I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
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Ah, but check out the men who used the product made for them. They give comments like "so many hits, so little time!" I'm thinking, as always, that the key that turns the sexual attraction lock is pheromones (or whatever) PLUS some good old self-confidence!
Even if it doesn't "work," Tina, thanks for the laugh
~Marin
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OK, so I know that most of us already KNOW the reasons why we don't have the libido and/or sexual response that we did before BC, but this article, written for "normal" women, is a great summary of causes other than cancer and cancer treatments. It might help to see if any apply to your own situation so that you can at least optimize the possibilities! Check it out.....
Revive Your Sex Drive: How to Handle 10 Top Libido Killers
By:
Rachel GrummanIs sex the last thing on your mind these days? Does it take you forever to get aroused? Or has reaching orgasm become a herculean task? If so, you may have female sexual dysfunction - and you're not alone. An estimated 43 percent of women reported experiencing sexual dysfunction, according to findings published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, with problems ranging from not being able to have orgasms to having zero sexual desire.
Many things can interfere with sexual pleasure and function, from medical causes, such as certain medications, to psychological issues, such as relationship strife. Most often, sexual dysfunction is born out of a combination of the two. To help you pinpoint what's taken the sizzle out of your sex drive, we've pulled together 10 top libido killers and what your next steps should be to get your sex life back on track.
1. Oral contraceptives: The trouble with the Pill is that what keeps you from getting pregnant - stopping ovulation - is also what can sap your sex drive. "The medication puts your ovaries to rest for three out of four weeks each month, but there other functions of ovaries beside making eggs - and that is making hormones," says Irwin Goldstein, MD, coeditor of the textbook Women's Sexual Function and Dysfunction: Study, Diagnosis and Treatment. The second problem is that the Pill causes the body to produce a protein called sex hormone binding globulin (SHBG), which binds itself to sex hormones, in particular testosterone, essentially sucking them up. Testosterone plays a role in vaginal blood flow and sensitivity in the opening of the vagina, so lower levels of the hormone can lead to sexual problems. What's more, the thinking was that once you stopped the Pill your body returned to its original settings, but Dr. Goldstein's research shows the Pill's effect and the SHBG protein production can continue to be higher in former Pill users than in non-Pill users.
What you can do: If you've noticed your sex drive isn't what it used to be and suspect it may be because of your birth control pill, talk to your gynecologist. He or she may switch you to another type of Pill (especially if you're on an ultra low dose, or 20 microgram, pill, which is one of the biggest offenders) or a different birth control method, such as the Mirena IUD or condoms.
2. Medications: Antidepressants - in particular, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) such as Prozac or Paxil - are one of the best-known offenders for low libido and impaired orgasm. "Certain chemicals in the brain stimulate sexual activity, such as dopamine, norepinephrine and oxycontin, while other chemicals are inhibitory, such as serotonin," says Dr. Goldstein. SSRIs raise serotonin in the blood, which can affect libido. (Case in point: SSRIs are used "off-label" to treat men with premature ejaculation since it slows down their sexual excitement, according to Dr. Goldstein.) Other culprits include prescription blood-pressure-lowering drugs, which can interfere with nerve signals, and antihistamines, which dry up not only a runny nose but your vaginal lubrication as well, making sex uncomfortable.
What you can do: Talk to your doctor about your sex drive. He or she may be able to adjust your medication regimen, for example, keeping you on the antidepressant while adding Zestra (zestraforwomen.com), an over-the-counter topical botanical oil that, when massaged into the clitoris, labia and vaginal opening during foreplay, enhances arousal and orgasm, suggests Susan Kellogg-Spadt, PhD, CRNP, director of sexual medicine at the Pelvic Floor Institute at the Graduate Hospital in Philadelphia. The oil has been tested and found to be effective on SSRI patients. Your physician may also be able to switch you to a different antidepressant medication, such as Wellbutrin, a dopamine reuptake inhibitor, which often improves sexual function. However, Wellbutrin can have its own side effects, including insomnia, changes in appetite, heart palpitations and dry mouth. If your antihistamine is to blame, try using a water-based lubricant during sex.
