Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
Comments
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Hello everyone!
Today was a beautiful day here in Myrtle Beach...sun and in the 60's. Too cold for the beach but great for shopping on a day when BF was watching football and the painter was at the house painting my accent wall that goes up the stairs. I picked a soft green that ties all the other blues and greens together like seaglass. The only thing left is the kitchen countertop and wallpaper in the bathrooms, which should be done in a couple of weeks. I would love to post photos but can only post on facebook.
Jackie I know how tiring it is when someone you love is in the hospital undergoing a procedure...no matter how routine. I'm glad BF has this behind him and seems to be doing fine.
Chevy: to answer your question, I don't know if it was heart block, but he does have a very low pulse normally. His was put in as a part of some open heart surgery he had done to replace his aortic valve about ten years ago. The next big challenge will be replacing that valve again because it only lasts about ten to twelve years. He is reluctant to ever have it done again, but I read up on a procedure that is much less invasive...they no longer have to open the chest, so he was encouraged by that. I'm trying to get him to eat better and exercise more and he seems to be slowly converting to a healthier way of eating; however, he still loves to cheat when I'm not around.
Carole: What a nice thing you are doing for your little nieces and nephews. You are putting your energy into doing something productive...there is not much you can do for your niece. They probably crave the attention you give them, and the new clothes will make them feel better about themselves. I agree that the Headstart program is a good one. It's been around for a long time, and I hope it doesn't get eliminated with the budget cuts.
Mommarch: Sounds like you and DH had a good case of Murphy's Law today! Tomorrow has to be better!0 -
Hi everyone---Oh my Murphy's Law is---Murphy was an optimist---
Mommarch what a time u had is right.
Kaara everything sounds so put together and I like the vision of those colors too. I like different accent walls, well so does my DD a lot she has them in every room almost and puts up things in the accented wall color, she has a flair too for decorating and she loves it--she gives other people tips and they always do it and love how it turns out--she's lucky she has a husband that never minds doing the changing. LOL
Carol u r wonderful to do that for u'r sister, and her DD--this is an awful time for all of them, I'm sure and u'r time and generosity is such a lifeforce for u'r sister.
Oh Sandra I know what u mean my oldest DD is over 45 so no kids for her, she does have a step-DD but only 12 now but she's very hard to get close to. And my youngest DD has suffered from mental illness since her teens by the age of 30 things did get so much better and she married and had a baby when she was 36 and it was very difficult after for her she spent months in the hospital with shock treatments and I took a leave from work and too Joey and he was like my baby but it was difficult so only one for me and she's ding fine now and a wonderful mom but that's why Joey and I are so close and I only have one, but like I said around 30 she started taking care of herself knowing what to look for and is good. So u never know.0 -
Hi to all you lovely ladies,
OMG! This thread moves sooooo fast! I have been reading pages; I feel like I've missed so much
Still trying to figure out my life; my asshole BF called me last week & wanted to "talk"! I didn't answer my phone so he left a voicemail. He wanted to know how I was doing?(Duh, you cheated on me & then threw me away like a piece of garbage; hello)! Then he said what was new w/ him & that I should call him back & left BOTH the home # & his cell #; like I would have forgotten them already! I never did call him back; & he has texted me a few times since then. Don't know what to make of it?
Jackie, I hope you are right about time & patience making us stronger & I pray that someday I will find myself ready to move on.
Luvmaui, I can empathize w/ your DIL (Sorry for the loss of your son); after the death of a spouse, it is very hard to even contemplate the idea of dating. I thought it felt "right" when I moved in w/ him; he badgered me for a year to live w/ him; so yes, I was shocked how he deceived me!
It's getting late; so I will wish you all a restful night.
Linda0 -
Linda it is great to hear from you. I always worry a bit but know you have had a lot going on and trying to find a niche now that things have changed so drastically.
Read with much interest that the ex now seems intent on talking to you. It sounds like he is not getting quite what he thought he wanted after all.....maybe something of a change of heart. Too bad, you should know those things a lot more before......that is before you crush someone to little bitty pieces. Oh now I am being bad. It is finally coming out that I don't always harbor nice thoughts. Well, what are you supposed to think about rats?
