Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Good morning all you beautifiul gals! Man, how sweet you are! It just
makes me proud to be part of this thread...and read how caring you/we all are
with each other.
It's always good to talk about other things too, but to pick someone up and
try and make them less fearful and give them hope and support, is just plain
beautiful!
So Edith.... why don't you just wait to see how it goes, to change any of
your Halloween plans? Maybe, like the gals said, you can get through that chemo
without as much worry as you think! It will give you something to look forward
to, for Halloween, and since it isn't every day that you willget chemo, just maybe it will not change your plans....
At least that's what we're hoping for you.
As far as DH is, don't let that bother you.... they can be real... let's
see, how can I put this nicely?..... Well, I can't, so just don't let anyone
else get in your road.... ! If you can't talk to "him"...you can talk to us....
They aren't always the best ones to support you sometimes....I get all that
about how "worried" they are, but dang! So are we, but we are not as un-caring
as "they" sometimes show! It isn't in their jeans...(yes I said "jeans") to be
as compassionate as women are.... They are just MEN, and they can't fathom a
bunch of us getting together to help keep each other "up," and show a little
compassion.
Sometimes they come through for us, but if they can't, we can find a lot of
other women for support..... like here!
For instance.... We just got home last night, so tired..... Didn't go to
bed until late, but when I did, I was "out".... At exactly 3:30 I hear this
god-awful screech from the other bedroom...."HEY!!!" I fly out of bed, thinking
it is sweet DH having a heart attack or something, and I yell "HONEY!!" and I
my heart just dropped!
I said "What's wrong"....( as I'm trying to figure out where I am, and what
for!) I ran in there, and he said "Lacee's out there barking."
I said "That's IT????" Thinking why in the hell can't YOU get your butt up
and get her in???? But I didn't make matters worse... I could have threw a
bucket of cold water on him at that moment!!! I can't HEAR anyway, so I
couldn't hear her, until I got up.... I'm deaf as a board without my hearing
aids, so I guess that calls for him to screech his orders for all within
ear-shot of 60 miles to pay attention!!!
I'm STILL mad! As any of you would be! SomeTIMES we just gotta take care
of ourselves, and not let our other half interfere with our "space".... damnit.
So Edith.... I get that part about your DH...I think we all do.... Just
take care of yourself.... It'll get better.... honest. I just don't know
anything about chemo, but the rest of these gals do........
We got home last night, and now today, going to get "stuff" all washed and
put back together again. Fun trip, but just glad to be home.... Now if I can
just tolerate this DH for the rest of the day, I'll be happy!0 -
Just DON'T BE AFRAID........!
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Wow! Some wonderful, eloquent posts! All I can say is ditto to Jackie, Mommarch, and Chevy for their encouraging sentiments.
I was fortunate to have a small tumor caught early by mammogram. And doubly fortunate to get a low oncotype number. So I didn't have chemo. I elected bmx that spared me rads. Still, it took me a year to get back to "normal" life which was "new normal." I'm very grateful.
Good luck, Edith. Feel free to share your experience with chemo.
A promised front has come through and it's 60 degrees outside. I plan to stay home today, get some exercise and do some much-needed cleaning.
Wishing everyone a good day.
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"As we express our
gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter
words, but to live by them."John F. Kennedy
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edith....so glad you are feeling a little better. Truth is....chemo and many other things you would never welcome, ever. Not something you do just to figure out what its like............you do it to do all you can to eradicate this disease from your body. So none of us who did it wanted to. It turned out to be the best answer and like everything in our life comes with some ups and downs.
Joan.....I'm so sorry you got taken to task for what you said --- but I feel I know exactly what you meant. I just take it that you or others HAVE the ABILITY to be grateful that you seem to have something of a milder, perhaps caught earlier case of cancer.......so maybe some txs can be avoided, and maybe a long er period of rads can be avoided....................no one is actually grateful they got such a horrid disease, but I think a time or two I have said something to the effect that I was somewhat grateful about some of the sides to me that I was not very aware about, and that I'm not sure would have surfaced saved for the fears, emotions, and need that were produced during my diagnosis and tx.
The only people I get irritated with are the ones who seem to use their diagnosis as a reason to treat others badly, It is not adequate behavior, but just my humble opinion, sometimes I think while getting a diagnosis like this can bring up qualities you are not highly aware that are for the most part positive ....perhaps it can reinforce negative qualities as well.
So, just hang around with us here. We are not into making people wrong about things. We just want to make burdens easier and the path a little lighter if we can.
