I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
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As for tying him up....I've tried it, but it always seemed backwards to me and to the guy. Yeah, I seem to prefer being the submissive one. But I too used scarves, though I've heard of using old pantyhose or the guy's tie(s). Now when I was tied up (which I loved!), he used a set of straps he had for luggage...tied them around the headboard rungs of the bed. And a final suggestion....check out the Liberator site. They have models with straps already mounted and you can get some ideas about possibly altering your own Liberator. We're thinking of doing that.
As for the dryness issue, there are so many posts on this thread alone from women who have used various remedies and some seem to have succeeded better than others. It seems to me that women who have applied moisturizing products on a regular basis (some use pure oils like ones marketed by Burts Bees, while others try products from the pharmacy) have, over time, found some relief. I'm wondering, also, if the KY product, Liqui-Beads, work better than Replens..? And then there' s the Estring and it seems that that is one remedy that the women who try it report effective. Check with your onc & gyno to see if they'll approve your using it. Apprently, as wishiwere said, it doesn't provide alot of estrogen and some say, in fact, that the estrogen it does provide is negligible.
~Marin
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MARIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey Girl!
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More input? I've used scarves (I won't say with who) but for guys scarves just aren't where it's at. My fake leather straps work well, and they're long so no matter if you have a usable headboard or no headboard (like in hotels) you can restrain him somehow! And, they're pliable, not hard like real leather. I know I got them at a sex shop but I don't remember which one! They also came with a 'matching' blindfold but a dark colored scarf will work for that, if wanted/needed. If he can peek or see light from the blondfold then the effect may not be as effective!
It's not like I do this all the time but I've been more on the giving end than the receiving end and I've had no complaints! It's great when they don't know what you're doing or what is coming!
Have fun!!!
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Also, after my last bout of 'fun' with a larger guy (and a condom) I was dry for days. I just applied some pure vitamin E oil (recommended by my gyne when I was having 'dry' issues from chemopause) and that took care of it. I can also recommend coconut oil which is 'natural' and it's best to have natural 'down there' than synthetic. No parabens in vitamin E or coconut oil.
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For a basic bondage kit which includes nylon rope (popular because it's soft yet retains knots), blindfold and cuffs:
http://www.mypleasure.com/Sex-Toy-Bondage-Basics-Restraint-Kit.asp?dept_id=200?cat=SearchCat
And now (tah-dah!), The Liberator products (special note to Deb- see the Conversion Kit!):
http://www.liberator.com/products_conversionkits.php?title=Conversion-Kits
http://www.liberator.com/products_roleplay_gamma.php
Sweet stuff, my chicas....
~Marin
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Hi All,
I'd be laughing out loud if I wasn't at work. I found this thread yesterday. Started reading the beginning, skipped to the end and find the progression from " Please let me want to have sex/be able to comfortably have sex/feel attractive enough for sex" to bondage kits! What a fantastic site. O.K., so here's my problem. I had a very low sex drive before BC, and as you can imagine it is now non-existent. I feel awful for my husband am I'm a tad concerned he may go from porn to the real thing if I don't change my behavior. I'm done with rads next week and then it's off to hormone replacement therapy. I've gone from peri-menopause to full-blown menopause, which is o.k., except for the dryness factor. I've been on Effexor and am planning to wean myself off in the next few weeks. I know it helped with the anxiety but I also know it didn't help the libido issues. Given that info am I a candidate for testostorone therapy? Has anyone had success with it? I can deal with the moisture issues with other products, but I'm really looking for that " magic pill" that will help with everything else. Thanks for letting me vent!