I do think we get there in the end. We learn lessons and we grow and Spring returns and life starts to blossom in ways we don't expect and it is all ok. We just move into another segment of existence where we try to better our life in whatever way we can. I have a saying I use when things don't go as I imagined they would. " Old too soon, smart too late " and after I have reason to say it, I immediately start thinking and planning how I am going to get past what put that thought back into my head and just totally annihilate any reason to keep thinking it.
Hope you all have a beautiful tomorrow.
Peace and love
Jackie0 -
Happy Sunday everyone:
Linda it sounds like your selfish ex BF is trying to keep you on the string in case things don't work out for him. Some guys always have to have someone as a "back up". He would think nothing of keeping you in a confused state of mind for his own selfish reasons. Whatever you do, don't call him back or text him. The best revenge is letting go and moving on! If you feel you must text him back, just tell him how great you are doing without him in your life!
Today is an R & R day....doing nothing but enjoying the beauty of the beach!0 -
Faith is the courage to live as though every thing that happens is for our highest good and learning.
Dan Millman0 -
Kaara u deserve a day of R&R for sure.
And Jackie it's nice to see a little mischief with u. LOL
OK Linda the ladies (in my mind) gave u excellent advice, but then there's me--I would most definitely want to know what he wants and torment him along the way. I know that's rotten, but he is no boy scout so u have no obligation to treat him great, but I would talk to him and hear his woes.0 -
Oh Linda, I agree with Kaara and Jackie. It does sound like your ex is not quite as excited about his situation as he once was and that he wants to keep you on the line in case it goes "south" on him. He probably is beginning to see what a good thing you were! You have made a start at moving on. Just keep right on going, gal and stay strong. There is something much better ahead for you!
The sun is out!!!! Everyone have a good Sunday!0 -
Camilegal,
So sorry to hear about your daughter's struggle with mental illness. It's encouraging to hear she has improved with age and that you and Joey are so close. People who haven't had mental illness touch their lives can never understand. They say, "You are STILL supporting your 28 year old son? Haven't you ever heard of tough love?" I've quit trying to explain it. We are thrilled he is still alive and on an upswing right now. Of course we know it won't last...it never does, and we will be back on suicide watch again. But for now, we are enjoying the calm. We will support him his whole life. He has severe clinical depression, social anxiety, and OCD. He was normal for his first 18 months, but then got sick with an illness that caused inflammation in his brain, hallucinations, and mysterious burn-like lesions that would come and go. We spent the next 9 months in and out of hospitals and he went through so many painful tests. Strangers would smile and then hurt him. No wonder he doesn't like new people and new situations. At one point he had been hurt so badly in one arm, he simply decided it wasn't there anymore. It just dangled for months. It was like trauma that causes children to develop an additional personality. Child psychologists finally helped him overcome it but there have been so many challenges since. He's a brilliant man with a genius IQ who love animals, gardening, and is an excellent musician, writing classical and jazz music. BUT the disappointments you and I can overcome easily are toxic to him.
Your other daughter is facing teen-age hell sometime soon with a 12 yr old stepdaughter. It's tough enough to deal with that stage when you've had all those precious baby years to store up love. It takes all of that plus the patience of Job to deal with a "pissy" teenaged girl. My daughters are wonderful women now, but when I think back to their teen years, I shiver. I'm sure my mother said the same thing about me, ha-ha.
I hope you all have a lovely restful day. I'll be watching football and I'm sure the cats will take turns snuggling in my lap all day.0 -
Sandra, I could use a kitty on my lap about now...house is chilly.
Wren, good advice to foster a kitty...when I am home more, I will think about it.
I missed my grandaughter's birthday party today (my other grandaughter was there too) I never miss BDs but it's 4.5 hours each way and I did it last week and will go again Friday. I called the birthday girl and she suggested we do face time so she could show me her gifts. I never did it before - it was great.
