Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
Comments
-
Right up there with moms who don't get it, how about neighbors??? Ours is the neighborhood Mrs. Kravitz. Mind you, her son had leukemia, not once, but twice, as a child. Since my first diagnosis, all I hear from her is who has died of Cancer. Thank you very much! Two nights ago she tells me that she thinks our neighbor had her leg amputated because she didn't see it when she was being carried to her wheelchair by her husband. She then tells me that I can live without boobs but try living without a leg. Ummmm...no comparison lady?! Yep...chemo was a snap and so were the two Mastectomies. How selfish of me to complain...Nosey, rude, loud, know-it-all neighbors SUCK!
Megs, I was at Sports Barn today and kept seeing all the pink displays for the Avon Walk. I had visions of you with your pink tennis racket, lobbing the heads off of the mannequins!
Linda
0 -
flyrzfan, please don't blow your flap. It sounds like you are having enough difficulties with your recon without that! I cannot imagine how discouraging it must be, to go through all the physical and mental trauma of having recon, and get your hopes up that you will have a decent boobie to replace the one lost to BC (or BC prevention) ... and then have it threatened by infection or poor tissue perfusion. Sometimes I think that would be worse than just having a mast with no recon in the first place.
The quote about the subscription to the Harvard Review wasn't mine. It belongs to Loki007/megs, whose sense of humor is way better-developed than my own I'm afraid. I would love to claim credit for the idea, but it was all hers.
Small, late-evening bitch: I was really hungry tonight, and my dh fixed us a nice supper. About 20 minutes later, I was hit with the worst acid indigestion I have ever had in my life (and I had some bad indigestion during round #1 of TC). I've been taking Prilosec 40 mg every morning during this 2nd chemo cycle to keep that under control, and the Prilosec was working great until tonight (day 7). Something in our dinner triggered a major chemical eruption. Now I'm afraid to go to bed because of the reflux.
We need to implement some major sucky-control measures for everyone. Get some sleep, y'all.
otter
0 -
A big That Sucks to everyone. I wish I could respond individually but I just can't remember who said what. I'm going to have to start taking notes.
My bitches for today -
Last week it was 80 degrees and I had to turn our AC on so I could get comfortable enough to sleep. This morning I had to turn our heat back on because it was only 40 degrees. Good ole springtime in the Ohio Valley.
The pain meds have created a back up situation that's going to keep me up all night. I've taken softeners and I'm currently munching on some prunes, all to no avail. This sucks. . .like I wasn't having enough discomfort from my tram. . .seems like someone could come up with a pain med that didn't do this.
0 -
And a grand that sucks to all of you.
Bears, chickens, Teva-eating dogs, taxes, reflux, recon problems, oh, yeah...fun times.
I have been trying to get my pre-tax flex spending account cleared out from last year. Last date to submit claims is 4/30. I come to find out that my account is no longer in the system. I paid in the money, it shows on line, but lovely aetna can't find it. They have my claims...I need that money. now.
Someone put a note out in the breakroom about some pink M&Ms - buy them and cure BC! Uh huh. I'll give you pink M&Ms and maybe the 20 lbs I put on since dx. Megs - got that tennis racquet handy? Oh and the Breast Mammo Mobile is showing up at my work location. I do not need to see any pink RV in the parking lot thankyouverymuch.
Linda - I'd give Mrs Kravitz a leg...somewhere...and it would hurt.
0 -
That all sucks, and here's my crap...
I just picked up this post and I could have used it yesterday... crying at work... a high school... and kids looking shocked. (Like, I am supposed to be cheerful ALL the time.)
Every kid who ever knew of someone who has died of cancer has found a way to take me aside and ask, "So, you have cancer?" And I answer, "No, I did." And then they tell me all the horrifying details of someone who they know who died. I wish I had written them all down and wrote a book. Oh wait, I still can 'cause the stories keep coming!
