginning to understand the term "frigid." It was only after I was getting repeated UTIs that I begged the question again, only this time to my endocrinologist. I figured that he was in the hormone business and this had to be a hormone problem. He heard me and referred me to an OB/GYN that specializes in post-cancer sexual health and survivorship, Michael L. Krychman, M.D., F.A.C.O.G. in Newport Beach, CA.
I have been seeing Dr. Krychman for 4 months and it is like someone gave me the key to the door that I have been banging on for more than 4 years! Best of all, he hears and understands that as a BC survivor I just want to be "normal" (whatever that is ) and the lack of estrogen and testosterone that Arrimidex, and other aromatase inhibitors cause, make us not just menopausal, but devoid of the estrogen that keeps our pelvic region in balance and the testosterone that gives us sex drive.
It was so refreshing to go to a professional that didn't make my desire to resume a normal sex life, tawdry or anything unseemly. He partners with a wonderful physical therapy group that also specializes in women's issues, it's called "Womanology." How appropriate! These women are kind caring practitioners that treat patients with patience and sensitivity and good medicine.
If you have intimacy problems, you are not alone! There is help! Dr. Krychman came from Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York and if you aren't in Southern California, I'll wager that he can refer you to a colleague in your area. Personally, I travel 60 miles to see him since there are only very few similar specialists in So Cal -- either him or some drs at UCLA. For me the drive was easier to Newport Beach.
There is help, if you need it, ask for it.
0 -
tmcasa2...He sounds wonderful and I do love the PT group's name, "Womanology"! I think that most of us are pretty aware as to why sexual problems arise after bc and bc treatment (particularly the hormone issues), but we're here trying to figure our how to best address them (4+ years since Mena started this thread, mind you!) Does the OB/GYN specialist do anything unusual for you besides treat you with understanding and respect, although those are certainly necessary characteristics? Some of our women here might be more inclined to follow your advice is it's more than talk therapy or his prescribing the Estring. Do tell!
~Marin
0 -
Hi gals. As you know Mena started this thread many moons ago. I hope you don't mind me copy and pasting but I can't possibly retype it all!
finally got through to Mena! YEAH!! We have been playing phone tag for days! She is very unhappy with her home situation and I was hurting for her. But we are trying to come up with a plan that will be a better way of life, like move somewhere one or a group of us to help her with love and support in person!
If you have her email, please send her a little note.
BTW, her birthday is coming up on the 14th! I will start a thread the day before and please post. When she comes to visit next weekend, I am going to give her a special present with a printout in scrapbook fashion of your posts! I also still have the photos from some of you and the presents that will be included. I will of course take a picture of the whole thing and post it too.
0 -
Thanks, Beth! I've been sending her notes and cards here and there, but will be happy to post birthday greetings too. I'm sure that all of our MOJO girls would be thrilled to send bets wishes to our beloved founder!
~Marin
0 -
Marin, you know how much she will appreciate this. I can't think of anything else I can do for her right now except be of support when she needs it. Thank you for being a true bc sister to another sister.
0 -
What's going on with Mena?
I don't know her as well as some of you do, obviously. I have "spoken" with her on several occasions in different threads.Is she ok?
I'd be happy to send her happiness through the mail. Can you give me her address?
0 -
Mena has mets to the lungs and not really responding to her chemo as we all would hope. I don't have her permission to give out her snail mail addy but you can send them to me or Marin and we will forward them. PM me for my addy. Thanks in advance.
0 -
I'm cool with that too and will forward any cards or notes anyone would like Mena to have. She's such a sweetie, with an enormous sense of humor and an amazing spirit (not to mention some awesome MOJO-in' attitude!). I wish that we could get her settled somewhere close to one of us....and to an excellent, highly forward-thinking breast center. i guess it would be hard for her to uproot her daughter.....
Anyway, let's show our support however we are each moved to, even if it's a silent prayer or healing thought!!!
