I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
Comments
-
PS...I forgot to answer your question Dani...I never did have an EKG, only the other heart test they do before ac. Is it ejection fraction? Something of the sort.....Weird how quickly you put that stuff out of your mind once you hope it's in the past. lol
0 -
The dizziness when your BP drops on rising is called orthostatic hypotension. Basically, just a drop in BP. Every time I get a massage I'm warned to get up from the table slowly and that's usually why. I don't have a problem with it, but some people do.
Ok, that's the fun fact of the day.
0 -
Lori,
First I would get an EKG for you, just to be on the safe side!
Words of wisdom for your sister, well lets see it was a very easy (for Me) surgery. Dr's had a lot of fun with my crazy heart! LOL!
Have them explain exactly how the procedure works, I assume they will go through vein/artery in groin area and then travel up to heart. There were a few restrictions after procedure like walking and and going up stairs. You have to lay down for I think it was three days, not completely laid down you can get up and use bathroom eat etc..., but the do want you to take pressure off the vein/artery that they went in through. I had the ablation and a EPP study done so my surgery was about 4 hours, a lot shorter than they originially told us of 6-8. They found my pvc immediately when they dropped the wire into my heart. It was a real hard strong one so it was easy to find. The study was done to see if I had a disorder called RV dysplasia. I did not so all is well. I have been put under two more times since my ablation in March one to do implant exchange and then to do colonoscopy everything went well with my heart.
Hope everything goes well with her. Write back or pm if you have any questions.
Daniella
0 -
Okay girls let's bump this thread!!!!!
I go for total hyster in 14 days and would love to hear the mojo is great after hyster with no hormones stories!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Marin- You can always come up with great inspiring stories!!!!
Man I am surgery queen this year and really ready to get this one over and get pass the 6-8 week no go zone days!!!
Inspire me girls, there is a sex life after hysterectomy and no hormones!
Dani
0 -
Wow Dani..more surgery for you. I think you've had enough practice and you're already plenty good at it.
Well, I know that my best friend had a hyster years ago, she recently gave up her HRT and said she didn't notice a difference. Well..actually she said she still lusts after "dirty rocker boys" as much as always. LOL (We met at a concert so it was appropo).
Re: the other stuff, I pm-ed you. And thanks again! I'll let you know how the ekg goes.
0 -
So Dani...I haven't had a hysterectomy, but totally would if one were offered (I swear, I'd like to get rid of all unnecessary potential cancer sites that my body harbors!). I did go through menopause though....when I was 17 years old! I'm not kidding. So I'm here to tell you that you don't need that whole hormonal cycle to be highly libidinous or orgasmic. You just work at providing yourself with plenty of stimulation and opportunities. I'm a firm believer in the "USE IT OR LOSE IT" admonition!
~Marin
0 -
Thanks Marin and Lori!!
I guess we will see, but I know that 6-8 weeks with nos sex is going suck!
I will be sure to come to this thread for tips if I start turning into the boring wife! LOL!
Thanks again girls!
Dani
0 -
Hey everyone!
I posted in another section about my oophorectomy that's planned for 2 weeks. Heres my question once my ovaries are gone will I EVER experience another orgasm again???? Will I start loosing my hair? I'm afraid of how it will change me mentally, emotionally, and physically
Any words of encouragement out there? Thanks once again. Stacey0 -
Stacey....There are many, many women on these boards who produce little or no estrogen, whether due to "natural" or surgically-induced menopause, and who still experience sexual urges and have orgasms. There are no surefire, completely predictible side effects of menopause, so try not to anticipate the worst. In the event, though, you do experience vaginal dryness or a markedly decreased libido, there's plenty of help. That's what this MOJO thread, which was begun by Mena and has been going strong for about 4 years, is all about. So stick around and find help and hope!
~Marin
0 -
Hi Stacey, Marin, is totally right on this. I had a total Hysterectomy on May 1. And, I am hitting Menopause already. No Fun! But,I was curious about my libido also. It is still working down there. Ha! It is still there! Yes, you will be fine girl. If you get a little dry just use some Vasoline or KY-Gel or even Baby-Oil. Ha! Good Luck!