3. Depression: This mood disorder is characterized by feelings of sadness, emptiness, worthlessness and fatigue that interfere with everyday life, as well as changes in sleep and eating habits. One of the hallmarks of depression is a lack of interest in sex. Although it's not fully understood why depression affects sex drive, part of the reason may be that not feeling good about yourself and your worth, in addition to having low energy levels, dampens the desire for pleasure.
What you can do: Seek help right away, especially if you have thoughts of death or suicide. Exercise can help with mild to moderate depression by boosting mood, self-esteem and energy levels while improving blood flow, including to the genitals. For moderate to severe depression, professional counseling and prescription antidepressants can help, says Dr. Kellogg-Spadt. The irony is that some of the same medications used to treat depression can reduce your sex drive (see "Medications" above). Let your physician know if your lack of sex drive doesn't change (or worsens) with treatment.
4. Poor body image: Feeling self-conscious about your curvy hips or less-than-ample breasts can diminish your sexual drive. "It doesn't matter if your guy is telling you you're the hottest thing," says Dr. Kellogg-Spadt. "Oftentimes the partner is raring to go and completely attracted. But if you don't feel beautiful, you're not going to be into it."
What you can do: Do a cuing analysis. Think of a time in your life when you felt sexually at the top of your game. What did you wear (for instance, your favorite little black dress or low-rise jeans), what was your workout routine, how did you eat, what perfume did you wear, what shoes did you slide on - and when was the last time you wore that, did that, ate that, etc.? These cues can help you get back into the mindset and habits of your sexy self. And if the little black dress doesn't fit anymore? It might be time to buy another dress you feel good in at your present weight or get back into an exercise routine. "Exercise has a direct effect on the chemicals in your brain that affect mood," says Jennifer Berman, MD, director of the Berman Women's Wellness Center in Los Angeles and coauthor of For Women Only: A Revolutionary Guide to Overcoming Sexual Dysfunction and Reclaiming Your Sex Life. In addition, working out will shape up your physique and give you more energy. If these changes don't help improve your body image, it's time to consider professional counseling to get at the root of the problem.
5. Menopause: Menopause is marked by a whole host of changes in your body. There's a decline in ovarian function that leads to an abrupt drop in estrogen levels, which play a role in vaginal lubrication. What's more, testosterone production drops by up to half, which can trigger a sudden dip in your sex drive as well as diminished sensitivity in the clitoris and a weakened ability to climax, according to Dr. Berman. Growth hormone levels, which are associated with sexual function, energy, memory and mood, also decrease. "Touch perception changes and alters as we age," adds Dr. Berman. "It takes a little more touch to feel the same amount of erotic arousal." Add to that weight gain, fatigue and difficulty sleeping, and sex can become the last thing on a menopausal woman's mind.
What you can do: First and foremost, speak with your doctor to check for a medical cause, such as high blood pressure or cholesterol. If that's been ruled out, there are many options, including starting a doctor-approved exercise regimen to improve blood flow, using the botanical oil Zestra during foreplay, self-pleasuring to promote genital blood flow and incorporating fantasy work, such as doing some erotic reading or watching erotic videos 20 to 30 minutes three times a week. "This doesn't have to be done in the presence of your partner - sometimes it's better not to - but it's to put erotic thoughts back into your daily thoughts," says Dr. Kellogg-Spadt. To combat vaginal dryness, start exercising to improve blood flow and use a water-based lubricant that feels natural to you. Your doctor may prescribe a topical estrogen therapy, which increases vaginal lubrication and elasticity. Have open communication with your partner and explain to him that your body is changing. "Let him know that it doesn't mean you're not turned on by your partner just because you have to use a lubricant," she says. Using a vibrator, which is more intense than the human hand, can also help with dulled arousal. In some cases, physicians may prescribe testosterone (in pill, cream, suppository or lozenge form) to older women with low levels of the hormone who experience a loss of well-being. Oral and topical testosterone may help increase sexual urges, although no preparations are FDA-approved yet.
