Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Oh yes, replace that toothbrush at least every 3 months or after an infection. Good thought sue!
Yes, mine was from the dentist, so it wasn't as bulky as the ones you get at the dentist. My sister used one from the pharmacy and used a nail file to file the sharp edges. Maybe you need a smaller size one? If you have a small mouth and it's too large, it would gag you. It took about one week to get used to it, but slept SO much better with it. Sometimes I'd wake up and wonder if I'd ever get my mouth unclenched. That's what I had it for also. Then I had the extra salivary problem that first week. It's just because it's foreign, but after a week or so, that stops too.
Maybe try a different type, I think there are a few out there. I think mine was about $500 at the dentist, but have not had to use it again since. Must have trained my mouth or something. SUrely isn't be/c I've less stress, that's for certain!
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Nicki, I love that pic..... makes me giggle. My appointment for the CT scan is Nov. 12. Sure feels like a long time to wait.
Right now I have a horrendous cold and I'm here at work chillin'. :-)
Thinking of you all and hoping for a wonderful suckless night.
Miss S
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Good evening all and a hearty THAT SUCKS!!!!
I went out of town to my sister's wedding (nice one). My only IOS is that I didn't sleep well and my dd lost a bracelet that my overseas relatives bought for her.
Traci, I live in Hurst. It would be nice to meet up.
Sorry I can't post more tonight.
Gentle Hugs,
Trish
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Hello ladies, I just want to say that today I feel real sad. In one way, I want to feel attractive in another I just want this over. My boy friend told me tonight that he is taking me to get my hair and nails done tomorrow because he feels that will make me feel better. I hope it will, but I really want these f...ing expanders out of my chest. They are hard, they hurt and my skin is purple. I can't imagine what I will be like on Friday after my first expansion. This weekend my man is going out of town for his 40th college reunion and I will be left at home. I still have two drains and like I said, my expansion starts on friday. I have been crying since yesterday afternoon and all I want is to know that somebody really care and that they aren't just feeling sorry for me. My oldest daughter surprized me on Saturday by showing up at the door. It was really good to see her. She was suppose to be in Africa, but said she wanted to see me again since I look so old and bad when she first came up. That was the week after surgery. My youngest who lives with her, has not called or come to see about me since I got sick. It really sucks to know that she would treat me this way. Also, I have been trying to get someone to take me to my house to pick up fall/winter clothes. It is so frustrating to have to depend on people for everything. I just want to visit my own house, my own things and stop at the damn store to get some simply orange juice since everyone who I ask to get it seems to think that minutemade is the same damn thing. I know this is small, but when you are having a hard time washing you body, and all you want is your favorite juice it become a big deal.
I try not to complain because Iknow I am dependant and that it may get worst before it gets better.
If I weren't afraid of the combination, I would take a drink tonight, just to calm myself down.
At times like these I feel like giving up, but I know there are those who are having it worst then I am.
If anyone lives near Manassas or Warrenton, please send me a message. Maybe there is someone I can talk to when I feel like I do tonight.
Right now, all I know is CANCER SUCK!!
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Hydrogen peroxide, CMB... or put in a bit of listerine and soak it a while. Listerine will kill even foot fungus and dandruff. NO NO On dishwasher, it might melt even on top rack. OR phone the dentist. I have a custom fitted plastic night guard and use denture tablets, per the manufacturer's instructions. You can get a denture cup and have him keep it in his duffle bag to help keep some of the other germs from getting on it when he is not wearing it or plastic sandwich bags. Also, I was told whenever anyone had a cold or virus to change toothbrushes. He might benefit by a swish of listerine morning and night - there is a kids kind I saw advertised on TV.
THAT SUCKS for those who have IOS. No IOS for me today unless you count more and more achy bones, more likely from a full day of running errands non stop.
