Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Otter that SUCKS!
I have had the same thing happen twice now since I started chemo. The doc said it is a side effect of my Avastin. I found that Benadryl cream helped mine a ton. I still have a few little spot on the nape of my neck, but most of it is gone. The doc said it was a form of "cystic acneform rash" (not sure if I spelled that right). I was really pissed off about it until I found a study on Avastin and Colon cancer where they were looking at the people that got that type of rash. They discovered in the small study that the rash only appeared on folks where the chemo was working. In fact, the rash was worst on the people who were having the biggest effect on their cancer. In other words, the people who were killing lots of cancer cells with the chemo were getting really bad rashes!
Does that help? LOL...maybe you are just kicking cancer's ass J Or you could go with my grandmother's theory. She always said that zits were just the "meanness" coming out!
Hang in there....
Zits suck
Deb C
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Bonnie - The mishap with the iodine sucks, but your comment about the kids popsicles cracked me up!
Nicki - Glad you got your foot taken care of. Hopefully it will heal quickly. I think you have my husband. We've also been married 30 years and sometimes I question why. He runs so hot and cold it just wears me out. He can be really good to me and then just turn into a complete a$$. He really helped me out the first 2 weeks after my tram, but these last 2 weeks he's just kind of left me on my own. He's managed to be "sick" and miss work twice since my surgery. Today was one of those days. He came home from work early complaining about being stuffed up. Hello, it's springtime in the Ohio Valley. . .everyone is stuffed up. Next he's asking me what's wrong with me because I "look" like I'm in a bad mood. I just told him I'm still in pain and I guess it shows on my face. His response. . ."What, so now you're feeling sorry for yourself?" WTH?? How could he say something so insensitive considering what I've just been through? If I want to feel sorry for myself, I think I deserve it! Men! I can't imagine what he'd be like if he'd experienced even a tenth of the pain I've been through.
Sorry to ramble on, just needed to get that off my chest. I hope I feel good enough to drive soon. If I don't get out of this house on my own soon I may go completely insane!
Thanks for listening
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Sheila, if it makes you or anyone feel any better: when my dh, a surgeon, had a prostectomy he was in severe pain, naturally, and the morphine pump was goofy and all sorts of crap.
After he got home, over a week in the hospital, by the way---they don't do that for us gals----he FINALLY understood what surgical pain was all about.
He fully admitted that he had retroactive sympathy to me as well as all the patients he'd operated on and treated. Too bad docs and nurses don't have a realization of patient's needs until they finally go thru it themselves.
As a nurse I feel free to say this, I remember as a new grad, complaining about a pregnant staff nurse working with me that she should stay home if she couldn't pull her own weight in patient care. Boy did I eat my words when I was preg.(twice) and working in the ER.
My bitch for today is: my husband is retired. That means I became stupid, childlike, forgetful, and incompetent the week after he retired. For some reason he forgets that I ran this family, home and a full time job, sometimes working 16-18 hours a day, and never thought a thing about it. I now need directions to the f****** post office!!!!!!!!!!!!! or so he believes.
I also love him and he's going thru another cancer scare, but I swear, if he doesn't find a hobby and get something else to talk about besides his one day a week job and the billing for it, I will have to run screaming into the woods or do bodily harm to him.
Ok, that's mine for the last few months and probably for the next few as well.
Thanks for listening!
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I think I've figured out a large part of what's bugging, me when I read Lauren‘s post, "But I am grieving the loss of my hair. I feel much the way I did 8+ years ago when I had a miscarriage -- like there is an emptiness, like something inside of me has changed." I, too, had a miscarriage 18 years ago and the loss was devastating. I grieved for months and found it difficult to move on. With the help of a wonderful support group my heart and soul healed.
Now that I have lost both breasts, in two surgeries, I am grieving their loss, as well. Like the miscarriage, there's nothing to bury, nothing but scars to remind me of what use to be. There's no formal ceremony for this. How do I honor the breasts that I lost? They were a part of my body, a part of my life for 47 & 48 years. They fed my four children. How do I put this feeling of loss into words? I look at my body and I am so sad at what I see. It's not that I feel like less of a woman...I feel like less of a person...less of me. I have never disliked my body as much as I do tonight. Two Mastectomy scars, a port scar, a large TRAM scar, and scars from a total of seven drains. Accepting this "new" me is not easy...