Linda, your messages from your estranged BF would surely have me curious. I am not sure that I would give you any advice. You have to keep things in perspective and if you decide to acknowledge his contact attempts, I hope you will be very strong. I understand and agree with things that have been said here. You will have to decide whether to speak or not. Hugs & prayers for you...
Back to grading papers here...had a long nap today and I really needed it.0 -
Sandra, I also know what you are saying. Our DD who has cervical cancer has mental illness. She was remarried a year ago, I know he loves her dearly but I don't know how he lives with her. Sometimes I just have to unplug the phone when she gets in one of those moods. The other day she called me 9 times. She has a 15 year old daughter and it gets hairy. If you get to Ft. Davis and have time please stop at the Davis Mt. Broom Shop. If you can give me a heads up when you will be here I will go to the shop. We live 20 miles from the town.
Today we had to go to Ft. Stockton to pick up my medication. When we got back to our resort and on our private road there were two donkeys on each side of the road. I rolled down my window and put my hand out and the little one came over and stuck his head in the window to be petted. So much for wild. He was so sweet. Wish I had a carrot to give him. I can not believe it is almost Thanksgiving. We will be married 44 years on Thanksgiving Day.
Have a good night0 -
Donkeys are the BEST! I took care of a small herd for about 5 years. (It's a long story.) Donkeys have distinct personalities and can have crushes on people. I had a male named Jackson that absolutely loved me. If my husband was around, he would come up and bite him, them get between us and start pushing my husband away. They are smart as can be but deserve their reputation as stubborn. Donkeys live long lives, some in their 30's.
Mommarch, I'll let you know what our travel plans are. It would be fun to see your broom shop. Oh dear, sorry you have such problems with your daughter. Sometimes you need to put some distance between you in order to keep on coping and helping. Bless her heart - it's hard enough dealing with mental illness but she has a teenager too!
Hope all of you had a good weekend.0 -
Sandra, that is soooooo funny! Your DH had competition...! Ha, ha! I didn't know that about Donkey's!
And Linda..... Okay.... yes, he IS trying to get back with you.... at least he thinks so, temporarily. Maybe his other squeeze is gone? Or he is bored with her? It would be so easy for you to give him another chance.... because it sounds like you still really care about him..... But I wouldn't trust his a$$ as far as I could throw him.
He did something un-forgivable and I just wouldn't. If you give yourself "time".... You will see him for what he really is.... and you will think of other things he said or did, that will make it easier for you to forget him. If you talk to him, those feelings will all just come back.... and then you are lost. And then you will kiss him all over his stupid face, and he will be happy!
Of course that's just my opinion.....
Your heart and your head aren't together on this one.... Your heart says "take him back" and your head is smacking you saying "On NO you don't! You can't trust him with your heart again!" Just give it time.
So sorry about you gals, and the mental problems going on with the kids... My Brother has this going on with his grown Son.... and now his Grand-son. And we always feel responsible.... I just wish you all peace and understanding......0 -
About to hit the road home on this Veterans Day. We were visiting my Daughter and family.
Wanted to say to Linda, if you take him back , and he cheated on you once, be prepared for him to do it again. I can't tell you, when I was going thru my divorce and in support groups, how many women who had taken their exes back, were disappointed down the road. Oh, it may go well for a while, but I know women who 5, maybe even 10 years down the road had their hearts broken again. You may want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but , be prepared!
I have nephew who is bi- polar. It is a tough road for all the family, and he remains dependent on his mother to a great extent. It requires a great amt of strength. I certainly don't envy you. Praying for you all who are going thru rough waters .0 -
The reason why people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.
Marcel Pagnol0 -
Sandra,
When you come out to Far West Texas be sure to bring a jacket. It is cold at night but then warms up to around 70 during the day. Your Donkey herd must have been fun. I told DH I was glad he did not decided to kick in the car door, wouldn't that be interesting to explain to the ins. adj.
Have a great day.0 -
Hi Ladies, I can't believe I haven't logged on for a month. I have thought of you all many times but didn't realize that much time had passed. The good news is (knock on wood) everything is OK. Mom has had a few seizures which is unusual. On the old med. that made her sick, she would go 3 months without one. Unfortunately, she had one while taking Cipro- is was written off to that since it can lower the seizure threshold, then one a month later (no obvious trigger) and then one this weekend which was only 2 weeks after the last one. We are in the process of increasing her med which she doesn't want to do.