6. Medical conditions: Health problems such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, thyroid disorders and autoimmune disorders like lupus can all change a woman's sexual desire by affecting blood flow, nerve signals and hormone levels. A recent study of 417 sexually active women ages 31 to 60 found that women with high blood pressure were twice as likely to have sexual dysfunction than women with normal blood pressure. What's more, the older the women were and the longer they had had high blood pressure, the greater the chance of sexual dysfunction.
What you can do: Let your doctor know that you are feeling a change in libido. He or she may prescribe medication to treat the health condition, which generally limits sexual side effects. In the aforementioned study, women who took drugs to treat their high blood pressure but did not reach their target goal were more likely to experience sexual dysfunction compared with women who were not taking medication. However, women who had good control of their blood pressure through medication were much less likely to have libido problems. Your doctor may also recommend lifestyle changes, such as exercising regularly and eating healthfully, which may allow you to cut back on medication. To counter vaginal dryness, use a water-based lubricant or talk to your doctor about using a topical estrogen.
7. Relationship problems: Resentment is the number one relationship issue that affects arousal and orgasm, according to Dr. Kellogg-Spadt. "It's the unspoken unhappiness and anger that lead to resentment," she says. "Men may get upset about their wives' spending habits or having to alter the amount of nights they go out with their friends or play sports, while women may resent having to move because of their man's job." All of that buried anger toward your partner can throw a wet blanket on passion.
What you can do: First speak with your health-care provider to find out if there's a physical cause behind your lagging libido. Whatever the cause, deal with the problem before there's an emotional crisis from the lack of sex and intimacy. "Don't wait until you're pressured or your partner is threatening for divorce, because then medical intervention may not be as effective under stress," says Dr. Berman. "You need to feel safe, comfortable and happy." Even if it's an old argument or slight that's cooling your passion, you and your partner need to open up the lines of communication and discuss it so you can put the grudges - and yourselves - to bed. Pick a time to talk in a quiet place where you can both air your complaints and listen to each other. If you're both too resentful to make your talks worthwhile, consider seeking professional counseling to overcome your issues.
8. Stress: When you're stressed about paying bills and meeting a deadline at work while trying to juggle your role as wife and mother, feeling sexual often falls by the wayside. Part of that is because stress is a distraction - it's hard to focus or enjoy sex when you're mentally still at work. In addition, when stress strikes, the hormone cortisol goes up, which alters the hormones (testosterone and estrogen) that influence your sex drive.
What you can do: The irony is that having sex - in particular, orgasms - is a known stress reliever. "Chemicals, such as oxycontin, are released during sex, which combat those high cortisol levels," says Dr. Kellogg-Spadt. But if you're too wound up to hit the sheets, find another way to calm anxiety, such as by exercising, which increases blood flow all over your body, including your genitals, and gives you a mental boost. Yoga and meditation are also great stress relievers. Also, make time to transition from work mode into intimacy mode with your partner by giving each other a massage, chatting after dinner, having a glass of wine or holding hands, suggests Sandra Leiblum, PhD, director of the Center for Sexual and Relationship Health at the UMDNJ Robert Wood Johnson Medical School in Piscataway, NJ, and coauthor of Getting the Sex You Want: A Woman's Guide to Becoming Proud, Passionate, and Pleased in Bed. In addition, "recognize what your conditions need to be in order to relax and enjoy sex," says Dr. Leiblum. "If at 11pm you're exhausted and worried about catching a 6am train to work the next day, that's not conducive to sex. Maybe it's better for you in the morning or the afternoon on a Saturday."