I have watery eyes that burn the sides of my face, my hair is blonde (at least that is what I tell myself... it can't ALL be grey) and about a millimeter (is that the smallest measurement?) except still nothing in the widows peak area of my forehead. I wonder if it will ever return? My neuropathy is so bad that my fingers are numb and so are the bottoms of my feet. All my nails look hideous and dead and pealing and wrinkled.
I have hot flashes that make my head sweat and wake me up. I'd give my last breast for a good nights sleep. My teenage children are so angry at me for 1. divorcing their father and 2. getting a hideous disease and are cruel to me all the time. My boyfriend doesn't get that I can't remember sh*t and what that really means and has broken up with me for the gazillionth time - not realizing that he adds more to the stress than he provides relief from. I worry about typing anything cause the CRS makes me not even remember how to spell.
Being a librarian all I can say is... have you read "Cancer made me a shallower person" by Miriam Engelberg? (Don't worry, I can't read either but this is all comics so it is do-able!)
Thank you - I needed that.
0 -
Harley - I'm in the HMO plan through my work, so I have to go through my PCP. Which is not a big deal, he's very cooperative. But it's his office that's dropping my current medical/billing group. If I want to keep him, I have to change groups. The wise Medical Director of Blue Shield of CA thinks I'm changing my personal physician and so has denied my request because it could interrupt my health care. HA!! Now I know he/they didn't read it because I didn't ask to change physicians, just the billing group! Aaaaagggghhh!
Just one more thing to deal with...Shirley and Miss S - I think I've made a decision. Then I talk to someone else and they say something and I change my mind. But not really...I just hate the second-guessing myself. I only have to wait until Thursday morning and then I can stop flip-flopping. Did I mention that I work in a prison? So I was thinking this morning about dealing with the inmates' comments about my future hair loss and came up with this response: "Yeah, I shaved my head - I'm thinking about joining a gang."
Traci - loved the Undies!!! Hysterical - I would have forwarded those pictures to my mom if I could have.
Speaking of moms - we love 'em anyway.
Megs - loved the post. THAT SUCKS! And I loved your ending about the National Sarcasm Society. Someone posted a whole full-color page at work today about "Sarcasma" the wonder drug for sarcasm. "Ask your doctor about it today (like they care)." LMAO!!
Flyrzfan - Surgery SUCKS!
0 -
Welcome Anuhea and megs! I'm so glad you've found our little niche in the boards.
megs, I love the Victoria Secret rebound..... perfect! You are my kinda gal. My exhubby was in the USAF.... I know this is a scary time to have a loved one in the military. I'm sorry you're so tired, but it's no wonder! With all you've been through/are going through, three kids and a dh, I think energy may be hiding in the back of the closet. I am so sorry your best friend moved. That, alone, is reason for great depression!!! Feel free to come here and share your crap with us anytime!!
Anuhea, I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time, too. I had neuropathy in my hands and feet for a while during chemo. My feet hurt so badly, it felt like they had been sliced up with glass. I could barely walk enough to let the dog out the back door.
I wish I had a way to give you a good night's sleep, because I happen to be missing my left breast and could use one (I doubt if yours is droopy enough anyway). I take Melatonin to sleep and it works well for me. I'm so tired all the time, I probably don't really need it, but I heard it helped guard against something. I can't remember if it was Alzheimer's or tumors.
Don't worry about forgetting how to spell. We won't grade your submissions. I read Cancer Made Me a Shallower Person and I loved it! That chick was tough!! I love her. Please come back often and share more crap. We're here for you!!
A big That SUCKS for both of you.
Goodnight,
Miss S
0 -
Otter, I'm sorry about the mom. Maybe you could remind her that losing your hair to male-pattern baldness isn't the same as losing it to chemo?
I'm pretty sure the Harvard Review thing WAS inappropriate, but bitter is as bitter does I guess. And, this same woman was the (self-proclaimed, mind you) inspiration for my boob job, as hers were so magnificent. So, in her mind, I should be thanking her for indirectly saving my life with her spectacular tits. Hmph.