I brought her with me to CT for 5 days a couple weeks ago. I was concerned about the stairs but she tackled them without a second thought. She enjoyed it but did have the seizure a couple days after we got back....who knows.
I will have to scan the last 20 some pages to see if there is any big news with you guys...is there?
Hope everyone is well,
Sharon0 -
Sharon how great to hear from you and get news of your Mom. Despite the seizures, it sounds like she is holding her own for the most part and that is sure great to hear. There was a time when I had really somber feelings when you would describe her condition. How wonderful that she could go to CT with you. That seems like definite improvement for sure.
Sounds like you and your BF are maybe doing a bit better as well. I know it is hard to have faith when you are undergoing a series of problems and barely draw a breath without a new twist. If I didn't truly believe that things will work out in the end.....I couldn't be the Pollyanna I know I sometimes sound like. We have trials and it shows us who we are, and hopefully helps add good portions that maybe were not there before or solidify some that were............but pleasure would never have the meaning it does if we didn't have the deep acquaintance with pain. Something has to help us grow so we have to have some sort of challenge....there is nothing in the status quo of drifting along.
Just glad that you seem to have marched right through and found a better level of being.
Peace and love
Jackie0 -
Sandra, I feel your pain regarding your adult son. Our oldest son, 35, has suffered with terrible Social Anxiety. Growing up we thought it was extreme shyness...he was diagnosed about ten years ago. Medication didn't really help him. Even though he now lives with a wonderful girlfriend we still cover his expenses because he has not worked for a long time. People do not understand because he appears so healthy looking, but we have seen the depression and anxiety. Right now he is in a good place but I worry about him every single day. He also is such an intelligent person and loves animals.
Today was one of those days that I did a lot of little things which added up to a big nothing! My husband and I are on this kick to try and get rid of "stuff". I went from closet to closet and can't believe all the things I've been holding on to. If something happened to us our kids sure don't need to have all this crap! LOL This all started because my husband is refinishing all of our hardwood floors which required moving furniture out of rooms. I mean, really, why do I still have a tea cart? All I do is dust the cups & saucers on top of it. Well, it is now in the garage awaiting the furniture consignment shop. The cups & saucers are also packed away. It's not a big dining room to begin with and without the tea cart is looks so much better. I still can't believe we had two hutches in that room. One was given away. I am a dishaholic so I have also shared some of my sets of china with my girls. Why do I still have six sets left?0 -
EXACTLY Mgster! I've been doing the same thing! And it STARTed when we also took out carpeting and put in Laminate flooring!
I have held onto not only my "stuff" but my Grandmothers, AND my folks! And yes, I thought if our Daughter's ever have to go through this stuff, they will kill me for sure...Ha! So better me cleaning it out than them.
DH will not ever, never, EVER get rid of anything of his..... I mean clothes, shoes...coats.... etc. So they are either to be worn in the garage, or out somewhere....Ha! He is worse than me, because even if he doesn't wear it, like EVER, he will keep it, thinking he might someday!
Yes, Sharon! So good to hear from you again, and about your Mom! Maybe just keeping her mind and body busy, keeps those seizures down?
And Linda.... Bonnets is right also... In the classes I went to, I learned that women will go back to an abusive relationship on the average of 5 times! Because they love them. They leave, or are kicked out, but thinking love is all it takes, will go back after all the promises.... You just can't "turn off" the feelings of love......And you can't just "turn on" the feelings of believing that you CAN take care of yourself withOUT him. It takes time away.... with no contact.... until you can grow strong, on your own.