9. Childbirth and breastfeeding: Pelvic nerves and muscles may become damaged during delivery, reducing genital sensitivity, while breastfeeding lowers levels of estrogen, which keeps the vagina lubricated and flexible, making penetration painful. Breastfeeding also increases the hormone prolactin, which curbs sexual desire and lowers testosterone. Some women may have postpartum depression, which also lowers libido. What's more, having a baby is an exercise in sleep deprivation, which can leave you too exhausted just for motherly duties, never mind sex.
What you can do: Talk to your physician about your change in libido and have him or her rule out a physical cause as well as postpartum depression. If breastfeeding is to blame, know this is a temporary situation. Give yourself time to adjust to the new schedule and lack of sleep that come with a new baby and find ways to stay connected to your partner, such as by communicating and cuddling.
10. Routine in the bedroom: There's a reason people say that variety is the spice of life. Without it, anything, even sex, can get monotonous. "The novelty of a new relationship and the thrill that comes with infatuation cannot be sustained," says Dr. Berman. "All relationships go through ebbs and flows and ups and downs, so it's important to make the relationship a priority since often other things - work, the house, the kids, the in-laws - come first."
What you can do: Explore new positions through the use of erotic books or videos. "You don't have to be swinging from the chandeliers and doing Kama Sutra every night, but just be aware of not falling into a routine," says Dr. Berman. Try changing the time of day you have sex: Instead of being intimate before bed like clockwork, have a quickie before work in the morning or in the afternoon on the weekend. Even if you're not exactly in the mood, sometimes having sex can turn you on since sex itself increases blood flow as well as the emotional connection between you and your partner. Always make time to reconnect with your partner, even if it means hiring a babysitter and having a date night once a week.
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This is a good article (IMO).
I'm less-stressed since switching jobs and am really wanting to get laid more often now. I actually 'look' at guys with interest!
Also, since my daughter is now 19 months old and not a baby with sleep issues I'm resting better and, again, more in the mood for sex.
Now all I have to do is find someone good!
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Okay, why is this important thread so far back? I will give it a bump to see how many girls with"Surgical. Chemical or Natural Meno" can give me any tips? For all the concerns involved dryness, hot flashes, loss of lust (HAHA), bone health etc...?
Thanks for sharing any info would be appreciated! I am sure I am not the only one curious to find the magic pill for these aliments!LOL!!!!
Dani
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Oh, should have mention heart issues just had cardiac ablation last week. I hear surgical mena can cause problems there too. I will not be taking any meds, AI etc..
Thanks,
Daniella
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Okay I see the first bump did not work!
Bump two!!!
LOL!!!
Dani
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I haven't even started AI's yet. But I lost my mojo years back due to menopause. I went straight from perimenopause to ZERO estrogen and progesterone. So I went on hormones. Mojo was back! Then the diagnosis, hormones in the waste basket. I just finished Rad's and have a 30 day break between this and AI's. I already know what I am in for having been there already. I already know what taking my estrogen away from me will do to me. I have until April 17th to use whatever mojo I have left and Hubbie is on an antidepressant which has rendered him not only impotent, but also total loss of libido (lexapro..... it's known for this like MANY antidepressants). He deliberately stayed on it to support me through seven months of cancer treatment and it's effects.
Problem ................... his loss of libido precludes his desire now to switch to a different antidepressant.
I remember being in his shoes. If you don't desire something, where is the incentive to go looking for it!
But I also remember getting to a point myself when, although I didn't miss having sex, I missed wanting to have sex.
To me this is a travesty. The loss of libido. For me loss of estrogen also included looking at my husband like he is "one of them". You know, the way we felt about boys before puberty! Like "Boys are dumb, throw rocks at them".
I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.
And please no cheerleader replies on how lucky I am to be alive!
This sucks and there are no words or positive spins that can erase the fact that I have lost something that enriched my life, my marriage and my future expectations with my spouse.
I want my mojo back so bad, it's hard to feel happy to be alive.
I feel like a eunich.