Thanks for the hugs, back at you (((((((( everyone ))))))))))). Blessings, Nancy
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Hmmm. The kids used efferdent tablets to clean their retainers. The dentist told me to clean my mouthguard (horrific tooth grinder here!) with toothpaste and toothbrush. I can remember the days of one of us getting sick, then it going around the family, only for the initiator to get sick all over again. It's gotten better as the kids have gotten older, but September always brings something icky.
I am sitting here on the couch: book, tea, cookie, laptop. the husband is in another room - watching Deliverance. I can hear the dueling banjos. I finished up Stephen Carter's "New England White" and decided to go for the fluffy Marian Keyes. Thinking hard about taking a Xanax and going to bed early. I don't like those things, but the jitters have started. I was in a phone call this afternoon and blurted out that I'd be gone for 4 or 5 days....folks at the other end of the line thought it was a vacation. My co-workers looked at me like I was nuts (they didn't know).
No IOS's you all!
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Very gentle HUGS, Pinky. I am glad you are not totally alone. It scares me to think how much help I may need after my surgery - what kind to be discussed Nov 6 with the surgeon. I was always the one to take care of and take charge of things and people - so asking for help is not something I do easily. You may consider discussing your sadness with the doctor.
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leftyAK Anancy:
It has been very difficult for me to ask for help. I have been on my own since I was 17 and to now need help even getting out of the shower at time pisses me off.
I may ask to doctor for meds this week. I need help sleeping, I need help feel like a woman again.
I tried to act sexy yesterday and make a pass at my boy friend and his response was you are going to hurt yourself. I feel like screaming "I lost my breast, not my sexuality". I am aware that I look like a monster, but would it hurt to give me a hug and kiss and say something nice rather than ask if Ihave taken my meds when I walk up to him and give him a hug? Damn I feel angry tonight!
I also feel ashamed to be feeling sorry for myself. After all, my sister died. I am going to make it. I know this and if another person tells me that, I my curse them out for all that I feel right now.
I am glad to be getting out of the house to go somewhere ofther than to doctor's office tomorrow. I hope I can take the chair at hair cuttery. I can't wait to get my hair done!
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Pinky wish I could be there to give you a big (((HUG))). Nothing worse than dealing with this disease and all the twists and turns that go with. As far as your boyfriend, I just don't think men get it most of the time and it is hard for them to win with us. No matter what they say or do it isn't what we wanted them to do and they are just in a lose lose situation when you think about it.
Get your meds and relax some. A good nights sleep always help things look better. Glad we are hear to let you vent!
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Aw, Pinky, don't apologize for complaining and feeling bad. That's what we're here for, and that's why Traci created this thread.
I know what you mean about wanting your favorite orange juice, and Minute Maid isn't the same thing as Simply Orange. I can get very particular sometimes, and I was that way after my mast/SNB and especially during chemo. I needed Swiss Miss tapioca pudding, not the cheap stuff, and my dh had to go to 3 grocery stores to find it. My favorite juice suddenly became Tropicana Coastal Groves Lemonade--no other brand or type of lemonade hit the spot. The skin cream I wanted for my poor, hurting feet was "Udderly Smooth Udder Cream," and nothing else would do. The list goes on and on... Fortunately, my dh was kind and understanding, and he went way beyond the call of duty to comply.
The point is, when you're used to taking care of yourself, and all of a sudden you feel awful, your very life is threatened, and you are barely able to hold yourself together, the rules change. Relatives and friends don't always understand that. They don't "get it" like we do.
So, come here and complain and cry and beat pillows (or throw plates), and we'll understand.
