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I WANT MY MOJO BACK!

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Comments

  • FitChik
    FitChik Member Posts: 392
    edited July 2008

    wishiwere....What about the Estring or the FemRing? One of them, lots of lube (I mean LOTS!), some extra-sexy thoughts and maybe even some toys that you find appealing (even if its just a feather tickler or a sexy dress-up piece like a garter or wearing nothing but high heels)....all of these just might turn it all around for you!

    I also want to recommend yet another item to all of my girls here. P and I tried one this weekend and just loved it, so we've ordered one for my place. http://www.liberator.com/products.php?id=31&title=Wedge Be sure to watch the videos for ideas, but you can come up with your own too of course. You just won't believe how much can be done using this little prop! All I can say is O-M-G!!!!!!! Kiss YEAH!

    ~Marin

  • wishiwere
    wishiwere Member Posts: 934
    edited July 2008

    Innocent  Seriously, Marin, there's the 'want' there, just not the ability.  I'm so dry, I have pain and bleeding from even the applicator on the replens!  It's certainly not that I don't want to, or don't have the desire, far from it.  I can enjoy everything but the act.  It's just not possible as dry and thin as I've gotten from chemopause.  The Estrace cream is similar in that it delivers estrogen to the vagina and surrounding areas.  But it's not an overnight fix.  I'm hoping that after month or two, I can get back the ability and then try the replens again.  Never had the loss of wanting, just the loss of capability! :(  It's just NOT going to happen till this is turned around.  The pain is simply too much and believe me, I have a high pain tolerance.  The mast was easy compared to this crap! :(

  • whoopsiedoodles
    whoopsiedoodles Member Posts: 224
    edited July 2008

    Marin-remember my dh got us a liberator for our anniversary?  Glad to see you joined the club!  I'm partial to using the two wedges together, how 'bout you? 

  • otter
    otter Member Posts: 757
    edited July 2008

    wish, Replens did nothing for me.  It burned a little, and then dripped out over then next half-day or so.  A real nuisance.

    What is working, though, is using the Replens applicator tube to install some traditional KY just inside.  Then, with a little more KY smeared around the outside, things are slippery enough. 

    Something I totally do not understand is that, apparently, orgasms do not require estrogen.  My dh pointed out to me, "Of course they don't"; so I had to clarify that I meant women's orgasms.  I'm 5-1/2 years into menopause, and nearly 4 weeks on Arimidex; and there's been no change in triggering or strength of orgasms at all.  That's amazing and encouraging.  I wish I understood the physiology of it.

    otter 

  • whoopsiedoodles
    whoopsiedoodles Member Posts: 224
    edited July 2008

    My dh pointed out to me, "Of course they don't"; so I had to clarify that I meant women's orgasms.

    OMG Otter.  I love you!  haha! 

  • Ka-Loni
    Ka-Loni Member Posts: 10
    edited July 2008

    Hi Sweeties, Get this one! I am in Menapause, of course. Ha! Surgically induced here. And, I thought I had some Libido, but, I think it is gone! There is nothin! In fact, I can not stand the thought of having sex again. Ha! This is not good! Libido where did you go? It must of left with Mr. Estrogen. Ha! I am glad I can laugh about this. I need a good laugh for sure. Well, good luck with this sweeties.

    God Bless,  

    Love,Turtle

    Kaloni





  • bebe
    bebe Member Posts: 2
    edited July 2008

    Does anyone know if the mojo returns once the 5 years on Arimidex are finished?

  • FitChik
    FitChik Member Posts: 392
    edited July 2008

    bebe...I think that its such an individual thing. Some women lose it and get it back, some dont...and some never lose it at all. It seems that almost all of us find that keeping the fire burning, even when we don't feel much like it, is what leads to an easier return to full MOJO-ing.

    ~Marin

  • rcknrob53
    rcknrob53 Member Posts: 8
    edited July 2008

    I am new to this forum and I think God sent me here.  My MoJo is gone and I miss it so much, I have only had sex 2 times with my husband in 2 years.  I was the more agressive nympho and now I have no desire and he will not initiate.  We had the best and greatest relationship ever.  We got married after I had my first BC and he said he was in for the long haul, but I need some help.  I have withdrawn because I don't feel whole an I have gained weight and I am pissed because he just acts like he has no interest either.  If I talk to him about it, he just gets mad and makes me feel more rejected.  Has anyone experienced this feeling?  I am on effexor, which I was told I had to get off of and I am just angry because I use to enjoy it so much.  I need it for a stress reliever so I will masturbate to have an O and I feel bad for doing that.   I can't even talk to my family or friends about this.  