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Hey ladies,
Welcome to the "Mojo" thread. I don't think I have seen you guys here yet!
Marin, Jaybird, and BethNY are really excellent resources for regaining your mojo, and have all helped me since my dx./tx. in 2005.
Dryness-there are lots of options out there....I liked Replens, and I know others have tried other things (there's something by KY that are like little lubricating beads that sound interesting).It does suck. It sucks a lot.
I will say this....since having chemo/surgery/rads/lots of surgeries after my bilateral, cancer has basically forced us into becoming more aware of each other as partners. DH confirmed our intimacy has drastically improved and is the best it's been yet.I totally lost my mojo, and still struggle with it (and I'm a triple negative, so I don't even have any AI's). However, I know how important it is to my husband, and that is why I try practically everything I read about here!
Some things work, others are worth a laugh. If you scroll back some pages, you will probably read a few funnies.
Good luck, and when one of our "mentors" pops on, I know they will have lots of good suggestions for you guys.Love and prayers, Deb
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Our intimacy has always been there. So it doesn't feel like I have gained something I never had or never really felt or noticed before. I just feel such a tremendous loss. I know what is coming down the pike and I feel like a sitting duck. Time bomb tick, tick, ticking, then poof, no more mojo.
I was reading a very well written article on the difference between clinical depression and reactionary depression. It was written to specifically address the reactionary depression one can succumb to with a cancer diagnosis and all it entails.
One of the recommendations that jumped out at me as far as something I can do to help myself is to create something to look forward to.
Yet, all I can think of is ........................ well.................. sex with my husband would be nice.
Another light at the end of the tunnel flickers out and fades to black.
Trying here to get unstuck, but it just keeps coming up and breaking my heart.
I guess it will until I adjust.
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That article sounds really good. I think probably a lot of us actually have reactionary depression, and get treated with a clinical approach.
I know this is hard and frustrating and depressing and agonizing.
Even until the mojo makes it's grand re-appearance, you said you still have the intimacy with your husband. That is so important, because even just holding each other can help with the vast void you feel.
When I mentioned intimacy in my post, I actually was referring to the intimate nature of our sex. We have to really focus on each other during the course of sex, because we are now without my breasts-once a huge part of our lovemaking.
Where is MARIN??!?!?!?!?! She will have some great stuff to share, I am sure of it.
And, Doe, we are here with you through all of this. Cancer keeps us on our toes, that is for sure. We are always having to adjust something in our lives now, aren't we? Ick.
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Sorry, I was referring to emotional intimacy. Like the difference between having sex and making love. And the difference between being in the same room together or being together in the same room. The bond. The emotional connection. That's still in tact.
I don't know if it can stay there if AI's morph him into "ew Boys are yucky".
But my mojo will not 're-appear' without estrogen. And his won't without a different antidepressant.
I can't do antidepressants due to a history of dangerous adverse events on them when I was misdiagnosed with clinical depression during early perimenopause.
The way out is the way through. But my inner adolescent insists on finding a way around. Just doesn't want to walk through the door with the big brass AI initials on it.
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Here I am! But I'm afraid that I don't have any magical advice though yours, whoops, is great and comes from some hard-earned experience. I do think, though, that if I were about to start on an AI (I actually am on Aromasin and have been for 2 1/2 years) and had a partner I loved but who was also having libido problems, I'd definitely get us both to a doctor or doctors who specialize in such issues to see if any medical support is possible. For example, can't your husband try another antidepressant? Or perhaps there i something that might counteract the effect of the one he's currently on? I don't know if Viagra or something like it can be taken with his other meds, but it might be worth checking out. As for you, Doe, isn't is possible that you won' be affected by the AI as you were by menopause? Your body has changed in a number of ways since then, so maybe it won't react exactly as it did before. If, indeed, it does though, you should try, if you possibly can, to really fight for your mojo! It's just so, so important and one of the best things about being human. It's simply not right that you have to go through the whole cancer crap and then have to lose a piece of your humanity as well. So get yourself a different, more liberal-thinking gynecologist who will work with your oncologist but focus on getting your plumbing in optimum working order. And get yourselves some toys, some erotica, even some costumes. Take fish oil and maybe some L-arginine (for both of you), some fabulous lube and maybe, finally, a good marriage/sex therapist.