Hugs to Pinky and anyone else who needs one...
otter
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pinky don't ever hesitate to come here when you feel like that and even when you don't feel like that. well the nice police and firemen just left. lying in bed, took my beloved ambien and was just finishing my rosary when i heard a loud beep. i tried to ignore but the beeping continued. so i had to get up get the ladder - climb up the wall (remember i've been sick in bed for 3 days) take the dam thing off and it says low battery. ok into the kitchen for 3 aa batteries. put them in and now it beeps like crazy and reads 302. so i took batteries out and replaced them 3 times and still beeping and reading 302. well i figure i've been thru too much to die of lousy carbon monoxide poisoning so i called the fire dept. well they weren't home so had to call police. they wanted to send rescue squad but i said no. now had to get dog on her leash and wake up hub with is not easy cause he's so confused and go wait out side. it's dam cold out there i found out. so now the big fire truck comes (why) and the very big men to inside to check out house while i'm freezing my sick butt off. thank God it tested ok. when i asked what happened he said he took the batteries out and put them back in. hello i did that 3 times. so the trucks and cars went away and not one neighbor woke up. course now i'm wide awake and it's 2am. so that's that. maria
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That sucks Maria! It is 2 am here too. And I am awake just because I can no longer sleep. I haven't posted in awhile mainly because I feel like life sucks and I don't want to think too hard on it. My desktop computer died last month and with it my cancer journal. I had kept the journal every day since I found my lump. I am having lots of issues with docs and apparently permanent side effects from chemo. I haven't had chemo in 5 months and still cannot function. My house is a mess; some idiot hit my car in a parking lot and drove off; my dryer is broken; my plumber screwed up my bathroom lavatory and refuses to fix it; I feel fat and stay in pain; I feel like I will never get my libido back; I am having trouble getting bills paid - can't concentrate, my cats are VERY sick and even the vets at the State University Vet Hospital cannot figure out what's wrong with them.
I figure that life can't get much worse right now. But it will and I won't die from it, I will just keep complaining. I had a friend that used to say as long as you complain you are alive, so I will never die cuz I can't stop complaining.
Watched Living Proof on Lifetime and cried and cried because even the Herceptin gave me side effects and I can no longer take it. What is next? Oh yeah and my docs think that if I just get out of my house I will stop being depressed. Jackasses!
Just a BIG it SUCKS kind of morning!
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Another pop in and a big that sux to everyone who needs to hear it. Marking my spot as its time for me to get ready for work. Im thinking of ya all today.
Nicki
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Morning ladies!! (and gents if there are any out there)
Just a quick flyby to mark my spot.....dh has a meeting tonight so maybe I'll have a chance to catch up!!
SOI filled day to all!
Sherri
PS--I have a mouth guard (I'm a grind-a-holic) and the dentist recommended I use antibacterial Efferdent (or any antibacterial denture cleanser). Works wonders, and during my chemo nadir's I would throw my toothbrush in with the guard every night as well.
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Big THAT SUX to Pinky, CMH, Maria and other enduring alarm batteries woes (hate those things when you aren't sure whether they are working or going off for some stupid reason, like humidity, toast, and just because they have a cat hair in there! UGH), the surgeries coming up, the down feelings and lonely woes, that are hard to fight and the stupid docs that put it off to 'woman's problems. What man do you know doens't get depressed with an illness like this! OMG, a man with cancer is so unable to cope with life. Very few with a cold that isn't bed-ridden and begging for his mommy! MEN! Docs and others! UGH!
BIG {{HUG}} for you each and hope today is looking brighter. Ladies, I'm 8 months out and STILL have days where I want to stay in bed (even though I don't sleep more than and an hour and 1/2 at a time) and just forget the world and the people in it. I do know when I get outside in GOOD weather I'll feel better, but rainy days consequtively will really bring me down quickly. So...IF you need help, please, see your pcp and get something. Forget the Cancer docs, they have a one track mind (which man doesn't) and can't treat most of your syptoms from tx. THANKs to you every day docs, they see the aftereffects of tx and will help I'm sure! Good Luck ladies, and keep on posting, b/c that's help too! Hang in there and post as needed! We're here!
