Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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I am 56 and have had my lumpectomy and will be starting chemo and radiation soon. I think that sometimes men don't know how to handle this and are concerned about us but don't know what to do to help. They tend to want to fix things and when they can't they don't know what to do or say. I would love to hear more from the ladies on this forum. I am just overwhelmed by all of this but know that I am not alone.
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Linda....I just checked in, but have to run and take care of a problem. I'll be back soon...........and in the mean time, everyone here is great at trying to smooth out some of the wrinkles this disease just seems to insist on putting in your path. Be back later but till then...........a big welcome to you.
Hugs, Jackie
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To all of you kind ladies who replied to my post a couple days ago, thanks for your information and warm welcome. Five more days til I start chemo and counting. Part of me dreads it, part of me wants to get it over with so I can stop wandering (and fearing) what it'll feel like. I have good days and bad. One minute I feel like a warrior ready to do battle, the next I feel like crying as it seems my life is out of my control. I am sure I will get through this, but it's a journey not for the faint of heart!
It's nice to have a place like this to vent these feelings. I'm sure I'm not alone. Have a strong day, everyone!
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Hi Linda, sorry you have to join this group, but you will feel very at home with everyone. Don't be afraid to ask anything you need to know. Yes Men do not know how to handle this, it is very hard on them. I found that I needed to just ask and give orders when I needed something, and I have never been very good at that I would just get up and do whatever myself.
Gimmie, go ahead and cry, it helps, cleans the soul.
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Linda,
I think you are so right about men and how they want to solve it all for us, then they find they can't, then they get frustrated. My husband is OK in helping me through this most of the time, but at others, not so much. I suspect that once I start chemo, I will follow momarch's approach: just ask or order. I've found my husband needs very specific directives or he's at a loss, and that's frustrating for us both! (And then,of course, we need to praise them when they get it right!)
Momarch,
Thanks for sharing.
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Chevy: That is beautiful...thanks for sharing.
My little herb garden is all planted and the little grillwork has been installed around it to discourage the critters. It looks really nice...now if it will only grow. I put in new top soil and everything. It was work, but fun! BTW my hydrangeas are awesome...the colors are a brilliant purple and blue. It makes me so happy to see what nature can produce in the flower garden. I've done nothing to maintain these bushes...they just bloom year after year...except for the first year when I tried to prune them:(...poor little things...you aren't supposed to do that, but I was just learning.
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Welcome, Linda, and good luck with your treatment. I think we women have to allow our men to be supportive. My husband was great. He went with me to all my appointments. When I had surgery, he was a good nurse.
Kaara, those cool temperatures sound so-o-o nice. Enjoy.
We had a thundershower this afternoon, but it wasn't enough rain. The forecast gives a better chance this weekend.
Today I went to Walmart's and bought groceries for my mother. I also took her to have her hair done. She has apptments with three drs. during the next couple of weeks before we depart on our summer rv travel. It's as though nobody else but me can take her to the dr.
Wishing everyone a good evening.
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Linda....I'm late, but back. I thought I had everything moving as it should, but then got tied up and could not get back to my computer until now. You are right....the Dh's really want to "help out". In many ways I think they are just as upset, taken off guard, and in fear of the future as much as we are. My Dh's idea was to repeat what seemed endlessly, how strong I was and I would get through it all. That was what he certainly wanted.....and so he felt reminding me ( I think it was for his benefit more than it was for me ) would just be the most perfect comforting thing. It was NOT. It was the one time in my life that I didn't want to be strong---I wanted, in fact, felt like I needed to acknowledge that I was terrified and full of distress and un-certainly. I no longer wanted to be brave and in charge for anyone....including myself.
I needed to be allowed to feel exactly what I was feeling and not be talked out of it.......because in order to get over something, it is best to experience it ( make it yours ) as fully as you can. In order to conquer my fear, I had to know it, feel it deeply --- not pretend to him and everyone else that it wasn't there.