Hi Chey......glad you are back. Saying hi to all.
Hugs, Jackie
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Good morning ladies!
Welcome Edith and Joan....this journey is a tough one made much easier by all the wonderful women on this site. This time last year I was facing surgery and had no clue what the outcome would be. This site helped me with my decisions, and the support from other women gave me the boost that I needed to get through each day. Last night I got an e mail from a friend who said that his tenant was facing breast cancer and was very distressed. I knew immediately that I would refer her to this site so that she could gain the same valuable support. The good things that happen on this site clearly outweigh any bad!
I'm happy to say I'm one year out now and free from any recurrence. My diet and lifestyle changes have made me a much healthier person and I feel years younger than before. We are resuming our life, living as we always did, with just a few healthy changes in the way we eat and live.
We're happily planning our upcoming trips...Orlando in November, Holiday cruise in Dec/Jan, skiing in Feb, Scottsdale in March/April, and then back to NC for the spring - fall.
Looking back, it all seems like some distant past journey, but one that I will never forget. The lessons I learned along the way were invaluable to me, and I realized that I was stronger than I thought I was. You have to take it one step at a time and eventually you get to the other side.
Have a great day everyone!
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Morning ladies,
I think I have found it more difficult dealing with my daughter's battle with breast cancer for 6 years, and my hubbies journeys with both prostate and melanoma, than my own journey. I have met some wonderful people along the way. Watching them deal with both their own battles and support given to others, renews ones faith in the compassion and strength of God's people. Hugs, Jean
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Bonnets, I agree that's easier to be the patient than the observer. When my DD was in labor, I would have changed places in an instant.
Edithester, DH may be frustrated that he can't make it better. Men like to fix things. Often BC husbands suffer from depression brought on by helplessness in the face of their wives suffering. You do what you need to do for you. You'll come thru it just fine.
Joan811, I agree with you about being lucky. It's like a car accident. It can be a fender bender, medium crash, or life threatening accident. If it's only the fender bender feeling blessed is normal. That's not to say you wouldn't have preferred avoiding the crash altogether.
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edithester...
i didnt realize my husband was feeling so helpless until he went in to have replacement knee surgery on 12/13/11 and as we were in pre-op the nurse took me aside and said before i came in room he was crying...telling her that i had been diagnosed with breast cancer and was having surgery on 1/13/12.
he had been telling me to stay strong etc...as i was having a real pity party for myself from the day i received the diagnosis.
frankly, after the diagnosis...someone told me of breastcancer.org and I can with out a doubt tell you that having all sorts of images in my mind about going through the surgery and the radiation and then the chemo was always on my mind....fears...everything.
thankfully all these different ladies told me everyone is different ...reactions to chemo may not be the same as others. I did have my little chemo bag of goodies to tke with me...sucked on lemon drops during the chemo, wallowed around some ice chips also....and everything was good for me.
i had a/c chemo ...had a port put in after 1st chemo as my veins are for crap. there were some days after the chemo...(like day 2 or 3) that I didnt have a lot of energy...but, that was to be expected as i was gold. only after my last chemo and then having that last neulasta shot did my counts go down and i ended up in hospital for 4 plus days....other than that life was good.
i will have my next mammygram as i call it in dec.....already had my first one on the right breast which had lumpectomy. I do not go back to radiologist again until a year from now as everything looks good from the MAMMOSITE radiation. I still go to chemo dr every three months as i am on arimidex for 5 years...(YIKES...never ever had hot flashes before...but i do now)
I looked like uncle fester on the adams family after my hair fell out....but now it is fuzzily coming back in.
do not delay your plans with grandkiddies quite yet....you may be surprised by how you feel and you should only wait until then to see how it should go with them.
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These posts the last two days make me really proud to be a regular on this discussion forum. You ladies are wise and kind.
Tonight I am tired from being the maid most of the day. Even my 75 mg of effexor generic doesn't help my personality when I'm moping and cleaning. But it's nice to have things look a bit more presentable. I can actually walk barefoot on the kitchen floor.
Chevy, how was day one being back at home?
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Hi everyone,
Today was a better day, I did not cry once, what a nice way to feel. I took my Effexor this morning, and am doubling up on my vitamins and calcium and taking 1000mg of folic acid. I hope this is a sign. This is the first day I have not cried off and on for at least a month.
Glad you had a productive day Carol. I need a few of those before all the kids and GD's get here for Thanksgiving.