Linda
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Oh ladies, the posts about dh's...Nicki, Sheila, and Dottie: DH's who are insensitive suck! Mine got his panties in a bunch about 8 days after my 2nd surgery because he was doing "all the chores" in the house. Yeah...and? Your problem is...? I let him know he was acting like and an a$$ and he straightened himself out. Good thing or like Dottie I might have done him bodily harm.
My gripe today is still - INSURANCE! I haven't dealt with my other issue yet, but I called today because we want a second opinion on my pathology report and my onc wants to make sure it's covered by my insurance. So 14 phone calls, 8 people, 5 transfers and 30 minutes later
I was told my doc has to fax the request to the medical director of the insurance so HE can approve it and decide where to send it. I don't really care about that (as long as he approves it!) but it means I have to put off starting my Carbo/Cytoxan coctail for probably another week. Not that I'm looking forward to it, just ready to start and get it over with. But I have a cute story, too...I told my 8 y.o. dd yesterday about probably losing ALL my hair (we've already been through the general hair loss talk), including lashes and brows. She offered me hers and her sisters (when they just come out) and told my dh this morning "I told mom she could borrow my eyebrows."
Good night and a big, 'ole THAT SUCKS to whoever needs it!
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A big hearty that sucks and big hugs to everyone!
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Otter,
I had open sores on my head also had follicuitis (sp?) went to work without wig it hurt too much just use hat also hurt but not as bad would still call onc and let them know. THAT JUST SUCKS !!!!! I still don't look at myself in the mirror. This disease Just SUCKS.
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Girls as always you are all great!
Traci- dusty undies, are they coming to the Washington DC area?
My bitch for today is- that on Wednesday I went in for first ever colonoscopy, and after all the FUN prep that goes with that, I was drilled forever by very nice dr's and nurses. Apparently they do not have alot of 43 yr olds with bilaterals, cardiac ablation and they were a little nervous about the old ticker during the surgery!
One nurse told me "you have had such a hard time this last 6mths I know today will just be a baseline and they will find nothing", WRONG!
So they found one damn polyp and diverticulosis, Yeah, same nurse afterwards said I quess it is still going to be that kind of year for you! I told her yeah and I can not wait until the total hyster on May 20, and see what surprises lay in store for me there!!!! This crap sucks!!!
So I wait two weeks to get path back from polyp, dr said he does not believe it is cancer, but won't rule out precancer, and something about he needs to know what tissue this polyp formed in????
What the heck does that mean? Have any of you had polyps in early 40's? I know they, polyps are common but how common at 43? What about this tissue thing?
Oh and one more bitch- that apparently they do not examine all the tissue after they cut our boobs off! They do a visual to determine what needs a closer look under the microscope. WTF!I had 9 tumors still in the boobs and a 2cm enlarged lymph node on left side inner part of my boob. I was told they were to examine it all! Especially the lymph node, then in March onco tells me no, they LOOK at most of it! She can not speak to the reason the lymph node was not examined, except that the must of forgotten before they started slicing the tissue all up and once that is done you do not have a reference to what was what!
Okay good news is i had two large sections of comedeo dcis with necroisis and they got it all including the two atypical hyperplasia tumors next to the dcis. Bad news is all the other "issues" going on in my tits were not carefully looked into, just kinda visually! Not making me really want to jump for joy!
Is this your experiences? I am requesting a second path read. Do not know if it will be approved. There is lots of crap written in my path reports proliferative breast disease, apocrine metaplasia, hyperplasia, blah, blah ,blah! So much more i CAN NOT REMEMBER!
I do not want to look at it again right now! So am I being paranoid, should I just accept good news forget about the other crap!?
OOOOOOH I am so tired of this medical world!
On the lighter side my heart is doing great! See what a little zapping can do!! LOL!
Bye,
Dani
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otter...for reasons im not going to admit....been in a position where i just needed something to relieve the irritation and sensitivity...so, dont ask dont tell but do try (on a small section first of course) desitin. yes, the stuff for diaper rash...it's quite multi-purposeful.
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dani ~ im so sorry...this sucks for you. i think we need a rule that everytime someone gives you a non-commital dumbass answer -you get to smack them up-side the head!
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OMG flyrzfan- I just used desitin for the "Prep" before colonoscopy! Too funny! I highly recommend wearing Large maxi pads and witch hazel wipes so your ass does not need desitin after all the wiping from the lovely prep for that procedure! LOL!
dani
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Dani....so sorry for all the C R A P that is being thrown your way now.