So don't be shy about these needs or feeling what you feel.
The first chemo is usually the worst. You conjure up all sorts of things that likely will not happen. I put on a brave face, but I was on the edge of my seat for the first hour or two. I looked on it after that as rather anticlimactic. It is certainly not something you'll enjoy, but once you get over being a first-timer you'll likely do all right.
I still look on it as what I needed to do to assist a lot of other people in helping to save my life. They all worked very hard for me and I looked back with so much appreciation for the great care I had.
Gemmie....most of what I just said sort of fits for where you are as well. Needing to do your chemo. We are here to help you both through. It has some challenge, but as so many people say......it is doable -- even by those like me who had some big doubts turn up.
Hope you will come back often.
I'm off to my recliner. I get off work at 8 p.m. and had to hit Wally World before I came home. I'm starting to feel like I'm not going to make sense much longer. I'll be checking in with all of you in the morning. Hope the rest of your evening is good.
Hugs, Jackie
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Everyone needs a "Jackie" in their lives. She can put into words what we all want to say, but usually don't know how......It's so true about our husbands..... We WANT to feel strong, but we want THEM to say "Honey, no matter what you are feeling, I'll always be here for you. If you want to talk, you know I'll listen, and if you just want a hug, that's what I'm here for."
But sometimes we just want to be left alone, with our own fears....they can't handle this for us.... And if we want to just crumble up and cry, we want to do that alone. Just know that you are loved, and they only want to help us, in the best way they know how.
How are you doing Linda? And Gemmie? I didn't have chemo, so I'm not much help when it comes to talking about that....
Carole..... Kaara is sort of used to temps above 125, so anything below 80 is in the freeze-zone, Ha! It's 60 out right now, and the sun is almost up, so I'm going to water my flowers.
I was the only one taking care of my Grandma, like you do your Mom, and I know how you feel.... Wouldn't you just like to smack them all over the head & say "wake-up"!!! I know a lot of "care-takers" like us.... My youngest Daughter (51) is trying to watch-over her dearest older friend, who is in the last stages of breast-cancer...and now it's getting to the point, where even visiting her, watching her getting weaker and less responsive every day is making her soooooo sad. That woman has 2 Daughters, but only one has anything to do with her! And while going through this, Dorothy's DH asked for a divorce!!!! The one Daughter won't let him even go in her room now.... The nursing-home/hospice center has their orders. But geez! It's just heart-breaking to see this going on.
It's all up to God now.......... I'm just glad she has always had a beautiful life.... and she'll be "going home" soon.........
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Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter
everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe
that change forever how we experience life and the world.
- John Milton0 -
Linda: Welcome, and you're getting good advice from the best! This is a great place to come when you need support and counsel.
Our play last evening was wonderful..."Nunsence"...if it comes to a theater near you, be sure and see it...very upbeat and refreshing. Next week we're going to see an adaptation of the Bee Gees in concert which should also be fun. This is a small intimate live theater and you feel like you are right in the middle of things. We ate at a new local diner before the play, and while it was inexpensive, the food was only so so. I had liver and onions which I didn't think was too bad for $7.50 and BF had an open faced roast beef which he didn't like. He's much more particular about food than I am. I never ate a meal I didn't like...especially when I'm not cooking it;) Sooo...we won't be going there again except maybe for breakfast.
Today is a beautiful sunny day...warming up to the 70's (my kind of weather) so I will finish buying my plants...ferns for the deck and some impatiens for the shady spots in front of the house. BF plays golf today, so I have an entire day to do what I want...yea!!
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Chevy.....you always give the greatest compliments...but the reason I started using quotes long ago ( right when I started using BC. Org was that the quotes I felt said things so much better. Often....I'm hanging on everyone else's words. I guess it is all a matter of perception, huh !!!!