Take Care
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Hi guys........ again, I love waking up & finding my friends here! Carole... You KNOW what it's like being back home, Ha! Especially you, with another "home" to clean.... It just takes awhile un-packing, and hoping one of those little(?) critters hasn't hitched a ride home with me.
I remember DD said when she moved to Florida, said it was like living in a Petrie dish...Ha, ha! But I'm STILL trying to put "stuff" back in the right place, and another load of laundry, & then ironing... But you know, I really LIKE to iron! I bought this new chrome razzle-dazzle iron awhile ago, and it steams nice, and just makes it a lot easier.
Mommarch, are you okay? We could all get together & pounce on you, and give you a big hug.... Just think of us.... we all were in the same boat.
I didn't watch the debate last night... just too tired... I threatened DH that if he EVER yelled like that at me again at 3:15 in the morning, to tell me the little yipper dog-face was barking, that there is always "pay-back." Man, it was just so easy to stay mad almost all day! I also mentioned that HE could have gotten his butt up, walked to the door, opened it, and called her in! Sheesh! He just said, "But she was barking!" Yeah? So? Bet it won't happen again...Ha! Lacee was with our friends while we were gone, and their little Cocker Cosmo, might have told her she could bark all she wants!
So today DH has his 6 mo. appt. for a heart-reading with his Pace-maker... Always goes well, and it's been almost 11 years! He is on his second one... because they need replaced after about 8 years. So thankful for modern technology.
Talk to y'all later.... xoxoxo
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Carole: Don't remind me...I'll be doing the same thing soon when we go back to Florida although my BF said he cleaned the house really well before he left to come back to NC...hummmm...we'll see! Kids have also been staying there off and on which could spell disaster:(
Another nice day today...we're supposed to get bad weather, but so far so good! Hopefully not tomorrow because we're headed to Greenville (an hour away) to see Rascal Flats in concert.
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The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.-- Albert Einstein
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So enjoyed all your entries this morning. This is a great place and I'm sure a huge part of it is that we are always kind. It is what builds me up at all time. Mommarch.....there are things that are going to work for you. I am so happy about that.
Chevy.....as always, you and so many others just drop sparkle everywhere you go. I, like Carole am so happy we are here together. It's going to be a great day.
Hugs, Jackie
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Hi ladies, haven't had a chance to visit here until now. Sorted things out with DH this morning. Turns out he is terrified too, feels as if he is having a breakdown. After two hours of tears and talking everything lovely again thank goodness. Communication really is important and we hadn't really been doing that properly for a good while.
Getting my head around the chemo now, saw my Doctor who has given me some anti anxiety pills. Just want to get through the first one without a panic attack.
Sorting out my Halloween costume tomorrow. If I don't feel too yucky after first session I am joining my little ghost and monster at the party !
DH and I are now planning a cruise to Iberian capitals for when all this is behind us.
Thanks and very best wishes to all of you.
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Atta girl Edith! To re-connect with your Husband makes all the difference in the world.... That's just very special....
Chemo will go alright...... Just don't worry about it...
And a cruise? Wow! Very nice.... You need that.... And yes, it IS almost all behind you.... Good attitude.
Kaara! How fun to see Rascal Flats in concert....I'll look him up on YouTube.... My Brother is in Nashville...been a drummer all of his life...
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Pouring a real gully washer outside. Started after I had been home from work for a while. Sure hope it backs off a bit by the time Dh is ready to come home from work. I think it is hard to drive in the rain at night when you are 72. I will probably go catch some MSMBC. Don't know what I'll watch after the election ---
Hope you are all having a quiet evening.
Hugs, Jackie
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Good Evening Ladies,
Edith---Good luck I hope everything goes well for you.
Kaara --Enjoy your concert. I love Rascal Flats
I have been closing the center in the evening so by the time I get home and we have dinner it is just about bed time. Work is getting better. Thanks to all for your support when work was not a place I wanted to be.
It is poring down rain here. It started about 4 pm and has not stopped yet. A nice night to cuddle up in a warm blanket with a good book and a warm drink and read for a while.
Jackie, we are about 40 miles outside of Chicago. What towns are you close to?
Hope everyone is having a nice evening!
Emmy
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chevy, thanks, feel so much lighter and brighter due to fact DH is too.Chemo, not so scarey now, if for any reason it is too much, you can stop and they will not think any the worse of you. Liverpool has now become a cruise terminal, I hate flying so lovely way to see the world and terminal about 20 minutes away.Love your sparkle it is infectious, really helpful.