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kwoodson...Maybe you skipped my post on the page before this one. It cites an article about testosterone. Here it is:
Nov 13, 2008 12:32 pm FitChik wrote:
This is very good news for those of us experiencing low libido as a result of menopause or chemopause! Some may wish to defer judgment pending replication of this study, though, since 4 of the subjects who were randomized to the testosterone (vs. placebo) were dx'd with BC. The investigators conjecture that 2 of these most likely already had BC and one was high risk; however, I think that we, as an exceptional population who are high risk by virtue of our already having had BC, might need to be extra-cautious. Still, this offers hope for being an effective solution to the problem. Then, there's the "unwanted hair," but laser and waxing are a small price to pay for good MOJO, doncha think?!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/20081106/hl_hsn/testosteronepatchrestoreslibidoinpostmenopausalwomen
In other "news," I'd like to encourage those of you who haven't tried any extreme fantasizing to really give it a try! Since I've become more open-minded about employing fantasy (in other words, I've accepted that it is not insulting to one's partner to fantasize during sex) AND broadened my own imagination, my O's have increased in frequency and in the time it takes to reach them. For some "encouragement," check out the ones written by posters on this iVillage board:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-rlfantasy&nav=start&prettyurl=%2Fiv%2Drlfantasy (see "Steamy Stories").
~Marin
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Hi FitChik,
I just knew I wasn't reading the right posts. I see my onc in 3 weeks so I'll talk to her about it at that time. As far as unwanted hair, I think my family represents the "missing link" so it's an issue I've dealt with all my life.
Interesting that you should mention extreme fantasizing. As my husband and I are just now airing our frustrations, fears, wants and desires.....I'm finding we are pretty opposite in the fantasizing department. He's got specific women in mind ( as in women he knows ) and I'm more along the line of non-recognizable men. I'm sure a therapist would have a field day with us. At this point I'm trying to get past the idea that he's thinking of friends and co-workers that way. Really hard when your physical and emotional self-esteem are at an all-time low.
But, thanks for the links. I'm thinking of trying to find some good " female friendly" porn, but any adult material is pretty much outlawed where we live, so I'll have to search the internet.
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Hello ladies!
Here is another good and relatively simple idea for restoring mojo....go on a date. I guess in a way it is like role-play, at least it was for us this weekend.
We went away for the weekend, without our son in tow. We got all dressed up for a holiday party, and went to a special dinner, and danced, and sang Karaoke. We had a great time, and we both knew that there was potential for "something" later on.
The anticipation was sooooo reminiscent of when we were dating, and it was hot. By the time we got back to the hotel, I was readyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!
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Some great ideas here. Thanks to all of you for your humor, hints and no holds barred - you gave me lots of ideas - can't wait to try them ALL out!!
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Beanbag...Also check out the MOJO thread over in the "Singles" section...you don't have to be single to benefit from it!
~Marin
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BTW, kinda wish I could post w/o my identity, but I'll just go ahead.
Ladies, all problems are over!! All you need is a little estrace cream and everything is hunky dory back to normal, not exactly back to teenage adolescence but at least mid30s... it really works and in a very localized way. Does not get into your bloodstream.
It was prescribed to me for bladder problems...cytoxan puts you at risk for bladder cancer and I already had abnormal cells...no more problems now, with bladder or anything else!!! Estrace does not put estrogen in the blood stream or increased risk for cancer!
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I did the estrace for nearly 3 months till I realized my hot flashes had dimished to light warm flashes, vaginal dryness was 80% better, but my onco was not happy at all I was on it either. The only thing he'd okay was e-string. Are you doing a small dose? I was only using 1/2 mg 2-3 a week and had good results at the end, but it's not worth the fear of cancer to me either
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Hi Ladies -
Is Estrace a cream or pill and do I need a script? So much good info on this thread and I like the masturbating suggestion. I used to do that regularly as a single gal and it gets lost through the years but definitely worth a try again if it gets things moving for my man.
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Estrace is a vaginal cream you insert with a little whatchamatcallit....gosh I've lost my mind and become my mother! You know the thingamabob out in witchamdig...that we got from youknow?
Anyway....it's an estrogen cream.