I also got a laugh about Kaara and the "freeze zone". We will be like that later....when it starts to stay consistently warm here as a certain amt. of time we will have humidity with it. Plain ole' heat doesn't bother me too much, but put that humidity in and I'm wilting faster than hot vinegar and sugar on lettuce.
I'm sure glad the week-end is coming up. Don't know if I'll be working or not for sure. My boss's back is getting better, but this week her daughter and grand-kids are visiting from Florida....so she wanted to keep us on the same schedule. I'll find out tonight.
Kaara....we sound a bit alike. My Dh will eat almost anything......but often he looks longingly at what I order and 'wishes' he had ordered it too. Denny's has ( I think it's actually on the appetizer part of the menu ) a flat bread cheeseburger quesadilla and I'm sure its horrible to eat ( all the wrong stuff ) because it tastes so darn good. We have been just ordering that and a side of nacho's......another thing we should not have.....you can tell I guess there are some "RULES" I just love to break.
Ok......best get myself motivated for the day. I'll be checking in later.
Hugs, Jackie
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Well, God just called her home..... My Daughter called, and told me, and it's almost a relief to know that she isn't going to suffer anymore.
She had Breast Cancer the same time I did....a Lumpectomy, but wouldn't do radiation or chemo, although it was strongly advised. I didn't ask about what stage, etc. A year later, after seeing "john the god" in Brazil for healing, she came back, and was much worse.
Had to start chemo.... blah, blah..... I saw them on my Daughter's birthday! This was February, and she felt a lot better!...... But even the chemo couldn't pull her out of this one.
Geez, at least she is "home" now.
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Jeannette....I am sorry for this news, but like most I am glad any suffering came to and end and hope the family will be ok as they say good-bye to her.
JMHO but it is to me just more a transition into our REAL life. One where the old worn out, debilitated or injured body is given up......left behind for the perfect body we will have once again. Still though......the family, friends and other loved ones will feel the loss of the one they cherished. I wish them peace.
Hugs, Jackie
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Thanks Jackie.... Guess the 2 Daughter's are at odds over what to do now.... It's just so sad. Also they are going to court, I think to keep her DH (???) from taking over everything, and living with his "girl-friend" in their house. I might mention, they are all in their 80's. But what can you do?
So my Daughter can just say "good-bye" to her on her own, I guess.... Maybe she'll plant a rose-bush for her in her yard.
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Every choice one makes either expands or contracts the area in which he can make and implement future decisions. When one makes a choice, he irrevocably binds himself to the consequences of that choice.
- Marion G. Romney0 -
Chevy: So sorry for your loss of a good friend...she is in a better place now and free of pain and suffering. May Karma bite her DH in the proverbial a$$! I believe life takes care of people like that.
Jackie: I'm with you on the end of life transition...I believe that as well.
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Hey.....I have to say....maybe I don't blame the daughters so much. I mean people in their 80's. And this man, who had a wife with cancer........who did not support her, but invested his time in a girl-friend. Sometimes it is hard to win my sympathy.
I'm already starting to enjoy my first Saturday off in a month. Of course.....the kicker is the pay-check is going to look mighty thin, but I'll get used to ( the loss ) quickly and have my time to rest, relax, or complete pfojects here at home.....whatever indicates.
I'm actually hoping it rains, but not likely for a short while. We are going to be quite warm through the week-end. I am just not so thrilled with all the DUST right now. Ok for the moment...we need the a/c on, but would be hard keeping anything clean in here otherwise.....so just as well we need that air.
I hope you are all going to have a great week-end.....stay well.
Hugs, Jackie
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IllinoisLady,
Thanks for the post on June 7th. It helped me put the fear a bit more in perspective. I've been hanging out on the "Chemo-before, during ,and after thread" and sometimes it's just too much scary information! I loved reading your description of your first time going to "sit in the big girl chair" ( that 's the lingo from the other thread and I kinda like it). Your description of your first time is what I'm sort of expecting my first time will be like. Hoping for it anyway. Four days and counting! We are going to see our grandkids this weekend and that will have me smiling for sure.