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I need to wish everyone a big that sucks! I sat here and read all the posts and I fall asleep reading them. I think they got my pain pump to a good level to keep my pain under control but it is so strong it is putting me to sleep. Everytime I try to read I wake up later confused why my laptop or book is on my lap. who knows maybe I even writed some really wierd posts that make no sense. I spoke with the nurse yesterday and want to give my body time to adjust to this because I hardly have any pain and I love that part. I just feel like I have that disease where you can fall asleep anywhere in any position.
Sorry I can't acknowledge you all individually, but I do remember a smoke dector, someone named pink something with a problem and after that the rest is a blur. So I wish you all well and a good day!
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{{LuAnn}} although I worry about you with falling asleep (hopefully you aren't driving or cooking), but I'm Sooooooooooooo happy you are at a point where the pain has been controlled! Yipppeeeeeeeeee! Finally hey? Good news, no great news!
Maybe it's just your body saying to rest while you have no pain today and let your body catch up with your mind in the relief department! Dang it's nice to hear you are pretty much pain free! Whew!
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Hugs, Smilies, Happy Thoughts, no alarms, no IOS and only Good Things to all today.
THAT SUCKS if needed.
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Only a minor IOS today - Why is it that when the weather is BEAUTIFUL outside (Texas right now is gorgeous 83 degrees today!) I have to suffer at work wearing a sweater and a jacket on top of my shirt!!!! We call the restroom the Artic Zone because it's so cold ( pee freezes before it hits the water!!) Hope I don't get a cold from this!!
Gentle Hugs to all!
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CMH.....sorry girl but I had to laugh at your post because you defined EVERYTHING SUCKS!! lol....sorry about all your IOS's girl... ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) I thought about you sometime back cuz I hadn't seen a post in awhile and I remember you because of your avatar. I can't stop complaining either. Just ask everybody here!
PinkyLee, your post made me sad girl. To think you are just getting started with the expander process sent chills up and down my spine. I had a HORRIBLE time with my expanders. After my last fill, I can remember laying in bed in the middle of the night just crying like a baby from the pain. No pain medicine could take the pressure off my chest. It was awful. So awful that I stopped the expansions too early. (Sorry for all y'all girls that have heard my foob sob story so many times...) Anyway, I'm left with the worlds worst foob job. It is the core of my misery now that I have some.....hair.
I hope with all my soul and being that your process gets easier like most girls on here post. However, I would like to suggest that you search for the "Continued Expander Pain" thread. There are alot of girls that are having problems and that thread really helped me when I was suffering. I do however wish that someone (including my f*ing PS!!) would have said "DON'T DO IT.....DON'T STOP YET!!!" I hate my results. Again, I hope it gets better for you girl. As far as your boyfriend....deep sigh.....((((((hugs girl)))))
Maria, your post made me laugh too!! I love firemen! My A/C guy told me I needed to get a Carbon detector...maybe I will and put the batteries in wrong so I can look at firemen!! (((hugs)))
LuAnn, you poor thing. I am glad to hear your not in pain anymore though. That's good......
Trish, Sue, we need to do a get together!!
My "friend" is leaving today. I have to say he was a perfect gentlemen. We actually had a "moment".... a tender, soft, deep looking in the eyes....moment when he slowly kissed me and I got to tell you, it felt nice....for about a minute. It's been a long time since I felt that feeling. As soon as I felt myself feeling it, I backed away. I hate my body now and I am just not ready to show it to someone else or, have someone touch it. It's a terrible feeling that I hope one day, goes away. Until then, it's just me and my cat. I can't wait to take him to the airport and be alone. How sad is that??? Deep sigh.....I used to spend so much money on pretty bras and panties to show off......
Gotta get back to work. Lunch break over.
I forgot..(sorry)..who's having surgery? Pam??? ((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))) to whoever is.
I love you girls. Thanks for being here.
