MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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There is so much going on on this thread - its incredible! Lots to chew on - venting, asking for help, relationships, people coming and going, finances, guilt- I felt great guilt b/c I had a mammogram at 40 and then not til I found a lump at 53 (2 1/2 months ago) and voila here I am. But I never thought this would happen- no family hx and apparently no knowledge of how incredibly widespread this disease is - was I living under a rock?. Head shaved today and second chemo on Thursday (if I don't get the flu -my 14 year old has H1N1-I am praying for us both!) Anyway, going to push the "delete" button on the guilt because we are all just learning as we go along. Be safe and well - Valerie
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Welcome Valerie, I used to go to that huge fleamarket in Hubbardston, Riatta? (sp) loved it.
I will be getting my flu shot Nov 13th. The company I work for pays for it.
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Valerie-will be praying that you stay "Healthy" and flu-free. My 15 yo just went upstairs irritable, warm (not yet febrile), and c/o aches, pain and stomach discomfort! Thank God my WBC increased from 0.7 on Thursday to 7.1 today. Thank God for Neupogen.
Elimar-great photo. Good job. I swear that I've seen some of those pumpkin mugs in some recent meetings at work!
I guess we all know what I'll be for Halloween- a surgeon with my state of the art face mask!
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Hi Deb - That is exactly right Riatta Ranch is still running every Sunday and is always packed to the gills! Funny - a small world. R u getting regular flu or H1N1?0
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t
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Marian, what is an AH? you mention with your sister and her husband...or is that a dumb question on my part?
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Barbe, hope i don't get kicked off! Ass hole! Elimar, so darn funny, emphasizing with the pumpkins, i hurt myself laughing. By gosh, i think i'm going to let my poor fellow go uncut. Doggone it, you just humanized him for me. Too wonderful!
......still laughing............. 0 -
Oh moonbuddy, I've used everything except the F-word here. These are a tough bunch of broads on the site, dontcha know?
I didn't "get" the carved up comment till your post....good point! Hmmmm?
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Haven't posted in awhile, but have been reading. Great picture Elimar and glad you had an easy time with radiation!
Valerie don't feel bad. I also had a mammo at 40 and then no more until diagnosis at age 47 in April 2008, Stage I. How lucky was I? I have a friend who went every year for mammos and was diagnosed at age 41 with stage 2B. She's gone through a reoccurrance soon after, double masectomy, chemo which left her with permanent neuropathy (she insisted on sticking with this chemo even though she was having bad reaction to it and the doctors advised switching to something a little milder), had to have ovaries removed to cut down on the hormones, and 6 yrs later, is still on Arimidex, dealing with all the osteopenia, bone pain and vaginal dryness. Doctor has told her she can come off it now, but she is afraid to. She also had positive nodes, many removed and has had lymphedema.
I feel like I got away easy with just a lumpectomy, sentinel node biopsy, radiation, and now taking tamoxifen. It could have been much worse.
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Thanks Rose - I guess we just don't know when this thing will hit and of course how hard - I appreciate the response - Valerie
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Valerie, I am getting the regular flu shot.
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I was reading our thread tonight and thinking about men and BC. I have only been married 3 years and we have known each other 8. My DH did not do very well by me the first time around, he put me on a plane and sent me back to my hometown so that my daughter, sister, Mom and girlfriends could take care of me. I will never forgive him for not putting me first before his job and 2 teenage boys, which are his excuse. He say's he messed up but too late for any of that. He really sucked for this last go around too, he is not much of a caregiver in my mind so, I wished for the women in my life. Anyway I am pretty sure my "man picker" is broken [LOL!]
I come here because you all are my cyber girlfriends and you gotta have girlfriends to get through all this shit dontcha??
I read this on a poster Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one" It is a picture of a group of 1940's women in their bathing suits on a boardwalk.
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Val - we have more in common than just living in MA and same onc. I too was not dilligent on mammo's. I went without for five years. No family history and not getting around to it were my lines.The guilt has bothered me so much, for a while i thought it was my punishment getting bc for being lazy about it) I too have had to let it go.
My very dear friend who had been on my back about getting the mammo. I feel I owe her so much. She tells me no looking back. it is time deal with the hear and now!! What a dear friend!!!!
Wishing you healthy days (no H1N1).. We have lots of kids sick at school, a few with H1N1, I have a sore throat today but am sure I will be able to do chemo tomorrow
good days to all, Jean
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Hi ladies...first time posting here...but you have been cracking me up for some time!
I am 52 y/o with 2 grown stepchildren, 1 stepgranddaughter (8 y/o) a 94 y/o M-I-L in a nursing home and DH who is well, a DH for 21 years.
I wanted to share with you my new exercise regimen for those of us 50 or older. (Sorry you 40 y/o youngsters...) Please read below and steal if you want to:
Exercise for people over 50
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at
each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight
out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a
full minute, and then relax.
Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb
potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb
potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full
minute. (I'm at this level.)
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack.
PS I am not doing the H1N1, thank you very much! If the BC and reconstruction didn't kill me this past year, nothing will!