When I read your diagnosis info your cancer sounded a lot like mine, except mine is a recurrence from stage 1 in 2009 to stage 2b now. Do you remember which Chemo drugs you were on? I'll be on the T/C regimen.0 -
Gemmie --- yes, I well remember my chemo drugs....4 rds. spaced every three weeks of Adriamyacin and that was followed by 4 rds. every three weeks of Taxotere. Afterwards, ( had a bit of a rest and healing ) 7 full weeks of radiation with the final week for boosts.
I will be glad to tell you my experience with these chemo's if you want to know. I will say though.....I did not "take charge" from the beginning which I should have done.....so they went down a little hard for me. I'm still here and while their were some rough seas during that time period.....the fact is I would not hesitate to do it all over again if I had too. What you envision is usually harsher than the reality.
Thinking of all of you on this beauty of a day.
Hugs, Jackie
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Hi gals! Kaara! You would love it here! It is now 110! You would still probably need a little fleece jacket though.
Maybe one with a hoodie...
It is soooooooo hot, that I hung some clothes out on the rack, and they were dry within 1/2 hour! Lacee won't even venture out now.... Not until it cools off a little!
I think I finally found something for this awful eczema I have on my one hand....! I went to Super Target, and whined about something I needed to help the itching, cracking, peeling and bleeding on my fingers that I have been fighting for over a month!
And the Pharmacist showed me "Cortisone Intensive Healing Lotion for ECZEMA and Itchy Dry Skin!" It has 7 intensive moisturizers, and vitamins. She said Eczema is caused by stress a lot of the times.... I thought to myself..... "all the plumbing problems."..... but it seems to be better already! Plumber is coming Monday morning, to give his verdict.
So if you need me, I'll just be buffing my fingers, and hoping this stuff works.... I wear little white cotton gloves at night, and the gal said that would help also, after I lather my fingers up with a bucket of that cream, Mentholatum, and axel grease.....
Later .......
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Chevy...LOL...you're not going to let me live that down;) Truth is, the dry heat is much better than the humidity and I can stand it a lot better, but I love it when the temps are in the mid 70's. That's what they were here today! Remember, I ski in Breck every February and I don't feel the cold as much as I do when it is damp. Still...my blood has definitely thinned from being a Fl girl! That eczema sounds awful...hope the cream helps.
I decided to take the day off and rest from working in the yard. Everything is planted and looks good...just need to get the big bushes trimmed and I can't do that, so will have to hire it done. My hydrangeas are awesome...wish I knew how to post a photo...they are a georgeous shade of purple.
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couldn't decide....so today there are two:
Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.
Napoleon Hill
The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.
Eric Hoffer0 -
What a beautiful morning.....going to be hot and no rain till tomorrow if we get some then. I'll keep plugging along. Got some things to do --- mainly trying to make as much headway as I can. Dh works today so will be out of my way. There's a lot of good in that.
Kaara....I'm with you on that ole' humidity. Most of the places I've lived ( was younger then, though ) were not too bad on humidity......and for the 25 yrs. we lived in California it was almost an impossibility.....but here in Illinois.....much worse than I remembered as a kid.....and back then no one had an air conditioner. A lot of people ( including my family ) didn't even have a fan. Maybe they hadn't been invented yet ?????
Now, if it is just hot....I can deal with that, but once the humidity starts to rise----I'm looking for home or anywhere else to have the air-conditioning in place and on. We don't turn it real high.....keep it at 77 or 78....as you still feel like your walking into a refrigerator when you first come in from outside.
Chevy.....you got spunk.....but I like the way you put it -- about whining enough to get someone to recommend something.........and hopefully it will do the trick. Pain for sure so hope it works fasts.
Hope tomorrow brings some more good working answers for the plumbing issues. That the way it is with these homes.....always something needing done.
I'll be seeing you all later. Hope your day is perfect.