Thinking of you and hoping things will start to look better at the end of May, lets hope this will be the last major op for you.
Isabella.
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Wow. A hearty "That Sucks" to all - especially Nicki, Dani, Otter, Cristine, Dotti, Linda, Traci and Sheila.
My gripe today is this !*$^# antibiotic for sinus infection from hell has given me a yeast infection. WTH?!?
Itchily yours,
Felicia
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Otter,
I have that teaching thing going to! At my colonoscopy the nurses were all great and one asked if she could see my scars, she has never seen a mast patient, lucky her,LOL!
So I pulled the gown down before they even closed the curtains, I just don't care. They all wanted to feel and had lots of questions! Loved the nick name "foobs"! I feel that letting other women see the actual aftermath is a good thing. One it may get their butts in for their mamos and two it doesn't seem as scary when you confront it head on! Not to me at least!
Keep teaching Otter!!!
Keeping you in my mind hopefully things will get better for you soon!
Dani
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Y'all have a really long list of gripes today ... and they all SUCK. Mine's not so bad this time.
Dani, yes I know how unnerving it is to discover that, after we've sacrificed a major and prominent part of our anatomy to BC, the pathologist paws through it for a few minutes and then throws most of it in the trash. My own path report after my mast/SNB (and my core biopsy for that matter) was a terrible disappointment. There were 2 pages of jibberish detailing exactly what tissues were received by the path lab and how they had been marked; there were a few lines under "final diagnosis;" and then under "Histopathology" it said, "A microscopic examination was performed."
Huh? So what were the results? What did the darn thing look like? How did you arrive at a Bloom/Richardson grade of "2"? And, what about the 2nd lump the surgeon marked--what was that? Furthermore, there was the IDC we knew about, but there was also some DCIS. Where was that, and how big was it?
Being me, I called the pathology lab and asked to speak to a pathologist. A very nice man (head of the section, I think) came on the phone and patiently explained to me that high-volume path labs don't write histopathology (microscopic exam) reports anymore, unless they see something unusual or unexpected. They provide the surgeon with "just the facts"--that is, just the information he/she needs to come up with a treatment plan and prognosis. Anything else is a waste of time and paper (or electrons). I checked with my pathology friends, and they confirmed that this has become S.O.P. at big labs and university hospitals.
That just sucks. I lost a boob, and they're too busy to tell me what was in it.
Desitin ointment. Thanks--been there, done that, at the other "end". Love the stuff. Last chemo cycle, I had diarrhea for about 5 days (until I figured out where they sell Imodium). I was left with a ... hmmm, how to put this? ... a very sore bum. I had "scald", actually. Thinking like a grandmother, I remembered Desitin ointment; so I bought some on my next trip to the pharmacy. Pricey, considering that it's just zinc oxide with some other emollients and stuff, but it felt wonderful.
Soooo, on my next visit to my onco to discuss all the various SE's of tx #1 (prior to tx #2), I mentioned that the diarrhea had resulted in a sore bum. My onco, who I love dearly, immediately suggested Desitin ointment and ... get this: baby wipes. Of course on my next trip to the pharmacy (I go at least 3 times a week), I bought some Huggies "sensitive skin" baby wipes (aloe, but no alcohol or fragrance). And, guess what? They're terrific. This tx cycle, same GI problem but no sore bum.
For those of you who are looking forward to colonoscopies (and aren't we all?), try the baby wipes.
My gripe for the day: the scalp bumps are subsiding (thanks for the advice), but now my eyelids are twitching. Gotta love that Taxotere!
otter
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"looking forward to colonoscopies"......<snicker!>
My suck for today: last week, dh's employer claimed they screwed up and direct-deposited his paycheck twice. No problem--we just pretended the correct amount was deposited as employer intended to correct the problem. Well, it would appear they've "over-corrected" and overdrawn our account....AND will neither correct THIS issue nor deposit THIS WEEK'S paycheck until sometime next week. Oh, Joy! As we try to get through a weekend with no cash and bounced check charges add up to the point where there will be nothing left when the deposit is finally made. AGHHHHHHHHHHH
Ginormous "THAT SUCKS!" to you all....and hopes for a non-sucky (or at least minimally sucky) weekend.