    The anal thing, is great if you are relaxed with it.  

    I am looking forward to the testosterone patch.

    I feel better just reading all of your messages, at least I am not alone.

    Any advice would be appreciated.

    rcknrob53 

  • wishiwere
    wishiwere Member Posts: 934
    edited July 2008

    RR?  Perhaps it's him that needs and 'effexor fix"?  Men do have problems at times also and stress can add to it.  Do you think that's the problem?  Perhaps its time to for a visit to the GP or a doc that can help you both get back into the 'swing'?  2 years? Man, and I was fretting about a couple months! Whhhewwwwwwwwwwweeeeee!  You have stamina I guess, but how does he do with it?  My dh would be blown up by now with all the pent up anger, frustration and so on...Good Luck dear!

  • Maryiz
    Maryiz Member Posts: 24
    edited July 2008

    My GP prescribed Lexapro for me, not for hot flashes, but for depression.  Can you imagine, you are in the prime of your life, someone cuts your boob off, shuts down your ovaries and tells you that you might die and you're depressed, Come on. Every doctor's appointment she asks me how my marital (sex) life is.  I tell her that I have no interest.  Oysters, mushrooms, Playgirl, nothing works.  How can you feel sexy when you have 1 boob, getting fatter as I type this and my chin hits the floor. Sorry, having a bad night.  Take care, Mary

  • wishiwere
    wishiwere Member Posts: 934
    edited July 2008

    Yes, it is funny how many people ask if you are depressed, or having problems dealing.... WTH?  No, losing a boob is like losing a tan, just no problem at all!  Although I think feeling sexy is in the mind.  Dh seemingly isn't bothered by one boob, although not sure he'd dare admit it if he were.  I mean, I'M THE ONE MISSING IT, so if should bother anyone, it should be me, I think?

    My mojo is intact as it's been right along, just the functional aspects are down currently.  As for feeling sexy...wellllllll............I have to admit, that going to bar with dd on monday afternoons really helped me see I am a person and not a boobless one that I feel like.  2 guys hit on us on a monday early evening! And they weren't too bad looking or acting actually. They were playing on the table next to us for an or so before they made their moves! HA!  Made us both wonder what was wrong with them as they were in their 30's and dd is 25 and I'm 50, but what ever.  It did boost my ego/self-esteem and felt pretty good about it. 

  • ellenoire
    ellenoire Member Posts: 7
    edited July 2008

    Marin!  my BF was just saying that the Liberator could be the magic bullet for some B/C issues..

     I have the basic wedge and the Zepplin pillow and we love them.

    You can lie face down on it and forget you have a chemo belly and only one boob...AND the angle it puts your pelvis in opens the vagina for easier penetration.

     Our answer is a bunch of foreplay, lots of natural shea butter ( see my post on this a few pages back) and the liberator shape. 

  • paige-allyson
    paige-allyson Member Posts: 82
    edited July 2008

    Shirlann- thanks for sharing your mom's story. I think a lot of women and men underestimate the number of quite elderly people whose mojo is going strong (this from a 48 year old virtually mojoless woman!). Ellennoire- nice to see you posting and glad you are moving along through chemo with even some mojo there for you. I agree with the natural substances approach. I was touting organic coconut oil for a while but lately have been favoring "Good Clean Love" (available in Whole Foods. It comes in a variety of scents and flavors.

     Re: anal sex. I was a research assistant in grad school on a substance abuse clinical trial in which we assessed safe sex practices. Part of my job was asking people if they had anal sex and if so how many times in the past month. The trainer coaching us in the interview skills said that there were 2 ways people responded to the question of did they- 1) UH-UGH! and looking grossed out or 2) UH-HUH! With a big smile. She was absolutely right. There are lots of people having anal sex out there. I don't think that the fact that no one is shouting "I love anal, have it all the time!" here means no one is doing it. There tends I think to be a "don't ask, don't tell" convention around this sexual practice- unless you're a gay man or a research participant. For those interested in experiementing I think I have seen at least one "how to" book on the topic in the "Good Vibrations" catalog (my favorite source for sex related stuff). We have not been anal sex practitioners around here but have joked that maybe we should convert given the vaginal dryness and fragility issues I have. So far we're playing it straight although those guys in "Brokeback Mountain" certainly seemed to enjoy themselves!