~Marin
0 -
I'll be sending out something either tomorrow or Monday. I have my professional organizer friend here this weekend, so I may be a bit busy and forget tomorrow. I promise I will get it out, though!
Had a date with my wand friend today
It's been a while!
0 -
This may be way more information that you expected, and I am sure there are nuances that make each persons treatment somewhat different, but here is a run down of mine...
My biggest problem was that the chemo induced menopause along with the surgery and reconstruction (Free TRAM Flap) created trauma to my body coupled with the absolute absence of estrogen (caused by Aromotase Inhibitors) to keep the pelvic region in balance and testosterone to help with libido, I was clamped down hard.
My muscles in the pelvic floor were in a constant "knot" like when you pull a muscle in your back. Since the muscles don't support your body to stand and such, they didn't hurt if I was not having relations, but when we had relations it hurt and it only got worst. On top of that, the additional trauma that those painful relations placed on my system without the proper pH in the vagina made UTIs all too common. My poor husband thought he was making me sick which further drove the anxiety about even having relations.
This created a vicious circle of painful and more painful relations with recurrent infections. My husband is 55 and I'm 51, sex isn't supposed to be over and without libido I wasn't even interested. Honestly, I have a great, loving, husband, but I knew his physical needs were not going away.
In essence, the doctor wanted to get the pelvic region chemically in balance and help me work out the kinks of the over tight muscles AND help me find the desire for relations.
First thing he did was prescribe a topical estrogen which was approved by my oncologist. It turns out that topical estrogens is not systemic and is not believed to have any affect on hormone receptor positive patients in terms of recurrence. (My Mom died of BC 11 months before I was diagnosed and I was not willing to put myself at risk and it was only after I spoke with my medical and surgical oncologists that I was willing to even get near anything hormonal.) It was my City of Hope doctors that referred me to Dr. Krychman. The product is non-messy -- no ooy gooy mess -- and you are only intended to be on it for a relatively short period of time to get the region back in balance. I have been using the "Vagifem" estrogen suppository tablet since October 07 and am expected to be off of it by June 08. The dose started out as everyday for two weeks, then 3 times a week, then 2 times a week, now I am at once a week, in March/April I will be going to once every two weeks and so on, until I am not using it at all. In addition, I was to use vaginal lubrication (we were) and a vaginal moisturizer; either Vit E or something like Replens.
Second, the doctor had a recommended a reading list that in a not completely clinical way, but not tawdry way, educates on the workings of that region and how to find pleasure points. Much of it I thought I already knew, after all I had been married for 30+ years. Well, I did know it, but from a way that came naturally without understanding the physiology. Understanding the physiology helped me work through some of problems. In addition, he recommends "self-stimulation." Not an easy subject, and without libido there hadn't been any of that in years. He also recommended the use of battery powered devices and gave a list of medical websites (Not porn!!) where they could be obtained discreetly. Surprisingly we have come to really like this addition to our playtime.
Third, he prescribed physical therapy. I have to admit that I thought, "What kind of therapy could that possibly be???" Well, there were two centers that he worked with for this "specialized" therapy; one was the physical therapy department of Hoag Memorial Hospital (a very well respected LARGE hospital in Orange County California) and a place call Womanology.
I chose Womanology, mostly because it was closer and easier to get to than Hoag. Their physical therapy program was also only for woman and was more like going to a day spa than a rehab center. Their program is designed to help in the following areas:
- Painful Intercourse
- Interstitial Cystitis
- Vulvodynia, Vestibulitis, Vaginismus
- Coccydynia (tailbone pain)
- Abdominal adhesions/ pain
- Piriformis Syndrome
- Chronic Low Back Pain/ Sciatica
- Urinary/Fecal Incontinence, Urgency, and Frequency
- Back Pain
- Sciatica
- Painful Intercourse after Delivery
- Tailbone Pain
- Bladder Dysfunction/ Incontinence
- C-Section/ Episiotomy Scar Pain
- Implant/ Reconstruction Scarring, Encapsulation, Edema
The therapist that I see is a DPT, PT (doctor of physical therapy) and very professional. She is also sensitive and understands the physical and emotional trauma that brings women into her care.