Hugs, Jackie
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We're getting the rain I asked for, and LOTS of it! The out of doors looks like an immense greenhouse.
My mother's phone must be out of order. All I get is a busy signal. We won't be going to church. Too difficult to manage with her in a wheelchair. Plus she never likes to get out in bad weather. I cooked chicken stew yesterday afternoon and have a big potful. I'll take it out for noon dinner, along with some eggplant to slice and bread and fry. My mother loves fried eggplant and so do DH and I, to be honest. So we'll have a noon meal with her and there may be others to show up.
This afternoon at 4 pm, a niece is having a birthday party for two of her children, and dh and I are planning to go and bring a couple of kids with us, a great niece and great nephew. It's supposed to be a pool party. Hope the weather cooperates.
Our departure date for heading north to MN for the summer is June 22nd. Lots of things to cram in and get done before then. My only regret is abandoning my mother but can only hope the other 5 kids will step up. I'm planning to leave my car at her house so there will be a vehicle she can get into for dr. apptments etc.
Kaara, your garden sounds lovely. You and I are going to have to master uploading pictures.
Happy Sunday to all!
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Well this was not my week! DS #3 just called from Florida and said he was at the house and my air compressor had finally bitten the dust:( We knew it wasn't running up to speed when we left, but were hoping it would last through the summer with little use...not that lucky.
The good news is he's in the AC business and can get me a new one installed at minimum cost, but can't install until next week end when he's off work. I said I didn't see a problem letting the house sit with no air for a week...after all...what did we do when we had no AC? I grew up in Houston, the most humid place in the world with no air...just attic fans. I wouldn't let it go a month, but a week...no problem...just turn on the paddle fans in all the rooms and close the blinds to keep the heat down.
We took a nice drive in the rain today and explored some areas we haven't been to before. It's still a cool 70 degrees here...yes Chevy...I have my jacket w/hoodie on:)
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Kaara! Where ARE you anyway? Nome Alaska? 70 degrees is heaven! No jacket, no long pants.... maybe not even a shirt! Sorry about your air conditioner.... Does someone live at that house in Florida when you are not there?
Carole, you are such a good Daughter! Never-mind what anyone else does, or doesn't do, it doesn't matter.... She has you. I know it drives you nuts when no-one else will step up, and it wouldn't do you any good to say anything to your Mom..... Just be there..... and the heck with the rest of them. She can get a hold of you if she needs to when you are gone? Or will one of the others help you out, and pitch in a little to help take care of her?
When I was taking care of my Grandma, I also had 4 girl cousins.... Not ONE would even call her....My Dad, (her step-son) lived in CA.... And he wouldn't have been around much even if he WERE here.... But I didn't mind.... She became just like my own..... They become so child-like when Dementia sets in.... I don't think she would have "known" anyone else anyway.
You aren't "abandoning" her.... Just call her when you can! And did you see where Joey Logano won the race? He beat the "pro!" How proud they all must be!
Jackie.... I ALSO bought some Preparation H to put on my fingers/hands, along with the medicine.... so far so good! As long as I keep these little cotton gloves on, after I put the creams on, they stay a lot softer & more comfortable! SOMEday it will all go away...
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Chevy: I agree...70 degrees is heaven...I love it and it could stay this way all year for all I care. It's a cold spell in Florida:) Right now there is no one living in my house in Florida..my DS just comes by every week or so to check on things and happened to see the air compressor wasnt working...soooo out comes the checkbook again, and one less vacation this year as it will seriously dent the budget:(
I've got a turkey breast in the oven for dinner so need to go check on it...have a great evening everyone!
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Carole: Do go & nest at one place? You mentioned MN. Or do you rove around? I know you'll worry about your Mom but I agree with Chevy - you can call regularly and hopefully the others will step up to the place.
Sorry if this has already been discussed here, but the Exotic Marigold Hotel was wonderful. Thinking of the quote - 'everying will be right in the end, and if it's not right, it isn't the end.'
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