Traci
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Good afternoon ladies:
I must say this site is my life saver. I did go to bed after my post last night. I had taken three pain pills hoping for a good nights sleep. Yea right! I have yet to figure a way to position myself with the drains, expanders and sore back that allows for a good sleep. I woke up early excited that I was going to get my hair done. It does look good. The only thing is my regular stylist wasn't there and this new woman charged me extra to curl it. Now figure that! I waked into the shop with my hair standing all over my head and this non black woman tells me that their prices don't include curling. I looked at her and my eyes filled with tears. I started to vent on her for all the other bad shit in my life, but instead I informed her that I thought the policy was racial. But since my man offered to pay and since he told me I looked like a squirrel last week, I backed downed and told them to discuss it with him. I don't know the final cost, I just know I look better. I then went next door with the litttle money he had left me with and got my nails dones, my feet done and my eyebrows waxed. (I had grown a uni brow since the diagnosis). When I called him to pick me up, I informed him that I needed more money. He didn't sound happy, but I feel great.
LuAnn, Glad you are out of pain. Watch your activities so you don't hurt yourself falling to sleep.
To all others thanks for being here. I know that being able to post here has kept me from driving everyone else crazy.
cmharris59: I will look for that link. I am very afraid of what is going to happen when the expansion starts.
I have driven my car since the surgery because I am afraid that something will happen and I mess up the expanders in my chest.
After everything else, while I was getting ready this morning I couldn't find the last $20 I have to my name. I had put it up so I could by my simply orange, so since I couldn't find it, I didn't have the nerve to ask my man for more money so I could by my juice. so, I am still in need of that.
For all who need it, "This sucks" but as long as it sucks, we are alive.
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Dog gonmit Pinky VA is too far to bring you some OJ. If you were closer I would have been happy to get it for you.
As for me sleeping, I only do it in a chair usually. Otherwise I am moving and for me that is very hard to fall asleep while moving. Although I am enjoying the moving around. I went out yesterday running to the store and actually got out twice today WOOHOO!!!! I am on a roll, in fact I am going to look at a car with my son and that will make time number 3 and boy do I need a NAP!!!!
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LuAnn,
That is great that you are getting out. today was my first time out other than going to the doctors. It felt good to put on clothes and be among people.
I will say that my skin has been very dry since all this started. My daughter told me that I look like I have aged.. she said that I look old.
Does anyone know how long I should wait before I take on driving safely. I am afraid that the air bag will expand and flatten the expanders in my chest.
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hi all,
back again... sorry if I don't acknowledge e1 and their sucky days. But I do sympathisize with e1.
Yeah Traci, I was in here complaining a few months ago, then gave up. It seemed like I was a broken record. My avatar is a picture taken of me the week before I started neoadjuvant chemo. I was getting ready to do a bellydancing exhibition. My last one it seems. Another thing about my life that sucks! I can totally relate to your instance with your friend. I, too, hate my body right now and can not imagine ever letting someone see me or touch me. You have at least taken the first step.
I asked a male friend of many years how he would feel about his quality of life if he knew he could never have sex again. He said not much different from now since he had been celibate for the last 2 years. LOL So I said, well maybe I need to reword the question... How would you feel if you knew you would never ENJOY sex again, by yourself or with anyone else? He never answered that one. But that is how I feel. My breasts were such a big part of my sexual enjoyment that I have no libido. Men just don't get it.
As for expanders, I have had my expander since Dec of last year. ( the second one, since the first one tore thru the incision and got infected) . I still have a lot of pain and tightness. I have about decided against having invasive recon done and just going with an implant. My boobs will be lopsided and f***ed but they are now anyway.
Recon is barbaric. I know some women seem to be content with theirs, but I think it is horrible what is considered acceptable in the medical community. My PS suggested that I have the good boob lifted to match the new boob. when he told me that he would have to cut off my nipple to do that I nearly fainted. Why bother? My boobs are not important to me because they look good to the men that I meet. They are important for what they do for ME. It was just a bonus that they looked good too.
My plastic surgeon hates me cuz I was happy with my body before he got hold of it. I guess he is used to women that are unhappy and want something improved. Now, between chemo and surgery my body is a wreck.