Yeah, I don't feel so bad.
And I have to admit, when I pictured myself knocking the heads off the mannequins I got a little giggly too. Nothing breeds awareness like a tennis racket upside the head!
I am actually a nice person. Annoyingly chipper, some would say. It's just too much work right now.
Sleep well ladies. I'm sending you tax-free wishes and nosy neighbor-less dreams!
megs
...and thanks for the welcome. It's nice to have a place I can bitch and moan with reckless abandon.0 -
Anuhea - dealing with teenagers (your own and your students) through all this must really suck. I hope they get over themselves soon -- they can't be rotten all the time!
Megs, I also LOVED your Harvard review comment. I almost bit my mom's head off over the phone last night when she started talking about going to get her hair done. What a luxury! If I had hair I wouldn't care if it stuck out in fifteen different directions....
My bitch for today: Neulasta cramps (ouch) and weight gain. I caught a side view of myself in the mirror last night wearing one of my lovely cotton sleep caps and I looked like an old bald fat person. (I'm only 41 and I used to be an average size 10..) Please don't tell me it is impossible to lose weight on Tamoxifen -- I am starting it next month after I finish chemo and I don't want to carry these extra 20 lbs around for the next 5 years!
For those of you who are dealing with constipation as a result of pain or anti-nausea meds -- have you tried Senna tea? It's the same ingredient as Sennakot but you can steep it for as long or as short as works for you. You can get it at any health food store. I drink an infusion together with some tummy-soothing tea at night when the stuffed sausage feeling gets unbearable (I have something called Eater's Digest that has mint, chamomile and fennel) and I only steep it for 3-4 minutes. It works almost every time. Don't steep for too long though because it could give you cramps all day -- although when the constipation gets bad I don't even care, I just want to get rid of all that toxic junk in my digestive system. For a while I wanted to pin one of those "biohazardous waste" symbols to my belly!
May today be less sucky than yesterday!
0 -
Ms. S-
You are TOO FUNNY!! Let's see... if you're taking melatonin, and you can't remember...then my guess is that melatonin helps with bc tumors...I think I read that somewhere, too.Well, I'm going to get my tattoos looked over, and the tattooist may re do them, if they are fading. I wonder if my insurance will pay for me to keep getting them re done every so often, since they are going to fade over time?
Hope ya'll have a less sucky day today!
Harley
0 -
Lorena - Thanks for the tip about the Senna tea, I'm going to have to look for that. I'm barely functioning today because I was up all night trying to get rid of the toxic waste. I love tea and would much rather be sipping on tea than eating prunes! By the way, I've been on tamox for over a year and haven't experienced weight gain on it. Haven't lost any either, but I think that's my own fault.
0 -
Megs,
I loved your Harvard review comment. My problem is I am not so witty myself and only think of such great responses a few days later.
My gripe for the day:
I am not asking for a pity party but do I have to listen to good friends and how miserable they are with their cold and how unfair that they got gray hair in their thirty's!! YOU HAVE HAIR AND BOOBS AND WILL LIVE TO SEE YOUR KIDS GROW--despite your cold. I am also in my thirties and do not have any of the above and will be lucky if I survive the next five years.
Oh and DH leaves a Victoria Secret cat and coupon on the table. I might want something fun. DUH!!! I screamed that the only cat I needed was the Lands End Mast cat and I never want to see a boob ever again.
Anuhea--I am sorry you are having such a tough time. The flip side of having little ones is that they do not complain too much except get upset that because of my sickness they do not get to do fun things anymore!