God Bless!
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OmahaGirl, if you were the only woman to have a husband who could not function very well as a caregiver then you could doubt your "man-picker," but I've seen the same thing written all too many times on these threads. I think it is just common behavior among men. I read recently that men are not taught to be nurturing in the way that women are, but can the Y chromosome be that deficient that the men don't have some innate ability that does not have to be taught? Every rule has it's exception, I know, and some of you might have stories about a truly caring mate. If you choose to trumpet the virtues of the man in your life, could you please include the info. of how I can get one of those mutants for myself!
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I love my husband but there is something that just doesn't get it. He asked me to pick up his dry cleaning....I can't lift anything right now. He said you went to see the doctor so you can go out!!!!
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Wow. Just wow. Went to McDonald's this am and bought a cup of coffee for 25 cents without asking for the senior rate.
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awww....desdemona....at least it was only 25 cents..right? haha
Ladies....men just don't think or function like we do. Can I reccomend a good book to read? " ACT LIKE A WOMAN, THINK LIKE A MAN". BY STEVE HARDY. My niece told me to read it...and I did...wow...so good and really gives you an insite to ones to keep, and ones to say.....see ya later!! And for those that are in marriages, just a good insight as to how the MEN think! I am buying one for each of my daughters for Christmas!!
I was only married (1st time over 20yrs, 2nd time only 4 months) the 2nd time for 4 months when I was diagnosed. Well...that was March...he was gone by April! Showed his true SELFISH colors and couldn't handle things possibly being about ME and not HIM and his SELFISH SON. See ya...don't look back...cause I don't miss you!. That was a wake up call from God..telling me...dont' waste anymore time with this loser!! Thank God, I have a wonderful family and friends, who saw me through my 8 tx's and all my surgeries!
Check out the book....I think you will enjoy it!
Have a great day ladies!
xoxo
Lisa
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Good morning ladies of the fight!
Desdemona I think everyone under 30 looks like they r 16 so maybe they r just looking at us w/ bizarrely young eyes!
and Suz sometimes I think its just denial fueled by fear - afraid to walk in our shoes to really be able to empathize or afraid if we r really sick or just does not want his life to change. Gotta keep reminding them and of course I hope u did not get the dry cleaning!
Jean you r always such a comfort somehow -thanks for sharing that w/ me. My husband carried a resentment about the lack of mammos for 13 years but I had to gently remind him (must have been feeling sick to be so nice) that BOTH his parents had colon CA and he has not had a colonoscopy in 13 years! Just goes to show we r all human and like to avoid pain and discomfort. Sometimes we pay a high price for that but we sure as hell don't deserve this!
Love to you all-Valerie
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Elimar and Suz thanks for the reminder and making me laugh!
Desdemona, I am 55 and usually told I don't look it(whatever!) but a clerk clearly older than myself asked me if I wanted the senior citzen discount. I asked her what the age was (65) god.... but I took the 10% and said to myself " well self you feel 100 so I guess you look it too!"
Val- I am so glad you have been able to move on, nice way to put your hubby in his place!
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My cancer was OUTSIDE the field that generally is looked at with a mammogram - way up on the inner left side. So even though I had mammograms about every 18 months, from the age of 38 on, my globule of evil was still found by ME noticing something weird. Which my gynecologist had to be guided to find with me sitting up, as it disappeared into the shapelessness of the rest of my breast when I was lying down. And then he thought perhaps it was a rib, but advised me to have it checked anyway. It did show up on ultrasound and MRI.
Hmmmm, do you think that telling this story freaks out my non-cancer-stricken middle friends? I kind of hope it does. I encourage them to not only have mammograms but also to be aware of anything different that remains different for a while.
Through some miracle, I either ended up with a good husband OR I just have a realistic understanding of his skill set. He's not going to be someone who will ruminate about things with me - he wants to DECIDE and ACT. He also can not handle "medical" things very well, but is sympathetic and would certainly work to get me whatever help I needed. So if I want to discuss, say, lumpectomy vs mastectomy, he might pass out and fall to the floor, and therefore it's better to find a woman or two to bounce this sort of thing around with. I had female help lined up in case I needed a bigger surgery and had to have drains - I can't imagine him handling that. I'm not mad that he's like this - he really went above and beyond to accompany me to doctor appointments - I just make other arrangements. He has many strengths, but he's a guy, and that Y chromosome and the testosterone really have a negative impact on nurturing sorts of behaviors. Once, he killed a rattlesnake with a shovel in our backyard in AZ, for example. That sort of thing might be my tradeoff. I would still be out in the yard, discussing what to do with a friend on the phone...
That said, there are LOTS of AH's out there (male and female). As much as I hate that we as women so often put up with CRAP, I do love that as we get older, we tend to decide we've had it with crap.
Elimar - BARBE is the one we need to ask about man-picking! Doesn't she have a husband that will hold a pitcher as she throws up into it? My husband would GIVE me the pitcher, and then he'd leave the room and we'd wait for me to feel well enough to take it into the bathroom and dump it out...