These things might sound crazy or extreme, but this is crucial! And desperate times call for desperate measures, after all. Right?
If nothing else, Doe, please keep posting and venting. As you know, nothing ever stays static, so whatever mojo changes you and your husband do experience are likely to change over time, one way or another. Let's at least try to make them change for the better before you give up entirely, okay?
Hang in there, girl.....
~Marin
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I knew you'd come through, girl! Thanks, Marin!
Doe, this is going to sounds weird, but you are really poetic with your words. I love your quote,And the difference between being in the same room together or being together in the same room
What a truism that is.
Marin's right. Keep coming here. It helps a lot.
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Okay- I have been very resistant to posting on this thread and sharing my mojo problems but I'm taking the leap
. With chemo last year and the Femara/Lupron routine I am not exactly wild with sexual desire. Actually in the year or two prior to dx last year I was perimenopausal and having some minor mojo problems even then. If it were left to me I would probably not even think to have sex (this from being a very high sex drive person for most of my life- weird). My husband hasn't had these issues obviously and his mojo is still alive and well- big time- but he isn't pushy about it at all. I make a point of initiating sex with him even if I am not feeling so super into it- usually during the day when we aren't working because at night sex is usually the last thing on my mind.
Once I am involved in lovemaking I like it- no problem with orgasm at all- it's just that initially interest/arousal that's lacking. I'm like a car you have to jump start every time you want to go for a ride
- once I'm rolling I do okay- except for the lube and atrophy problems. Last time we made love even with lube (Astroglide) I noticed a tiny bit of bleeding afterwards.Any advice is welcome- we are muddling along- not too bad given all my body and mind have been through. Still I'm down to once a week sex from the once (or twice) a day sex that was the norm 4 years ago. I do feel that making the effort is worth it- brings us closer- and I believe the "use it or lose it" principle.
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Here's just something from off the top of my head (isn't that the funniest expression?). I'm almost always "in the mood" unless I'm headed to the gym or someplace else I'm geared up for, but on the occasion that I'd rather not, i find that the easiest way to stir up the juices (sometimes literally!) is to fantasize. Usually I imagine and "walk through" a scenario that we've been through in the past, one that was a total turn-on (for example, my guy recently went wild over me when we were in the basement playing pool and he ended up giving me oral while I leaned against the pool table with a leg up on it and his kneeling and caressing my legs and butt; then we moved to th floor and did other wild & crazy things down there....it was waaaaaay hot, but I digress
!). If my imagination isn't fertile on its own, I often think of certain scenarios from some erotic movie or book and that always gets me going. Even if I'm distracted during the actual act, I can always get myself in a more receptive place by using fantasy.Finally, I'd say trying other lubes and making sure you get lots of foreplay could help with the dryness. Those Liquibeads from K-Y look promising, as does their new super-lube called Intrigue. It's more expensive, but it might be worth it. Has anyone tried either of these products yet? If you do, please give us some feedback. It could really help some of us get the pleasure that we need and deserve!
~Marin
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We nixed getting ready for Easter during Daniel's nap and had some hot mojo time. It was funny....I fell asleep after round one, and woke up to dh coming back for round two.