0 -
Hi everyone, Isabella, you made me chuckle at the brick laying story, reminded me of my ex he was cutting some really expensive cedar to go around a window and I told him he had it backwards well he just got angry and said I was wrong. So I just sat and watched him wreck the board. (with an amused smile on my face) So he finished the board and walked up to the window and saw that he cut it mirror image, Oh I couldn't hold back I laughed and laughed, and he actually started laughing with me and finally did it right. After that one he did trust my judgement, way back then he did geology for a mine and I had worked in engineering for Ministry of Transport so measuring and getting things right had to be done correctly or it could have lead to thousands of dollars in errors. I was right and it felt so good. My bitch today is I posted on the High Risk sight had a rotten rad appointment yesterday received no info I asked for but now have to see him every two weeks and he has set up Genetic Counselling for me, what the hell is that, he said it would be good for my children and of course that sort of shut me up. If anyone reads my post and has had genetic counselling could you let me know what the hell it is. And why did he close my file twice act nervous then set me up for that and another mammo after he checked my breasts and neck my neck has been really tender and the outside of my left boob, I was hoping it was pms starting, silly huh. Oh well thats my bitch for the day. Tonight I will read everyones posts and comment have to get drain cleaner chemicals (hate them) the bathroom sink flooded the whole damn bathroom because I didn't turn off the tap properly I tried a plunger because I hate chemicals but this clog won.
0 -
Hi Pearl! Good to hear from you again. Sounds to me like you're an abstract thinker! Like Einstein. There is a test out there that pops up now and again that has a few pictures that test what kind of thinker your are - you know like linear, aural, verbal, tactile etc. Also discovers whether you think in the abstract. One picture says if you can find a certain object within 3 seconds, you are one of the rare group of abstract thinkers! I'll try to find the link.
BTW, genetic counseling is probably just the preliminary questions they ask to see if you are covered or qualified for referral to test for the breast cancer/ovarian ca genes. You know the BRCA genes? There is yet one more gene they don't exactly name but is also included in this test in most labs. The questions they seek answers to are, how early were you dx'd, like prior to 44 I think (might be different in Canada), any female first degree relatives with bc or ovarian at a younger age such as mother, sister. Then grandmothers, aunts. They want to know if you are or possibly of Ashkenazi Jewish descent, and/or are of Eastern European descent. Also, were there any males who developed bc. For many of us, our familial lineage is murky. On one side there may exist no female history or no females that you can say died of a certain disease. Phrased the correct way, you stand a better chance of being granted the test.
Why get it? Well, for possibly having ovaries out as preventative, bilaterals, take preventative hormonals if hormone positive or something else if not. How frequent you are permitted checkups possibly. It is good to know for any daughters you have and possibly for your sons to be on the lookout themselves for male bc. Comes from the more you know, the better you can protect yourself and your kids. I don't know if testing positive would affect one's healthcare in Canada or not. Personally, I had the test and I live in the US. I knew it could pose a risk if I tested positive insurance wise if my insurance changed - until laws are firm, but for my children's sake, I had it. I was negative which does provide some info, but not the whole picture I do not think. But that is my opinion. I think tenderness in the breasts and lumps and even neck tenderness seem to come up frequently when in perimenopause but naturally for us all, we must follow through with our checks. You are in my prayers too! Hope everything down south is moving along ok for you these days too sweetie.
OK, the only bitch I can think of right now is that I got a TOTALLY unfair and false speeding ticket which I am going to court to contest simply on principle as well as to avoid an insurance premium increase
.DebC, I really hope your mouth soreness and tongue and all are getting better. I wonder if some Italian ice would help.
Diane, you are an amazing mom to have all these high achieving kids. How in the world did you do it. Please post a list of what you permitted in your home and what you didn't. Your forms of positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement. What did you FEED your kids?!? How did you create such winners? Oy. You need to write a booklet seriously. I will end my diatribe here.
gtg. Later ladies!
hanna 0 -
Pearl, sucks about your rotten rads appointment. Some docs have all the "book sense" in the world but not enough common sense, IMHO...
Hanna, sucks about the parking ticket. Our graphic designer got one a few weeks ago that cost $200!! Ugh...