The therapy is to train the muscles to release and allow the blood flow to return to the region which allows sexual stimulation do its job. I have been able to train my husband to do similar massage of the muscles as part of foreplay and that is what I called the "key" to the door that has been locked for 4 years. When he helps me (and he gladly helps me) in this new way, not only has intercourse been possible, it has been darn right fun! I now look forward to sex and it is beginning to be more frequent and I even initiate it and not from pity for my poor sex starved husband.
My therapist recommended a personal Pilates trainer (at the center and covered as PT by my insurance company) to help strengthen the supporting muscles to further learn how to "release" the pelvic floor.
Womanology's website's resources page (http://www.womanology.net/resources.html) has sites that may lead you to clinicians in your area. All I know is, for me, it has made a tremendous difference and helping me feel like "ME" again. For so long after BC I hadn't felt normal (whatever that is) for so many reasons, not least of which was not being able to have sex. I am one step closer to a "normal" life.
If you don't get the answers you need from your doctor, keep digging, the answers are out there.
0 -
Marian....It's wonderful that you've found these answers after many years of disappointment! I think that a number of us here have been pursuing some of these therapies and remedies and some have even found the correct combination of them to help their individual situations. I know that most of us are frequenters of the websites for sex toys and products that you refer to
! Thanks for sharing your experience, Miriam!So, y'all, who has special plans for gettin' some MOJO for Valentine's Day?
Anyone?????
Hello?
~Marin
0 -
Hey Marin,
I spent hours choosing a VS piece of naughty on their website, then realized it wasn't a babydoll nightie, so it wasn't on sale. I am such a cheapskate that I didn't get it! I know, what a loser!
However, I am proud to say that dh knows that I am going to be out working out (yes, you read right! Yay me!) tonight, and I am going to be gone for the evening. I plan on stopping at Lover's Lane to get a little something.
I was also thinking of finding a special place to get a special breakfast for him-I could slip out of bed super early, get breakfast, serve it to him in bed, then serve HIM some MORE, if you know what I mean.......No idea on what to give for a gift, though. I looked all morning long, and couldn't find a freakin' thing!
What do you have planned, my vixen friend?
0 -
Hey, how is Mr. Excellent going, anyway?
0 -
Oh, I have to send out Mena's card!
0 -
Card has been sent, and cute little nothing has been bought.
Very cute, pink and black polka dots, stretchy sheer material so I can move, and cute pink panties with a bow to match.
I also got him a naughty movie. He'll love that!
0 -
Deb, it sounds perfect! He should be grateful, for sure! Now, let's see what you get in return, huh?
I've been posting most of this over on "Singles..." but my plans include wearing the red satin corset with black silk stockings and black boots under my work clothes over to his house. I have edible body paint and will be giving him a gift bag full of a variety of goodies. Mostly I just want us to enjoy each other...we'll play some sultry music and dance and do yummy things to one another's bodies, give each other massages, take a steamy bubble bath....stuff like that. Oh and food....we haven't decided on the menu except I know that chocolate needs to be involved. Red fare of some sort seems appropriate, don't you think?
Isn't anyone else who reads this thread celebrating V Day? Where is everyone????
~Marin
0 -
Bump! I think that the mojo thread has lost its mojo.
0 -
Hey Lini! I was just gonna post something here about how I have mojo but no one to mojo with!
And I saw your other post about being 2 years out - congrats!
Janis
0 -
Ah that would suck, Janis. Mojo feelings but no mojo guy. Heck that's all I'd be thinking about day and night until I got my mojo fix.
Thanks for the congrats.