((((HUGS))))
Diane0 -
They should be refunding you any over drawn fees. I would call personnel immediately and tell them this is unacceptable and have them make a correct deposit. demand a supervisor! I was a bank manager for years and I would not overdraw your account if you came in or called me with such an issue. I would pay with no charge! See if you can get the bank to agree to that when you explain the problem.
Dani
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Otter,
How comfortable should I feel with my current path????
I do not want to start a conversation about this issue of "viewing" because I do not want to freak people out, especially the newbies about not trusting path reports fully. But I am damn pissed they did not check my enlarged lymph node. Especially with so many tumors on that side, that they apparently did not check out either only viewed.
Dani
Dani
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Trying to catch up with everyone. Just got back from the ortho and I guess my day isnt too bad compared to whats going on. I didnt need a cast, just have to wear this goofy shoe for 4-6 weeks. Yep, spent $40.00 to hear that. Well at least he was young and good looking.
Dani: Im sitting here with my mouth dropped open. I cant believe they didnt check the lymph node. What is happening in this world now a days. Yes, I would be upset. Worried? Well you had chemo and hoping that took care of everything.
Diane: Oh man, that direct deposit mistake really sucks. Too bad they wouldnt consider it a priority to fix it right away. That happened to me once and my work called the bank. Thank goodness I didnt get all the late fees which could end up to be hundreds of dollars now with what they charge. Facing a week-end without money sucks big time.
Otter: Desitin is still an old favorite of mine.
Felicia: Oh yes the wonderful side effects of some antibiotics. Im just itching thinking about it.
OK - time to elevate the foot and relax.
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Dani--
Sheesh. Why is it your job to sort this out? (OK, that's my bitch for now. I reserve the right to come up with another one later today.)
It's possible that they did find that lymph node, fix it in formalin, and embed it in a tissue block. If that's the case, the lymph node should be mentioned in the "gross description" of the tissue they examined and in the list of tissues they embedded into blocks. That also means it's still available to be looked at. I guess it's also possible that they looked at it "grossly" (eyeballs only), and decided it looked benign. If that's what they did, it would trouble me; and I would be tempted to follow up with the pathology lab.
My report mentioned the 2nd lump my surgeon marked, but it said the lump was "rubbery" and I guess they took that to mean it was a benign fibroma. At least that's what my surgeon said. OTOH, I know from the path report that the rubbery lump was fixed in formalin and put into a block to be sectioned and examined microscopically. That means they saw it, and they still have it; I just don't know what they decided it was, because it wasn't mentioned in the final dx.
The pathologist I spoke with said he would send my samples to another lab for a 2nd opinion if I wanted one. Also, a former co-worker of mine talked to a pathologist she knew at the lab where my dx was made. That pathologist said he would even meet with me and go over my slides if that would be helpful. Option #1 would have cost me money; option #2 was a professional courtesy offered because of my own training and where I work(ed).
I gave up, because in my case it would not have made any difference in my treatment or prognosis. OTOH, in your case it might. I think you should pursue the 2nd opinion option, if you can get someone to verify that they still have tissues or blocks that would be relevant. It really irks me that such important details are left out, and nobody seems to care (except us).
Dang it. These things should not be happening. It just SUCKS.
otter
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Nicki- I did not have chemo that is why I am so worried!
Otter- My understanding is they did not single out the lymph node. It was sliced and put in the formalin. There was only a visual done, even though it lit up three times on MRI, once in 2003 an no changes until April 2007 when it grew and radio suggested it be further evaluated. I decided that I would wait to do further testing, (regret that big time now, until my next schedule scan date which is always October. I scan ultra, mamo and then mri every other each year.
I put it off in April of 07 because I had just lost my best friend to colon cancer in Jan 07, and was quite sick of dr's offices and procedures both hers and mine. I guess I was somewhat in a depression about her death and felt I could deal with it in Oct. I had dealt with this BC scare business since 1986. first tumors then when I was 19 they did remove 11 , last count not sure if it was actually more, but definitely 11! So now I sit after onco explained this all to me in March, when BTW I asked why I did not see gross description of lymph node in my path, she just makes it seem like well should of checked it but he is a good pathologist, so don't worry!!!
Let her tits be cut off and not have a complete report and see if she does not worry!!!