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I think all the comments about families and asking for help have been well stated. I am one week out of bilat. MX w/ tram flap recon and my heart goes out to thoes of you who are not getting all the emotional/physical support you need.I have done the caretaking and it was hard to say yes to all the assistance offered. I have two DSIL's, one flew down from NY to stay w/me in the Hospital. When she left the other came to stay with me for my first week home. she will leave on Friday. They have helped with everything including emotional support for my DH.
As far as the guilt - hasn't set in for me yet. I was dx w/cancer, had it removed from my body and am now recovering. The fact that it was caught early enough that I won't need more treatment is a good thing. I only wish the cancers my brothers died from were caught early too.
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I feel somedays (like today) that no one has an answer to any of this bulls---, and I am sick of hearing (oncologist) that they will support me in any decision I make regarding keeping boobs or not keeping them. Why the hell can't they tell me what to do??? Who the hell ever heard of Dr's leaving it up to their patients LOL
A long time ago when I was a nurse in a medical/surgical hospital people used to come in and when they needed to sign their surgical consent forms, they would say to me " I don't know what the Doc's doin he's just fixen me up!" sometimes I wonder if stupid isn't better, ignorance is bliss? I know it really is not (don't I?).
Ummm sorry for the rant but I just feel more than a little annoyed today after my visit to the oncologist.
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ANGEL!!!!!!!!! Now THAT is funny. I think I am strong enough to even start with a potato in each sack.0
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Aren't men interesting!! so to speak. When my diagnosis came up it brought up info of family history. I found out my husband's grandfather died of colon cancer (24 years of marriage and you would think this would have come up). and of course my husband hasn't had a colonoscopy!!!
I have to say my DH has been good with my illness. I was actually afraid he would not be able to mentally support me. At age 25, he lost his first wife to liver/uterian cancer. It caused him such grief as we can only imagine at a young age (they had been married 3 months at diagnosis and 1 1/2years her death. It has taken him a little time, but realizing she was stage 4 at diagnosis and I am at an early stage makes him a bit calmer. He tries hard to be there with support.
take care girls, Jean
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Will definitely have to get the Steve Harvey Book as I have no clue how men think-it is not logical to me!
Omahagirl- Your frustration is understandable. I'm sure we've all been there to some degree at each of these decision making stages with tx. Which chemo regimen? Neoadjuvant +/- adjuvant? lumpectomy vs. mastectomy? reconstruction or not? I have had quite a few "interesting" uh, glitches, in my treatment thus far. Drains for 8 weeks! which of course postponed chemo; port infection which interrupted chemo, postponed rads; TAC vs. ACT-no studies have ever compared the 2 regimens head to head. Discussed all the above with onc and realized that despite the copious research, there's still no definitive answer to many of the questions we pose. Why is there never just one right answer. Ultimately we have to do what we feel most comfortable with. I guess I've realized what I've known all along- God has to do this-that I have to trust in Him. Good luck with your decision making. Your "rant" just proves that you are a BC survivor! Others just DON'T understand (including our providers!!).
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Indomitable, you are so right and you certainly have had your tx. challenges. This is the first time for me with this Oncologist and he actually told me I was lucky as far as my treatment is concerned, I let it slide but my biggest pet peeve isn't the color Pink it is to be told I am lucky that it was caught early and my tx. did not include chemo. So, fortunate is true but lucky would mean no BC of any kind. Nobody to tell this too but all of you because no one even gets the whole picture of the treatment process.
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I thought I was on top of things until March 23, 2007, I have been having my mammos since I was 42, bam something showed up on my mammo I was 55, my mom was dx at 58, she lost her battle after 6 yrs. That was 13 yrs ago. I though I would never get BC. My DH is very supportive and helped me alot during my recovery which was just surgical bx with wide excision 2x to get clearer margins cause of DCIS which did not show up on mammo. I see alot of MA gals on this thread, where in MA? I live in Chelmsford.
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Hi deborye, i am one of the MA girls. I live in Stoneham. I am being treated at MGH.
Chelmsford's a nice place. My son plays sports. I have spent many nights at hockey games in Chelmsford.
Jean
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Hello ladies:
I think I will join this thread, I meet the criteria. I am 59 and had my dx in July 09. I am one of the lucky ones, found early, small, all the good things but Oncotype Dx score of 25, so I have started my 4 rounds of TC. I have had a pretty easy week, just seems like I have had the flu, If I get out during the day, I have to take a nap, but that is not a bad thing. I have a good support system, my cousin lives in the same town and she makes sure that I have everything that I need. My DH is very supportive and will not only bring me the waste basket to throw up in, he will hang around give me a wet washcloth and clean up the mess. He doesn't do well at doctor's appointments, so we leave him at home and tell him what we what him to know.
I have two wonderful boys, 35 and 32, two beautiful DILs and two of the most beautiful grandchildren you would ever want.
This is a very lively thread and it will take me a while to read it all from the beginning, but it will be worth it. You have already made my day brighter.
I go tomorrow for my first blood test after my chemo. I am hoping for all to be well, but with all this you can never be too sure.
Keep the laughter coming.
Juannelle
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