My gripe today is insurance. For this sinus infection from hell, my doc perscribed Luvox (sp) - which my insurance didn't cover. It took three days of calls between doc, pharmacy and insurance co. to find a substitute. When I finally got back to the pharmacy, they'd lost the entire perscription! I just asked for the daggone Luvox and ate the $157 it cost. Sux!!
Deb, hoping your mouth is better.
And a hearty "That sooo sucks!" to everyone I missed...
0 -
UGH....That SUCKS, y'all!
Pearl, I wish I was there to give your doc a swift kick in the you-know-where. Sheesh....that sucks!
Speeding ticket? THAT SUCKS! Felicia...incompetence like that is sooooooooo annoying! I mean, it's their freakin job, for Pete's sake! It makes you wonder if they are ALWAYS losing things/screwing up, or if you're just the lucky one. BLAHHHHHHHHH
Hanna, you are so funny....let's see...with my first, I did not allow him to eat chocolate until he was five (seriously!). His grandma thought that was child abuse, though, and fed him chocolate whenever he was with her. He's the only one of my kids that has a "healthy" attitude toward candy and sweets. The truth about that one is that earlier experience with chocolate and that kid taught me that I didn't want to deal with the "aftermath" in the diaper---a purely selfish choice on my part, but it seemed to work out well! LOL I didn't have the same problem with the second and by the time the third kid arrived, my main objective was keeping him from eating out of the trash can and dog dish......There WAS a period of time where the oldest carried Scooby Snacks around in his pockets and would nibble on them in front of girls to get attention, though....
My only "that sucks" today is that I ordered some new bras, a prosthesis, and a wig a few weeks ago. I got a call while on my way to rads last week telling me they had come in. Rads was several miles in the opposite direction, so I told the lady we'd have to meet this week. Well, I've just been too freakin' nauseated, tired, and feeling rotten to go pick them up. I know that eating right and taking my vitamins will help me bounce back from the rads, but the damned nausea is keeping me from doing either so here I am, lying around like a slug and feeling rotten instead of DOING something about it. that sucks.
((((HUGS)))))
Diane0 -
oh ladies...so much to read so little time....I will say now, forcing typing pracritice with left had which was one where I got nerve damage during surgery, so apologize for typos...will correct bad ones but correctrion all would be a full time job
since i have been given strict orders not to over do too soon, i did not take notes as i went along but will do my best to cover from memory....Deb - bear story priceless...loved response about them hiding beer in creek to keep cold and steeling nuts to go with... also explainds all posts afterwards with refrences...i apparently did not gt to read far enought back last time i logged on! which brings me to megs..
Meg...so sorry not to give credit where credit was due on the Harvard review...had to share yours and otters posts with md team yesterday while i was in surgery waiting room...which prompted them to ban me from reading anymore of your posts until I am fully healed...they were of course, kidding...on serious side, I hope all med isssues arre clearing up and you arre doing well.
Otter - I so hope you are feeling better...youve come so far...hate to see you have anything but mostly good days at this point...my prayers are with you - I enjoy reading your posts and find them veery informational and uplifting...so this is me, trying to lift you up in return...
Deb - I so hope you are bettter by now with he mouth...without getting tooo gory, I had a leep in 2004 for some precancerous cervical cancer - my dr "forgot" i am alergic to Iodine. Guess what he wiped my insides down with. Oh yeah. Procedure was on a Friday so I spent weekend with ice packs on my suzie and at one point was eye-ing up the kids popcicles in the freezer as my next option for relief....opposite ends, but I do understand the crappy painful suckyness of it...
Harley44 - so glad ur insurance woes were cleared up well..always nice when you call and they actually want to help and then are able to as well...I don't remember who it was that had issues with dr office charging full price for a nipple tatto touch up but maybe they should have you call and get that fixed for them~ personally, since they had to take my nipples -along with some extra skin which will make the tatto nipples not look "natural" I figure i'll just get some dragon tatttos or something instead
best wishes to all I did not personally touch on...prayers go out to all my bc friends for health, happiness and ability to poke those that annoy them in they eye....
bonnie
0 -
Life seems to like to throw us curve balls! Im not a happy camper today. Walking is my job. I go from hospital to hospital to evaluate people. Yesterday while I was walking to my car I stumbled forward. There is nothing like the feeling of knowing your going down! I tried to balance myself and almost made it, but my left foot gave in and down I went.