Termite, thanks to you too, sure it will be ok. Looking forward to proving you all right by coping really well.So glad work is better for you now. England pretty damp too but heavy rains bit less, ground so waterlogged still.
Illinoislady, your weather sounds awful too. Poor DH driving in thoses conditions, mine drives a double decker bus in all weathers and comes home exhausted at this time of year. The young one's moan if there is a breeze and our lovely mature DH just get on with it. Watching your elections here, really interesting.
8.30 in the morning here, hope you all have a wonderful Thursday.
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edithester, I am glad you are feeling better about the chemo. It always helps to know you have your dh there for you. They should tell us when they are upset about things also but I guess they feel they should be the stronger person If only they would learn to let their feelings out.
The ladies on this forum always makes things brighter for us when we are down. Thanks to all of you!
Hope everyone has a good Thursday.
Emmy
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Morning ladies!
Edith: I was off the site for a while so don't know if I gave you a proper welcome, but glad to have you on here...you will receive a lot of support from the women. Good luck with your chemo tx....and a cruise is just what the doc orders when it's over...something to focus on and look forward to. I did the same thing last year after I had my surgery.
Chevy: UTube is a great way to listen to songs...I usually try to find the ones that include the lyrics as well so you can actually read the words as you go along. I found that many of the songs had real meaning once I was able to understand the words...lol!
Jackie: We haven't gotten that rain yet and I hope we don't because we have plans that require dry sunny weather...like heading up to Mt. Mitchell tomorrow to see the leaves at their peak. It's almost 7,000 ft. so any clouds would spoil the view:(
Have a great day everyone!
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Good morning, Edith and Emmy and everyone else. We have a front coming through bringing rain last night. I'm not sure how much. It was darker than usual this morning when I got up about 7:15 and the patio was wet when I looked out the bedroom window.
Alas. I think I'll be forced to give up my evening cocktail in order to take off more weight. I've been scrimping on food points to allow for the calories in a vodka martini, which I SO enjoy. Tonight I'll have a glass of chardonnay and see how that goes. A lot of bc ladies don't drink out of precaution. It would be easier if dh didn't have his gin martini but that's probably not gonna happen. It's like quitting smoking when your partner smokes. A lot of women perservere.
WW doesn't want you to lose more than 1 or 2 lbs a week after the first week when you get rid of a lot of fluid. Of course, WW wants you to keep attending meetings and paying! The reception room is full of "products."
I'm not suffering. It's fairly easy to stay on the program when I eat all my meals at home. But tomorrow afternoon we're playing golf with another couple and then having dinner with them at the restaurant at the golf course. That will be a challenge to eat wisely. I'm almost guaranteed to weigh a lb or two more on Sat. morning because of the salt in restaurant food.
Today I'm getting out the ironing board to work on the big rack of clothes in the laundry room. I haven't ironed for about four months since we wore unironed clothes all summer. It will be a thrill when/if I get back into my size 12 clothes that I can't fit into now. Don't worry. I'll let you know!
At 1 pm my mother has a hair apptment. I hope the weather will be brighter by then. She doesn't get out in rainy weather.
Have a great day!
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Carole: I'm offering you encouragement on the weight loss program...it's all worth it in the end. I honestly didn't feel like I was on a diet when I did mine, but it wasn't WW....just cutting out that white stuff and I didn't drink either during that time. Also it helped that my BF and I did it together. He lost 27 pounds and I lost about 20. I actually have to be careful now that I don't lose any more weight...I'm at the low end of my range...who would have thunk it!! When you're out to dinner if you stick to protein and vegetable and/or salad, it works. Almost every restaurant has those items on the menu. The bread is the most difficult to resist so we just told them not to bring it to the table.
Today is overcast and cooler...figures....just praying for no rain for concert tonight, although it is inside.
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Hi Ladies,
Beautiful fall day today, back to rain tomorrow. Oh well, Hubby has an appt with the plastic surgeon who did his Melanoma surgery. He had one with the derm yesterday. Just praying everything keeps looking good there. That cancer is sooo scary! His nodes were neg, so there was no other treatment. That was in April, after open heart in Feb. Lousey year.
I go for my trial run, permanent tattoos and set up apt. tomorrow, so it will be a busy day. Hopefully get started on Monday.
Take care everyone. Jean
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Goodness, Jean, it has been a rough year for you and your dh. Sure hope 2013 is better.
Thanks for the encouraging words, Kaara.
We turned off the A/C and opened up some windows tonight. It's supposed to drop down into the 50's before morning.