God Bless, Love
Kaloni
0 -
Okay ladies. Chemo pause pushed the natural I was just in over the top. No periods since Dec 5, 07. Then......the dryness hit, and got worse yet after arimidex. To the point now that sex is NO longer possible. Tried astroglide and then replens. They appear to make it worse, but not sure if it's just the progressive dryness or what? I mean, this is NUTS! I remember years ago having problems with KY really drying me out and wondering if the astroglide is doing the same thing. I thought (hoped) the replens would help, but alas it hasn't.
My useless ONCO is now sending me to a gyno to see if there are other problems, even though I had a pap/pelvic in april with my pcp. IS THERE ANY HOPE? I'm scared nutty to do the e-string or whatever I've read about with the ER+ BC i've had? Is there nothing else left? Surely this onco is nutty in not wanting to meet my husband till we get this resolved. I left thinking to myself, this guy isn't understanding that dh isn't the VIOLENT tendency one, I WILL BE THOUGH if this isn't fixed!
0 -
I totally relate to your frustration. Without a lot of effort on my part my sex life would be over. I have been in chemo/hormone therapy pause since last July. Currently getting Lupron depot every 3 months and on Femara, also Lexapro as an antidepressant. I have had SEVERE dryness as a result of the hormonal tx but it is semi under control as a result of my using coconut oil (cooking grade from Whole Foods) as a vaginal moisturizer every time I shower and doing a little stretching of the tissues each time I apply it. Sorry if TMI but I think the daily stretching of the vaginal tissues is key in holding atrophy at bay. During sex we have been using a lubricant called "Good Clean Love" (think that's the name). It is cinnamon and vanilla scented and flavored and has a pleasant texture, it does not cause burning like I got with Astroglide. My sex drive is not at all what it was and I believe this may be more due to the Lexapro side effects. I have no orgasm problems but getting aroused is a challenge. Once I am there I'm fine.
Wonder exactly what "other problems" your onc is thinking about. The issues seem pretty straightforward here. Grrrr. hearing your aggravation totally!
0 -
Stacey- I don't think the oopherectomy should make your hair fall out. There are lots of ways of dealing with sexual issues that may occur as Marin said. I also think response to (whatever) is very individual. I never in a million years would have believed I'd experience low sex drive but here I am. It hasn't meant my sex life is over but I don't necessarily think it is realistic to think it will go back to what is was before- maybe if I went off the Lexapro but I am in NO hurry to do that after the depression I went through. There are worse things in the world than decreased libido>
0 -
.......Wonder exactly what "other problems?...... Allyson, that's why I'm going to change oncos. I never get a straight answer from him and he's always looking through these printed out charts to get answers I have. He's got no knowledge of breast Cancer and can never answer a question(s) I have. IT's time for someone who knows this business to take over. Unfortunately, that means I'll have to quit the trial I'm on, but I have to be confident in my doc and I'm not with this one!
0 -
wishiwere, I understand the dryness, it is awful. I am on arimidex which cuts out all hormones. Even with a lubricate i still bleed it is so dry. I also have not been able to have an orgasm and i won't fake it so now my husband won't do anything unless i make the first move because he is scared of hurting me. It just seems never ending and if i think about it much i get depressed.
0 -
Spar2, I'll let you know what I find out, but the gyno is concerned that I'm bleeding and/or spotting on the arimidex and thinks perhaps that I'm either not post-meno yet, or have others problems, so it's onto a TV US next friday. He's leaning towards the not post meno though I'm sure!
0 -
I just started reading this thread. I have a high libido and am on a search for a toy. So I'm going to read through these threads to see what some of you have suggested. If you haven't given input and have advise please do.