Just take yourself back to how you felt when it first happened! And you will remember that hurt all over again..... Then you can go smack him over the head with that cast-iron skillet!0 -
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Mgster,
Are you sure we aren't twins separated at birth? You know the pain and lifelong worry of having a mentally ill child and can find hope and joy with even a little bit of improvement. Ryan has been working 3 months now, doing the night shift at a nearby convenience store/gas station. He works alone and doesn't have to deal with many people compared to the day shifts. I'm amazed that he has been able to do this. There is no way it could have happened even last year. Goodness, my husband and I were doing tag team suicide watch last Christmas. He still was living at home then. Now he has an apartment. As wonderful as this turn of events is, we ALWAYS are waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Dishes! My passion! I came home after 5 years in Germany with 9 new sets of dishes to go with the 3 I already had. I have 2 china cabinets with drawers below packed too, and another one just for crystal. While we were in the Air Force, I used all my china, crystal, and silver. I rarely had to polish the silver because it was used several times a month. We have Wedgewood for 24 with every serving dish including a soup tureen, and used it for big dinner parties. My husband was in a command position for many years and we entertained weekly. Brunches, teas, cocktails for 50, luncheons, buffets and seated dinners of all kinds and sizes were common while stationed in North Carolina, Georgia, and Texas - then on to Germany. Our final five years here in San Antonio was more of the same. He was Deputy Commander of Basic Training for the A.F. after 17 years of being in flying squadrons so we had lots of "grip and grins." (shake hands and smile)
He retired in 1991 and except for the occasional dinner party and holiday meals with family, my sets of china don't get used. I bring out the crystal for holidays but haven't used my silver in 20 years. Ha-ha, I had a tea cart too. My daughter in Chicago has it now.
Sure would like to get rid of "stuff." We've lived in this house since 1986 and never had a garage sale. Except for things we pawned off on the kids for their houses, we have everything we've ever bought. The attic is full to the brim. I thought someday I would have grandchildren so I have a crib, changing table, stroller, high chair, etc. along with every toy all three kids ever played with. My mother died 5 years ago and I inherited her house in Florida. Guess what it's still filled with? China. And linens. My mother loved linens. And antiques. Fortunately one of my daughters is living in the house now but someday she will want to move out. Don't suppose I could rent the house furnished? LOL. My husband said he has the answer. Leave everything in both houses and let the kids work it out after we die. Appealing idea.
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Wow, I'm impressed! I thought I had a lot of dishes. I have a large set of old Fiesta, a partial set of Fabric, and the plain white corning wear that we use every day. I think about using the Fiesta, but it wouldn't fit in the kitchen and can't go in the microwave. We stopped using the Fabric because the plates were too large and we needed to cut serving sizes.0 -
Carefully observe the natural laws in operation in the world around you, and live by them. From following then, you will learn the morality of modesty, moderation, compassion, and consideration ( not just only society's rules and regulations ) the wisdom of seeing things as they are ( not of merely collecting facts about them ) and the happiness of being in harmony with the way ( which has nothing to do with the self righteous "spiritual " obsessions and fanaticism ). And you will live lightly , spontaneously, and effortlessly.
Benjamin Hoff.0 -
Okay, Sandra...I almost got chills when I started to read your post. My son, the one that has social anxiety, is named Ryan also. Ryan Michael. I have another son, Corey, and my daughter, Amy. Wow! I will pray that your son continues on the path he is on...I will pray for the "two Ryans".
You certainly beat me on the china. I always use it for holidays and lots of time when all the kids are here for dinner. And, actually, there are times when I will pull out two plates from the hutch and use it for just the two of us. My daughter has my first set that I bought when I got engaged and it's so nice seeing her use it.
Wren...there used to be a restaurant around her that used Fiesta dishes. I used to love seeing what color everyone got. They went out of business and I wonder what they did with all those dishes??? There were platters, bowls, every piece you can think of in all the colors. Love the turquoise and yellow ones especially.0 -
Jackie, love the quote...I try to live in the natural world ... where things occur without stress and fuss...they just happen because they ought to or they must. Good thought.Snow here...just a covering on the grass. I'm heading out from work to treat myself to a long overdue hair appointment.
My thoughts and prayers are with families dealing with mental illness. My best friend had a bi-polar mother who was relentless about punishing my friend for everything. It was so sad...my friend never had motherly love, even when she took her ill mother into her home. She is an advocate for mental health--talking about it and where possible providing therapy for family members.