This coming August we will be celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary. How I have lived with this man for 30+ years is beyond me. Soemtimes men can be such jerks.
I left work early and came home. Elevated my foot and put ice on it. Well actually we didnt have any ice in our freezer but a frozen vegetable worked just as good. My husband has the flu and when I got home he says "well thats the end of my sickness." Now Im not sure what he meant by that - but I knew I was in for one of those bad couple nights.
Then I get the lecture. "You should be more careful." OK - like I was purposely being irresposbile so I would fall down? Then he says "you have gained so much weight your body cant carry yourself anymore." Ah yes, just what I needed to hear. Not only do I have a sore foot, Im fat. Talk about self esteem? I have none.
I woke up this morning and the foot is really swollen. Also looks a little odd - so Im guessing its broken. Now back in August, I had pneumonia. Went to the ER and all my husband did was yell at me. He was very supportive while I was going through treatment, but it all came out that night on how resentful he was for me ruining his life! Guess my life wasnt ruined.
So last night everytime he walked into the kitchen to get me something I could hear his moaning and groaning. I finially said screw you in my mind and didnt ask for another thing. If I wanted something to drink, I went and got it myself. Hurt like hell but I did it.
This morning he is acting no different. I just so tearful right now I cant stand it. Im going to the emergency room after rush hour is over. He thinks he is taking me, but he has another thing coming. Im just gonna tell him straight out I dont want him with me.
I took 2 vacation days. Today and tomorrow. I hoping I will be able to walk come Monday because that is my job walking. I have been a nurse for more years than I will admit, and have always taken care of people. Sometimes I just wonder why when something happens to me - there is no one to take care of me. Im the bread winner in this family. DH has enjoyed 30 years of working part time as an entertainer. So if I cant walk, this will be a huge financial burdon.
So thats my story. Im very sad and tearful. Wishing that life would get better after breast cancer. But it hasnt. 3 years later, it still has its emotional scars and physical limitations. Thanks for listening.
OH one more thing. I had an appointment with my PS yesterday. The implants on my bc side looks so much smaller. Im thinking maybe there is a leak, but I feel no pain from it. Had to blow that appointment off. Didnt even call to cancell. Came home and went right to bed.
Nicki
0 -
chemo- you shuold get one of traci's famous awards for crappiest day ever....rack dh (not abbreviated in the nice way either) in the jewels and tell him its from me... i can not even fathom being in your shoes...do u live near me? ILL come get u and take u to hosptial - i too broke ankle 4 yrs ago so i know just how bad the tears want to flow.....know we are here for you and we'll support u any way we can...bonnie
0 -
Oh Nicki, that really sucks. I hope they fix you up okay at the ER. Maybe a gel cast that will help you get around! I know you know -- rest, ice, compression, elevation!
Your DH sounds like my ex -- work PT when he felt like it while he pursuing his acting career -- meanwhile I worked FT to support him and son, AND I was the one with more active music "career" but also gave fulltime to day job! And he was the big baby when he was injured or sick, but whenever me or our son hurt ourselves it was because we were clumsy or inattentive, and whenever we were sick it was because we hadn't been eating or exercising properly, or thinking positively!!!!!!!!!! Thank God that jerk had been out of my daily life for 10 years before I got BC (although, when they say the tumor has been growing for ~10 years by the time it's found, and stress may be a trigger, hmmmm.....)
(((((Nicki)))))
And flyrzfan -- even though it is 4 years ago, that post-LEEP experience is one of the SUCKIEST things I've read here!!!!
What sucks for me is that I have to get to work after being there until 11:30 last night.
Please forgive me for running off without a proper hello and THAT SUCKS to everyone!