  • rcknrob53
    rcknrob53 Member Posts: 8
    edited July 2008

    I am sad for us all with these problem and I don't like it but I can not do much about it.  He just don't want to talk about it.  I am worried he will find it elsewhere. I think he does need effexor and have his nuts cut off so he will understand I need some attention and need to be able to communicate about what is happening to us.  He just refuses to talk to me about it. Well time will work it out I guess. I am going to start a pilate class, maybe that will give me something to concentrate on and he will see me do something positive .  I need to just concentrate on myself and workout and eat better and take my vitamins and focus on what is the real purpose of our lives.

    Thanks for feeling my pain.

    Rcknrob 

  • rcknrob53
    rcknrob53 Member Posts: 8
    edited July 2008

    I am sad for us all with these problem and I don't like it but I can not do much about it.  He just don't want to talk about it.  I am worried he will find it elsewhere. I think he does need effexor and have his nuts cut off so he will understand I need some attention and need to be able to communicate about what is happening to us.  He just refuses to talk to me about it. Well time will work it out I guess. I am going to start a pilate class, maybe that will give me something to concentrate on and he will see me do something positive .  I need to just concentrate on myself and workout and eat better and take my vitamins and focus on what is the real purpose of our lives.

    Thanks for feeling my pain.

    Rcknrob 

  • rcknrob53
    rcknrob53 Member Posts: 8
    edited July 2008

    I am sad for us all with these problem and I don't like it but I can not do much about it.  He just don't want to talk about it.  I am worried he will find it elsewhere. I think he does need effexor and have his nuts cut off so he will understand I need some attention and need to be able to communicate about what is happening to us.  He just refuses to talk to me about it. Well time will work it out I guess. I am going to start a pilate class, maybe that will give me something to concentrate on and he will see me do something positive .  I need to just concentrate on myself and workout and eat better and take my vitamins and focus on what is the real purpose of our lives.

    Thanks for feeling my pain.

    Rcknrob 

  • rcknrob53
    rcknrob53 Member Posts: 8
    edited July 2008

    I am sad for us all with these problem and I don't like it but I can not do much about it.  He just don't want to talk about it.  I am worried he will find it elsewhere. I think he does need effexor and have his nuts cut off so he will understand I need some attention and need to be able to communicate about what is happening to us.  He just refuses to talk to me about it. Well time will work it out I guess. I am going to start a pilate class, maybe that will give me something to concentrate on and he will see me do something positive .  I need to just concentrate on myself and workout and eat better and take my vitamins and focus on what is the real purpose of our lives.

    Thanks for feeling my pain.

    Rcknrob 

  • rcknrob53
    rcknrob53 Member Posts: 8
    edited July 2008

    I am sad for us all with these problem and I don't like it but I can not do much about it.  He just don't want to talk about it.  I am worried he will find it elsewhere. I think he does need effexor and have his nuts cut off so he will understand I need some attention and need to be able to communicate about what is happening to us.  He just refuses to talk to me about it. Well time will work it out I guess. I am going to start a pilate class, maybe that will give me something to concentrate on and he will see me do something positive .  I need to just concentrate on myself and workout and eat better and take my vitamins and focus on what is the real purpose of our lives.

    Thanks for feeling my pain.

    Rcknrob 

  • rcknrob53
    rcknrob53 Member Posts: 8
    edited July 2008

    I am sad for us all with these problem and I don't like it but I can not do much about it.  He just don't want to talk about it.  I am worried he will find it elsewhere. I think he does need effexor and have his nuts cut off so he will understand I need some attention and need to be able to communicate about what is happening to us.  He just refuses to talk to me about it. Well time will work it out I guess. I am going to start a pilate class, maybe that will give me something to concentrate on and he will see me do something positive .  I need to just concentrate on myself and workout and eat better and take my vitamins and focus on what is the real purpose of our lives.

    Thanks for feeling my pain.

    Rcknrob 

  • FitChik
    FitChik Member Posts: 392
    edited July 2008

    ALLYSON....YOU ROCK! How very comfortable you sound discussing anal sex! And even though you don't practice it, you have such a healthy attitude, IMO. So I say, good for you....and thanks! I will admit to having been more than casually interested in the topic when I introduced it and thought that surely some of us would have at least given it a try. Apparently not and I say to each her own, of course. But I'm seriously considering the adventure and have posted about it and received many positive replies on another message board that I frequent. So we'll see. I do tend to be more adventurous and curious than hesitant about these things, ya know Tongue out!