0 -
well I read the 1st 5 pages and took some notes...thanks ladies : - ) I'll have to check the rest out later. but I must say the Hitachi Magic Wand does sound popular : )
0 -
Sandy - welcome to the thread
Yes the Hatachi Magic Wand is popular. I bought the Laya Spot tho. It works wonders for me! Here's a link. http://store.babeland.com/vibrators-top-picks/laya-spot-assorted-colors
0 -
Sandy...You really shouldn't bother doing too much research because anything that has a powerful vibration and has durability and ease of use will do the trick (it's not like a man
!). If you want one that goes on batteries instead of needing to be plugged in and is not huge, I'd say that Jill has found the ideal toy. I have a Magic Wand, but my next purchase will be the LS, for convenience sake!~Marin
0 -
Hi Ladies,
I just recently came back to the boards after trying to "move beyond" for the past year and a half. (I don't think I have moved beyond much!) Anyway, for those of us who have had masts with no recon, I have found some wonderful lingerie. I swear before bc, half my closet was lingerie because my husband would buy it for me for every occasion. After my surgery, in a fit of anger or whatever, I threw it all out
I have just recently purchased four pieces that have kicked things up a notch. I bought three "Still You" Lace Camisoles...one in champagne, one in pink, and one in black. They come with pockets for prosthesis (lightweight is better). You can then buy thongs, garters/stockings, etc. to go with them. I also bought the Lexi nightgown in black (it also comes in pink). This, too, comes with pockets for pros. It is beautiful and so soft and silky! I just thought I would post this for anyone that could use the info. I was delighted that everything was as nice as it was. I have spent the past two years feeling very UNsexy (especially wearing a shirt to bed!) Cheryl
P.S. These pieces are a bit pricey but, if done one by one, maybe not so bad. They did wonders for my self esteem so well worth every penny to me!
0 -
Hi. This is otter.
I will 'fess up. I am kind of embarrassed that I've finally given up, and wandered over here to the Mojo thread. Actually, I'm sitting here at my 'puter, with tears running down my cheeks, while my dh is lying in bed by himself. We both need my mojo back.
This mojo problem is nothing new for me. I have been naturally menopausal for more than 5 years, so I've (we've) dealt with the dryness and fragility and tightness and occasional bladder infections all along. My dh has been pretty understanding through it all. He adapted fairly quickly to the necessity of using KY, after never needing anything for so many years. My orgasmic interests and abilities haven't changed--it was just the technical aspects that became more difficult.
Well, those problems have become worse since my BC dx. Our every-night relations became 3 or 4 times a week with menopause, which was tolerable. After my biopsy and then my mast/SNB, we were taking weeks off. Those long intervals of inactivity meant things were pretty rough (literally) when we tried to resume. Then chemo came along.
We've tried to work in a few times during my "good" weeks (week 3 of the 3-wk cycles), but I need much more patience and way more lube than I used to ... and I think my dh doesn't understand that. He tries to hurry things, and he doesn't use enough lube or get it in the right place. (My fault, I know--if he isn't doing it, I should do it myself. Gotta get myself there....)
Anyway, lately I end up hurting and sometimes bleeding. If I act like it's hurting or like we need to do something different, he gets upset and won't touch me after that. (I think it really upsets him that sex is hurting me.) So I just act as if everything is OK, and then when we're both calmed down I say maybe we should use more lube next time ... but that gets upset anyway. I know I'm being stupid but I just don't know how to explain this to him so he'll understand.
During my previous round of chemo, I had an infection and was on antibiotics and feeling miserable. My dh was hoping we could resume normal relations during my "good" week, but I didn't have a good week. He said I must not love him anymore.
Now, he just goes to bed alone and turns away from me. He says he figures we aren't ever going to make love anymore.
Oh, and there's another factor. When my dh and I met with my onco before I started chemo, we talked about a lot of things and I mentioned vaginal dryness and atrophy. She wrote me a script for Estrace cream, and said to put a little dab on my finger and smear it around the edges. She said any more than that could add to my estrogen woes (my tumor was strongly ER+ and I will be starting Arimidex in about 2 wks) ... but such a small amount wouldn't matter.
Well, I'm afraid of the Estrace cream. I haven't filled the script. And my dh thinks my failure to start using the Estrace cream means I don't care about him and don't care about sex. I told him I was more afraid of getting a recurrence and dying of BC than using a little more KY jelly and taking things a little slower. For me, the Estrace cream is scary, no matter what my onco says. I told him I'm the one with cancer, and I am the one who needs to decide whether to add estrogen to my body, even as I do everything possible to dry up that last picogram of estrogen my body wants to make. It just doesn't make sense to work at cross-purposes that way.