Wishing a good rest of the day...
PS - I emptied a big closet in my family room and it covered half the room. I threw out 2 contractor bags of junk and lots of boxes with useless stuff. The closet now has some photographs, wrapping paper and large kitchen items. Yay!!! I love that the door closes
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Ah... it is why I love this place. I have not kept all my dish sets......five or so went on the auction table. I have in fact down-sized twice by taking everything to the local auction house. Probably won't be doing that any more as their commission has gone up considerably....but even at that last time...........I figured, if I don't take the stuff there I have nothing......if I do, they get .35 cents of each dollar, and the rest is mine. I still made a good bit over $2,500.00 each time so it was worth it.
We can't do yard sales where I live because the ad would need a half a page of directions for people to get here and it is in fact a one lane road. Also, in a yard sale.....people spend all the time getting you to lower your already rock bottom prices.....in an auction --- the price almost ALWAYS goes up. Also, they put together some of your less desirable pieces with something they know to be desirable......and so at the end of the auction it is ALL gone and you don't have to fool around with left-over things to re-store until the next sale. When I figured all of that out....though still thinking it was fairly dear.....I went ahead and took it all to the auction house.
I still have an odd passion for dishes sort of..........no longer sets anymore, but the odd small things......like very small platters, and the smaller pyrex ware....I have several of the little baking dishes. I got some clear glass small ones that are just right for one apple sliced into it....dotted with butter and brown sugar on top and then put in the microwave for a bit over a minute. So, I have a tidy little sum now of "small" baking type dishes and I love the darn things. Have already enough that they had to come out of my regular cabinets and go in one section of my counter pantry. SIGH !!!! Well, if I can keep my passions scaled back to only that I'll probably be ok.
Hope you are all going to have a gorgeous day......as I see our thermometer hovering at 33 degrees.
Peace and love,
Jackie0 -
I have so much that I need to sort through and make decisions about what I need to keep and what needs to go. I retired from teaching 10 years ago and I still have LOTS of teaching materials (some that I developed and others that were just favorites over the 33 years of teaching) that I just couldn't part with when I retired. I think it's probably time to get rid of lots of it. On top of that, Dave's sister passed away last month and he has been bringing home all kinds of stuff from her place.....most of which needs to be tossed. I have filtered some of her better clothing to the mission and Jesus House, which is a local religious center for homeless or poor people in the community. His sister didn't throw anything away so we now have 6 half-burnt candles that no longer are scented, and 4 identical umbrellas...etc...etc....etc. I have been going through the boxes and saving the useful things. It's very tme-consuming. It's getting to the point where we need to rent a storage area to put those things that we "just cant part with." Now that's simply ridiculous, isn't it?0 -
Boy, you can tell we're really getting old when we talk about being passionate about dishes! LOL. One of my treasures is an OLD set of refrigerator dishes that my mother found at a second hand store. Refrigerator dishes were used in the 40's and 50's, maybe earlier. They look like colored pyrex on the outside, white on the inside, and have clear ridged covers. There's one about the size of a loaf pan but half as deep and two other smaller ones that can fit on top. My grandmother always had salads in them like sliced cucumbers & tomatoes, fruit salad, homemade pickled beets, or her famous green jello with shredded carrots and celery. (My favorite.) My husband's grandmother had a bigger set with another layer of little containers. She would stack them up in her refrigerator and were perfect because they didn't take up much room and she could save every tiny little dab of food. After the depression, they saved everything.
What do you remember about your mother's or grandmother's kitchen?0 -
sandra, I remember those dishes. Didn't the bowls have plastic stretch covers? We never had the round ones. I love mixing and matching colors on the same table at the same meal, so I have Fiesta Ware.
ritajean ... Although I taught for 36 years, I did not retire with a lot of teaching materials because I always had a small condo or house. I do still have my favorite children's books which includes a small collection of ABC books and some of my favorite books about teaching especially language arts.
Tomorrow is my lumpectomy and SNB. I need to go bleach my yucky mustache and pluck my eyebrows. I want to "dress" for the next step in the bc adventure.0