My big that sux today is that my brother is losing his home. After living there for 25 years, it is almost paid off. But because of the economy in Florida for the past 5 years, his construction business has lost all of his money. Now he is faced with losing not just the business but his home as well. Before my dx, I could have helped him and did. I used to have a good job. Another sucky thing about life.
On a lighter note but still that sux... I am afraid that I'll never be able to wear high heels again... So many shoes.... so little time... Anybody wear a size 9? and love sexy heels? I do I do I do... but my feet hurt too bad.... and does anyone have neuropathy? do you get that gritty toe jam feeling? I have it all the time. It feels like I walked in the cat box.... UGH!
Anyway, just another rant. I am good at those.
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To CMharris59: I do understand about not wanting anymore surgery. I sometimes wish I hadn't opted for the expanders. I think I would be feelingbetter if I had just left my chest bear. I don't know how to feel about all of this.
I use to love my boobs. They were small but they were sensititive. Now I have scabs, fake spots left for nipples and hard rock expanders that hurt. Now Iearn that each fill of expanders will hurt. At what point do they exchange the expanders for the implants. I was so much in a hurry to get rid of the disease that I forgot to ask these type of questions.
I do wear a size 9 shoe, but I haven't been in shoes since the spring dealing with doctors, I wore flip flops all summer and now I am looking some comfortable flats to wear since it has gotten cool.
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Pinky, here's some Simply Orange for you. I didn't know if you wanted the kind supplemented with calcium, or maybe one of the new ones with orange+mango or orange+pineapple, so I just found the regular kind.
Hugs...
otter
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Hi Otter,
I finished the fills on my expander in February. I went every week for a fill. The pain was not any different for me before, during, or after a fill for me. They always hurt. Mine is still rock hard and very tight. I still get muscle spasms from it as well.
I don't think it helps to ask lots of questions. I did research before I went in and had a friend who is a doctor also do research for me about recon. They told me that they could do a procedure without cutting muscle in my belly so I said fine, let's talk recon. Now they are changing their tune and saying that they don't think my abdominal vein is strong enough to sustain fatty tissue without cutting and using the abdominal muscle. GRRRRRR!
As for when the exchange takes place, I have no idea. My PS still think that I want the SIEP or DIEP recon. Still since I had radiation, I cannot have recon done until the veins in my chest heal. My PS is talking about next May - 18 months with a rock hard expander! Maybe an exchange with an implant can be done sooner.
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Oh Sorry Pinky I confused you with Otter thx to the OJ.
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cmharris, I'm so sorry you are really having a tough time with the loss of your breast. We are just all so different in what is important to us. I had one boob removed at the age of 36 and never considered recon. I never had a problem getting a date when I wanted one and had some very exciting sexual relationships. I know alot of people have trouble drying up after menopause but I became more orgasmic (without sounding to crude) after menopause and enjoyed sex alot better than before menopause. I even had more desires so I guess I am just wierd (sounds about right for me LOL). But I hate it how much this diesease hurts so many people in so many different ways. I've always loved your avatar and thought that had to be awesome to belly dance. Don't give your shoes away yet because you may get into them again. Are you doing anything to try and offset your neuropathy? If not let me know and I'll offer a few suggestions.
PinkyLee I would drive if you feel up to it and are not on any narcotics. I have mets right now and have alot of pain and have been on some strong and large amounts of narcotics that make me an unsafe driver. Then if you through in xanax for times when I am haveing a stressful day. Let's just say the roads are alot safer without me driving on them. I actually voluntarily quit driving before my onc advised me that it wouldn't be a good idea to drive on the amount of drugs I was on. When I got my pain pump put in I was actually told I could probably drive again but I haven't been well enough long enough to really drive. Besides no one wants me out alone and someone always volunteers to go places with me. You would think I were a two year old LOL
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LuAnn
Thanks so much. I didn't know about the new flavors. maybe once I get to the store I can check them out. You sent me what I have been craving. Hugs
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