Anyway, the issue is unresolved. The Estrace script is still in my purse. The cabinet is full of Astroglide and Replens and KY jelly that are not being used. And my dh is convinced that I don't love him anymore and we will never, ever make love again.
Sheesh. This is just day 9 of my last round of chemo. Gimme a break, OK???
otter
0 -
Otter - day 9 of final chemo round deserves a major break. You must feel mighty miserable - this is about the nadir of nadirs. Don't expect to resolve anything this week or next. Take lots of naps and drink lots of fluids and read good books and indulge yourself in every way possible.
Then - if your dh wants to "hurry things" and just smear lube around the outside and then blame you for not using the estrace, maybe a little talk about the whole idea of sex being an act between partners needs to take place. The fact that your interest and orgasmic abilities are still within shouting distance is a big plus - dh needs to be informed that many, if not most, immediate post-chemo women have about as much libido as a box of rocks. Secondly, he needs to be informed that this is not a question of desire or willingness, but of simple anatomy and fact. The facts being dryness and atrophy. If his willie were similarly affected, he would anticipate patience and cooperation from you, I am sure. Gritting your teeth and hurting and sometimes bleeding is a pretty sure way to destroy whatever natural response you do have left - remind him of this. Let him know that massage, deep massage, with plentiful lubricant can be arousing. Which in turn can be rewarding for both partners.
Personally, I have found that using the Replens and other lubricants on a regular basis (not now, after you have recovered from this chemo ordeal a bit) even on days/nights of no activity, helps keep the vaginal walls from being so fragile. I used to bleed if sex became uhm, vigorous. Now it is a rare occurence. One of our posters swears by coconut oil. I like almond oil (the completely odorless kind - I get the cold pressed Prunus amygdalus - good for sensitive skin) or even Emu oil.
It is your body, your cancer, your decision. I don't blame you one iota for choosing not to smear estrogen cream on mucous membranes. I know you love your dh and want to share physically with him. But he is a grown man and is acting like a baby ("Boy, was he sour. He said I don't love him anymore" ). I'm sure he remembers self-gratification techniques in a pinch. His wife doesn't have chemo every year.
This will pass, otter. You both will get past it. You will learn what works for you, what gives you that slippery feel, what keeps that 'love muscle' flexing. But not this week. Give yourself a break.
Lisa
0 -
Lisa, thanks so much for the encouragement. I must have fallen off a cliff into a black hole yesterday. Chemo has been doing that to me some days--kind of like pms, but long after the m was gone.
I feel bad about making my dh sound like such an s.o.b. because he really isn't. We've been married (very happily married) more than 20 years, and we are usually good at mutual problem-solving. This one I thought we had solved 5 years ago, partly with extra KY and partly with a "use it or lose it" approach.
I want to feel optimistic that we can resume or regain what we had before--at least, before BC. If I read the Mojo board, I can believe that. You ladies are a treasure chest of useful ideas and upbeat attitudes.
Anyway, I thought seriously about editing my post from last night, because the more I thought about it, the more I realized how critical I was being. My dh really is a loving, caring guy. At this moment, he's making an emergency pharmacy run for me, because I need some more meds for my chemo-induced indigestion.
We just need to work this out together, so we can get our mojo back. Thanks for the help!
otter
0 -
Otter,
The whole pain/dryness/feeling crappy thing is hard on the best relationship I think. My husband is also a good guy and a very, very sexually interested guy, unfortunately for him. We used to have a very active sex life, then came perimenopause, then came breast cancer and with it chemopause, Lupron, and Femara. We have been able to work with it but there is this tentativeness and weirdness about sex that was never there before. He's wary of intiating because he doesn't want to pressure me, but sometimes I want him to (and sometimes I don't) etc. etc. I think the emotional side of things needs to be addressed in it's own right, as you are oh so painfully aware this ends up being more than just a technical/engineering problem.