I have fantasies about that! It was great!0 -
What a happy Easter!!!! Round 2??? What is that. LOL
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Marin- thanks for the great advice. I'm also going to try some of the suggestions in ivillage article and will do some scrolling back. I painted our kitchen this weekend...not very hot but it sure is looking better. I thought of the novel "Vox" while I was painting (for those unfamilar one of the characters shares a very hot sexual fantasy involving painting- I think of it every time I see the paint color "opulent opal"- LOL). Marin and Whoops...you are both inspirations to me. I started the mission getting back my mojo last night looking over an old "Good Vibrations" catalog- one thing I saw is that the "Best American" book series includes a "Best American Erotica" collection for each year. Looking forward to a trip to the bookstore- I'm thinking Border's would have this. 0
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Allyson....Read a few excerpts before buying the erotica book. Some of that stuff is just plain boring and usually written by traditional (read "not creative") men for men or traditional (read "not very erotic") women for women. I've actually found decent erotica on the internet more than in books, but maybe I'm not looking in the right places? So let us know if you find something you can actually recommend, okay? Awhile back, we had a discussion about films we'd seen that were just sexy without being pornographic or were, at the most extreme, very soft porn. I'd bet that most women prefer that type of stuff (you know, the gorgeous pirate or ranch hand ripping away our bodices and shoving up the ruffling skirts...yeah!). I can't recall the films, except that several had Mickey Rourke starring (of course they did
!). Anyway, happy hunting!What's "Vox"? I've never heard of it.....hmmmmmm?
~Marin
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I used to like to read Penthouse Forum, the publication that was separate from the skin mag but read the Forum column there too (my H.S. b/f always had skin mags around so as a teenager I of course looker at them.....) but I'm not sure if it's published anymore? The stories were sexy and even if made-up they certainly got a person going, if you know what I mean!
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Also, Susie Bright has written and I think edited some erotica books. I saw her some years ago in Santa Cruz and she sure was honest about sex and (her) sexuality - refreshing!
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What a coincidence- I just bought one of the books she edited (I think) at Border's yesterday. Haven't delved into it yet since this was my busy part of the week but now things are settling down and I'll have some time. I have been taking some of this mojo advice with good results- Marin- Jim says thanks LOL- thinks you're the best. Discovered that coconut oil (from the supplement section at Whole Foods) is an excellent lube- smells great- feels good- tastes good. You can even cook with it (although it seems a waste given it's other great uses). Isn't there some piece of wisdom out there about women's health along the lines of "never put anything in your vagina that you wouldn't put in your mouth." Look out for the pets with the coconut oil though- Isabella picked up the scent right away and took a bite of it off the bedside table before we could stop her. 0
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Rent the movie Palmatto with woody haroldson (spelling???) Whew,there is one scene there that is awsome.
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Reading back over some of the posts here- lioness- thinking of the difficulties you describe especially I thought I would share a bit re: my experience with sex and drugs (will have to deal with the rock and roll elsewhere
). I am on a combination of drugs that could probably be useful in preventing recidivism in chronic sex offenders- Femara, Lupron, and Lexapro (think I mentioned this combo before). I basically had (working on moving this issue to past tense) found myself with zero libido- with thoughts of sex being no more exciting than...you name it...possibly less exciting. I was determined to have at least some sex even if I wasn't so into the idea of it. What I have noticed consistently is that it is the pre-arousal/initial arousal that is slow in developing- that and lubrication. The dryness I was not prepared for- reading about it is one thing, having it is another- ditto the thinning of the vaginal wall. You think "How bad can it be?" The answer- "Really bad." Like bleeding a bit with intercourse even with lube. So far this probably sounds pretty gloomy...however...On the other hand I notice I have absolutely no problem with orgasm and require no "special measures" to have one or a couple and they're as good as ever. Posting here and starting to talk about mojo issues and talking more about them with my husband has done a lot in just a few days to start things back on the right track. One big help is to just plan sex- doesn't sound so romantic but it might surprise you if you haven't tried it. If I waited until I was "in the mood" it would never happen, because I need to get started in order to be in the mood. The coconut oil I mentioned is also a huge improvement over Astroglide which I don't like the texture of and also seemed to give me a slight burning sensation on initial contact.