I am seeking the 2nd opinion but do not know if it will make a difference because it is all cut up. Onco said they would have no area to reference?! Does that make any sense?
Thanks for your help!!!
It is not like I want to jump in the chemo chair but if I need to I would! She just did not make me feel all warm and fuzzy!
I feel VERY irked that this was forgotten! I did have another MRI in Nov after dx and again it LN, lit up! Surgeon told me to have it biopsied with a tumor they wanted to check on on left boob. Radio Dr refused, said it was to dangerous because of bleeding risk? So then they were supposed to take it out at wide ex-cession and my surgeon said let us just take out the cancer area then we will deal with that node later?! WTF!!! I agreed like a dumb a$$! I got a very bad staph infection from W/E and delayed my mast so I guess we all just forgot! Damn it!!!
Oh this sucks!!! I guess I just wait and see for colon polyp and if I can get 2nd covered. If not I may look into how much it would cost me out of pocket.
If I learned one thing from my friend that died from colon cancer it was stay on top of the damn medical world. It is your best defense!!
Bye,
Dani
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I haven't been here for a couple of days.
Nicki, I had to stop reading after your post. You almost have me in tears. I'm so sorry you are hurting. Hurting more emotionally than physically. Men can be jerks! Don't they know we just need them to put their arms around us. And then there's those times like DON'T YOU TOUCH ME! Oh, and they just don't understand. They've been so good to us. My dh was good to me during chemo most of the time. However, the emotional part he didn't get. And, to be honest with you, I didn't share much of it with him. Just didn't have the energy.
Just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you. I didn't realize you hurt yourself. I'll have to read more to find out whether or not you broke your foot. Here's a big {{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Shirley
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Hi everyone: Tomorrow i'M going to answer everone properly, but my f$%^%^g head is killing and thats my bitch when the hell will the headaches stop they are overiding my regular gripes, damn have to have a sleep. In the morning after my opt appt I will write and thank you all for support and read your gripes as well.
Good night and Good Luck Is that the saying?
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"Good night, and good luck."
1) The line used by famous radio/TV journalist Edward R. Murrow in the 1940's and 1950's to close each of his broadcasts.
2) The title of a 2005 movie about Edward R. Murrow that was written and directed by George Clooney, and that should be on my Netflix list. Thanks for reminding me!
Headaches, lost lymph nodes, broken feet, bad bookkeeping by a bank, itchy scalp bumps, health insurance that won't pay up ... IT ALL SUCKS!
otter
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Well what a sucky week we've had!
Broken foot, pimple head, sore bums, no money, sucky path reports blah blah blah!
My sucky stuff for this week is Layoffs!! The economy sucks and that's sucking our jobs down the tiolet.....nice announcements from General Motors.....my hubbys job may be kissed goodbye! Looks like this sucky year has no end!
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holy crap....i feel like an interloper this week with no bitch....just wanted to see how u alll were and if i cud help with challenges....
dani - is a pet scan an option for u? i also had swollen nodes nnot taken but they did sentinaland it was neg so i pray that is enough...
otter - big fat hugs...and then more. im so sorry ur world sucks right now
diane - i hope the money is fixed by now
felicia - two suggestions. yogurt to clear up. popcicles to get relief right now!!!
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Short and Sweet post today. A skunk sprayed my dog last night. Need is say more? Yuck.
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flyrzfan,
I do not know if they would approve a PET. I would have one, my latest MRI report from before my surgeries read;
"A confirmed area of indeterminate enhancement superomedially in the left breast...., It is hyperintense on T2, likely an intramammary lymph node, a second smaller focus adjacent to this area is hyperintense on T2 as well. Shows rapid enhancement pattern at its hilus. They believed that to to be an intramammary lymph node.
They did recommend targeted ultasound to evaluate the area again.
I never did the ultasound, they were going to biopsy instead because the lymph node grew from previous MRI, and that got all screwed up so....
Maybe I am worried about nothing,(I Hope), but I never understood everything was not checked until I had another appt with onco. Well that would be fine on someone who did not have so many tumors, (9 at mast surgery), they were not the cancer area, but none the less they were tumors and I had been monitored for years because my hormones kept producing these fibroadenomas.
I will go for now! Seems like I am worrying myself sick. Was much better, mentally before the colonoscopy, now I just feel like they will keep finding issues!!
Dani
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Yeah what is it you have to shower in when you get sprayed by a skunk???
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