Love,
Ann
0 -
Oh Nicki I DO know what that impending falling down feeling is! It is horrible. It is the worst. I have done it over and over. I am so sorry your foot is hurting, but you do need to have an x-ray. I hope you have a set of crutches to get into the hospital. They will give you pain meds and then do what you know as a nurse they do for your hurt foot.
Last year I fell out the front door in the morning in front of all my neighbors. I was taking out the trash and the sun hit me full in the eyes and I missed my own front step. Down I went like a sack of feed - on top of my 3 swollen 33 gallon trash bags with my foot bending in a way nature never meant it to. I knew right away something had broken in my foot but I was not about to let on to the neighborhood spectators that I was hurt. I rose up with a smile on my face and waved, turned around and went right back in the door - sat down on my chair and yelped.
OY the pain. My husband - ever in denial - said there's nothing wrong with your foot and more stuff that would make you come and kill him so I won't say it all. I too waited to go to the ER with a bag of frozen peas on my foot until about 5 pm. Finally, I went to the ER. The place was full of people with foot issues. Lady across me crying and moaning, soccor girl with a hurt foot, me and a few others. After everyone's x-rays came back - I was told I was the only one with a broken foot, so they start offering me the drugs everyone else had been begging for since I got there. Honestly, I didn't really need them while in the wheelchair. When I got released, they presented me with my parting gifts - my cast thing, the reuseable ice wrap, and a set of adjustable crutches. Then waved goodbye. Let's see, this occured after my last years root canal and before my 2nd and 3rd bc dx's. What a year.
I know you feel like crap when you can't be mobile. That sucks. Especially for someone who is so independent and walks everywhere. Please give us an update. If you need time off, you take it! Take a week if necessary. You will take care of YOURSELF!
Ok?
gtg. My bitches can wait.
Hanna
0 -
Well. DH insisted on going with me. He changed his attitude when I said I dont want you there. He was actually nice and didnt yell at me.
So there is a fracture in one of the bones in my foot. They put this funny shoe on and told me to see an orthopedic doctor. I have the appointment for tomorrow.
ER doctor said ortho will probably give me a walking cast - thank goodness. They put your x-rays on a CD now. So when I came home I tried to look at it. The fracture must not be that bad, cause I cant see it.
Ha, DH actually said "I promise I will behave." So he knows what he does and he did behave!
I have a Kentucky Derby party to go to on Saturday and Im not cancelling it.
Nicki
0 -
If you girls need a good laugh today, I suggest reading Watson's On a lighter note thread in the recurrence forum. I seriously cannot stop laughing at some of the stories posted.
0 -
I haven't posted in forever......miss you guys. I will catch up tonight. I'm trying to work and move and babysit and see everbody....GAWD. I'm exhausted.
0 -
Traci - good to see you back, I saw on watson's thread that you finally found the spell checker button!
Nothing bitchy about today - sun is shinning and it is about 70 degrees - except I am stuck at my desk looking out the front door watching the trees blow in the breezes.
Sheila
0 -
Nicki, glad you got your foot looked at quickly, and that DH got it together! Hope ortho appt goes smoothly, too.
Best,
Ann
0 -
Nicki, that really sucks! I'm glad you made it to the dr, and I'm especially glad that your dh saw the error of his ways and is being nicer to you.
I don't have anything in particular that has happened to me in recent days (in fact I'm finally starting to come out of this round of chemo fog and I'm feeling much better, physically) but can I please just bitch and moan one more time about being bald? I really, REALLY hate it! I yelled at my son today (really yelled loud!) because he sat on my hat -- and then I almost started crying. I realized that if one of my two favorite hats got ruined, it would be one less thing to maintain the illusion of normalcy, one less barrier between the world and my terrible state of baldness. I feel like everything "normal" that I do -- go to work, play with my son, listen to NPR, talk to my boyfriend about his job -- all of it is just pretending to go on with my regular life, because underneath it all I'm still bald. I hope I don't sound completely crazy. Of course things could be much, much worse in my life. But I am grieving the loss of my hair. I feel much the way I did 8+ years ago when I had a miscarriage -- like there is an emptiness, like something inside of me has changed. And I don't know how long it's going to take to get past this -- will I feel better when I have a half an inch of stubble? Or do I have to wait a year until I have enough hair to feel like me again?