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I have not had the Big O since my surgery end of April 08. My main stimulation is gone MY NIPPLES. I am thinking of trying a vibrator. I saw Oprah's show and the sex thrapist recommended the Aprodite. They showed it on the show. You can purchase it on Amazon and it is at a reduced price. Is anyone using a vibrator and can recommend one that will get me to the Big O? Also, does it help when you have nipple recon? Just seeing a nipple there even though no feeling? The brain can do marvelous things!!!! I am going to PS today for 3 month post op exchange so maybe we will schedule my nipple surgery. I NEED HELP
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Linda...Someone else should be able to help with your question regarding your nipple recon. I agree with you, though, that the brain and one's imagination can create some amazing sensations! What I CAN help you with is your question about using a vibrator. I seriously can't recommend one enough and wonder now how I went for so many years without one. I'm fortunate to have a partner who has learned just how to give me the best O's, but it's fabulous to always have an alternative or help at hand. And lemme tell ya, it's a win-win, never-fail fix...if you get one that suits you AND you allow it to do its magic. And speaking of "magic," you'll find plenty of prior posts recommending the Hitachi Magic Wand. It's truly the King of Vibrators and I cannot imagine anyone not responding to it. It is rather large (we've begun calling it "Mr. Big" and I'm sure that Chris North won't mind
) and runs on electricity (many vibes are battery-operated; hence the acronym B.O.B. for "battery-operated boyfriend" 
). Also, it's slightly noisy, so it probably wouldn't suit someone with children in the near vicinity. Anyway, I encourage you to browse one of the reliable sites that sell vibrators. I like Babeland (www.babeland.com), Adam and Eve (www.adamevetoys.com) or My Pleasure (www.MyPleasure.com). All of these are discreet and reliable.Enjoy, Linda!
~Marin
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Thanks for you response Marin,
I loved the B.O.B.
ROFL
Linda
P.S. I just placed an order for the Hitachi Magic Wand------I should get it for my birthday next week. What a birthday gift that will be if it works. I ordered it from Amazon and there were lots and lots or rave reviews about it. I will be sure to let you know hehehe
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Girrrrrl, you're gonna LOVE it!!! You don't say if you have a partner (a flesh & blood one, that is
), but Mr. Big can be lots of fun when used with another. This weekend, in fact, in the throes of some majorly hot stuff (I think it was the middle of the night, but it could have been in the morning or even the night before- yes, the weekend was exceptional!), my guy asks me if I'd like "Mr. Big" and, of course, I assented. We whipped it out and used it together. It took less than 30 seconds for me to have another absolutely HUGE O! Very efficient, doncha think? ~Marin
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Marin,
I do have a DH of almost 32 years. Things just aren't the same in the bedroon since my surgery. I do miss my breast during this special time. I think it is my mind (brain) more than anything. My DH tries to help me but I just can't get there and I give up!! Then he feels bad thinking that he is not doing something right. I am so looking forward to my 55th birthday. OOOOOOOO
Linda
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I can 2nd to powers of the amazing Hitachi Magic Wand also know as Mr Big or to my and my lover as H and the attachment we call blue. This was my 1st sex toy I have received. I got it about 6 months ago and am so pleased with it. I love using it with my lover and sometimes on my own. It gives me the big O about every time. I'm looking to widen my horizons on sex toys so not sure yet what my next purchase would be but I'll have to read through this thread and look for ideas 0
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Hi Linda,
I am going to be the one to chime in on the adjustment to not having breasts/nipples.
If you comb back through this thread, you will probably see that I have chimed in on this topic a lot.
My breasts (before cancer) were huge. They were 38DDD. They were a huge (pun intended) part of my intimacy as well. I was very sensitive in that area and that was a big part of foreplay.
I went through a huge struggle after my bilateral mastectomy. It took me some time to be able to be intimate,and for a while, I'd wear camis or a tee shirt.
Eventually, I became ready to take the next step.