I made a dent in the ironing this morning but then hung up more clothes from the dryer!
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Hello to all you kind and helpful friends,
I am coming off a 2 week cold and also have some unrelated issues that require a Dr. visit tomorrow. Always something...I've been offline a few days.
About men (LOL) - why is it that when I share a problem, he wants to FIX it right away and brings out the big guns. But when he has a problem he just doesn't know how to handle it and must have help.
Jackie, you really said it better than I could - there is definitely a sigh of relief to have a year behind me.
Munny, glad chemo is behind you, and you are putting that first year behind you...but sounds like you've had your share of SEs. I hope you are having a good week.
Jean, sounds like you are prepping for rads...how many tx? I finished in january....had it all through the holidays and worked full time. I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to lie still...am so claustrophobic too. But I had my routine and my iPod and I got through it. It's quick and painless. Itchy skin, treated with steroid cream....cleared up immedia tely after. Good luck ... I took 2.5 xanax for my set up appointment. You will do better!
Edith, I think that making plans for things you want is such good therapy! After I finished rads, I book three trips and had no second thoughts.
Kaara, you are so right about the bread in a restaurant. I ate bread every day while traveling for 2 weeks, and it really caused a craving for quite a time.
Termite, my son just moved to Chicago and he moved into the 'corn cobs' apartments downtown (Marina terrace)
Time for some sleep...the rain is on the way in about 2 hours.
Thanks again for the warm welcome.
Joan
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Morning lovely ladies from wet and windy Merseyside.
Gosh what can I do ? woke up this morning started to cry and now can't stop ! DH at wotk but really don't want anyone to see this. Know crying good and all that but how do I stop ? Can hardly see this screen for tears but have no one else I can turn to.
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Good morning gals! EDITH!!!! What are we going to do with you??? You are crying! And that makes us all feel bad. Can you just envision something funny or enjoyful? I will find some videos, and post them for you! Go fix yourself a nice hot cup of hot chocolate, with marshmallows.... Or wait! This is what is really good.... A hot cup of coffee with cinnamon schnops and cream in it! It is called a Hot Damn! Might keep you awake, but it's almost worth it, Ha! But the BEST thing you can do, is start tearing apart your closet or drawers! The mess you can make just takes your mind off of everything.... But you can get things accomplished! OR, think of things you can do to make your Husband happy! Do something special, that he would love.... You could even playfully "attack" him.... (maybe that's the wrong word)?? I mean give that man a good snuggle, and tell him you need a hug.... THAT takes your mind off of what is making you fall apart!
Joan....Just don't fret none about your Husband! They always think they can do it better, or their idea is better. Like with us..... Our plumbing was upside down, backwards, not working, and just a huge mess..... FOR 2 MONTHS!!!! I waited patiently, through all this, TRYing to get something done... Didn't want to holler & yell.... but I wanted to get it FIXED!!! I set a time limit for him to come up with a good idea, but when he didn't, I started calling Plumbers... got estimates... and then "We" decided which one to call. We finally got it fixed, and for a good price! So therefore, he thought it was his idea too! MAN I was ready to MOVE out!
Carole.... it's really been cool here too, in the mornings.... 38 right now...But it warms up during the day. Some of the trees here are just gorgeous!!! You drive along, and just say Wow! I love this time of year, as much as Spring.
Bonnets! Good luck with DH appointment.... And you're getting a tattoo? Wow kid, is it like my Daughter's? A Battleship across her chest??? Only kidding.... it's a heart...with designs on it... not to forget the one on her leg, and the new cat paw prints on her neck.... Are you going to get a Harley? I'M JUST KIDDING!!! I've heard the nipple tattoo's work really well!
Kaara, I was also on WW, and it was really fun! But years later, I just didn't keep it up, but my weight has stayed the same for over 4 years, so that is all I ask for. When you get older, you don't eat as much anyway, but I don't LOSE weight. I just WISH I were a little less "fluffy" but it doesn't matter, as long as I stay the same. And yes, I love YouTube! I get links all the time to all kinds of videos.
Termite, glad your job is getting better.... that means so much!
Hey little Jackie, are you staying out of trouble, Ha! I wish we could get some of your rain.... it is just bone dry here. And is your knee giving you any more problems?
Okay.... DH just got up.... now my "me" time has been interrupted....Oh well..... I'll go have my cup of coffee with him, and talk about what we can do today that is fun! Sayonara....xoxoxoxo
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For you Edith! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMiCt6NCzow
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