I'm also feeling so boring. Like I have nothing interesting to say anymore, all I can think/talk about is chemo symptoms and surgery decisions and how my son is dealing with having a sick, bald Mama (he's fine, incidentally). I think my sparkly personality must have gone the way of my hair. I'm just no fun anymore.
OK, I'm done. See, even my moaning and groaning is boring.
Lauren
0 -
Lauren, I hear you, and that sucks, but ...
Not only am I grieving the loss of my hair, but yesterday my almost completely bald pate developed red, itchy bumps! Today they cover pretty much my entire scalp. (I can document this because I took pictures). A very, very small number of the bumps have tiny pustules, but the rest do not--they're just red bumps that itch. And, I only have them where 2 weeks ago I had hair.
I've ruled out my wig because I don't have a wig. I haven't been wearing caps or scarves, except yesterday I did wear a soft, cotton cap for a few hours. It was just so friggin' cold here. (We set a record low temperature, which broke the previous record dating back to 1879.) Otherwise, I'm just bare-headed. No new shampoos, no new chemicals except for the #$!!* chemo drugs of course. (Taxotere is doing this, I'll bet!)
I'm calling the onco's office tomorrow, of course. I sure hope they'll say, "Oh, don't worry--it's a dermatologic condition we see with Taxotere and it will go away in a few days." It's not a huge inconvenience, but I don't like finding new SE's every few days.
otter (scritch scritch scritch)
0 -
UGH Otter, that really sucks!!! How have you been taking care of your scalp? I've been using a small amount of shampoo and conditioner every day, really rubbing it in (I shaved last week but I have some stubble and regrowth) and I also use moisturizer a couple of times a day. Not that I'm recommending that you use anything now, until you talk to your onco's office. I'm just wondering if the itchy bumps could have started as dry skin -- after all, it's skin that has never been exposed to the open air before!
I am impressed that you are ok with going bare-headed -- I can't even look at myself in the mirror without cringing. I even wear a cap or a scarf when I'm home by myself. I'm such a chicken.
0 -
I've been using my same shampoo and conditioner that I've used for, oh, maybe 8 years. It seemed kind of strange to be shampooing nearly bare skin, but my scalp felt so good afterward; and I have never ever had any scalp or hair problems ... until now of course.
My hair has always been oily (as has my skin in many places), so dry scalp probably wasn't the trigger. In fact, I have been sweating a lot lately (except for yesterday when it was frigid cold), so I even thought maybe it was dampness that led to the problem.
Anyway, thanks for the sympathy! I'm not so brave. I guess I'm just stoic. It was the same way with my mastectomy--it never really bothered me to look at the scar. The day after my surgery, when the surgery entourage came by on rounds, the surgery fellow wanted to take off my bandage and check my incision. She was trying to be very careful. I realized later that she might have been trying to look at the incision without letting anyone else--even me--see it. She very gingerly tried to work around the snaps on my hospital gown without unsnapping them, and reach under the gown to pull on the bandage ... but it was no use. She couldn't get to the incision.
So, I just unsnapped the gown and dropped it down on that side to uncover the whole bandage. She pulled the bandage off, and checked the drains, incision, & steri-strips underneath, etc. There was a whole army of young doctors and medical students watching, but for some reason that did not bother me. I guess I wanted to make sure they all knew what a mastectomy looked like if they hadn't seen one already. (There will always be a teacher in me, I'm afraid.)
I think some Benadryl is in order tonight, to stop the itching and to help me sleep. Thanks!
BALDNESS SUCKS. BC SUCKS.
otter
0