Very honestly, for some time, I would cringe and even sometimes recoil when my husband would approach my breasts during intimacy. However, I would make myself absorb the feeling of being with him rather than the lack of feeling I had.
Besides, how was he to know how awful it felt for me?
As time went on and on and on, I suddenly (and I do mean SUDDENLY) realized that I had a patch of sensation-not on the fipples, but on the lower half of each breast.
I actually shrieked out loud, "I can FEEL YOU!"
It was a glorious moment. Almost like a rite of passage.
There are definitely times that he still tries to stimulate my fipples, and it really doesn't do a thing for me (my fipples feel like skin tags to me! There is nothing less romantic than that!). What I do usually is gently place his hand on my various "hot spots" that have surfaced over the last 3 years since surgery.
And, of course what our dear Marin says is so true, there is SO much more that we do now that we don't have my breasts. I think we fell into the lull of comfort, and had a bit of a routine as far as intimacy was concerned.
Now, we try anything and everything. Our sex has been better than it ever has, and it amazes me it is without my breasts.
It does get easier. Eventually you learn to say "Screw YOU" to cancer and how it has altered your body, and you will find ways to regain what you once enjoyed with dh.
Love and prayers, Deb
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Thanks Deb,
Sounds like you are doing great in the area of intimacy :-) Glad you found those areas that have sensation. I have feeling above and below my football shaped flaps (I have LD flaps) and my DH does go to those areas and it is great to feel his touch. But, it does not get me to that point where I need to be to get the O....I will take you advice and open up more to new things. I have ordered a vibrator that should be arriving for my B'day!! Thanks for your love and prayers
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Deb -
Great post as we are all struggling and I do hope it gets easier to be open and responsive. Right now I just feel like a bald and foobed blob. I may have to try that toy you all talk about. Linda, let me know how you like - ok?
Bobbi
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I firmly agree that toys are a fantastic beginning to the new chapter of intimacy. I NEVER used one, much less considered trying one before cancer.
Goodness, the things I have purchased since then (blush!).......
One of the best things to keep in mind, too, is that our spouse/bf/gf/lover loves us no matter what. I even asked Greg a few weeks ago about if I am attached to a blood glucose monitor (was going through a diabetic scare), and he said very simply, "I loved you when you were bald, didn't I? I love you with your foobs, don't I?"
What an eye opener. We put so much attention to what we think we are portraying to our partner, whereas they only care about US!
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Deb...We are just so lucky to have you here to share your experience and positive approach to post-cancer love! Girl, I'd say that you deserve all that you have in Greg!
~Marin
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For the gals that have H, Mr Big or aka Hitachi Magic wand have you tried any of the attachments?
When I got mine it came with the Magic Wand G-spot Attachment
http://www.a-womans-touch.com/product/0/12/Magic_Wand_Gspot_Attachment.html
Has anyone tried the Gee Whizzard?
http://www.a-womans-touch.com/product/0/1499/Gee_Whizzard.html
wondering if it's worth the money?
I'm reading through the old threads but a lot of the links are old and not working
I'm only on page 6
it'll take me a while to get caught up
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I have tried the g-spot attachment, and gotta say, I prefer it without!!!
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I also have the Gee Whiz and it's great if you are partner-less and especially if your goal is to keep the vagina pliable and in good working order. It can be well-lubricated and inserted only as far as comfort allows. But if your goal is "merely" to have good, reliable orgasms, the Hitachi Magic Wand is more than perfect!
~Marin
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OK...just to get off the subject of Mr Big for a moment......has anyone tried Zestra?
It's supposed to do for women what Viagra does for men. I don't actually need it (I'm soo lucky!!), but am intrigued and willing to try it as apparently it adds another dimension to sex.Is it all hype? and is it safe for us ER+ gals?
And if it works...maybe this is the answer so many of you on this thread are looking for.
Would love to have some input (no pun intended).
Sam
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