0 -
HEY lini, long time no see/hear from
0 -
Where is Marin with her details of "V-Day"???? I am one of those who are living vicariously through her
0 -
OMG, y'all, I'm sorry to have not posted here! I was over on "Singles..." and posted about V Day. It was so entirely awesome, except the part where I had a huge cup of coffee before driving to J's house and was wearing the red corset with garters and black stockings under my work clothes. Ugh....of course, I had to pee and really tried to hold off but, eventually, I stopped at a gas station and gave it a go (!). It was ridiculous but I got away still dry and presentable (with some old lady with a cig hanging out of her mouth banging on the bathroom door
)! OK, so I got there and he opened all of the little gifts I had packed in the gift bag....chocolates, candy hearts, red-hearted boxers, chocolate & strawberry body paint, a coupon booklet I made that promised things like "Boot-knocking on the golf course," A manly manicure," A shoulder/backrub with the Hitachi" (you all know where I'm going with that one!), A BJ in a motor vehicle of his choice"....you get the picture! He was fascinated. Best of all, though, was the cock ring with a little vibrator that can be attached! He had never used one, but had expressed willingness, so of course I indulged! And, my chicas, it was fan-effing-tastic!!!!! After a yummy meal and some chocolates, we hit the bed and had a looooooooooooooooooong, multi-positioned, multi-activitied, multi-orgasmic (for me) session! I would highly recommend one of those cock rings for anyone who wants a hard-as-a-tree-trunk man inside of her. And though the little bullet was fun, the silicone holder part was actually much more effective for me and covered more "territory" if you know what I mean. Mmmmm, mmm, mmmmm, y'all, it was so very niiiiice. In fact, it was so nice that I stayed through the day and overnight again for an encore! We also did get out of bed and did things like chop wood, walk the dog, shop for food, get some Thai food, look at RVs (what?!), etc. He cooked mahi-mahi in ginger sauce for dinner on Saturday and fried plantains the next morning, replete with a story about his adventures in the West Indies.It was the best Valentine's Day I've ever had.....and the first one being in love
!!!!!~Marin
0 -
Thanks for sharing, Marin! I think I'll go watch a movie now.....
I swear I have the mojo thing back and I believe it's the chinese herbs I'm taking because I'm tired and stressed and sad and everything else and I still am feeling kinda horny and I'm all alone!
0 -
Jaybird....Can't you get on AFF? Or try POF....it worked miracles for me...and quickly too - I posted a profile on 12/25/07 and had my first date on 12/29! Met "J" on 1/6....and the rest is as above! You gotta put yourself out there girrrrl! I'm thinking that the crappy weather you all are dealing with all this winter doesn't exactly motivate you to get out. Think Spring and post a profile already!
~Marin
0 -
Hey Marin,
I am on AFF! I met the last guy there and since we hit it off so well I hid my profile for a few months but now that he's MIA (it's been a week since we last spoke!) I un-hid it and have had quite a few offers!
I'm trying to figure out my flying/traveling/babysitter schedule before I line up any more dates but, rest assured, I will!
0 -
So y'all, Deb keeps telling me to come on back here to "mojo" (instead of the parallel thread under "singles"), but it seems that not too many of the non-singles who are on this board have any libido or sexual issues....or at least you're not posting about them! I'm sure everyone is getting plenty sick of hearing about my escapades!
Can we assume that everyone is perfectly content with their sex lives then????
~Marin
0 -
If we can stay awake long enough. Life is crazy and it's hard to carve out time during the week....
0 -
Oh Marin, it's about stinkin' time! I am ready to masquerade in the singles thread so I can get your mojo advice!
I've been so sick, and aching to mojo with my man-especially since you and your man have been so inspiring to me! I wish this cold would pass already!0 -
Oh Deb, don't you have any masks left over from chemo? Just kidding of course, but doncha know that you're only contagious for a short period once your actual symptoms start, so you're probably well over that part. If it's the energy factor, I'd suggest Red Bull. It's absolutely my drink of choice for most occasions!
Get crackin' girl! You know what they say about "use it or...."
!~Marin
0