On the technical side I do find it helpful to keep organic coconut oil in the shower so I can moisturize areas that I never in a million years dreamed would be needing daily moisturization (plus a little massage and stretching). I find that just moisturizing or using lube prior to sexual activity does not cut it, but adding daily moisture treatment has really helped. (Thanks Marin, I think this was your suggestion and it was a good one). On the emotional side I am finding more down time and time just to hang out and be close is helpful. We're on a little vacation right now and I actually felt like making love last night. Just as an aside I believe we gave some people on the top floor of the parking garage an unintended show
, not realizing initially that it WAS actually possible to see in our window from there. LOL oh well- this is Las Vegas and lucky them to get the free porn LOL. Maybe it helped their mojo.0 -
Okay, i've got the same problem you ladies are talking about, but in a MAJOR way! I just got home from an Transvag US and Oh MY Gosh! I hurt! They put that plastic wrap on the wand and I swear to you, the seams cut the inside of me! The tech ( a very nice woman my age) said she's NEVER had anyone complain about it! Oh my! I had this same test 3 years ago august. It did NOT hurt then at all. How can I go in 5-6 months from being overly lubricated to dry as a dog bone! I'm telling, it brought tears to my eyes. She was going to stop the procedure if I wanted, but we needed to check the ovaries and uterus b/c of the bleeding I'm having on arimidex and this problem as well. IS there no cure?
You know? If they can use ALLODERM to build up the breast, why can't they use it to re-line an atrophied or thinning vagina? I mean, come on! This is getting so I can't even use a replens applicated without bleeding!!!!!!!! HELP ME PLEASE!
I tried astroglide and I've tried replens. Either they made it worse, or I was just getting worse over those months and it didn't, I don't know, but I'm worse now than ever! Will I never get that back? How long after chemopause do you get ANY resemblence of normalcy in that department back? ANYONE?
0 -
Well otter, now that you have edited your original post, my response seems rather bitchy and over-reactive
- but, I am glad that you are feeling more optimistic and less like it's a 'black hole' day. No worries - I had my share of those, too. I could tell from your post that you loved this man, that you were very motivated to make things better. Chemo sometimes saps our strength and will to even believe that things ever can be good again. Fortunately, with time and faith and a good dose of determination - most things do 'get good' again. wish - I had a transvaginal US in late Nov. that convinced me to start taking a proactive approach. It was a lot like yours. Not as painful, but I bled. I was so exasperated that I began my daily routine (see allyson's post above) and I noticed a big difference by the new year. Just occasional use of Replens and lubricant w/activity wasn't doing it for me. I had to use something nearly daily - and massage, and stretch and do my kegels religiously (and I'd already been pretty good about them). If not, I think my chemopause would have just won - and I'm not even taking any aromatase inhibitors. I do have an autoimmune disease that destroys all secretory cells (saliva, tears, moisture in skin, lining of throat, nose, ears, intestines, vagina, etc), so it's probably pretty much the same. I do take a medication that stimulates what cells have not yet been thrashed (so I don't feel constantly like I'm 'spittin' cotton', as my gram'ma used to say), so it's not completely desert dry down yonder.
Have any of y'all had your MD suggest low-dose topical testosterone cream for both boosting libido and increasing physical response? Since for ER+ wimmins the e-string, etc. is out, I was just wondering. I have a friend (not a BC patient) who got this a few months ago and she (and her husband) are already quite pleased.
Lisa
0 -
No, my gyn actually mentioned premarin cream! I was appalled, but he said it had less estrogen of them all, compared with estring and shoot, can't remember the other one, but either. I feel like Otter does. WHY take Arimidex to rid myself of all production of oestrogen, then replace it with a topical cream that CAN in fact raise the levels in your blood stream? Even a little is too much, or else there is no reason to be on an AI, b/c those reduce the little amount produce by changing androgen in your system to estrogen through your adrenals. Just doens't make sense.
0 -
I really am sorry, Lisa--I didn't mean to leave you standing out there by yourself after you offered so much help and encouragement to me. Sometimes I write from the heart and not from the head, and end up reconsidering my choice of words a few hours later. I need to remember that this is a public forum. It's surprising how quickly our posts end up retrievable with a Google search.
otter
0 -
I gotta say that I just love you girls! Of course, I know how painful these issues are on a very deeply personal level and I hope that sharing here will bring each of you and your partners to some creative, effective solutions, but do you realize how helpful your sharing your pain is for so many women who read this thread and are too shy or afraid to open up about their own concerns?
~Marin
0