It seems like the more we have sex the better it is- with practice I am becoming more easily aroused and the regular sex also seems to be good for keeping those more fragile than they used to be tissues in better shape. No bleeding or pain the last two times (in two days!!) we made love. We are having more and better sex this week (helps too that he's on vacation).
Today we are going to go and buy a new bed, the hardest one we can find, which should also help. We have been dealing with this mattress we bought based on being able to get it up the narrow steep stairs of our old house. Unfortunately the thing is so soft it's a mojo killer- like having sex in quicksand- no leverage- which with the stiffness I have in my shoulders from the AI is a disaster. All I can do practically is lie there because it's too hard to move. We'll fix that- very much looking forward to the change of mattress.
Lionness- on the antidepressants and depression in reaction to bc dx.
I don't know what your dangerous side effects were to past tries of antidepressant, but years ago I had HORRIBLE cardiac side effects from both zoloft and paxil- woke up in the night with a pulse of about 200 and feeling like my skin was burning off from the inside ( no exaggeration). I was pretty determined that no depression would ever be bad enough for me to risk that again...Enter breast cancer. After diagnosis and during my treatment I was so obsessed with the threat of recurrence down the road and so upset with my diagnosis that I could not think of anything else and seriously felt like maybe it would be better to get it over with and just die right away. No one here talks about this kind of stuff much but I can't be the only one who's ever thought like this. Anyhow- I was in such a bad place that I became willing to try an SSRI again and my provider suggested Lexapro based on it's lower se profile. I started very low and went up s l o w l y- with no cardiac emergencies in the middle of the night. It ended up being a miracle drug for me- totally lifted my situational depression and the obsessing about recurrence. I also wonder since there are other classes of antidepressants out there if there may be some other options for you. I hope this isn't TMI or too much advice- please ignore and forgive if I've made too much of a pitch. It's just that the Lexapro probably saved my life, and I was so hesitant to try it.
Okay... obviously the coffee is doing it's job- I'm a bit "talkative" this morning.
Marin! You may be in for a treat- "Vox" is a novel by Nicholson (sp) Baker- very hot- the whole thing revolves around people who start a conversation on a chat line and stay on all day- it includes telling of some sexual fantasies and some masturbation while they are on the phone if I remember correctly. It's great writing too- very clever and creative. Worked for me when I read it years ago. I think you (and likely others) would enjoy it. I will provide book reviews of the other stuff I've gotten. "Yellow Silk" a literary magazine emphasizing erotica I would also recommend- some very hot stuff in there- again- great writing. I've just gotta have it like that- lack of literacy is a turn off to me. I've always been one for the brainy kinky bad boys
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I think I'll try to find Vox. It was published in 1993 but I'm sure it's orderable at B&N or Borders.
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OOOOHHHHHH........
Got SEDUCED by dh last night. AMAZING.........Nice when he changes things up a bit!
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I am doing a research paper. The topic is what NOT to do when a friend or loved one is diagnosed with cancer. I already have a few things (from my own experiences going thru it) but would love some other ideas from this community. Can you all help me out? What are some stupid or dumb things people said or did when you were diagnosed? And I KNOW KNOW KNOW, that people don't mean to say or do dumb things, I know it comes from a place where they really feel helpless, upset, and timid to speak to us .... and thats when the bloopers come out of them. Anyone help me with my paper?
THanks
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Laura....There have been numerous threads on the board about bizarre and insensitive comments from others, but none in this thread because it is, specifically, about issues with intimacy and sexuality. Maybe you should begin a "New Conversation" under "Moving Beyond" or "Help....Through Treatment"?
~Marin
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Soooooo.....back to me (of course
), I broke up/walked out on J. last night and will be going solo again for a time. Since meeting Mr. Hitachi though, that prospect isn't too bad ! But I'll be back on plentyoffish by this evening and ready to rumble!And speaking of rumbling, whoops, it sounds like yours was mighty sweet!!!!!! Rock on, my girl!!
(btw, did he borrow your boa for the seduction?
)~Marin
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