    Now Rcknrob....I'm wondering why you don't try to seduce your husband? It can be fun AND effective! It sounds like you're at an impasse, though, and are both pretty angry, so maybe seeing a therapist for a few sessions might help? I hope that you try something....it is my firm belief that after the crap we've been through with BC, we absolutely deserve to celebrate and indulge in the physical and sensual pleasures!

    ~Marin

  • whoopsiedoodles
    whoopsiedoodles Member Posts: 224
    edited July 2008

    Ok, I know I said I preferred the large and small wedge together, but I changed my mind......UndecidedEmbarassedSurprised

    Oh, the possibilities are endless on that thing! 

  • FitChik
    FitChik Member Posts: 392
    edited July 2008

    Deb....are you checking out the Esse? It DOES look awesome, doesn't it?

    http://www.liberator.com/productvideos.php?channel=10

    The only downside is I don't think I'd EVER leave the house again Wink!

    ~Marin

  • whoopsiedoodles
    whoopsiedoodles Member Posts: 224
    edited July 2008

    HOLY CRAP!  Must show hubby......

    That looks amazing! 

  • AliceTheDragonfly
    AliceTheDragonfly Member Posts: 1
    edited July 2008

    I too want my mojo back...where did it go???? Sigh.......

  • crami2
    crami2 Member Posts: 3
    edited August 2008

    My hubby and I have faced this for longer than my BC.  We have the double whammy here.  We were in a serious car accident 8 years ago which disabled him.  He has severe constant pain (oxycodin) and consequently major anti depresents.  He is not a candidate for viagra.  We worked through that, doing what we could when we could and continue to.  Then along comes BC and the AI's after....so our motto?  One of us want to try, the other tries.  Sometimes it works for the one that inititated..sometimes for the other...sometimes not at all.  But after 26 years (today) we still would rather "want to" and not be able to with each other, than be able to with someone else.  Yes, there is frustration, but usually because we feel we are disappointing the other.  SO, my sisters with wonderful husbands like mine, celebrate that wonderful guy and give yourself a break.  As long as the mind is willing sometimes the body will be able.  The other times you will hold each other and appreciate the patience and love you have with each other.

  • FitChik
    FitChik Member Posts: 392
    edited August 2008

    crami2...I just want to say that your post is awesome and so full of what its all really about. What are we pursuing when we aim for intimacy but a sense of true closeness and merging with that special person? You and your husband seem to have the key. Good for you all! And thanks for sharing your story. I know that it will inspire others!

    ~Marin

  • danix5
    danix5 Member Posts: 141
    edited August 2008

    Marin,Whoopsie,

    I forgot how much I loved this thread!!!

    Kaloni- I am with you bilateral mast in Jan 08 ,then surgical meno in May 08!!!

    Sex has been okay, but to be honest not as great as before in the O category!!!

    It could have something to do with my intestinal abscess after the hyster thing, had surgery placed a drain in my ab's, no that is sexy!! That was the 4th of June, took antibiotics for 30 days then week goes by and bam I get c.diff bacteria, nasty little bug!  Diarrhea and stomach cramps lots of fun!  So now my tummy is bloated and I am on my third week of Vancomyocin another antibiotic. 

    But I am trying have fun using my medical pillow that is like the wedge and guess what I bought a fire pole!!!  Yeah!

     Have not had a chance to dance, my hubby wants me to rest up!!!!  Urghhhhh!  I have to initiate all the sex he never wants to push me!  Urghhhhh!  But at least I have an understanding hubby!  We are going to beach for two weeks tomorrow!  Watch out sharks I may take him in the water after a stroll on the beach one night!

    I wish I had more desire though!  Used to be so pumped up, but now.......

    Maybe I should look into the testosterone thing!

    Keep mojoing girls,

    DaniKiss

  • danix5
    danix5 Member Posts: 141
    edited August 2008

    Crami- what you wrote is just how it is with my hubby and I!  Both feeling bad when we do not share that special closeness with eachother, but we know that things get in the way especially medical things.  Those days it is so great to just lay on his chest and be close holding eachother!

    Thanks for sharing that with all of us, and reminding me of those happy just cuddle times I love so much!!

    Dani

  • whoopsiedoodles
    whoopsiedoodles Member Posts: 224
    edited August 2008

    Hey ladies,

    I've been missing my boobs lately.  I saw a picture of myself, and I felt like I looked like a pre-pubescent girl with little buds instead of breasts. 

     I'm tempted to go bigger.  I'm a B cup right now (I go braless).  I went to Victoria's Secret, and was missing all the cute and pretty bras.  

    boo hoo.  This too, shall pass!!!  

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